We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On February 21 2014 04:15 JudicatorHammurabi wrote: Anyhow, I'm thanking my lucky stars that the new gf isn't the super clingy type and gives me some space, which is pretty nice.
Yeah, it's really terrible when people show you that they care about you and want to spend time with you.
On February 21 2014 04:15 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:I realize Americans on average have gone full-retard when it comes to the importance of relationships (and marriage lol, dat divorce rate), but just to start, you usually won't find the most ideal girl within your group of friends... >_>
You also don't find the perfect job on the first try, you don't sink your first three-pointer, and you'll rarely find whatever you're looking for in the first place you look. Relationships, like everything else, take patience, practice, and usually some self-assessment.
Also, like.. what was about about going full-retard about relationships? Will you explain that? I don't understand what you're saying there.
You obviously haven't dated an insane girl who bitches at you profusely if you don't go out of your way to spend entire days with her around her schedule and spend money on her at least several days a week when you're doing schoolwork 50+ hours a week and a job on top of that, and still dedicate any and all of your remaining time to her to a point where you're barely even sleeping. And no, she didn't actually "show that she cares". I was the one doing that, to an extreme. Pretty crummy relationship several years back and obviously short-lived. Sorry for planting a big egg on your face after your smartass sarcastic comment, dude XD
"Also, like.. what was about about going full-retard about relationships? Will you explain that? I don't understand what you're saying there." To quote you again: "Relationships, like everything else, take patience, practice, and usually some self-assessment." You answered your own question. Getting into a relationship isn't a trivial matter. It takes a lot of consideration, maturity, and thought. Usually that doesn't occur, and even I'm guilty of that in the past, myself. Pretty much the fact that those things you listed are fairly ignored when getting into and considering relationships and when in them. Anyways, it's fairly common for a relationship to be an extended hookup. It's fairly common for it to be something along the lines of "Wow we hang out a lot by X circumstance (class, lab, work, etc.). Let's date!" The scenarios are endless. And if you just don't know why you're getting into a relationship, then the second quote is senseless.
By the way, relationships, especially during education, can often be trivial. People date and find they don't like each other, or any number of things can happen that can lead to a breakup in the short or longer term. Let's look at marriage though, the highest stage of a relationship. Marriage carries a lot more meaning than some simple relationship, and yet we have over a 50% divorce rate in the US and about 75% in my state of California. I think there's something wrong here, don't you? The main reason is people are getting into relationships usually for less-than-legitimate reasons or because the important things about a relationship were superficially present at best. That's what I mean by "full-retard". To put it bluntly, it's practically like being in a relationship to be in a relationship, and it's more common than not. And even in the high stage of marriage, the patience, practice, and self-assessment, not to mention plenty of other things, are all lacking. Something astonishing in my own experience, I've had quite a few female friends in relationships who wanted me to be their boyfriend while they were still in a relationship. Reality was, they were in the relationship for the sake of being in one and even at that point they were still mushy-mushy about it. But the objective truth was it had nothing special even when they thought it did, it had nothing that was beyond a superficial level, even if they felt it was at some point in the relationship. That also leads to another point also consequent of this scenario that some people will stay in relationships they're bored of until they can find someone else but that's for a separate discussion.
Maybe he hasn't dated an 'insane girl who bitches at you profusely' because he gets to know her first before he asks her out? I didn't have to hear your life story to say "Well shes not the type of girl I want to spend my life with". :/ I think the high divorce rates are because no one takes it serious or respects the significance of dating someone. Just like you said, if you 'date just to date' are you really going out with someone because you are interested in them or want to be with them? If you take that same mindset of breaking up whenever you want and moving on to someone else and apply that to marriage, are you really helping the divorce rates? :o Just some food for thought.
I've skimmed through a few stories, and let me tell you, you guys have huge sympathy for me. I recognize a lot of my difficulties over time with the ladies in there.
Let me just say that ever since I've started watching all the videos put out by David DeAngelo, Kezia Noble, Elliot Hulse, Simple Pickup and Real Social Dynamics (RSD) (RSDnation is the best, if you ask me, so look it up), my attitude about dating and seduction in general has changed. You guys want some advice? Good advice? Go watch those channels on YouTube. Watch as many videos as possible, and become open-minded. Granted, some of what you'll see will feel somewhat cliche and will put women in men in specific roles and in a perfect world, it wouldn't be like that. And yes, we'd like to work towards that "perfect world", but truth is, many people are negative, girls especially, and if you don't take care of your emotions and can lead others, you will have many difficulties in life. Realize that you ARE enough and that there's nothing you can't do if you set your mind to it. Too fat? Too short? Too emotional? Those are excuses. Too short doesn't matter. Too fat doesn't nearly matter as much as you think, and even then, you can hit the gym, eat well and invest into it, and you'll feel a lot better. More positivity, more mobility, better self-esteem, better looks, better health, you'll live longer, attract more girl and that will make you more confident ; you'll radiate confidence. You'll feel more in the moment, as a result, and better apt at concentrating (Why do you guys think SC2 players train their bodies?) and not being nearly as reactive to people. Small, ridiculous things won't surprise you anymore and paralyze you. Too emotional? Easy to change, you just have to set your mind to it and commit to it, and you'll be better off for it.
At the risk of sounding cliche, I'll amusingly say that you have to ADAPT and EVOLVE. Your health, your body, your personality. You have to become open-minded, calm, and you'll be the alpha of the wolf pack. Everyone will respect you, because they can trust you, because you are IT. You must flow like a river. Don't be a rock, don't let your negative thoughts and emotions stop you (eat all the necessary vitamins, sleep well, socialize, and do what you like in life, and those will go away, trust me, I've been at the lowest emotional state and now I feel "bawss"), don't stay conservative about your opinions, sense of reality (the way you see the world around you, accept that the world is flowing, and that you must flow with it) or bad at attracting ladies. Don't remain weak and fat. Work yourself, evolve. If a species stagnates, it dies. Always re-orientate, in your mind, whatever situation you're in so that you feel and see something positive out of everything. Learn to enjoy the process of doing things and that way, you can become good at StarCraft, you can. Don't let the sweat make you uncomfortable, love the process, enjoy the intense sweating, the anger that turns into motivation to push further, and so on.
TL:DR - ADAPT and EVOLVE. Should be enough motivation. Think Zerg (evolution), and you'll become Protoss (top of the food chain, real bad-***).
^ honestly all of what you wrote sounds like some super try hard self improvement introvert shit. Only reason you feel that strongly about what you wrote and want to change so much is because of how much you hate yourself. I don't want to sound mean but instead of trying so hard to become "alpha" of the wolf pack, a little self acceptance might go a long way.
On February 22 2014 14:03 biology]major wrote: ^ honestly all of what you wrote sounds like some super try hard self improvement introvert shit. Only reason you feel that strongly about what you wrote and want to change so much is because of how much you hate yourself. I don't want to sound mean but instead of trying so hard to become "alpha" of the wolf pack, a little self acceptance might go a long way.
If he likes being an introvert but feels pressured by the standards imposed by today's society, then it makes sense that self acceptance is what he needs most. However, some people don't want to live that way, and it's not unreasonable for them to try to change themselves. I don't like what all of these pickup websites are talking about, but if it helps someone become a better person, then go for it. People are a product of their experiences in life and their genetics. We can't control our genetics (yet), but if the way someone has lived until now has made them into a person they do not like, there is nothing wrong with them trying experiences that could make them happy.
Besides the top comment being spot on: Comfort, comfort, comfort.
LMR in it's purest form (aka right before you're about to tear open the condom wrapper) is a sign that you fucked up earlier, she's simply not comfortable enough with the whole situation. I didn't read anything about location swaps (if not physically possible like in this scenario the same concept can be applied to a broad enough amount of topics and/or dragging out small amounts of travel you do) or any kind of deeper verbal connection early on. Might want to start working on those kind of things for the future.
On February 22 2014 15:49 r.Evo wrote: Besides the top comment being spot on: Comfort, comfort, comfort.
LMR in it's purest form (aka right before you're about to tear open the condom wrapper) is a sign that you fucked up earlier, she's simply not comfortable enough with the whole situation. I didn't read anything about location swaps (if not physically possible like in this scenario the same concept can be applied to a broad enough amount of topics and/or dragging out small amounts of travel you do) or any kind of deeper verbal connection early on. Might want to start working on those kind of things for the future.
Are you talking about the technique where you go to different places on a date to build more memories/rapport with a person? I dunno if it counts when it's online but it went like this: Talking on POF, Long phonecall, picked her up- talking in the car, playing pool at the bar, went to store for smokes, stood outside the bar swiggin a flask, talked until 2 at the bar stools, fucking around in my car outside her house, then in her room. Not really understanding your post really. PS- I replied to that comment for clarity. Dunno if you saw that.
Really I don't even care about it at all. I think she may have been attracted to the fantasy of me, but when she met me maybe she wasn't actually that into me (I admit I wasn't that into her either). Since I think I am pretty decent at selling myself and being witty etc (in any situation) I think she played along. And I think she was drunker than it seemed (maybe was drinking before I picked her up) so you could argue that it was her way to deal with the situation. I dunno. I don't really care tbh. Just sharing.
On February 22 2014 15:49 r.Evo wrote: Besides the top comment being spot on: Comfort, comfort, comfort.
LMR in it's purest form (aka right before you're about to tear open the condom wrapper) is a sign that you fucked up earlier, she's simply not comfortable enough with the whole situation. I didn't read anything about location swaps (if not physically possible like in this scenario the same concept can be applied to a broad enough amount of topics and/or dragging out small amounts of travel you do) or any kind of deeper verbal connection early on. Might want to start working on those kind of things for the future.
Are you talking about the technique where you go to different places on a date to build more memories/rapport with a person? I dunno if it counts when it's online but it went like this: Talking on POF, Long phonecall, picked her up- talking in the car, playing pool at the bar, went to store for smokes, stood outside the bar swiggin a flask, talked until 2 at the bar stools, fucking around in my car outside her house, then in her room. Not really understanding your post really. PS- I replied to that comment for clarity. Dunno if you saw that.
Really I don't even care about it at all. I think she may have been attracted to the fantasy of me, but when she met me maybe she wasn't actually that into me (I admit I wasn't that into her either). Since I think I am pretty decent at selling myself and being witty etc (in any situation) I think she played along. And I think she was drunker than it seemed (maybe was drinking before I picked her up) so you could argue that it was her way to deal with the situation. I dunno. I don't really care tbh. Just sharing.
Anything that builds comfort is fine. Switching locations more, talking about deeper emotional topics, all that kind of stuff. Just going for all the cocky and funny shit without actually building a connection results in things like LMR because she will just not be... comfortable.
On February 22 2014 15:49 r.Evo wrote: Besides the top comment being spot on: Comfort, comfort, comfort.
LMR in it's purest form (aka right before you're about to tear open the condom wrapper) is a sign that you fucked up earlier, she's simply not comfortable enough with the whole situation. I didn't read anything about location swaps (if not physically possible like in this scenario the same concept can be applied to a broad enough amount of topics and/or dragging out small amounts of travel you do) or any kind of deeper verbal connection early on. Might want to start working on those kind of things for the future.
Are you talking about the technique where you go to different places on a date to build more memories/rapport with a person? I dunno if it counts when it's online but it went like this: Talking on POF, Long phonecall, picked her up- talking in the car, playing pool at the bar, went to store for smokes, stood outside the bar swiggin a flask, talked until 2 at the bar stools, fucking around in my car outside her house, then in her room. Not really understanding your post really. PS- I replied to that comment for clarity. Dunno if you saw that.
Really I don't even care about it at all. I think she may have been attracted to the fantasy of me, but when she met me maybe she wasn't actually that into me (I admit I wasn't that into her either). Since I think I am pretty decent at selling myself and being witty etc (in any situation) I think she played along. And I think she was drunker than it seemed (maybe was drinking before I picked her up) so you could argue that it was her way to deal with the situation. I dunno. I don't really care tbh. Just sharing.
Anything that builds comfort is fine. Switching locations more, talking about deeper emotional topics, all that kind of stuff. Just going for all the cocky and funny shit without actually building a connection results in things like LMR because she will just not be... comfortable.
I think I wrote in the OP about talking about deeper stuff. We talked about belief in god, about life, about people on POF, psychology/philosophy kinds of things.
I'm watching 'Catfish'. In this episode a guy had been chatting to a 'girl' on Facebook for a year and a half, but they had never spoken or used webcam. A year and a half. And yes, 'she' turned out to be a gay male.
I mean, if someone is constantly making excuses not to prove themselves to you, you have to assume something is up. How do you let that continue for a year and a half?
What did the gay guy think would happen, wtf? Oh I thought you were a girl this whole time, but it turns out your a guy? Oh well too late, lets fuck anywah.
On February 23 2014 03:43 Najda wrote: What did the gay guy think would happen, wtf? Oh I thought you were a girl this whole time, but it turns out your a guy? Oh well too late, lets fuck anywah.
It's Catfish, you sorta have to watch the show a few times and then you get what they are generally up to (usually they are emotionally fucked up/can't face reality, they get into it and start something and then don't know how to stop so they just keep it up until they can't stand lying anymore. They are basically never rationally thought through).
On February 23 2014 03:43 Najda wrote: What did the gay guy think would happen, wtf? Oh I thought you were a girl this whole time, but it turns out your a guy? Oh well too late, lets fuck anywah.
EPT
In this episode a guy had been chatting to a 'girl' on Facebook for a year and a half, but they had never spoken or used webcam. A year and a half. And yes, 'she' turned out to be a gay male.
