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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32087 Posts
January 06 2014 18:47 GMT
#7361
match.com has way more people just looking to latch onto the first warm body they come across. okc seemed to have more normal people who'd want to give you a few weeks first before making a call on dating exclusive.

a good rule of thumb of online dating is if the person's profile mentions anything about not wanting games, looking for serious people only, etc etc, they will cling to you after a date or two and not let go.
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6189 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-06 18:58:25
January 06 2014 18:53 GMT
#7362
Well, i didnt have a boyfriend. I didn't want to have to pull that line because i already felt bad about the fake number. I gave him a fake because I'd already told him as politely as possible that i wasn't interested in going anywhere with him and i didn't want him harassing me with calls. I've had that happen twice before and it was awful. I suppose it was a classic case of him being rich, young and high ranking in a prominent company and trying to use that to gain a date.
Anyway. I learned my lesson.
<3
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
January 06 2014 18:58 GMT
#7363
Well, that's a whole different beast. The first account sounded like you went straight to giving a fake number because you saw your sales commission going down the drain.
chadissilent
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada1187 Posts
January 06 2014 18:58 GMT
#7364
On January 07 2014 03:19 r.Evo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 07 2014 03:12 SixStrings wrote:
I prefer giving away my number. Doesn't put the girl on the spot and it's easier for her to save face (hers, as well as mine).

Incredibly unreliable and puts pressure and responsibility to make something happen on her. Usually a bad idea.

I've actually never had a problem with that, I'd say probably 80%+ success rate.
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
January 06 2014 19:00 GMT
#7365
80%? Do you exclusively go for the wretched rejects of society, or are you incredibly handsome?
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17921 Posts
January 06 2014 19:06 GMT
#7366
what do you guys use internet dating sites for? to find girls who want to bang?
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6189 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-06 19:19:53
January 06 2014 19:08 GMT
#7367
On January 07 2014 03:58 SixStrings wrote:
Well, that's a whole different beast. The first account sounded like you went straight to giving a fake number because you saw your sales commission going down the drain.


Nono. Admittedly I didn't straight up say 'no, I am not interested in you', but I declined his offer of 1st) dinner 2nd)coffee and 3rd) his number. All because I made the mistake of saying I had no weekend plans, thinking he was making idle chit-chat whilst I put together his invoice. He eventually wrote out his name and number on a piece of paper and handed it to me, winking and saying 'call me' as he walked out. I completely ignored the piece of paper as I was still busy, but felt relieved he had left. He returned minutes later and asked for my number instead. I panicked, he seemed so casual about it. I gave him the correct number and then changed the last digit because it struck me that it was going to be a case of him calling me over and over again. He then noticed the piece of paper he put his name and number on slipping off the desk so he picked it up and put it right in front of me, and said 'don't forget' as he walked out.

Edit: One other small story. Another time at work I had a younginsh man come in to buy something and he was very blatantly flirting with me, not only in words but in body language too, touching my shoulder and arm, continually making eye contact and smiling etc. My sales manager came downstairs just at that moment and obviously knew him, greeted him and asked how his pregnant wife was doing and was he ready for twins etc. I was pretty shocked. Maybe he just interacts in a flirtatious manner?
<3
IronManSC
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States2119 Posts
January 06 2014 19:16 GMT
#7368
On January 07 2014 04:06 arb wrote:
what do you guys use internet dating sites for? to find girls who want to bang?


There's a lot of reasons why people choose to do online dating, good and/or bad. In these days, online dating is becoming more and more popular. I know a few married couples who met on match and eharmony, and they're wonderful together. I met my fiance on match. The reasons we both used it:

me:
At the time I used it, I was working 16-hour days (2 jobs). I didn't necessarily have the time to go to places and look for a woman, not to mention that can be creepy. Plus, my friends were scattered all over the country for school and work so I couldn't just hang out with them very much. It was either look by myself at a public place, which is dumb, or just give internet dating a shot while I stay busy.

her:
She used to live in Simi Valley - north of Los Angeles (currently lives 2 hours from there about). She went to school there and moved down here near where I live for work. Problem is, she knew nobody down here. All her friends and family were a few hours away but she had a job here so she couldn't just up and leave. In that case for her, she tried online dating. She was shy growing up so there was no motivation to go out and try to meet someone. Her family also supported her with match.com and would actually check each guy that messaged her (me included). Guess they liked me the best :D

SC2 Mapmaker || twitter: @ironmansc || Ohana & Mech Depot || 3x TLMC finalist || www.twitch.tv/sc2mapstream
SoSexy
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Italy3725 Posts
January 06 2014 19:34 GMT
#7369
It's been a while (I would say around 3-4 months) that I lost interest in dating. I had 2-3 girls that I went on a date with and I could actually bang if I'd start to contact them again, go out for coffee etc: but I don't feel interested in it

Maybe it's just because I don't like neither of them that much, but it's a strange feeling. Sentimental laziness? I feel like it's too much of a burden to prepare, drive, stay some hours out etc.
Dating thread on TL LUL
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18838 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-06 19:40:04
January 06 2014 19:35 GMT
#7370
On January 07 2014 03:36 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 07 2014 03:31 farvacola wrote:
On January 07 2014 01:49 dravernor wrote:
Oh god. I HATE it when I get hit on at work, or asked out. A few months ago I had a customer insist on giving me his number and taking mine (which was fake) because he wanted to take me out to dinner. I was a bit too polite to outright say no, especially since what he was currently buying from me was worth three times my paycheck, so after declining as politely as possible several times, I gave in and gave him my fake number.
He came back the next week and asked why I had given him a fake number. Cringe. Eventually I told him as plainly as possible that I wasn't interested in going out to dinner etc with him and our relationship was to be strictly professional. He tried various arguments to sway me and eventually I used the line 'why don't you ask my boyfriend if it would be okay?'
I haven't seen him since.
So yeah, don't be that guy, don't make it awkward.

This is why you need to forget being polite when romance comes a knocking and just be plain spoken. I've really appreciated the women in my life who have straight up said, "no, not gonna happen.". Saves everyone a lot of time and tribulation.

That would be lovely but the onus is on others not to harass people in the first place

This is a stupid reply, plain and simple. Sure, within the confines of Drav's story, this dude is clearly pushing over into harassment territory, and that's never ok. But let's not pretend that conventional society doesn't place a huge amount of responsibility on men when it comes to initiating the dating game, and this notion that women are totally bereft of culpability in regards to clear and effective communication is nonsense. I'm not saying that you necessarily suggested this, but to drop a one liner that makes it seem as though these sorts of quandaries are cut and dry is ignorant. Both men and women could do more in terms of getting rid of a lot of outdated "chivalric"bullshit that very clearly sets up scenarios like Drav described.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
raga4ka
Profile Joined February 2008
Bulgaria5679 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-06 21:27:12
January 06 2014 20:53 GMT
#7371
On January 07 2014 03:53 dravernor wrote:
Well, i didnt have a boyfriend. I didn't want to have to pull that line because i already felt bad about the fake number. I gave him a fake because I'd already told him as politely as possible that i wasn't interested in going anywhere with him and i didn't want him harassing me with calls. I've had that happen twice before and it was awful. I suppose it was a classic case of him being rich, young and high ranking in a prominent company and trying to use that to gain a date.
Anyway. I learned my lesson.


This guy was just being annoying . You did good to reject him politely at first , but he just acted stupidly after .

Anyway i am gonna ask here , because i am still wondering about this :

When i first got a crush on this girl colleague from university i asked her out on a somewhat of date . She accepted , because she didn't know that i actually liked her and when that got obvious she said that she had a serious boyfriend and has been in a relationship for 2 years . I had no problem with that and i just became friends with her .

This summer she broke with her boyfriend , a friend of ours told me ... and i said well maybe i am lucky and asked her out again . She said she was busy and didn't know when she would have time . After trying a couple of times and seeing her ignoring me i got the message that she isn't interested .

I am wondering since we are friends and colleagues , why didn't she outright reject me politely , instead she gave me the silent treatment ?

It felt somewhat rude , but i got over it without causing any drama and didn't even bother asking her about it . Now i chat with her like nothing has happened and it feels somewhat awkward . Didn't feel that way when she first rejected me when she had a boyfriend ...
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17921 Posts
January 06 2014 21:02 GMT
#7372
On January 07 2014 05:53 raga4ka wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 07 2014 03:53 dravernor wrote:
Well, i didnt have a boyfriend. I didn't want to have to pull that line because i already felt bad about the fake number. I gave him a fake because I'd already told him as politely as possible that i wasn't interested in going anywhere with him and i didn't want him harassing me with calls. I've had that happen twice before and it was awful. I suppose it was a classic case of him being rich, young and high ranking in a prominent company and trying to use that to gain a date.
Anyway. I learned my lesson.


This guy was just being annoying . You did a good to reject him politely at first , but he just acted stupidly after .

Anyway i am gonna ask here , because i am still wondering about this :

When i first got a crush on this girl colleague from university i asked her out on a somewhat of date . She accepted , because she didn't know that i actually liked her and when that got obvious she said that she had a serious boyfriend and has been in a relationship for 2 years . I had no problem with that and i just became friends with her .

This summer she broke with her boyfriend , a friend of ours told me ... and i said well maybe i am lucky and asked her out again . She said she was busy and didn't know when she would have time . After trying a couple of times and seeing her ignoring me i got the message that she isn't interested .

I am wondering since we are friends and colleagues , why didn't she outright reject me politely , instead she gave me the silent treatment ?

It felt somewhat rude , but i got over it without causing any drama and didn't even bother asking her about it . Now i chat with her like nothing has happened and it feels somewhat awkward . Didn't feel that way when she first rejected me when she had a boyfriend ...

prolly asked too soon or shes just a cunt

probably both
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
raga4ka
Profile Joined February 2008
Bulgaria5679 Posts
January 06 2014 21:25 GMT
#7373
On January 07 2014 06:02 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 07 2014 05:53 raga4ka wrote:
On January 07 2014 03:53 dravernor wrote:
Well, i didnt have a boyfriend. I didn't want to have to pull that line because i already felt bad about the fake number. I gave him a fake because I'd already told him as politely as possible that i wasn't interested in going anywhere with him and i didn't want him harassing me with calls. I've had that happen twice before and it was awful. I suppose it was a classic case of him being rich, young and high ranking in a prominent company and trying to use that to gain a date.
Anyway. I learned my lesson.


This guy was just being annoying . You did a good to reject him politely at first , but he just acted stupidly after .

Anyway i am gonna ask here , because i am still wondering about this :

When i first got a crush on this girl colleague from university i asked her out on a somewhat of date . She accepted , because she didn't know that i actually liked her and when that got obvious she said that she had a serious boyfriend and has been in a relationship for 2 years . I had no problem with that and i just became friends with her .

This summer she broke with her boyfriend , a friend of ours told me ... and i said well maybe i am lucky and asked her out again . She said she was busy and didn't know when she would have time . After trying a couple of times and seeing her ignoring me i got the message that she isn't interested .

I am wondering since we are friends and colleagues , why didn't she outright reject me politely , instead she gave me the silent treatment ?

It felt somewhat rude , but i got over it without causing any drama and didn't even bother asking her about it . Now i chat with her like nothing has happened and it feels somewhat awkward . Didn't feel that way when she first rejected me when she had a boyfriend ...

prolly asked too soon or shes just a cunt

probably both


Well from the information i gathered she broke up in the summer i asked her in the end of november . Well she was like 3-4 years in a relationship with him so maybe it was to soon i don't know . I guess she just doesn't like me and isn't interested in dating with me , nothing i can do about it i guess .
Firebolt145
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Lalalaland34495 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-06 21:29:01
January 06 2014 21:27 GMT
#7374
On January 07 2014 05:53 raga4ka wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 07 2014 03:53 dravernor wrote:
Well, i didnt have a boyfriend. I didn't want to have to pull that line because i already felt bad about the fake number. I gave him a fake because I'd already told him as politely as possible that i wasn't interested in going anywhere with him and i didn't want him harassing me with calls. I've had that happen twice before and it was awful. I suppose it was a classic case of him being rich, young and high ranking in a prominent company and trying to use that to gain a date.
Anyway. I learned my lesson.


This guy was just being annoying . You did a good to reject him politely at first , but he just acted stupidly after .

Anyway i am gonna ask here , because i am still wondering about this :

When i first got a crush on this girl colleague from university i asked her out on a somewhat of date . She accepted , because she didn't know that i actually liked her and when that got obvious she said that she had a serious boyfriend and has been in a relationship for 2 years . I had no problem with that and i just became friends with her .

This summer she broke with her boyfriend , a friend of ours told me ... and i said well maybe i am lucky and asked her out again . She said she was busy and didn't know when she would have time . After trying a couple of times and seeing her ignoring me i got the message that she isn't interested .

I am wondering since we are friends and colleagues , why didn't she outright reject me politely , instead she gave me the silent treatment ?

It felt somewhat rude , but i got over it without causing any drama and didn't even bother asking her about it . Now i chat with her like nothing has happened and it feels somewhat awkward . Didn't feel that way when she first rejected me when she had a boyfriend ...

Some girls can feel just as awkward as some guys do when they get turned down/have to turn down a friend. Just give her a bit of time and space and eventually things will mend to a certain degree if you're okay with it.
Moderator
raga4ka
Profile Joined February 2008
Bulgaria5679 Posts
January 06 2014 21:33 GMT
#7375
On January 07 2014 06:27 Firebolt145 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 07 2014 05:53 raga4ka wrote:
On January 07 2014 03:53 dravernor wrote:
Well, i didnt have a boyfriend. I didn't want to have to pull that line because i already felt bad about the fake number. I gave him a fake because I'd already told him as politely as possible that i wasn't interested in going anywhere with him and i didn't want him harassing me with calls. I've had that happen twice before and it was awful. I suppose it was a classic case of him being rich, young and high ranking in a prominent company and trying to use that to gain a date.
Anyway. I learned my lesson.


This guy was just being annoying . You did a good to reject him politely at first , but he just acted stupidly after .

Anyway i am gonna ask here , because i am still wondering about this :

When i first got a crush on this girl colleague from university i asked her out on a somewhat of date . She accepted , because she didn't know that i actually liked her and when that got obvious she said that she had a serious boyfriend and has been in a relationship for 2 years . I had no problem with that and i just became friends with her .

This summer she broke with her boyfriend , a friend of ours told me ... and i said well maybe i am lucky and asked her out again . She said she was busy and didn't know when she would have time . After trying a couple of times and seeing her ignoring me i got the message that she isn't interested .

I am wondering since we are friends and colleagues , why didn't she outright reject me politely , instead she gave me the silent treatment ?

It felt somewhat rude , but i got over it without causing any drama and didn't even bother asking her about it . Now i chat with her like nothing has happened and it feels somewhat awkward . Didn't feel that way when she first rejected me when she had a boyfriend ...

Some girls can feel just as awkward as some guys do when they get turned down/have to turn down a friend. Just give her a bit of time and space and eventually things will mend to a certain degree if you act fine with it.


Well thats what i am doing . I won't bother her anymore , and even if i wanted to this is our last year in university , only exams are left .
WarSame
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1950 Posts
January 06 2014 22:19 GMT
#7376
At least you're taking it well. Some girls and guys prefer the less likely to explode route. They hope by being quiet it'll blow over.
Can it be I stayed away too long? Did you miss these rhymes while I was gone?
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland26028 Posts
January 07 2014 03:17 GMT
#7377
Argh, my newly single status is taking some getting used to lol. I'm reasonably OK with that state of affairs, but in all previous instances of non-attachment I have tended to have a lot of free time to play around with and would encounter interesting people in my travels which isn't really the case atm.

Think tbh I should probably have a break from any sort of relationship, but as I don't really do casual sex my frustration is through the roof. Granted my own fault for breaking it off with my gf, so I suppose I can't complain too much!

Online seems such an inordinate time investment for what you get back, I have a friend who spends half his free time in messaging people and it seems difficult to find actually interesting people on there, because people tend to put forward the 'I'm hot and look at my selfie' images that I find immediately offputting

I realise there aren't really any 'questions' in there, but if youse have any advice that'd be appreciated
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
Dogfoodboy16
Profile Joined October 2013
364 Posts
January 07 2014 03:57 GMT
#7378
Is it worth trying to date a girl you work with?
IgnE
Profile Joined November 2010
United States7681 Posts
January 07 2014 04:11 GMT
#7379
On January 07 2014 12:17 Wombat_NI wrote:
Argh, my newly single status is taking some getting used to lol. I'm reasonably OK with that state of affairs, but in all previous instances of non-attachment I have tended to have a lot of free time to play around with and would encounter interesting people in my travels which isn't really the case atm.

Think tbh I should probably have a break from any sort of relationship, but as I don't really do casual sex my frustration is through the roof. Granted my own fault for breaking it off with my gf, so I suppose I can't complain too much!

Online seems such an inordinate time investment for what you get back, I have a friend who spends half his free time in messaging people and it seems difficult to find actually interesting people on there, because people tend to put forward the 'I'm hot and look at my selfie' images that I find immediately offputting

I realise there aren't really any 'questions' in there, but if youse have any advice that'd be appreciated


It's way less time and money than going to a bar. You shouldn't be spending all day writing 50 messages back and forth. You should have a date after 3 messages.
The unrealistic sound of these propositions is indicative, not of their utopian character, but of the strength of the forces which prevent their realization.
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
January 07 2014 04:45 GMT
#7380
On January 07 2014 12:57 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
Is it worth trying to date a girl you work with?


It depends entirely on your line of work and how serious you are about it.
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