EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 416
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
On February 20 2014 08:35 MightyBill wrote: Im not even going to bother to quote you mr judicator, because you're full of shit. Why would any situation hurt you? *limiting belief*. You can find people anywhere. Just go out and look for people that do interest you romantically. Even if you only fall in love like once every 10 years, talking in terms of "unfair" and "find a girl who will have sex with you on the first or second meeting" is complete loser behaviour. Fucking just go for what you like and stop whining and indulging in stupid mindsets that let you rationalize why its okay for you to be a shallow loser. Uhhh what? If you've read any of my posts (including the one you're quoting), you wouldn't be spewing the trash you're talking about right now. I do find any girls anywhere and I have had quite a few (even my last post states that). I never said otherwise. I don't see why I'd be talking about things being "unfair" when I've had it a lot better than almost any guy I know LOL. What kind of shit are you fabricating haha? All I was stating, is you will find many girls who have interest in sex only in relationships (or even until marrying). Believe it or not, not every girl is interested in fucking anything they find attractive. Of course, this isn't a problem for people like me since I find many who are in the opposite camp. Is an observation of reality full of shit? LOL Wait, are you implying that people having casual sex are shallow losers? Now that's entirely stupid. I hate to sound like an asshole, but I think someone's a bit mad/jealous :S. Otherwise, you wouldn't be foaming at the mouth as you are right now when no one said anything offensive to you. Sorry to be a further sound like an asshole, but you're being pathetic insulting someone when you can't even read what they write, or insulting anyone in the first place. Not so mighty now, eh Bill? On February 20 2014 08:57 Ghostcom wrote: I hope I'm misunderstanding you, but did you just call girls who date outside of their friendcircle slutty @JudicatorHammurabi? Uh no. For me, as I term it sluts are people who just sleep around on a very frequent basis on one-night stands (which is how pretty much everyone uses the term... dunno if there's similar slang in Denmark though?), and is irrelevant to people who are dating or doing anything else. I interpret the term as applying to guys too. I'm the kind of person who's really open to meeting new people including for serious dating. But, in reference to a comment made by another user, you will find people, who when they date, will be specifically within their friend group. My criticism was that it really limits you. If you're a person that is good friends with 5 people of your romantically-desired gender, it's a limitation in terms of the options you have, and you will specifically only date a good friend. Yeah, people can do whatever they want (about the only half-rational thing Bill said), but imho, it's always better to explore and see what's out there. I hope it isn't bad that I said meeting new people is a good thing  I never stated a binary classification as you seem to be implying or said anything relevant to being slutty if not dating within your friend circle. There are colossal differences between dating someone and one-night stands, but not between dating someone who is your friend for 3 years, or someone you met 3 days ago (except the degree of familiarity). What I said in regards to that had nothing to do about being 'slutty'. I was just agreeing with another poster that it's certainly a common trend that some people will date people specifically that are their friends and familiar with for a long time, as opposed to going out and meeting new people to date. Also, sluts, if you wish to use that term, of either gender, don't have any interest in dating most, if any, people they hook up with. I can tell you that from my own personal experience of, well, myself and all sorts of other people :S | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
Where are you from? I'm in "slutty" Southern California and at least most girls I come across are that way, both in terms of forming a relationship and for fucking. Of course you find the niche of slutty girls (that is apparently very common in various parts of Europe as I've been repeatedly told, dunno how true though), but most girls I come across, if they do want to have a relationship, it's from their friend group, and when they do want to have sex, it's within a relationship. With that said I think there are plenty good arguments for mostly dating in the peripheral friendcircle - that way you know you are more likely to share interests and someone you consider a decent person obviously considers them the same. However, there are many equally good arguments for dating outside, so really do whatever works for you is the way to go imho. | ||
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
On February 20 2014 10:52 Ghostcom wrote: I was just confused by the end of this paragraph as you seemed to say that you were either in the niche group of sluts or only dated within your friendcircle: With that said I think there are plenty good arguments for mostly dating in the peripheral friendcircle - that way you know you are more likely to share interests and someone you consider a decent person obviously considers them the same. However, there are many equally good arguments for dating outside, so really do whatever works for you is the way to go imho. I mentioned 2 things in that post, but I didn't mean it as "you're either one or the other". I was just mentioned two different scenarios. Yeah, you'll find people that go wild and crazy (as is stereotyped of young California people lol), but as Najda stated, the reality is also that you'll find many who take an entirely different approach. To your second paragraph, I agree, and it's best to consider both options imho. Understandably, the more out-and-about approach is not a comfortable setting for many people. But for people who are interested in looking for a serious romantic relationship and are socially comfortable in all settings, it's best to see what's out there, too. Can't hurt, and at the very worst, you make some acquaintances. | ||
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Niflheim
United States313 Posts
I moved to a new city about 6 months ago and since I've moved out here, I've met and now hang around 4 different circles of friends and it continues to grow. I am always meeting new people and, if you put yourself in a similar situation, you can befriend them before dating rather than only dating the ones willing to sleep with you quickly (which is what it sounds like you do... that limits you more than befriending new people first in my experience). | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On February 20 2014 06:38 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: Any idea on how to deal with the military assholes at my gf's work? She has a job as an civil engineer for a military air force base in northern california. Many of army and marine officers use racial insults (terrorist, sandni--er, etc) towards her because she is afgan. Shes told me she has gone to several military supervisors and complained but all they say is that the marines have served several tours in Iraq and Afganistan and lash out towards her as a result of PTSD and for her to try her best to ignore it. Do I tell her to tough it out, look for another job, remain neutral, or what? Stay or go away, there's sadly nothing to do. A civil engineer should be able to find another job no ? | ||
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
On February 20 2014 12:14 Niflheim wrote: You seem to ignore the possibility of meeting a new and interesting girl, becoming friends with her first, then dating. You are making the assumption that a friend pool never changes or grows it seems... I moved to a new city about 6 months ago and since I've moved out here, I've met and now hang around 4 different circles of friends and it continues to grow. I am always meeting new people and, if you put yourself in a similar situation, you can befriend them before dating rather than only dating the ones willing to sleep with you quickly (which is what it sounds like you do... that limits you more than befriending new people first in my experience). Nah, I'm not ignoring any possibility. It's just if you want me to write about every case and scenario, I'd have the longest post in TL history | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
I still think the way you interpret reality is full of shit, but if you're happy with yourself, it's all good. That's what it's all about in dating and in life. | ||
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
Anyhow, I'm thanking my lucky stars that the new gf isn't the super clingy type and gives me some space, which is pretty nice. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On February 20 2014 21:58 MightyBill wrote: Judicator, have a cookie I still think the way you interpret reality is full of shit, but if you're happy with yourself, it's all good. That's what it's all about in dating and in life. I'm wondering what you interpret his view of reality to be? To me he was saying this: He lives in an area with traditionally more liberal views on sex, but that still most girls that he comes across develop relationships only after friendships and sex only after relationships. The amount of girls who have sex outside of relationships is few. Is that something you disagree with, or in your experience it is something different? I am inclined to think the word "most" is subject to what kind of people you surround yourself with, such that a person who parties a lot and goes out clubbing/drinking often would interact with more girls who don't mind one night stands and therefore think that is the majority of girls. | ||
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Calanthe
United States147 Posts
On February 21 2014 04:15 JudicatorHammurabi wrote: Anyhow, I'm thanking my lucky stars that the new gf isn't the super clingy type and gives me some space, which is pretty nice. Yeah, it's really terrible when people show you that they care about you and want to spend time with you. On February 21 2014 04:15 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:I realize Americans on average have gone full-retard when it comes to the importance of relationships (and marriage lol, dat divorce rate), but just to start, you usually won't find the most ideal girl within your group of friends... >_> You also don't find the perfect job on the first try, you don't sink your first three-pointer, and you'll rarely find whatever you're looking for in the first place you look. Relationships, like everything else, take patience, practice, and usually some self-assessment. Also, like.. what was about about going full-retard about relationships? Will you explain that? I don't understand what you're saying there. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On February 20 2014 07:18 Chocolate wrote: We were actually kinda joking about me "stealing her away" earlier today and he suggested that he wouldn't really care that much. I was planning on asking her out a few months ago and I decided against it, but I am pretty much okay with it now. Yeah, problem is that the main activity I do tends to attract girls that I would rather not date. I also don't go to parties and go to an all-male school so I don't meet many girls that grab my interest. I thought it would be ok since they had only gone on one date, and since I don't know her SUPER well I was just going to text her for a few days to see if she as interested in me. He suggested that it would be OK, but I guess I'll have to try to figure this out 2. Well, like I said one of my parents is nearly always at my house after 2PM. I don't really want to invite someone to my house for a date just to have my parents stomping around... that sounds horrible. And of course for the same reason I can't cook her shit. As far as athletic activities go, maybe you are on to something. Unfortunately I don't have a big group of friends that I do a lot of stuff with so my options in that area would be kind of limited. Maybe I should just ask her to go to get coffee anyway. Louisville, so in some ways not really "the South" but still pretty Southern. Not many funnel cake places outside of fairs Weeell she didn't seem that interested (I am going to see her in about 3 weeks anyway and maybe she will change her mind), but oh well. At least I tried. I'm just going to try to go out to more places with my friends so I can meet more girls. | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
On February 21 2014 06:44 Calanthe wrote: Yeah, it's really terrible when people show you that they care about you and want to spend time with you. You also don't find the perfect job on the first try, you don't sink your first three-pointer, and you'll rarely find whatever you're looking for in the first place you look. Relationships, like everything else, take patience, practice, and usually some self-assessment. Also, like.. what was about about going full-retard about relationships? Will you explain that? I don't understand what you're saying there. You obviously haven't dated an insane girl who bitches at you profusely if you don't go out of your way to spend entire days with her around her schedule and spend money on her at least several days a week when you're doing schoolwork 50+ hours a week and a job on top of that, and still dedicate any and all of your remaining time to her to a point where you're barely even sleeping. And no, she didn't actually "show that she cares". I was the one doing that, to an extreme. Pretty crummy relationship several years back and obviously short-lived. Sorry for planting a big egg on your face after your smartass sarcastic comment, dude XD "Also, like.. what was about about going full-retard about relationships? Will you explain that? I don't understand what you're saying there." To quote you again: "Relationships, like everything else, take patience, practice, and usually some self-assessment." You answered your own question. Getting into a relationship isn't a trivial matter. It takes a lot of consideration, maturity, and thought. Usually that doesn't occur, and even I'm guilty of that in the past, myself. Pretty much the fact that those things you listed are fairly ignored when getting into and considering relationships and when in them. Anyways, it's fairly common for a relationship to be an extended hookup. It's fairly common for it to be something along the lines of "Wow we hang out a lot by X circumstance (class, lab, work, etc.). Let's date!" The scenarios are endless. And if you just don't know why you're getting into a relationship, then the second quote is senseless. By the way, relationships, especially during education, can often be trivial. People date and find they don't like each other, or any number of things can happen that can lead to a breakup in the short or longer term. Let's look at marriage though, the highest stage of a relationship. Marriage carries a lot more meaning than some simple relationship, and yet we have over a 50% divorce rate in the US and about 75% in my state of California. I think there's something wrong here, don't you? The main reason is people are getting into relationships usually for less-than-legitimate reasons or because the important things about a relationship were superficially present at best. That's what I mean by "full-retard". To put it bluntly, it's practically like being in a relationship to be in a relationship, and it's more common than not. And even in the high stage of marriage, the patience, practice, and self-assessment, not to mention plenty of other things, are all lacking. Something astonishing in my own experience, I've had quite a few female friends in relationships who wanted me to be their boyfriend while they were still in a relationship. Reality was, they were in the relationship for the sake of being in one and even at that point they were still mushy-mushy about it. But the objective truth was it had nothing special even when they thought it did, it had nothing that was beyond a superficial level, even if they felt it was at some point in the relationship. That also leads to another point also consequent of this scenario that some people will stay in relationships they're bored of until they can find someone else but that's for a separate discussion. | ||
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biology]major
United States2253 Posts
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n.DieJokes
United States3443 Posts
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On February 20 2014 21:58 MightyBill wrote: Judicator, have a cookie I still think the way you interpret reality is full of shit, but if you're happy with yourself, it's all good. That's what it's all about in dating and in life. I really think you misread or misunderstood something in judicator's previous post. I don't understand your reaction at all and I've read it a few times now. | ||
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Calanthe
United States147 Posts
On February 21 2014 10:07 MarlieChurphy wrote: Do you guys post field reports in here? Please do this. I would like to hear about your field research. | ||
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DanceSC
United States751 Posts
On February 21 2014 10:54 biology]major wrote: divorce rates are high because people don't know what compromise means. The culture of the USA at least is driven so heavily by pursuit of individual happiness that if there are rough moments in a marriage, well gotta end that shit asap. On the other hand, my culture where I grew up is 100% about family, individual happiness comes second. You will not divorce because it brings the family shame, and also you tough it out for your kids. I feel like there is a middle ground between these two ideologies, however the current state is laughable. True, with marriage you are no longer #1, you come second, and divorce is often selfish. | ||
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