EPTI think I should take it in a positive stride but that's only after reflecting on it.
most of the time, I feel like she's disturbing me instead.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 415
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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kaykaykay
Singapore637 Posts
I think I should take it in a positive stride but that's only after reflecting on it. most of the time, I feel like she's disturbing me instead. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5711 Posts
On February 19 2014 16:16 kaykaykay wrote: I have no idea how to react when a girl is behaving more aggressively towards me than I to her. I think I should take it in a positive stride but that's only after reflecting on it. most of the time, I feel like she's disturbing me instead. If you like her then be glad you aren't being forced to intiate any and all contact between the two of you. Unloads an unbelievable amount of stress imo. Love when girls take the lead for once and say what they want. | ||
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Copymizer
Denmark2105 Posts
OT: Found this nearly perfect description of how "dating" is in scandinavia because we basically don't have any real dating like in america. Good read, perhaps other europeans can agree with this as well http://thyra10.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/so-you-want-to-date-a-scandinavian/ | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18194 Posts
On February 19 2014 15:15 WarSame wrote: Stupid question time: when someone asks "Who are you?" fairly neutrally, what do you respond? This is just a though experiment. I realized recently there could be a lot more to the question than it looks like. I generally give them my name. If that doesn't give them enough info, I try to remind them where we might have met before. If you mean this in some deep soulgazing sense, then I'll be very much inclined to give some cynical or absurd response, because the question has no easy answer  | ||
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
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MightyBill
93 Posts
On February 19 2014 16:16 kaykaykay wrote: I have no idea how to react when a girl is behaving more aggressively towards me than I to her. I think I should take it in a positive stride but that's only after reflecting on it. most of the time, I feel like she's disturbing me instead. Take a lesson from it. A lot of guys come on too strong. What is too strong you mean? Well too strong is when it's making her feel uncomfortable. Now a girl is approaching you so much that you feel like she's disturbing you, well that's coming on too strong from her side. So next time you're spam-texting a girl, you've experienced her situation. So you can think of it like "would I find it comfortable if I get this many messages?" If no, then don't send her another text unless it has a purpose like saying that you're 20 minutes late because your car got hijacked by a raccoon. On texting in general, if you send messages, don't expect a message back unless you need a confirmation for an appointment or something. So if you send something like "hey how are you, wanna make sex?" and she does not respond, don't send 10 messages after in the sense of: "hello?" "why not responding?" "I hate you" "I was kidding meant to send that text to my left toenail" "I like you" "Are you there?" "I saw that you were on facebook 10 seconds ago nice picture update. I liked it and commented and shared it, but wanted to text you too so that you know I like it! Oh I also left a message on your voicemail haha. xoxoxox" If you're doing stuff like that, PLEASE STOP TEXTING. On February 19 2014 21:34 Copymizer wrote: I used to see a girl quite often 2 years ago, we used to drink coffee together talk and that kind of stuff, i've basically never talked to another girl so well and naturally like her, mature cute and nice. It's now been a 2 year hiatus since i started in school (and finishing this summer) and i haven't spoken to her. Do you guys have a good suggestion how to go about asking her if she 's up for a coffee or a beer this weekend? Just casually. OT: Found this nearly perfect description of how "dating" is in scandinavia because we basically don't have any real dating like in america. Good read, perhaps other europeans can agree with this as well http://thyra10.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/so-you-want-to-date-a-scandinavian/ You used to see her quite often and drink coffee. If there's no real reason why you haven't seen each other for 2 years like you killed her mom and raped her goldfish, you can just casually ask her. I mean I don't see some of my friends for 2 years either, then we meet up a few times in a few months, have a great time, and not see each other for like a year again. And all without any hard feelings. So basically I'd just send her a message like "hey long time no see, wanna grab a beer / coffee?" On February 19 2014 21:36 Acrofales wrote: I generally give them my name. If that doesn't give them enough info, I try to remind them where we might have met before. If you mean this in some deep soulgazing sense, then I'll be very much inclined to give some cynical or absurd response, because the question has no easy answer I'd probably ask "who are you?". | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On February 19 2014 21:34 Copymizer wrote: I used to see a girl quite often 2 years ago, we used to drink coffee together talk and that kind of stuff, i've basically never talked to another girl so well and naturally like her, mature cute and nice. It's now been a 2 year hiatus since i started in school (and finishing this summer) and i haven't spoken to her. Do you guys have a good suggestion how to go about asking her if she 's up for a coffee or a beer this weekend? Just casually. OT: Found this nearly perfect description of how "dating" is in scandinavia because we basically don't have any real dating like in america. Good read, perhaps other europeans can agree with this as well http://thyra10.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/so-you-want-to-date-a-scandinavian/ In my experience in germany its somewere inbetween the american and the scandinvian (non)dating, depending on what group of peapole you belong to | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
On February 19 2014 22:58 Snotling wrote: In my experience in germany its somewere inbetween the american and the scandinvian (non)dating, depending on what group of peapole you belong to The blog is exaggerated, but it is definitely true that dating is very different from country to country and that the Scandinavian (or at least Danish) way seems to be: Get drunk -> Shamelessly hit on someone -> Have sex -> Awkward first morning -> Slow escalation from there. | ||
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chadissilent
Canada1187 Posts
On February 19 2014 23:07 Ghostcom wrote: The blog is exaggerated, but it is definitely true that dating is very different from country to country and that the Scandinavian (or at least Danish) way seems to be: Get drunk -> Shamelessly hit on someone -> Have sex -> Awkward first morning -> Slow escalation from there. That's how it seems to be with Swedes, Norwegians and Brits as well. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
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Dogfoodboy16
364 Posts
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MightyBill
93 Posts
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
Also, date ideas for a 17 year old? I don't know her well enough to go to a movie (according to you all), can't go drinking, can't cook her food, can't watch a movie at my house (we all know what that's about, and my parents are always home), and since I live in the South people don't really go out for coffee. Going out to eat seems too formal as well. Any ideas? I was thinking of ice skating but then I remembered that I can't skate. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On February 20 2014 06:38 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: Any idea on how to deal with the military assholes at my gf's work? She has a job as an civil engineer for a military air force base in northern california. Many of army and marine officers use racial insults (terrorist, sandni--er, etc) towards her because she is afgan. Shes told me she has gone to several military supervisors and complained but all they say is that the marines have served several tours in Iraq and Afganistan and lash out towards her as a result of PTSD and for her to try her best to ignore it. Do I tell her to tough it out, look for another job, remain neutral, or what? She can leave or she can stay. I'm sorry about the system, it's not gonna get better if she stays. That's the truth of it. If she leaves then she could find a job elsewhere, but it won't have the army's amazing benefits system. It's her call, not yours, in the end however. If she wants your advice, write down a list of pros and cons with her because this HAS to be her choice, or it could lead to resentment later. | ||
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EJK
United States1302 Posts
On February 20 2014 06:38 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: Any idea on how to deal with the military assholes at my gf's work? She has a job as an civil engineer for a military air force base in northern california. Many of army and marine officers use racial insults (terrorist, sandni--er, etc) towards her because she is afgan. Shes told me she has gone to several military supervisors and complained but all they say is that the marines have served several tours in Iraq and Afganistan and lash out towards her as a result of PTSD and for her to try her best to ignore it. Do I tell her to tough it out, look for another job, remain neutral, or what? tell her you support her no matter what her decision is | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
On February 20 2014 07:00 Chocolate wrote: My friend went on a (first for them) date with a girl about a week ago. I am also interested in her... is it bad manners to also try to get her to go on a date with me? I'm not really sure... I don't think they are exclusive or anything, but I don't know if this is against the "bro code" or something like that. Also, date ideas for a 17 year old? I don't know her well enough to go to a movie (according to you all), can't go drinking, can't cook her food, can't watch a movie at my house (we all know what that's about, and my parents are always home), and since I live in the South people don't really go out for coffee. Going out to eat seems too formal as well. Any ideas? I was thinking of ice skating but then I remembered that I can't skate. I would never invite out a girl which my friend had started dating. I guess it depends on how close you are, but it just seems somewhat of a dick move to me. I can't really help you with what to do as a 17-year old for dates - I was only dating other badmintonplayers at that time so our 'dates' were the weekend tournaments. EDIT: +1 to what docvoc wrote - making a list is probably the best you can actually do and then support whatever her decision might be. However being the idealistic idiot I am I would consider going to higher-ups than just the supervisors. That isn't PTSD, that is racism and unacceptable behavior. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On February 20 2014 07:00 Chocolate wrote: My friend went on a (first for them) date with a girl about a week ago. I am also interested in her... is it bad manners to also try to get her to go on a date with me? I'm not really sure... I don't think they are exclusive or anything, but I don't know if this is against the "bro code" or something like that. Also, date ideas for a 17 year old? I don't know her well enough to go to a movie (according to you all), can't go drinking, can't cook her food, can't watch a movie at my house (we all know what that's about, and my parents are always home), and since I live in the South people don't really go out for coffee. Going out to eat seems too formal as well. Any ideas? I was thinking of ice skating but then I remembered that I can't skate. 1. Don't hit on friends' girls. Never. If things don't workout between them on the date, then it can be fine, but this is an easy way to cause lots of drama. 2. Date ideas, no particular order, done them all, they all pretty much work since they all get you alone togheter. 1. Take her to your place and cook her something. Extra points if the house is empty. 2. do an athletic activity with her. 3. Go and watch a tv show (much better than movies) with her. 4. Depends on where in the South you are, but you could grab some funnel cakes with her, that's not very difficult to do. 5. If you play an instrument or she does you could have a song session together. Where in the South are you? I rarely see us southerners on here. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On February 20 2014 07:06 Ghostcom wrote: I would never invite out a girl which my friend had started dating. I guess it depends on how close you are, but it just seems somewhat of a dick move to me. I can't really help you with what to do as a 17-year old for dates - I was only dating other badmintonplayers at that time so our 'dates' were the weekend tournaments. We were actually kinda joking about me "stealing her away" earlier today and he suggested that he wouldn't really care that much. I was planning on asking her out a few months ago and I decided against it, but I am pretty much okay with it now. Yeah, problem is that the main activity I do tends to attract girls that I would rather not date. I also don't go to parties and go to an all-male school so I don't meet many girls that grab my interest. On February 20 2014 07:08 docvoc wrote: 1. Don't hit on friends' girls. Never. If things don't workout between them on the date, then it can be fine, but this is an easy way to cause lots of drama. 2. Date ideas, no particular order, done them all, they all pretty much work since they all get you alone togheter. 1. Take her to your place and cook her something. Extra points if the house is empty. 2. do an athletic activity with her. 3. Go and watch a tv show (much better than movies) with her. 4. Depends on where in the South you are, but you could grab some funnel cakes with her, that's not very difficult to do. 5. If you play an instrument or she does you could have a song session together. Where in the South are you? I rarely see us southerners on here. I thought it would be ok since they had only gone on one date, and since I don't know her SUPER well I was just going to text her for a few days to see if she as interested in me. He suggested that it would be OK, but I guess I'll have to try to figure this out 2. Well, like I said one of my parents is nearly always at my house after 2PM. I don't really want to invite someone to my house for a date just to have my parents stomping around... that sounds horrible. And of course for the same reason I can't cook her shit. As far as athletic activities go, maybe you are on to something. Unfortunately I don't have a big group of friends that I do a lot of stuff with so my options in that area would be kind of limited. Maybe I should just ask her to go to get coffee anyway. Louisville, so in some ways not really "the South" but still pretty Southern. Not many funnel cake places outside of fairs | ||
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
On February 19 2014 15:43 lannisport wrote: Has anyone read "Blink" by Malcom Gladwell, or "Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow"? Fact of the matter is, looks are everything. Not only in the sense that the better looking you are, the easier it will be to attract the opposite sex. People judge others constantly, throughout the day from a very narrow period of experience. In a blink they categorize, stereotype and judge. Do they have power? Do they have influence? Are they trustworthy? Are they credible? Will I sleep with them? In a bar or a club where the music is often too loud to carry on an actual conversation this can be evident. People and girls will judge you by who you're with, how you carry yourself, how you dress, and more on the way you're saying what you are saying rather than what you're saying. In any situation, even if you're one to look for more meaningful relationships these initial and lasting impressions are paramount. On to my own debauchery. I've never "picked up" a bartender before so last night was a first. Went to a bar by myself and ended up chatting with the owners and the regulars there. Here's a little nugget, go to a place on a Tuesday night when it's empty and make friends there. Next time you go, either with a date or by yourself you'll have allies, social proof, all that good stuff. If you like to go out, it's good to have a home base where you know everyone, and this is an easy way to do so. The more frequently you see these people, the stronger your relationships with them will be. I ended up talking to one of the bartenders after for a little while and she became pretty flirty. All bar tenders are flirty, it's their job to be (they may even do shots with you and stuff like that) but this was excessive. When she talked to me she would lean over the counter, fold her arms, put her head on them and talk to me all doey eyed. But more importantly, she gave me her work schedule and asked me which hotel I was staying in. So that was that. She has the type of eyes you can just drown in. And she's also pretty cool, a tv show geek and studying humanities in uni. I like her! We're gonna do more datey stuff before I return home. I perfectly agree with you, especially from personal experience. Rarely have I ever successfully gamed a girl who didn't find me handsome in some way or another or that I made some impression with what I do, how I think, etc. Then, there's also the issue of preferences. For example, there's some Korean girls I've come across who don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and would highly prefer some really unattractive Korean dude to, say, a very athletic handsome non-Korean or other non-Asian guy. The reason is, those girls didn't like me Also girls get lots of vibes from the type of guy they're dealing with. For example, I can't remember the last time a girl didn't ask me how many girls I've slept with. This didn't happen before I started going out alot, mind you. Without saying or implying anything in our conversations or dealings, girls get the vibe that I've been around. lol. Some of my friends who go total textbook pickup do not even get asked that heh. On February 20 2014 02:04 Najda wrote: Honestly it seems to be tending towards that in the USA as well. It's more just friends -> relationship, not really asking strangers out on dates or even having to go through a 'dating phase' first. Where are you from? I'm in "slutty" Southern California and at least most girls I come across are that way, both in terms of forming a relationship and for fucking. Of course you find the niche of slutty girls (that is apparently very common in various parts of Europe as I've been repeatedly told, dunno how true though), but most girls I come across, if they do want to have a relationship, it's from their friend group, and when they do want to have sex, it's within a relationship. It's kind of stupid and hurts people like me whose friend groups are largely male, and then some girls I have 0 romantic or relationship interest in. I can only imagine in other parts of the country, pickup is a lot harder. It's a two-way street. You have to find a specific kind of girl who will have sex with you upon the first or second meeting. You can be the most handsome, suave, and coolest guy around, and yet there will be girls who want nothing to do with you if you aren't their boyfriend. LOL. But yeah, American society is becoming less and less social, ironically. Sex aside, to only choose to form a relationship with someone from your friend group is absolutely stupid. You're so limited in your options, it's absurd. From the 100s of girls you could be meeting, how is it that 1 of the 10 you are close enough with could be your girlfriend? It's silly. I realize Americans on average have gone full-retard when it comes to the importance of relationships (and marriage lol, dat divorce rate), but just to start, you usually won't find the most ideal girl within your group of friends... >_> | ||
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