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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 370
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27478 Posts
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TheFish7
United States2824 Posts
On January 07 2014 12:57 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: Is it worth trying to date a girl you work with? If you are a lifeguard, yea | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
On January 07 2014 12:57 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: Is it worth trying to date a girl you work with? no, recipe for disaster tbh. | ||
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chadissilent
Canada1187 Posts
On January 07 2014 04:00 SixStrings wrote: 80%? Do you exclusively go for the wretched rejects of society, or are you incredibly handsome? I pick my spots. If I feel there's nothing going on or no chance, I don't bother. If there's some sort of connection, I give her my number instead of asking for hers. I've had 2 girls from NYE contact me already... | ||
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Svetz
Australia311 Posts
I married a co-worker, but she wouldn't date me until I left the company  But really, it depends on the size and type of the company. I wouldn't recommend dating someone you work closely with, but if your business is of a reasonable size and you don't have to work directly with that person frequently then it's not an issue. | ||
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Svetz
Australia311 Posts
On January 07 2014 12:17 Wombat_NI wrote: Online seems such an inordinate time investment for what you get back, I have a friend who spends half his free time in messaging people and it seems difficult to find actually interesting people on there, because people tend to put forward the 'I'm hot and look at my selfie' images that I find immediately offputting  I realise there aren't really any 'questions' in there, but if youse have any advice that'd be appreciated There are different ways you can approach online dating. As an example initially I put quite a generic profile up, with the emphasis on putting what I felt girls would want to read and not mentioning my less popular interests. I ended up getting a lot of replies and messaging quite a lot of people without feeling much of a connection. After that I tried putting up a somewhat brutally honest profile, talking about how I enjoy gaming, programming, night hiking and various other things I had side-lined before. The number of replies I got went down to pretty much nothing but the few people who did reply I got along a lot better with and I had much better dates, with much less time invested online. Strangely enough the girls who message me before were pretty much entirely white, while after changing my profile it was only Asian girls. So if your not interested in Asians it might not work so well! | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27478 Posts
Well that's my profile, I was somewhat drunk while assembling it so I can always tweak it, but yeah I get what you're saying Svetz | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
Keep one or two because it's obvious you want to be clear that you already have a kid but from the photos that is the only thing I get: kids and a guitar. Try to show more and tell as much as possible through them. Your best one is probably the one with your kid outside. And then I'd certainly keep the one where you play guitar (unless you have a better one of course). Which one should be the profile photo is debatable, you should just pick one that is just your face + shoulders, big smile, good light (photoshop it if you want). Also not convinced by the photo taken by your friend. The text is okay but I feel you forget (or is too diluted) to talk about what you are really looking for in a woman. Talk about your tastes. Since adding stuff may make this too long, maybe abbreviate some of the stuff. Remove some of the "insecure" sentences or those "I'm not .... but ... ". Edit: You probably have some opinion on how and where you'd like a first date to happen. It's an opportunity to talk about you, to show that you're able to plan things, to make someone excited for it etc. You can still be flexible and avoid gold-diggers but I feel you're not being decisive enough when reading that part. | ||
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
On January 07 2014 16:48 rezoacken wrote: This is only my advice but I'd tone down the number of photos with kids and replace some of them with photos with other adults or doing something (vacations, at a dinner, etc). Keep one or two because it's obvious you want to be clear that you already have a kid but from the photos that is the only thing I get: kids and a guitar. Try to show more and tell as much as possible through them. Your best one is probably the one with your kid outside. And then I'd certainly keep the one where you play guitar (unless you have a better one of course). Which one should be the profile photo is debatable. Also not convinced by the photo taken by your friend. The text is okay but I feel you forget (or is too diluted) to talk about what you are really looking for in a woman. Talk about your tastes. Since adding stuff may make this too long, maybe abbreviate some of the stuff. Should really put emphasis on music imo, idk about there but here bitches go crazy for people who play guitar tbh. | ||
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Svetz
Australia311 Posts
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On January 07 2014 17:27 Svetz wrote: I like the profile, not too convinced plenty of fish is the right website for an honest profile though Yeah, looking around that site, seems like the profile is the proverbial diamond in the bucket of diarrhoea. | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27478 Posts
Thanks for the feedback nonetheless. I hadn't intended to have kid pics up but whatever 'smart' algorithms these ones use seem to only link me to single parents argh | ||
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HardlyNever
United States1258 Posts
On January 07 2014 12:57 Dogfoodboy16 wrote: Is it worth trying to date a girl you work with? I'm dating a girl I work with, but we don't work together very closely (we only see each other at work a couple hours each week). I'd recommend you get an idea on how your company/organization views such things and work within that. Where I work there is a married couple that works together, so they aren't very strict about those things. Still, we tend to keep it on the "down-low" that we are together and just act like friends at work. So far, no problems at all. I'd also consider worst case scenarios. If things go bad in the relationship, how will it affect your work situation? I generally think it isn't a big deal if both parties are smart about it. | ||
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chadissilent
Canada1187 Posts
On January 07 2014 13:47 Wombat_NI wrote: I've been in the current area of employment in varying capacities for seven years, two girls I like there properly. One is finding herself in Thailand, the other just collapsed and went into a diabetic coma on Sunday there, so I'm not sure if she's even back in work anytime soon Have you ever been to Thailand? If you've ever been there, you would know to forget about her until she's back and even then give things a good while to cool down. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
No sports in your town ? No boardgame bar/club ? No horse riding ? No benevolent activities (not sure about the english word for a job you do free to help the poor/animals/etc) ? No cooking lesson ? No drawing/music/painting ? There are sports, but it's usually for youngsters, or for serious people who goes to tournaments and etc. I won't take up any sports, because I had my share in it when I was younger, but I had the "I want to be the best" mentality back then (still has it, but since I barely do anything, sometimes I forget about its' existence), and I just couldn't reach to the top. I was around 12-13 when I abandoned judo, and it could've been avoided if someone had a serious motivational talk with me, but I didn't really pursue it, I just slowly stopped showing up on the training sessions. Now I really don't have the passion to do anything that seriously, and it's a small frickin' town as I told you, so I couldn't do it casually, because it's cringing. There are like 30,000 people here, but I had the opportunity to spend some months in our capital city (close to 2M people), now, if I lived there, getting a real hobby would be easy as hell. The whole "big city" environment boosts your confidence in every possible way. If I wanted to try being a yes-man, i'd definetly try it there. Everything is within your reach, and you just can't fall, even if you fail. You won't even see those people again, and even if you do something that feels a bit shameful (like let's say I'd wanted to do ballet - no I do not), only those will know about it whom you tell. I'm 22, which is not old by any means, but I still feel old, and I just can't go to places where there's a bunch of youngsters. I feel like going back to elementary school. Again, at a bigger city or somehwere where I'm not known, it'd be easier. @chadissilent: If you're not happy with yourself, you won't be truly happy with someone else. You'll start to rely on them for happiness and will be miserable when they aren't around. That's not healthy for a relationship. That doesn't mean you shouldn't want someone in your life, but your happiness shouldn't be dependent on that. From my rather short lived experience, I have to disagree with you on this. When I felt things are woking out and I'm in some kind of a romantic relationship, I suddenly became much more active and confident. I was getting more social with my friends - while usually I like to remain/act forgotten -, I decided to go to the gym, and things like that. Now I kinda slumped back where I was, but I still go to the gym, and still have some of that newly gained motivation, though I'm not doing much with it, just asking pretty much asking around here. You need to have passions and interests. Check out interesting things online, read lots. I haven't watched cable TV in probably 4-5 years other than hockey games but guess what? I'm passionate about hockey and love talking about it. Instead of watching TV, do some reading. What do you like? Read about it, find out more, what's cool about the stuff you like? What do you mean by I should read? Like, the background of things I'm interested in, or you mean those things called books? I have a hard time imagining a scenario, when I blast something like "Oh yeah, Orwell wrote once, that..." on a date. I love music of all sorts. I have been playing guitar for 15+ years. Lately I have taken an interest in electronic music. Beyond simply enjoying it, I decided I wanted to make it as well. I started learning about production, composition, arrangement, and have taken my musicality to another level. It's something I can do during quiet time on my computer, but I'm being productive and learning new things and the initial cost is very low.. You might touched on a thing that interests me, is probably come off as "cool" to others, and I could probably be quite passionate about it, and it's music, especially composing something. My idol is somewhat of a music producer as well, so you might say "that's it then!", but that's not how it works. We're back to the "I'm 22" topic, and who the fuck starts learning any musical instruments after their 20s, especially if thir motoric skills are bad. You can check up every musician's bio, it stats with "He/She started playing the piano/drums/guitar/bass when he/she was 6". And producing music is kinda hard if you can't actually make music. I wish I was talented in something, or at least being gifted with something I just had to perfect, like having a good voice. I'm that person who struggles with the negative thoughts you can read out from almost all of my posts in this thread, but makes everyone smile on the outside. On January 07 2014 05:53 raga4ka wrote: It felt somewhat rude , but i got over it without causing any drama and didn't even bother asking her about it . Now i chat with her like nothing has happened and it feels somewhat awkward . Didn't feel that way when she first rejected me when she had a boyfriend ... Why are you friends then? It's like you are describing the average girl-girl friendship from my high-school times. They stick a thousand needles into each other, but never talk about it, though they complain behind each others back. There's a reason why guy-guy friendships are considered much more serious, and it's because you don't really see shit like this happening. Sure, you don't ask them out, but you know what I mean. How can you share your personal stuffs with her, while the devil sits on your shoulders, whispering "yeah, tell her more, it's not like she really cares!". I'm reflecting my own disappointment here, but still. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
I'm not socially inept imo, as over the summer I did a residential program and had my pick of multiple girls (went after one and it fell through, didn't want to do ldr because that is pretty fucking lame to do while in HS), it's just that it's difficult for me to meet girls in my current circumstances. I am not overly shy, though I used to be and some people still think that I am. If any of you have any suggestions, I'm all ears. There is one girl in particular that I liked a lot back when I was 13 (17 now) who is super smart and now quite attractive, but goes to a coed school. I still have her number, do you think I should text her? As superficial as it sounds I need to be able to take a girl to prom (parents are Muricans after all, though I don't care much personally) and I don't want to have to ask one of my friends to set me up with his girlfriend's' friend. I did that one other time for a formal dance and it sucked. Any strategies for meeting girls are welcome, though I will say that with my current schedule/living conditions and age group I can't really do the tried and true methods of joining dancing clubs, going clubbing, etc. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
As to options you can: -Keep going to parties and avoid the guy you don't like, or ignore his jokes, or twist them around to your advantage. And talk to the girls there. -Talk to the ones in your activities outside school -Ask friends (preferably female friends) if they can hook you up. Not just for prom, a real date. What does "ldr" mean ? You might touched on a thing that interests me, is probably come off as "cool" to others, and I could probably be quite passionate about it, and it's music, especially composing something. My idol is somewhat of a music producer as well, so you might say "that's it then!", but that's not how it works. We're back to the "I'm 22" topic, and who the fuck starts learning any musical instruments after their 20s, especially if thir motoric skills are bad. You can check up every musician's bio, it stats with "He/She started playing the piano/drums/guitar/bass when he/she was 6". And producing music is kinda hard if you can't actually make music. Pfff bullshit. There's no age to learn an instrument. Sure you might not become a rock star or a producer but who cares, you either want to play and age is irrelevant or you don't. And people learning at 6 are good because between 6 and 25 there are freaking 19years. Of course there is no way you can be as good in 2years at 22. | ||
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Calanthe
United States148 Posts
On January 07 2014 15:57 Wombat_NI wrote: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=67547862 Well that's my profile, I was somewhat drunk while assembling it so I can always tweak it, but yeah I get what you're saying Svetz Is OKCupid a viable option in N Ireland? You might have better luck there. POF is basically searching for a quick fuck, OKC can be a better site for finding short- and long-term partners, but if you're really serious about finding something serious, go to a paid site like match.com. The fact that you have to pay to be there sorts out a lot of the chafe. Let's get started. I'm generally quite good at blowing my own trumpet and talk about myself ad nauseam, but it seems really awkward to do it here! Out. You are trying to make yourself attractive to someone else. "I'm really good at boring the shit out of you with the trivialities of my life" is not an attractive thing. ...and I'm not desperate by any means. Out. You know that guy who goes "I'm not homophobic or anything, but..."? You just did that. You can nix this completely or you can more or less rephrase it into something positive. Think of this like a job interview. You don't say, "I really need the money," you say "I'm very interested in the opportunities in this field." So, here, we can replace "I'm not desperate by any means" with "I'm doing fine alone, but things are more fun when I have someone to share life's little victories with." Or whatever. occupation stuff Yammering. "I'm currently working in sales, If you'd be interested in hearing anything I've done, give me a bell, didn't figure this was a place to publicise my own work. Out. The rest of the paragraph is great. Having interests and passion is awesome. While this can be an icebreaker, I think it would be better to say something like "Just finishing up remixing/remastering/rejiggerwatevering a track. I have an older version on youtube if you wanna hear it" in response to a "So what're you up to?" question. ...people who aren't too easily offended... To a discerning reader, which I'm not really counting on with POF but it still bears mentioning, "people who aren't too easily offended" comes across as "someone who is okay with my racist, bigoted, backwards, not-edgy-even-though-I-think-they-are jokes." Strongly consider removing or revising. If it's really important to you that you find someone who will tolerate and accept your awful attempts at humor, leave it in there. Then at least they can't claim they weren't warned. I don't hold great stock in liking the same music, which is good because if I did I don't think I would have yet come close to having a relationship! Out. Whole sentence. Like good job, you're not so immature as to rule people out of your dating pool because they don't listen to the same things you do. The second part of that sentence doesn't make a lot of sense. I think you're trying to say what I just said, but it's unclear. The first sentence of that paragraph is great. ...if you expect to be wined and dined with the venue and occasion being more important than spending time with me, then I'm not. Super iffy about this one. I'd advise against being so exclusionary. You're not on POF because you don't have trouble finding women to date, you know? Take this space to say something positive or expound upon the first sentence. Say something about meandering around First Friday (I'm not sure that's a thing outside of the US) gallery open houses, taking sailing lessons, a beer tasting session at a local pub, whatever. Good luck! e: As for the pictures, your default should be one in which your face is clearly visible. You should be smiling. The photo should not be cropped within an inch (haha) of its life, so that you're pixellated and part of your ear is cut off. OKCupid did some really amazing blogs on trends a number of years ago; thankfully, they're all still up. Navigating between them is kinda rough, but if you can navigate TL, I have faith in your abilities. They're fun for a casual reader, too! | ||
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