EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 367
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
HOWEVER, there is a lot of traps to avoid... like spending too much time on it, posting bad pictures... sending too much emails... getting attached to a pretty picture etc etc. If you ever come back to it, come back to this thread and you may get some advice by differemt people. Only thing I can't help with is selecting the best one for your area. What's are the bests in the US ? Oh and watch "catfish", it's a terrible movie but is everything you shouldn't be doing with online dating :p. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
The only decent one I found was OKcupid, but that one is pretty deserted here. | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6181 Posts
On January 04 2014 20:58 SixStrings wrote: While we're at it, does anyone know of any good sites in Germany? The only decent one I found was OKcupid, but that one is pretty deserted here. I signed up to OKcupid once, for about half an hour, just because my friend used it. I didn't want to be honest about my location though, so after twenty minutes of filling in random information with a fake name and photo, and a further ten minutes browsing other people's profiles to see compatibility rates etc, I deleted the account. I wouldn't know a better place for you to look though tbh :/ | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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Xenocide_Knight
Korea (South)2625 Posts
On January 04 2014 09:32 Zooper31 wrote: Coming up with a new hobby isn't exactly the easiest thing and I can't think of anything that I would enjoy that would help me meet women. Obviously I do more than you said but I've actively tried to make a new hobby out of the blue. My personality and me just being me sets me apart, I don't need something super special that only I do to set me apart. Just need to find a girl who shares the same interests as me. Which is super hard since they are in the same situation I'm in. Have you tried doing really odd/unusual things? I found that there was a fencing club near me a few years back and met a lot of interesting people through that! I also found out my school has a secret, invite only wild caving club which was really an amazing experience. Also, I personally have never talked to them, but at night, there's a group of people who convert the tennis courts near my apartment into an "arena" of sorts and ride on bikes playing what looks like polo. In my experience, just going outside and allowing the opportunities to present themselves is pretty much all you need to find someone/something interesting. If you're more of a loner type, try taking nature hikes! Or try going to a weird, hole-in-the-wall 24 hour cafe really late at night! | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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farvacola
United States18826 Posts
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dravernor
Netherlands6181 Posts
Going on a date and worrying about nothing to talk about can be resolved in many small ways - wear a quirky shirt. See if the other person comments on it. For example I have a Nightmare before Christmas shirt I wear quite often. People that know of the movie often comment on and it creates great conversation. This was obviously more effective in uni when I was surrounded by nerds and animation fanatics. A TL shirt might spark gaming conversation if they are interested in such. A shirt with a witty caption is quite cheesy, but I know I have often approached people to comment on their shirt/clothing. If the other person is into gaming/movies etc they will no doubt easily be able to slip easily into conversation about that, which will allow for easy transition into hobby talk. Obviously meeting someone at a club will make conversation easy too. If you are both bird-watchers, that is easy conversation right there, which can transition easily into other topics. @Najda give us an example of one of your hobbies? | ||
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FreedomMurder
Canada200 Posts
On January 06 2014 01:39 Najda wrote: Continuing the discussion of hobbies/conversations, how would you go from basic 'Hey how are you' small talk boring stuff to talkin about things at least one person in the conversation actually cares about? I have hobbies I enjoy, but I don't know how to begin talking about them or how to get them to talk about things they care about. Just ask! What do you do for fun? What kind of music do you like? People love to talk about themselves (especially a lot of girls) so just ask tons of questions!! For bringing up your own interests maybe ask if they would like to join you in doing whatever it is you do. | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6181 Posts
On January 06 2014 02:51 FreedomMurder wrote: Just ask! What do you do for fun? What kind of music do you like? People love to talk about themselves (especially a lot of girls) so just ask tons of questions!! For bringing up your own interests maybe ask if they would like to join you in doing whatever it is you do. Also, for the record, a really great line if she is foreign is 'So tell me about (insert homeland)?' | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On January 06 2014 02:11 dravernor wrote: @Najda give us an example of one of your hobbies? In order of importance to me: health/fitness, muay thai, studying French, and gaming. Muay thai is kind of stalled right now because to be honest the place I train at in my town is pretty bad and I'm already better than almost everyone there after a few months of training. I'm moving in the fall, so I will be able to find a new place to train at that point and hopefully meet new interesting people as well. I have other interests such as speedcubing but I wouldn't really call it a hobby. Goin to the beach can be fun as well, which is something I can invite people to do, and playing frisbee or Ultimate, but unfortunately no one else plays in this area. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On January 06 2014 01:39 Najda wrote: Continuing the discussion of hobbies/conversations, how would you go from basic 'Hey how are you' small talk boring stuff to talkin about things at least one person in the conversation actually cares about? I have hobbies I enjoy, but I don't know how to begin talking about them or how to get them to talk about things they care about. I usually just dig in a subject that seems to be of interest to the other person (either raised during small talk or directly asked by me). I strongly advise against bombarding someone with questions jumping from one subject to the next. Listen to the answers and dig on that, share your opinion and have fun. To be more specific here an example (after some minutes of small talk): What I do think is bad conversation: -What do you do for a living ? -I'm a law student -Cool. What do you do outside of school ? -I like salsa dancing but I'm too busy to do something else -Ha. So... what are your favorite movies ? What I think is a lot better: -What do you do for a living ? No wait. Let me guess. Are you a veterinarian ? -Haha no I'm... -Nonono don't tell ! Hmmm wait, give me your right hand it helps my psychic powers :D -What ? -I'll read your mind through your hand. For free. -Huh. Ok... -So..... you're a baker right ? -Pfff no. -Ok truly I'm no psychic  What are you doing for a living ?-I'm a law student. -That was my third guess. -Yeah right. -So, your honor, what draw you into the study of law ? -I always was interested in the whole process of defending people for their rights. And I'd like to be a judge too. -A judge ? Maybe I should marry you right here. Seriously, I'm fascinated. Isn't it hard to learn all these laws by heart ? How do you do it ? -I don't know I just read, take notes and then memorize. It isn't that hard really when you're used to it. -Hey, do you watch Suits the TV series with corporate lawyers ? I love that show. -Meh. Too unrealistic for me. -You obviously have no taste  Sure it's unrealistic but it's really funny. What's your favorite ?Idea being you still have a lot of material to go on if you stretch each subject. And it shows you're listening. And it doesn't look like an interrogation either. (obviously don't take my example word for word, just the idea behind it.). | ||
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gedatsu
1286 Posts
On January 04 2014 20:58 SixStrings wrote: While we're at it, does anyone know of any good sites in Germany? The only decent one I found was OKcupid, but that one is pretty deserted here. You thought okcupid was deserted? Almost all the matches I get are German. And I don't live in Germany. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
I have a more concrete question though. On my way home from work I stepped into a small travel supermarket at the bus station, one of those where you spend approximately 15 seconds at checkout with the next person in line breathing down your neck. The cashier was supercute. How would you go about asking somebody out in a setting like this? There's no time for small talk and just straight up going can I have your number/want to grab a drink with me or something sounds like a really bad idea too. Any suggestions? | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On January 06 2014 08:33 Mikau wrote: After posting in this thread a bit the last week I've finally convinced myself to not worry too much about what can go wrong and just go for it. A couple of days ago I had a conversation with a girl that sold me cheese (ye lol). Because I still suck at this I went back the next day to ask her out. She had a day off that day and because I didn't want the trip to have been for nothing I asked her co-worker if he knew if she was single (she wasn't, and the mean look he gave me made me think he was the bf lol) . I realise this is 100% the wrong way to have approached the situation but it's more effort than I've put into meeting anyone in forever (as sad as that might sound) so I'm chalking it up as a win. I have a more concrete question though. On my way home from work I stepped into a small travel supermarket at the bus station, one of those where you spend approximately 15 seconds at checkout with the next person in line breathing down your neck. The cashier was supercute. How would you go about asking somebody out in a setting like this? There's no time for small talk and just straight up going can I have your number/want to grab a drink with me or something sounds like a really bad idea too. Any suggestions? First. Good job trying stuff and being pro active ! Now for your question you've got to realize cashier are used to guys leaving their numbers on small paper and stuff. Your best chance with this is to be truly genuine in your approach and super friendly upfront. Say hi, ask how the day's going and smile. Now if you're in a line you can't make this go long and since you're in public there's a lot of added pressure. So just be bold and genuine saying she's cute and would love a quick chat after her work 30min maximum. Ask if she's willing, if she's not no trouble and that if she agrees you'll wait at place X, next door just after her shift. If it's not possible ask for number instead. Now though, this is one that is very hard to pull off. They are not in their best mood, there is a lot of pressure around (being in public) and you almost gotta get a result in 1min. So a lot of it has to come with super confidence, a genuinely good aura about you and your physic. | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On January 06 2014 04:24 Najda wrote: In order of importance to me: health/fitness, muay thai, studying French, and gaming. Muay thai is kind of stalled right now because to be honest the place I train at in my town is pretty bad and I'm already better than almost everyone there after a few months of training. I'm moving in the fall, so I will be able to find a new place to train at that point and hopefully meet new interesting people as well. I have other interests such as speedcubing but I wouldn't really call it a hobby. Goin to the beach can be fun as well, which is something I can invite people to do, and playing frisbee or Ultimate, but unfortunately no one else plays in this area. I wanna get better at Muay Thai, I wish there were better gyms where I live . That said, pick two to three hobbies you really love that are the most presentable. If the other person goes on more dates with you, they will eventually learn of all of them. It's important that you tune yourself into what they respond to, for instance, if the other person says, "OH COOL, you thai box?" then go on about it, that's awesome. If, however, they say, "what else do you do," just move on to another one and don't sit on that one thing too long, even if you love it. | ||
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chadissilent
Canada1187 Posts
On January 06 2014 06:19 rezoacken wrote: I usually just dig in a subject that seems to be of interest to the other person (either raised during small talk or directly asked by me). I strongly advise against bombarding someone with questions jumping from one subject to the next. Listen to the answers and dig on that, share your opinion and have fun. To be more specific here an example (after some minutes of small talk): What I do think is bad conversation: -What do you do for a living ? -I'm a law student -Cool. What do you do outside of school ? -I like salsa dancing but I'm too busy to do something else -Ha. So... what are your favorite movies ? What I think is a lot better: -What do you do for a living ? No wait. Let me guess. Are you a veterinarian ? -Haha no I'm... -Nonono don't tell ! Hmmm wait, give me your right hand it helps my psychic powers :D -What ? -I'll read your mind through your hand. For free. -Huh. Ok... -So..... you're a baker right ? -Pfff no. -Ok truly I'm no psychic What are you doing for a living ?-I'm a law student. -That was my third guess. -Yeah right. -So, your honor, what draw you into the study of law ? -I always was interested in the whole process of defending people for their rights. And I'd like to be a judge too. -A judge ? Maybe I should marry you right here. Seriously, I'm fascinated. Isn't it hard to learn all these laws by heart ? How do you do it ? -I don't know I just read, take notes and then memorize. It isn't that hard really when you're used to it. -Hey, do you watch Suits the TV series with corporate lawyers ? I love that show. -Meh. Too unrealistic for me. -You obviously have no taste Sure it's unrealistic but it's really funny. What's your favorite ?Idea being you still have a lot of material to go on if you stretch each subject. And it shows you're listening. And it doesn't look like an interrogation either. (obviously don't take my example word for word, just the idea behind it.). Either you're French Canadian or that banter is way too try-hard. Edit: I'll elaborate. 1. Trying to play all coy trying to guess their profession is about as cool as doing magic to impress a chick. You might land a dumb one if you're lucky. If you want to be coy while making small talk, take a light hearted jab at their response. "I'm sorry to hear that..." And then follow up with something else. The fact that you can put them on the defensive for even a few seconds will often catch them off guard or they will come back with something witty. Either way, you're starting to make people think beyond simple bar banter. 2. The "Huh ok..." After you ask for their hand means they think you're a moron. 3. The way you're phrasing everything seems like you're trying to prolong small talk past it's expiry date. I know many Canadian girls would appreciate the "your honor" trailer park boys joke but you'd likely have to follow it up with another TPB joke from the same episode or movie (dan and Terry's buffalo chicken wings, fuck corn on the cob, I earned the change fair and square, etc.). If they don't watch it, fuck them if they can't take a joke. 4. When you ask someone a question, you don't have to elaborate on it. "Have you seen Suits?" will suffice, telling them about it as you phrase the question won't change their answer. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
But actually I don't want to be quoted on the exact sentences, it's not a real conversation hey. I'm just trying to illustrate my point and yeah I agree I have put a bit too much at once in it. But I still maintain you should follow your question with questions/opinions based on the answers, and if you can have fun at the same time go for it. If you feel you're trying too hard reciting sentences that aren't you, don't do it obviously. | ||
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