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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Canada2719 Posts
On January 03 2014 10:10 Volband wrote:Show nested quote +On January 03 2014 02:56 chadissilent wrote:
I'll slowly dissect your post, hopefully I can help a bit.
Who says you have to change your personality or be someone else? Find what you like about yourself, what other people connect with, and use it as a common ground with others. I don't really know what other people connect with, but my humour is definetly one. Howewer, I have to be in my comfort zone to not look like a vegetable, and that's a problem. I could force myself to crack a joke among strangers, but it would be impossible to act like I mean it, so it's like destined to death.
It's easier if there is some common ground, so you can start there. Like strangers at a party you were invited at or at a gaming club or at halloween while accompanying some of your family's kids or while skating etc. Don't hesitate to do it with guys. Don't force yourself to be funny.
You can start easy: if there is a reason to start talking just do it. You see someone that looks lost, ask for your help. Someone looks lonely at a party, propose him/her an activity with your friends. A group is doing something you want to participate ? Say hello and ask if they'd like an additional participant. The list is endless.
All these basic stuff will help make you more comfortable being with strangers and help you being able to step out of your comfort zone. Also a lot of those examples would make you look just like a cool person and can earn you friends.
I don't think I have hobbies. I used to write stuff for gaming sites actively (and wrote some other stuff, but they weren't too serious), and I was even passionate about it, but due to outside reasons I lost interest in that. So basically I have a somewhat lame hobby if I even have that now. Sure I like music and tv series and video games, but that's like a standard for everyone.
Think about what you'd like to do. What skill you'd like to know or activity you'd like to practice. There certainly is something else you'd like to do than video games. Start there.
I'm not morally against it, I just hate clubs, and that dancing and etc. And what sort of activity are we talking about? In my town there's like fighting sports and that's it, and I'm not interested in it at all. Also, as you mentioned, I should like my hobby, and not just partake in it for the sake of it, but if I don't want any activity/hobby in particular, I have to just... force it out. It's not that I want to sit at home, but rather I don't know what else to do, or what else would I even want. Mind you, I live in a shitty town, in a city it's sooo much better and easier.
Oh, and maybe I should mention that I think I like helping people who are in need of help, but it's a very fragile thing. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding my mind's signals, but when I see someone getting by with crippled legs, or with a walking stick due to bad sight, I just feel depressed, and would like to have the courage to walk up to them and just... I don't know, help them, but I'm afraid of coming off as someone who pities them and the fact that I'm not sure why I feel this way just makes it worse. What if it's really just pity deep inside? Once I was so fucking depressed when I didn't ask a girl if I could help her down on the stairs I was actually thinking about going back to there exactly 1 week later and wait. It was in another city. 6 hours of travelling overall. Lots of money. I was serious, and I had no hidden intentions, I really just wanted to help her without gaining anything out of it.
I also like animals. I was even thinking finding a job in a zoo, but cleaning poopoo is not exactly how I want to be close with them.
No sports in your town ? No boardgame bar/club ? No horse riding ? No benevolent activities (not sure about the english word for a job you do free to help the poor/animals/etc) ? No cooking lesson ? No drawing/music/painting ?
When you see someone in need of help. Step in "Hi I'll help you" and begin to help. Only stop if there's a clear no.
I've yet to meet a grandma, young mom, grandpa being annoyed by my help.
And let me tell you, the "Oh thank you" you'll get for a good deed is one of the best feelings.
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On January 02 2014 16:27 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2014 16:10 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I'd be happy making out with 1 chick per month atm. Averaging 1 a year... If you got your own stuff fixed (decently dressed, groomed, able to speak) it's mostly a number game after that. If you ask for a number once a year, you certainly won't get a lot of date that year. If you don't meet enough, do more activities where there are women. If it's already a part of your life, then spark conversations a bit more often with the ones around. Then when interested move in to go further, either a quick phone grab or spending a little time right there (depending on the situation). Etc. Successes require failures. Experience/skill only make successes more likely.
I hate bars and my hobbies and interests involve things you do inside, aside from the beach/concerts when it's warm out. Which is maybe half the year where I live if I'm lucky, the other half I don't go outside if I don't have to because I hate being cold.
I just have very very few chances to meet new people, let alone women outside of work. And that means I have very few chances to even attempt something, let alone succeeding lol.
Very few friends in the area as well, again outside of work, and that doesn't help at all either.
I take opportunities when they are presented to me to do stuff and just meet people, but I hate going somewhere by myself and forcing myself to talk to new people. That's just something I won't do, too awkward and introverted for that.
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I've met two girls who seem to - for whatever reason - like me.
With one I've spent the entire last week, pretty much just fucking, playing music, watching Breaking Bad, rinse and repeat.
Sounds perfect, right?
The other I met on social occasions, we were only alone once and later she texted me that she regretted not having slept with me, hoping there'd be plenty opportunity in 2014.
Sounds promising, no?
Well, it would be, except I'm an imbecile and absolutely obsessed with a girl who isn't just completely indifferent about me, but also completely wrong for me and on top that my fucking roommate.
That "If you want to get over one girl, get under another"-approach doesn't quite seem to work.
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If you were truly "absolutely obsessed" with your roommate, then fucking other women would not be as easy as you describe it.
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On January 04 2014 00:11 farvacola wrote:
If you were truly "absolutely obsessed" with your roommate, then fucking other women would not be as easy as you describe it.
I agree with pretty much every single post of yours I see. This one is no exception.
SixStrings go tell her how you feel and either get closure and a new roommate or date her.
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Have done that already, but I haven't got closure.
She said something like 'duly noted', and pretty much hides from me ever since. It's been around ten weeks now, in which our only exchange was: 'Hi', 'Hey'. Once.
Her complete indifference (and frankly, rather immature evasion tactic) weirdly makes me want her that much more.
And while I can sleep with other girls, I don't feel like I could be open to a relationship while this sad infatuation is going on.
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On January 04 2014 02:23 SixStrings wrote:
Have done that already, but I haven't got closure.
She said something like 'duly noted', and pretty much hides from me ever since. It's been around ten weeks now, in which our only exchange was: 'Hi', 'Hey'. Once.
Her complete indifference (and frankly, rather immature evasion tactic) weirdly makes me want her that much more.
And while I can sleep with other girls, I don't feel like I could be open to a relationship while this sad infatuation is going on.
That sounds pretty closed if you ask me.
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On January 04 2014 02:23 SixStrings wrote:
Have done that already, but I haven't got closure.
She said something like 'duly noted', and pretty much hides from me ever since. It's been around ten weeks now, in which our only exchange was: 'Hi', 'Hey'. Once.
Her complete indifference (and frankly, rather immature evasion tactic) weirdly makes me want her that much more.
And while I can sleep with other girls, I don't feel like I could be open to a relationship while this sad infatuation is going on.
That's closure. Don't bother her. Wanting a girl more because she doesn't want you is fucked up, selfish way of thinking. Doesn't make you a total asshole or anything, just do your best to drop it.
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I don't bother her, no worries. I can take a hint, but what I can't do is magically flip a switch.
That's why I've been more actively than usual pursuing other lays, which didn't help in the slightest.
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On January 04 2014 04:32 SixStrings wrote:
I don't bother her, no worries. I can take a hint, but what I can't do is magically flip a switch.
That's why I've been more actively than usual pursuing other lays, which didn't help in the slightest.
I sympathize since I'm in almost the same situation. The girl I really want is this girl I see weekly when I train muay thai but is not interested in me in a romantic manner. It just takes time to get over it. Other girls can help shorten that amount of time, but only if they fill the gap she left behind. If it was an emotional connection you had with the girl then just sleeping with other girls won't satisfy that.
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On January 04 2014 04:32 SixStrings wrote:
I don't bother her, no worries. I can take a hint, but what I can't do is magically flip a switch.
That's why I've been more actively than usual pursuing other lays, which didn't help in the slightest.
the term "lays" grosses me out a bit but maybe you're trying too hard to detach yourself from the feeling? If you confront head on the closure and really work it out internally, you might get over it a bit faster. I tend to have to do that, to remind myself that things wouldn't work, they're not interested, imagine what a relationship would be like with someone who isn't as interested as I am is like, etc. like really go through all that negativity then at least there is no other conclusion to reach, like....pushing myself into that closure internally
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Language barrier, sorry, didn't mean to say anything unbecoming.
I'm trying to keep your guys' advice in mind.
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A girl I used to see well over a year ago came back into town to visit family for Christmas. I ended up going out with her and her friends to catch up and on the way out the door of the pub she just grabbed me and started kissing me. It looks like I'm starting out this new year with a bang...
On January 03 2014 10:10 Volband wrote:Show nested quote +On January 03 2014 02:56 chadissilent wrote:
I'll slowly dissect your post, hopefully I can help a bit.
Who says you have to change your personality or be someone else? Find what you like about yourself, what other people connect with, and use it as a common ground with others. I don't really know what other people connect with, but my humour is definetly one. Howewer, I have to be in my comfort zone to not look like a vegetable, and that's a problem. I could force myself to crack a joke among strangers, but it would be impossible to act like I mean it, so it's like destined to death. Show nested quote +You're ready for a relationship when you are totally happy with yourself. When you're independently happy and don't have to rely on others, you'll be happy whether or not you have someone in your life. It shows you're stable, not overly clingy, and have other things to worry about instead of negative feelings towards your potential partner. That just won't happen, but I guess the point is to try to feel as good independently as you can.
If you're not happy with yourself, you won't be truly happy with someone else. You'll start to rely on them for happiness and will be miserable when they aren't around. That's not healthy for a relationship. That doesn't mean you shouldn't want someone in your life, but your happiness shouldn't be dependent on that.
As far as connecting with people -- you won't be comfortable until you've been extremely uncomfortable. Put yourself in all sorts of strange situations and eventually you'll feel a comfort level no matter what you're doing. Just this past new years, after I got through the security pat downs at the event I was at, I instantly lost my friend. Guess what? I just made out with some girls in line, I have potential new friends. I hung out with them at various points in the night but at no point was I ever attached to any of them. If I wanted a drink, I grabbed a drink -- didn't need anyone to come with me.
Why is this? How could I do this? Well I spent months traveling in Thailand and surrounding areas. I went with a tour group, but I knew nobody going in. On my way there, I watched the movie "Yes Man" since there were about 18 hours spent on the plane. The second I saw that movie, I decided to apply to the same philosophy to my trip. Anytime somebody wanted to do something, no matter how crazy, I said yes. I developed a sense of adventure, a sense of security in chaos, and total comfort no matter the situation. I'd be on a beach with a couple people, lose them, and instantly make some new friends and start partying with them. This is how I got out of my shell -- I just went with everything. Sure at first things were awkward but within a week I was having a blast and totally comfortable in all situations.
Show nested quote +What is interesting about you? Sell yourself to me. What are your hobbies? What are you passionate about? Are you passionate about your hobbies or do you just partake in them to keep busy? I don't think I have hobbies. I used to write stuff for gaming sites actively (and wrote some other stuff, but they weren't too serious), and I was even passionate about it, but due to outside reasons I lost interest in that. So basically I have a somewhat lame hobby if I even have that now. Sure I like music and tv series and video games, but that's like a standard for everyone.
So how do you stand out? How would you sell yourself to an employer? What special skills or experiences do you have that would want them to hire you instead of the next person in line applying for the job? What makes you special, unique, or interesting? Find something because the same thing works with females. What could you bring to a relationship? Making a girl laugh does help, trust me. If you can make a girl laugh, she'd most likely fuck you. This has to be true laughter, not pity laughter at a self-deprecating nervous joke. That said, you still have to take care of the other aspects of your life.
- You need to be presentable. You don't have to be all rico suave with Armani jeans and Versace dress shirts, but just well-kept and wearing clothes that actually fit you properly.
- You need to have passions and interests. Check out interesting things online, read lots. I haven't watched cable TV in probably 4-5 years other than hockey games but guess what? I'm passionate about hockey and love talking about it. Instead of watching TV, do some reading. What do you like? Read about it, find out more, what's cool about the stuff you like?
- You need to be able to hold a conversation. Not just small talk, but actually getting deeper and legit conversations with people. This comes with having interests, opinions, and reading.
- YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO LISTEN. Internalize what people are saying, look at it from their point of view. How does it agree with yours? Can you possibly enrich them with some of your experiences?
What could be interesting is my humour I mentioned earlier, and that it's pretty much guaranteed we're going to argue/debate about something, because I have strange views on things and I'm fairly vocal about everything I don't agree with, to the point I actually become passionate about it. Also - for better or worse - I don't really lie. If you are asking me if you are stupid and I think you are stupid I'm going to tell you that you are stupid. So overall you can have a good laugh with me, I can fuck you up beyond imagination if you are willing to keep debating me about something, and maybe I'm too harsh sometimes, but at least you can count on me to tell you the truth. I think the latter has something to do with people connecting with me, I come off as pretty trustworthy - also, I look somewhat fragile, which helps as well. I'm also willing to do crazy stuffs, even though I'm quite insecure. This helped me a great deal on the dates I've been talking about, because I just provoked myself by thinking "there's no way you'd do that", so I did that. Not because I was brave/confident, but it seemed completely crazy and stupid to do that. I like crazy and stupid stuff.
That's really good that you're a straight shooter. Honesty is huge, even if it's not the popular opinion. With that said, you should know how to phrase things to not being a dick about it. If you're a slight dick, that's fine as long as you can make them laugh. If you're flat out calling someone stupid, you're probably going to get ignored or slapped.
Also, don't debate people in a social setting. Sometimes it's just better to laugh something off instead of really getting into it with someone. Once you know them a little better, it's totally cool but again, you should be listening to their points, internalizing their view, and responding accordingly.
People see you as trustworthy because you're comfortable to be around. You don't come off as threatening, but you're still not creepy and scare them off.
My last point for this topic is about doing crazy stuff. Don't be insecure about it. Everyone knows that shy/quiet person that will do something for attention or try to be spontaneous. People see right through that and it's rather annoying and juvenile. If you're doing something crazy, do it because you want to, you know it will be fun, and you know it's interesting. When I was in Thailand, this guy thought it would be cool to "do something crazy" and just climbed everything or bought shiny objects. He'd climb boulders, statues, walls, buildings, etc. and he thought he was so unique and special and cool. He was just weird. He still is, and that's why I fucked a girl he was seeing and she ended up choosing me over him (which later turned out to be my crazy ex I've posted about in here).
What I'm passionate about... well, I don't know if it makes any sense, but I like explaining stuff I like. That's part of the reason why I liked writing. I have that urge to correct everyone, and with writing articles I didn't have to quote each and every person. You think Infestor is not lame and unhealthy to SC2? (at the end of WoL) I better write a huge ass article where I explain to you why it's a terrible design. It's among my shortest articles, so you can see how painstakingly I did stuff when I actually cared about it. Like, I'm a very lazy person but I fucking had to color the "Yes" green and the "No" red at the end, because that's how I thought it would be perfect and I didn't want to settle with anything less. But it's not just games, when I was watching a reality show that was pretty popular here (similiar to Big Brother) I found myself spending even an hour writing posts where I analyzed things, or replied to others, correcting them, or whatever. I could talk for hours about my favourite TV series or why I think it's amazing and you should watch it; or about my favourite band and why I think they are the best thing ever, and you should definetly check them out and I will make a collection of their best songs if you want; or about the plot of a video game that I find amazing and you should definetly play it, at least for the story; etc. So, to sum it up, I think I'm passionate about making you like the stuff I like (and I feel you would/could like it too), but not necessarily passionate about.
That sounds pushy. "This is what I like and it's the best thing ever and you should like it too." Slipping it into a conversation subtly can be very effective. If people are talking about something similar, bring it up, and if they haven't heard of it give them a quick rundown and move on.
Let me give you a personal example. I'm passionate about cars. I love music. I love to dance. How have I explored my passions?
- I am working on a race car at school. I am designing some systems for it and I get to explore my love of cars that way. Conveniently, I am also working with a bunch of other engineers that love cars. I met people with a common interest, in the same program at school, and are various ages. It's a social thing to do while exploring my passions.
- I love music of all sorts. I have been playing guitar for 15+ years. Lately I have taken an interest in electronic music. Beyond simply enjoying it, I decided I wanted to make it as well. I started learning about production, composition, arrangement, and have taken my musicality to another level. It's something I can do during quiet time on my computer, but I'm being productive and learning new things and the initial cost is very low.
- I love to dance. I travel the world when I have time/money and attend festivals, take in new experiences, and meet people with a similar mindset.
All of a sudden, I have turned my passions into real experiences and things I can relate to other people.
Then again, this is just me and everyone is different. You have to find what you really enjoy, and find ways to explore it deeper. Be productive, be creative, be a student of life FOR life.
Well, I don't think it's THAT bad, but in a "let's hook up with her situation" I pretty much have to drop my only hobby that's not even my hobby anymore, and have to avoid the things I'm passionate about, because I come off as pushy, or "the guy who only talked about his idiotic stuff". I wish I liked puppies and was passionate about them. Oh well, there, I sold myself. So, you up for a date m8????
Nope, and no girls are either. You have to find out how you can relate to others without totally trying to change yourself into another person. You like your stuff? Cool, slip it into a conversation and maybe they'll check it out. They'll also make recommendations and you can check out the stuff they like. Maybe there's a common ground, maybe not. If not, move on -- it's not a huge deal.
Show nested quote +You don't have to be an avid partier to meet a girl. On the flip side, you can't stay home and play video games all the time and still expect to meet someone. If you're out of your comfort zone and doing some sort of activity, you will always run into people with a similar mindset.
Also, there's really nothing wrong with meeting a girl when you've had drinks at a club. Hell, I picked up an amazing girl from outside of a club and proceeded to have a longterm relationship with her. We were both drunk, but had a good time. The more I found out about her, the more I liked her. She was intelligent, professional, cute, funny, and caring. Not all girls at the bar are sluts. I'm not morally against it, I just hate clubs, and that dancing and etc. And what sort of activity are we talking about? In my town there's like fighting sports and that's it, and I'm not interested in it at all. Also, as you mentioned, I should like my hobby, and not just partake in it for the sake of it, but if I don't want any activity/hobby in particular, I have to just... force it out. It's not that I want to sit at home, but rather I don't know what else to do, or what else would I even want. Mind you, I live in a shitty town, in a city it's sooo much better and easier.
If you hate clubs, don't go clubbing. Do you ever go to a pub with friends for a beer to watch some sporting event? Maybe just grab a drink or a bite to eat and catch up with friends?
As far as activities go, do you stay active? Do you work out? If you want to stay healthy without going to a gym, why don't you try rock climbing? Do you like sports? Are there any recreational leagues where people just play to have fun and get exercise? Just do something to get yourself out of the house.
Oh, and maybe I should mention that I think I like helping people who are in need of help, but it's a very fragile thing. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding my mind's signals, but when I see someone getting by with crippled legs, or with a walking stick due to bad sight, I just feel depressed, and would like to have the courage to walk up to them and just... I don't know, help them, but I'm afraid of coming off as someone who pities them and the fact that I'm not sure why I feel this way just makes it worse. What if it's really just pity deep inside? Once I was so fucking depressed when I didn't ask a girl if I could help her down on the stairs I was actually thinking about going back to there exactly 1 week later and wait. It was in another city. 6 hours of travelling overall. Lots of money. I was serious, and I had no hidden intentions, I really just wanted to help her without gaining anything out of it.
That's an awesome quality to have once you're actually in a relationship but TBH I really don't know how to sell that to someone.
On January 03 2014 11:26 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2014 16:27 rezoacken wrote:On January 02 2014 16:10 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I'd be happy making out with 1 chick per month atm. Averaging 1 a year... If you got your own stuff fixed (decently dressed, groomed, able to speak) it's mostly a number game after that. If you ask for a number once a year, you certainly won't get a lot of date that year. If you don't meet enough, do more activities where there are women. If it's already a part of your life, then spark conversations a bit more often with the ones around. Then when interested move in to go further, either a quick phone grab or spending a little time right there (depending on the situation). Etc. Successes require failures. Experience/skill only make successes more likely. I hate bars and my hobbies and interests involve things you do inside, aside from the beach/concerts when it's warm out. Which is maybe half the year where I live if I'm lucky, the other half I don't go outside if I don't have to because I hate being cold. I just have very very few chances to meet new people, let alone women outside of work. And that means I have very few chances to even attempt something, let alone succeeding lol. Very few friends in the area as well, again outside of work, and that doesn't help at all either. I take opportunities when they are presented to me to do stuff and just meet people, but I hate going somewhere by myself and forcing myself to talk to new people. That's just something I won't do, too awkward and introverted for that.
Take up a new hobby? I really don't know what to tell you... If your hobbies consist of playing video games, watching television and reading message boards, then you probably won't be meeting a whole lot of people. Even when you do meet people, what do you have or do that will set you apart from others? You have to bring something positive to a relationship otherwise what benefit would a girl see of being with you instead of someone else?
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On January 04 2014 02:23 SixStrings wrote:
Have done that already, but I haven't got closure.
She said something like 'duly noted', and pretty much hides from me ever since. It's been around ten weeks now, in which our only exchange was: 'Hi', 'Hey'. Once.
Her complete indifference (and frankly, rather immature evasion tactic) weirdly makes me want her that much more.
And while I can sleep with other girls, I don't feel like I could be open to a relationship while this sad infatuation is going on.
Never sleep with roommates. Ever. They should be 100% friendzoned from the moment you guys start living together and you shouldn't have any doubt about it. My roommate is smart, cute, educated, and really fucking cool but even though I've had the chance for something to happen, we both knew better and didn't think twice about it. That shit can fuck up a really good situation extremely fast.
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On January 04 2014 09:24 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On January 03 2014 11:26 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 16:27 rezoacken wrote:On January 02 2014 16:10 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I'd be happy making out with 1 chick per month atm. Averaging 1 a year... If you got your own stuff fixed (decently dressed, groomed, able to speak) it's mostly a number game after that. If you ask for a number once a year, you certainly won't get a lot of date that year. If you don't meet enough, do more activities where there are women. If it's already a part of your life, then spark conversations a bit more often with the ones around. Then when interested move in to go further, either a quick phone grab or spending a little time right there (depending on the situation). Etc. Successes require failures. Experience/skill only make successes more likely. I hate bars and my hobbies and interests involve things you do inside, aside from the beach/concerts when it's warm out. Which is maybe half the year where I live if I'm lucky, the other half I don't go outside if I don't have to because I hate being cold. I just have very very few chances to meet new people, let alone women outside of work. And that means I have very few chances to even attempt something, let alone succeeding lol. Very few friends in the area as well, again outside of work, and that doesn't help at all either. I take opportunities when they are presented to me to do stuff and just meet people, but I hate going somewhere by myself and forcing myself to talk to new people. That's just something I won't do, too awkward and introverted for that. Take up a new hobby? I really don't know what to tell you... If your hobbies consist of playing video games, watching television and reading message boards, then you probably won't be meeting a whole lot of people. Even when you do meet people, what do you have or do that will set you apart from others? You have to bring something positive to a relationship otherwise what benefit would a girl see of being with you instead of someone else?
Coming up with a new hobby isn't exactly the easiest thing and I can't think of anything that I would enjoy that would help me meet women. Obviously I do more than you said but I've actively tried to make a new hobby out of the blue. My personality and me just being me sets me apart, I don't need something super special that only I do to set me apart. Just need to find a girl who shares the same interests as me. Which is super hard since they are in the same situation I'm in.
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On January 04 2014 09:32 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2014 09:24 chadissilent wrote:On January 03 2014 11:26 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 16:27 rezoacken wrote:On January 02 2014 16:10 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I'd be happy making out with 1 chick per month atm. Averaging 1 a year... If you got your own stuff fixed (decently dressed, groomed, able to speak) it's mostly a number game after that. If you ask for a number once a year, you certainly won't get a lot of date that year. If you don't meet enough, do more activities where there are women. If it's already a part of your life, then spark conversations a bit more often with the ones around. Then when interested move in to go further, either a quick phone grab or spending a little time right there (depending on the situation). Etc. Successes require failures. Experience/skill only make successes more likely. I hate bars and my hobbies and interests involve things you do inside, aside from the beach/concerts when it's warm out. Which is maybe half the year where I live if I'm lucky, the other half I don't go outside if I don't have to because I hate being cold. I just have very very few chances to meet new people, let alone women outside of work. And that means I have very few chances to even attempt something, let alone succeeding lol. Very few friends in the area as well, again outside of work, and that doesn't help at all either. I take opportunities when they are presented to me to do stuff and just meet people, but I hate going somewhere by myself and forcing myself to talk to new people. That's just something I won't do, too awkward and introverted for that. Take up a new hobby? I really don't know what to tell you... If your hobbies consist of playing video games, watching television and reading message boards, then you probably won't be meeting a whole lot of people. Even when you do meet people, what do you have or do that will set you apart from others? You have to bring something positive to a relationship otherwise what benefit would a girl see of being with you instead of someone else? Coming up with a new hobby isn't exactly the easiest thing and I can't think of anything that I would enjoy that would help me meet women. Obviously I do more than you said but I've actively tried to make a new hobby out of the blue. My personality and me just being me sets me apart, I don't need something super special that only I do to set me apart. Just need to find a girl who shares the same interests as me. Which is super hard since they are in the same situation I'm in.
If you're perfectly happy staying inside and doing nothing, then maybe try finding someone online? Online dating, reddit, etc. You don't need something super special that only you do, but you do need to have something interesting about yourself. If you're going to be meeting people/dating, many people are seeing more than one person (or have more than one interest) at the same time. This is amplified when it comes to online dating because girls will have dozens of men messaging them and it's really hard to show off your "personality" and "you just being you" online.
Do you see the small conundrum here? You want to meet someone that likes to stay in, that doesn't really go out. How do you meet these people if neither of you ever go out? Online dating. How do you differentiate yourself from the dozens of other men that are messaging them and how do you convey your strengths (personality)?
Conversely, these quiet homebody girls also have friends who may enjoy going out. Maybe they are the shy ones you bump into at a pub and hit it off? You never know what's going to happen, so it's hard to be definitive about anything.
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On January 04 2014 10:20 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On January 04 2014 09:32 Zooper31 wrote:On January 04 2014 09:24 chadissilent wrote:On January 03 2014 11:26 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 16:27 rezoacken wrote:On January 02 2014 16:10 Zooper31 wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I'd be happy making out with 1 chick per month atm. Averaging 1 a year... If you got your own stuff fixed (decently dressed, groomed, able to speak) it's mostly a number game after that. If you ask for a number once a year, you certainly won't get a lot of date that year. If you don't meet enough, do more activities where there are women. If it's already a part of your life, then spark conversations a bit more often with the ones around. Then when interested move in to go further, either a quick phone grab or spending a little time right there (depending on the situation). Etc. Successes require failures. Experience/skill only make successes more likely. I hate bars and my hobbies and interests involve things you do inside, aside from the beach/concerts when it's warm out. Which is maybe half the year where I live if I'm lucky, the other half I don't go outside if I don't have to because I hate being cold. I just have very very few chances to meet new people, let alone women outside of work. And that means I have very few chances to even attempt something, let alone succeeding lol. Very few friends in the area as well, again outside of work, and that doesn't help at all either. I take opportunities when they are presented to me to do stuff and just meet people, but I hate going somewhere by myself and forcing myself to talk to new people. That's just something I won't do, too awkward and introverted for that. Take up a new hobby? I really don't know what to tell you... If your hobbies consist of playing video games, watching television and reading message boards, then you probably won't be meeting a whole lot of people. Even when you do meet people, what do you have or do that will set you apart from others? You have to bring something positive to a relationship otherwise what benefit would a girl see of being with you instead of someone else? Coming up with a new hobby isn't exactly the easiest thing and I can't think of anything that I would enjoy that would help me meet women. Obviously I do more than you said but I've actively tried to make a new hobby out of the blue. My personality and me just being me sets me apart, I don't need something super special that only I do to set me apart. Just need to find a girl who shares the same interests as me. Which is super hard since they are in the same situation I'm in. If you're perfectly happy staying inside and doing nothing, then maybe try finding someone online? Online dating, reddit, etc. You don't need something super special that only you do, but you do need to have something interesting about yourself. If you're going to be meeting people/dating, many people are seeing more than one person (or have more than one interest) at the same time. This is amplified when it comes to online dating because girls will have dozens of men messaging them and it's really hard to show off your "personality" and "you just being you" online. Do you see the small conundrum here? You want to meet someone that likes to stay in, that doesn't really go out. How do you meet these people if neither of you ever go out? Online dating. How do you differentiate yourself from the dozens of other men that are messaging them and how do you convey your strengths (personality)? Conversely, these quiet homebody girls also have friends who may enjoy going out. Maybe they are the shy ones you bump into at a pub and hit it off? You never know what's going to happen, so it's hard to be definitive about anything.
Online dating pretty much sucks from my experiences at least. Though the last girl I was with I met through a girl I met online. I can make people laugh, I can keep conversation but honestly theres nothing super special about me that alot of other normal guys don't have either. Aside from my unique personality obv and my opinions and tastes in things.
It's just hard to meet people and it's going to continue to be hard. Hopefully it works out and I meet another homebody girl like you described, that's pretty much my plan atm. I'd prefer to be doing things with friends but I've never had a big group of friends, usually 1-2 good ones. And since I'm done with school and in a brand new area I don't have any I'd want to actually hang around with.
I'm fine being a loner, have been my whole life. But I definitely cherish the time I'm doing things with others.
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^ And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You're happy being you and that's awesome. Eventually things will fall into place and you'll find someone. Things always work out in the end, sometimes it just takes a little longer than we'd hope.
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On January 04 2014 10:38 chadissilent wrote:
^ And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You're happy being you and that's awesome. Eventually things will fall into place and you'll find someone. Things always work out in the end, sometimes it just takes a little longer than we'd hope.
Hopefully when I'm still a young guy haha.
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You just got some of the most beautiful posts I've seen on TL and especially in this thread for a long time specifically for you, stop being such a debbie downer. :3
If you keep doing the things you've always done you'll get the same results you always got. Don't expect things to change around you when you're not willing to change yourself. You're pretty much acting like a wall here that's reflecting any kind of suggestion that might help you out. "Tried that, sucked. That other thing sucks, too." - that's not exactly a good way of bringing new people into your life.
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EPT
