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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 31 2013 23:06 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2013 08:04 Chompy wrote:
I pretty much agree with all that you said, I just think my insecurity doesn't come from the out of my league thing (because I don't feel like its this, and it's objectively not true) but it comes from the fact that I believe she likes women more than men after all, and particulary she would like to be with "the" girl which will probably never happen and she knows it.
It's weird, but I will work on myself about this insecurity. But it's hard !!
Jealousy isn't helping you, her or your relationship. If you really feel that you are not equally committed to the relationship, then that's a problem you two need to work out together. But nobody commits 8 months of their life to someone they don't have feelings for.
they do. My last girlfriend, the one I was most fond of, told me after 6 months : "sorry, it seems i'm not in love with you in the end." Some of us have trouble knowing exactly if they feel something, or if they convince themselves they do. She tried, and insisted because we got along so well, I spent the best 6 months of my life but... the end.
His doubts could be true. I was also dumped at the beginning of a relation with a bi because she went back with her ex. It happens, don't dismiss it.
So I'm sorry but his fears could be real, maybe I'm not helping, but I'm telling the truth. One thing is sure though, the less you feel "at ease" in a relationship, the more she will feel it and not be at east, too. If you love her, tell her, again and again, you could even tell her your fears, there's a good chance she'll defuse them and you'll feel much better afterwards.
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Northern Ireland26225 Posts
Just split from my gf and mother of miniBat, pretty amicable albeit I am somewhat bitter :p
I'm super fucking busy with work and other things, and have run through my compatible female acquaintances. Bar Internet dating and the bar scene where would you guys recommend as decent for meeting ladies?
This is only temporary naturally, once my band makes it big (lol) I'll be inundated with pussy
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On January 01 2014 09:25 Nouar wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2013 23:06 Acrofales wrote:On December 31 2013 08:04 Chompy wrote:
I pretty much agree with all that you said, I just think my insecurity doesn't come from the out of my league thing (because I don't feel like its this, and it's objectively not true) but it comes from the fact that I believe she likes women more than men after all, and particulary she would like to be with "the" girl which will probably never happen and she knows it.
It's weird, but I will work on myself about this insecurity. But it's hard !!
Jealousy isn't helping you, her or your relationship. If you really feel that you are not equally committed to the relationship, then that's a problem you two need to work out together. But nobody commits 8 months of their life to someone they don't have feelings for. they do. My last girlfriend, the one I was most fond of, told me after 6 months : "sorry, it seems i'm not in love with you in the end." Some of us have trouble knowing exactly if they feel something, or if they convince themselves they do. She tried, and insisted because we got along so well, I spent the best 6 months of my life but... the end. His doubts could be true. I was also dumped at the beginning of a relation with a bi because she went back with her ex. It happens, don't dismiss it. So I'm sorry but his fears could be real, maybe I'm not helping, but I'm telling the truth. One thing is sure though, the less you feel "at ease" in a relationship, the more she will feel it and not be at east, too. If you love her, tell her, again and again, you could even tell her your fears, there's a good chance she'll defuse them and you'll feel much better afterwards.
Seems similar to a friend of mine . We are in the same group in university as well as his ex . He liked her for a long time. I don't know how long exactly and they were in a relationship for like 1 year or more and then she told him that she doesn't actually love him and they broke up ... I know him and it's not like he made any dump mistakes , because he really cared about her and showed it numerous times ...
Sometimes i don't know what women are really looking for in a long term relationship . I don't think some of them really know either . To me a relationship is having fun , helping out and striving in life with your significant other...sharing each other's life .
This is not related to this case but :
With the negativity towards marriage and children nowadays , couples seem to break up for the most stupid reasons like geting bored with each other ... Thats such a weak sauce excuse it's not even funny ... "been in a 5-10-15-20 years long relationship and broke up , because they got bored with each other ..." . It's downright funny , you invest hundreds of hours in something that you will eventually get bored with , because it's so hard to find something to do together besides sex and you eventually get bored with it too . People like this seem like they were never really looking for a long term relationship in the first place . They loved each other at first , but then got bored of loving each other and broke up , because of someone's stupid mistake as an excuse .
I understand that no one is forced to love an other person , but this fake love that someone shows you at first is just wasting people's time and nerves , life in general . I get the feeling that some people can show "true love" when they get old , fat and ugly and not have the "I can get a better one mentality" , not even gonna mention the social status and the finance that play a role in love ...
off-topic:
What this leads to is you end up getting married past your tirties , you have your first child at like 35 . You are getting old tired of work and don't bother with your children as much , you kick the bucket when they are in their 20 - 30s and what does that lead for them the next generation and we complain that every next generation gets worse and worse , when its our fault or the previous generation's fault ...
Depending to much on your parents can also be bad .
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New years eve drunkenness happened... To my best friend! My best friend is a girl, have known her for like 10 years, we've never kissed and it's all platonic. Now she sleeps over every now and then, we sleep in the same bed, but still we never did anything more than spooning.
So for the story: she broke up with her boyfriend about a week ago. We went to some random new year eve party with the intention to get absolutely hammered. Which we succeeded in. At like 6am we went to bed, and I slept very nicely until she woke me up with a very violent hand job. Basically she was so shitfaced that she forgot about her breakup, and thought she was sleeping with her ex boyfriend. Was extremely awkward for a few moments, but we had to laugh very hard during breakfast :D
(The handjob wasn't very good by the way, she quite manhandled my manhandle.)
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That sounds terribly awkward Bill
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Russian Federation1016 Posts
@ MightyBill
It seems you've already won this year. I don't know the entire story, but I think in general that kind of girls make the best wifes in the end. I mean she is your best friend, you go way back together... Why not to give it a shot?
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[deleted] sorry guys, this was a dumb idea. i don't know what i'm thinking anyway.
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Don't freak out until you find out what's going on, maybe you should head over to where she lives in person? Talk it out without sounding accusatory or paranoid, it's not abnormal to wonder why you are being ignored
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On January 02 2014 05:18 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Don't freak out until you find out what's going on, maybe you should head over to where she lives in person? Talk it out without sounding accusatory or paranoid, it's not abnormal to wonder why you are being ignored
What that guy says. You could just go to her place or call one of her friend.
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Nah don't call her friends. I think you're just overreacting, just wait it out. If you keep calling her and checking up on her activities you will drive her away quicker. As has been said before, just wait it out.
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Rofl, come on he's been with her for 1.5y. After so much time, a single phone call to know where she is at is not gonna harm the relationship (phonecall that makes sense in a situation where the other is unreachable).
Nobody's suggesting to stalk her 24/7 here.
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If he has something urgent to tell her it makes sense, but calling many times just to check on her, followed by calling her friends... If someone would do that to me I would think they're overreacting, paranoid or just crazy. If it was a girlfriend doing it to me I would think she lost it, and it would be a reason for me to start doubting the relationship.
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Thanks for all the answers !
We already had conversations about my fears, and she either comforts me that she loves me and all, or she gets quiet angry because she's pissed off I still don't believe her.
After all I think the real issue is that I can't trust her, maybe because of my last relationship.. And I don't know how I will be able to overcome this !
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On December 31 2013 08:48 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 19:31 Mikau wrote:While we're discussing the lack of drive towards sex and self improvement. Do you people think masturbating too much contributes in some way? I fap like crazy normally, as in multiple times per day every day. I've tried the no fap thing a couple of times before, but I usually caved before or around the first week, thinking it's just cruel and unusual punishment  . Maybe something worth looking into (again)? And speaking of self improvement and trying and getting yourself out there: How much of a douche would I be if I ask a girl out that's been flirting with me a lot (I'm pretty sure she's into me, but I've been wrong before) that I'm not thát interested in? Granted I don't really know her (she's a cashier at a local super market). I mean she's cute and all, but she doesn't get my heart racing. It seems like a dick move to ask her out basically as an ego boost or 'just to get myself out there'. It is absolutely a dick move to use somebody else as an 'ego boost'. It's devaluing and selfish. You don't need to stop masturbating all the time, try limiting yourself to once a day or once every other day? Stop masturbating because you're bored, only do it when you really feel you need to. Stay immersed in yourself and your own interests and get more comfortable talking to people. This should make it easier for you to meet people you actually connect with, then you won't feel the need to force relationships with people for manipulative reasons. If you still feel that need, then don't act on it.
Is going out on a date with somebody you don't know and aren't sure you're into devaluing and selfish or using her? It's not like I'm planning on stringing her along for months, I just want to get myself out there more and I figure somebody who is showing signs of interest would be a good place to start. If it doesn't work out and we don't click (assuming she'd say yes) I have no intention of keeping things going.
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On January 02 2014 09:44 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On December 31 2013 08:48 DoctorHelvetica wrote:On December 28 2013 19:31 Mikau wrote:While we're discussing the lack of drive towards sex and self improvement. Do you people think masturbating too much contributes in some way? I fap like crazy normally, as in multiple times per day every day. I've tried the no fap thing a couple of times before, but I usually caved before or around the first week, thinking it's just cruel and unusual punishment . Maybe something worth looking into (again)? And speaking of self improvement and trying and getting yourself out there: How much of a douche would I be if I ask a girl out that's been flirting with me a lot (I'm pretty sure she's into me, but I've been wrong before) that I'm not thát interested in? Granted I don't really know her (she's a cashier at a local super market). I mean she's cute and all, but she doesn't get my heart racing. It seems like a dick move to ask her out basically as an ego boost or 'just to get myself out there'. It is absolutely a dick move to use somebody else as an 'ego boost'. It's devaluing and selfish. You don't need to stop masturbating all the time, try limiting yourself to once a day or once every other day? Stop masturbating because you're bored, only do it when you really feel you need to. Stay immersed in yourself and your own interests and get more comfortable talking to people. This should make it easier for you to meet people you actually connect with, then you won't feel the need to force relationships with people for manipulative reasons. If you still feel that need, then don't act on it. Is going out on a date with somebody you don't know and aren't sure you're into devaluing and selfish or using her? It's not like I'm planning on stringing her along for months, I just want to get myself out there more and I figure somebody who is showing signs of interest would be a good place to start. If it doesn't work out and we don't click (assuming she'd say yes) I have no intention of keeping things going.
That should be fine. Just be self-aware of what you're doing, maybe it'll work out for you then. I think you've come to the conclusion on your own that you're not doing anything wrong - so why not just do it?
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Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening.
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On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening.
I didn't believe you for one second, then I saw who was posting. In relation to other things, this is probably an afternoon tea for at this point.
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On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening.
Congrats but don't over do it and be a slut. Hooking up with 4 girls in one night is a bit over the top not saying this out of jealousy but over concern for your health and reputation lol.
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On January 02 2014 14:40 Tjej wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I didn't believe you for one second, then I saw who was posting. In relation to other things, this is probably an afternoon tea for at this point.
My life is basically an interesting series of events at this point, the joys of giving absolutely zero fucks anymore.
Skype conversation between myself and the friend I went with to the NYE event:
+ Show Spoiler +[7:57:11 PM] CD: and the girl's friends took her jacket
[7:57:18 PM] CD: so she wore yours home haha
[7:57:22 PM] ds: lol
[7:57:27 PM] ds: wasnt even cold so i didnt mind
[7:58:08 PM] CD: we had to walk like all the way downtown to get a cab
[7:58:20 PM] ds: but fuck man
[7:58:22 PM] ds: you get game so easily lol
[7:58:30 PM] ds: like 3-4 girls all over you in the fucking lines
[7:58:31 PM] ds: lol
[7:58:56 PM] CD: LOL
[7:59:02 PM] CD: that was hilarious
[7:59:10 PM] ds: i was even complaining to my mom about it haha
[7:59:18 PM] CD: I was making out with multiple girls
[7:59:22 PM] CD: just standing in line
[7:59:40 PM] ds: the one girl
[7:59:43 PM] ds: the first one
[7:59:43 PM] ds: lmao
[7:59:52 PM] ds: she was completely sober like then it just hit her
[7:59:54 PM] ds: and shes all over you
[8:00:08 PM] CD: we made out in the coat check line
[8:00:09 PM] CD: hahahahaha
On January 02 2014 14:44 FreedomMurder wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. Congrats but don't over do it and be a slut. Hooking up with 4 girls in one night is a bit over the top not saying this out of jealousy but over concern for your health and reputation lol.
Hooking up? Nobody said anything about hooking up with 4 girls in one night, just made out with a few to make the time in line go by faster. If you took a look at some of my previous posts in this thread, you'd understand.
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On January 02 2014 15:36 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On January 02 2014 14:40 Tjej wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. I didn't believe you for one second, then I saw who was posting. In relation to other things, this is probably an afternoon tea for at this point. My life is basically an interesting series of events at this point, the joys of giving absolutely zero fucks anymore. Skype conversation between myself and the friend I went with to the NYE event: + Show Spoiler +[7:57:11 PM] CD: and the girl's friends took her jacket
[7:57:18 PM] CD: so she wore yours home haha
[7:57:22 PM] ds: lol
[7:57:27 PM] ds: wasnt even cold so i didnt mind
[7:58:08 PM] CD: we had to walk like all the way downtown to get a cab
[7:58:20 PM] ds: but fuck man
[7:58:22 PM] ds: you get game so easily lol
[7:58:30 PM] ds: like 3-4 girls all over you in the fucking lines
[7:58:31 PM] ds: lol
[7:58:56 PM] CD: LOL
[7:59:02 PM] CD: that was hilarious
[7:59:10 PM] ds: i was even complaining to my mom about it haha
[7:59:18 PM] CD: I was making out with multiple girls
[7:59:22 PM] CD: just standing in line
[7:59:40 PM] ds: the one girl
[7:59:43 PM] ds: the first one
[7:59:43 PM] ds: lmao
[7:59:52 PM] ds: she was completely sober like then it just hit her
[7:59:54 PM] ds: and shes all over you
[8:00:08 PM] CD: we made out in the coat check line
[8:00:09 PM] CD: hahahahaha Show nested quote +On January 02 2014 14:44 FreedomMurder wrote:On January 02 2014 14:18 chadissilent wrote:
Well, it looks like I've finally got past all the bullshit with my crazy ex. Made out with 3 girls while standing in line to get into the NYE event last night, and ended up bringing home a new friend. We probably got 45 minutes of sleep last night but it was a fun evening. Congrats but don't over do it and be a slut. Hooking up with 4 girls in one night is a bit over the top not saying this out of jealousy but over concern for your health and reputation lol. Hooking up? Nobody said anything about hooking up with 4 girls in one night, just made out with a few to make the time in line go by faster. If you took a look at some of my previous posts in this thread, you'd understand.
Your reputation is at stake here man. Do you want to be known as chad the manslut?
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EPT
