EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 342
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32102 Posts
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MightyBill
93 Posts
On December 07 2013 23:25 Chaosu wrote: I disagree, do you really think sending long messages is less mature than sending no messages at all? I think in majority of cases the person sending long messages is more mature. Better at relations with girls? Maybe no, but immature? No way! Accepting that someone won't reply is mature in my opinion. The need to send long self-justifying emails is not mature. It's kind of pathetic actually. Why do you need to get validated by someone else? | ||
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Chaosu
Poland404 Posts
On December 08 2013 01:01 MightyBill wrote: Accepting that someone won't reply is mature in my opinion. The need to send long self-justifying emails is not mature. It's kind of pathetic actually. Why do you need to get validated by someone else? Well whatever is best for you, mate. I'll never agree that expecting a reply is "a need to get validated by someone else" but obviously some think otherwise. | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
Basically if someone would say "fuck off" to me, I would reply along the lines of "Well aren't you being a real charmer. At least say hi to your mom for me!". Let her be confused for a while or something, while I'm off to have fun times somewhere else. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On December 08 2013 01:33 MightyBill wrote: Well it's self-validation in the sense of: He sends a long email with the hope to get a positive feeling out of it (I mean why else would you send a long well-typed reasonable email). If you need someone else to reply to your email to get that positive feeling, I would categorize it as "seeking validation". Basically if someone would say "fuck off" to me, I would reply along the lines of "Well aren't you being a real charmer. At least say hi to your mom for me!". Let her be confused for a while or something, while I'm off to have fun times somewhere else. My main issue was that I didn't even get a "fuck off". If I did, I'm pretty sure this "long email" would not been sent, since what would've been the point of it? I have no right to nag someone for not being attracted to me, even if it's communicated in a rather harsh way. Howewer, this whole ignore-game confused the heck out of me. I knew it was a no - though I went into a denial - I just a.) didn't want to let this ship sail away b.) wanted some clarity. I can understand "Fuck off, I hate you!", but I don't understand "[nothing]". The only outcome that would've been even worse, if she made up some lies, like "it's not you, it's me" or sth. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32102 Posts
And Bill is right. Closure is some self serving stuff. Don't seek it. It's never worth it. Closure is just a closeted way to try to weasel your way back in, and in retrospect, you will realize it is kinda pathetic. Just learn to accept that when someone wants to end it (or some girl bails after a few dates like this) just stick with whatever explanation you are given, be it she stops speaking to you like this chick, I'm just not happy, cliches like it's not you, it's me. Not worth it! Closure almost never gives you what you're looking for. It just creates new questions and insecurities Save the dramatic emails telling people to get fucked for when your gf/wife of several years pulls that move. Even then, it's usually better to just say, well thank fuck I realized that now rather than sinking in some more time and money, and start moving on. | ||
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
On December 08 2013 02:32 Volband wrote: My main issue was that I didn't even get a "fuck off". If I did, I'm pretty sure this "long email" would not been sent, since what would've been the point of it? I have no right to nag someone for not being attracted to me, even if it's communicated in a rather harsh way. Howewer, this whole ignore-game confused the heck out of me. I knew it was a no - though I went into a denial - I just a.) didn't want to let this ship sail away b.) wanted some clarity. I can understand "Fuck off, I hate you!", but I don't understand "[nothing]". The only outcome that would've been even worse, if she made up some lies, like "it's not you, it's me" or sth. lol ignore game confused you, ignoring someone usually means you don't care about that person not sure why you would even pay attention to her anymore, you just move on with your life | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On December 08 2013 04:36 ROOTFayth wrote: lol ignore game confused you, ignoring someone usually means you don't care about that person not sure why you would even pay attention to her anymore, you just move on with your life If someone is ignoring you, just move on. There's not reason to attempt to figure other people out. The less you try to understand and the more you try to win over, the easier life is imo. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On December 08 2013 04:36 ROOTFayth wrote: lol ignore game confused you, ignoring someone usually means you don't care about that person not sure why you would even pay attention to her anymore, you just move on with your life I moved on, I just explain the reasons behind my actions. It confused me, because we've known each other for years. If I go on some dates with a complete stranger and then all of a sudden she ignores me, then I can completely understand that - still a dick move, if you ask me, but whatever. Howewer, the girl in my story could've easily just told me what's up, and then after a month or so we could just went back where we were before (I'm not saying I would've for 100%). Like, why destroy a non-romantic relationship just because it failed when we tried the romantic route? Especially if it was just some dates, nothing to be heart-broken over. You just don't expect such a hostile behaviour from someone like this. Dude, I even feel bad when I leave out a stranger from a conversation, so I ask him/her some questions, or try to involve him/her, because looking through someone is just plain mean. I really really have to hate someone to make them invisible to me, and even then, if I think about it, it's childish as fuck. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
On December 08 2013 04:53 docvoc wrote: If someone is ignoring you, just move on. There's not reason to attempt to figure other people out. The less you try to understand and the more you try to win over, the easier life is imo. not sure if you were being sarcastic or agreeing with me? either way with someone who you have very little history with then yes the best course of action is always to move on imho | ||
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
On December 08 2013 04:54 Volband wrote: I moved on, I just explain the reasons behind my actions. It confused me, because we've known each other for years. If I go on some dates with a complete stranger and then all of a sudden she ignores me, then I can completely understand that - still a dick move, if you ask me, but whatever. Howewer, the girl in my story could've easily just told me what's up, and then after a month or so we could just went back where we were before (I'm not saying I would've for 100%). Like, why destroy a non-romantic relationship just because it failed when we tried the romantic route? Especially if it was just some dates, nothing to be heart-broken over. You just don't expect such a hostile behaviour from someone like this. Dude, I even feel bad when I leave out a stranger from a conversation, so I ask him/her some questions, or try to involve him/her, because looking through someone is just plain mean. I really really have to hate someone to make them invisible to me, and even then, if I think about it, it's childish as fuck. "Known each other for years" as in you've been talking daily or something? or you've only known of each other's existence for years? because that would be pretty different | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On December 08 2013 06:54 ROOTFayth wrote: "Known each other for years" as in you've been talking daily or something? or you've only known of each other's existence for years? because that would be pretty different No, we didn't talk daily, on and off rather, but... I don't know, we knew a lot about each other, we've been through arguments before, and by the nature of our relationship you'd thought we might even laugh about a failed romantic attempt on our part after some time passed, but a complete shut-out was definetly unexpected. Maybe she thought she hits me up after some time (like a drunk new years eve call), then we make up like nothing happened before but fuck that. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On December 08 2013 04:54 Volband wrote: I moved on, I just explain the reasons behind my actions. It confused me, because we've known each other for years. If I go on some dates with a complete stranger and then all of a sudden she ignores me, then I can completely understand that - still a dick move, if you ask me, but whatever. Howewer, the girl in my story could've easily just told me what's up, and then after a month or so we could just went back where we were before (I'm not saying I would've for 100%). Like, why destroy a non-romantic relationship just because it failed when we tried the romantic route? Especially if it was just some dates, nothing to be heart-broken over. You just don't expect such a hostile behaviour from someone like this. Dude, I even feel bad when I leave out a stranger from a conversation, so I ask him/her some questions, or try to involve him/her, because looking through someone is just plain mean. I really really have to hate someone to make them invisible to me, and even then, if I think about it, it's childish as fuck. If it helps you in any shape or form: That post is me 6-7 years ago. It's kind of funny how people keep running into issues like that. Now I'm much happier and so are the people around me. | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
Last night I walked up to a table that 1 girl was sitting at facing away from, and a guy and a girl were standing near. I came and sat down on the far seat (think a rectangle with 4 seats) and declared I'm jacking their table because I've been walking around all night. They struck conversation up with me and then they went for drinks (as the waitress wasn't coming around) and told me ,jokingly not to leave. I smoked a cig and sipped me brew and the sitting girl came back with a beer for me. http://www.acquisio.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/success-kid.jpeg Later they declared that I should go around with them (barhopping etc) because I was local and they were not. The girls ended up being sisters and the one I wasn't talking to was super drunk and unmanageable. We decided to go to ihop but it was a fail so she asked for my number and hugged me. | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
On December 07 2013 00:30 QuanticHawk wrote: you dodged a bullet by getting out easy with someone who does the ignoring and then expecting you to mind read stuff. at the same time, you get jealous over stupid stuff, and send long winded messages to someone ignoring you like your life is some kinda dramatic movie. if you act that way, youre going to attract similarly immature people. realize that closure is something you have to come up with on your own, work on getting jealous over stupid stuff and dont be so dramatic. youll find that you get more mature people when youre more mature yourself I agree with you, but to add to this in a more simple way; everyone should just understand that many relationships can just end abruptly seemingly for no reason at all. And that is actually a good thing. It's better than a multitude of other reasons, trust. And if it does end this way, then don't try and figure it out because there is no reason, no logic, no rationale to be discovered. Any time you get into the 'war room' gameplan mode for a relationship its over. Move on; Hit the gym, improve yourself, do some new things. Besides, relationships in your teens and twenties aren't supposed to last. You're supposed to be discovering yourself and other people. Why would you want to immediately settle down before you exhausted all opportunities? | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On December 08 2013 04:54 Volband wrote: I moved on, I just explain the reasons behind my actions. It confused me, because we've known each other for years. If I go on some dates with a complete stranger and then all of a sudden she ignores me, then I can completely understand that - still a dick move, if you ask me, but whatever. Howewer, the girl in my story could've easily just told me what's up, and then after a month or so we could just went back where we were before (I'm not saying I would've for 100%). Like, why destroy a non-romantic relationship just because it failed when we tried the romantic route? Especially if it was just some dates, nothing to be heart-broken over. You just don't expect such a hostile behaviour from someone like this. Dude, I even feel bad when I leave out a stranger from a conversation, so I ask him/her some questions, or try to involve him/her, because looking through someone is just plain mean. I really really have to hate someone to make them invisible to me, and even then, if I think about it, it's childish as fuck. Take a "nothing" response as a "no" response. It's just the same thing with added cowardice for the "nothing" response. That's just how it is, nothing more nothing less, if you wrap your head around that you'll just spend less time thinking about it and think about the next opportunity instead. Bury it, make a cross over someone that isn't really your friend in the end and move on. Friends tell you when you fuck up, and stay your friends. Strangers just ignore you. | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
The girl I have a fling with (or thought I had?) were supposed to call me this past Saturday. We've been texting for a while and she stood me up once before (totally valid reason, she's a med student and she had a lot of school work), I've texted her twice since then (once she had plans for that weekend already) and then again this Tuesday, asking her what ever happened to that coffee we were supposed to grab. She said that she got stuff to do on Saturday but was free by the evening "So maybe we can hang out in the evening?" She said this the day before, Friday, and I said "Sure, call me then." But she didn't call... My thought process is that I've already initiated texting 3 times (so much that I feel like I'm nagging her), that she should know I'm interested, and thus should be the one initiating the next date. At the same time, I think that maybe she was waiting for me to call her on Saturday? A girlfriend of mine said that it's the "unwritten rule" that the guy should call the girl. But, as I said, I don't wanna nag her and come off as needy. I'm so confused. But I'm taking the advice of you guys and moving on. If she wanna hang out, she will have to call me. Not the other way around. I have something that's hers. I'm giving her two weeks, then I'll tell her at least take your goddamn stuff back. I hate this fucking game we're playing. Why can't people just be straight with each other and say what's on their mind? | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On December 10 2013 00:07 TOCHMY wrote: I hate this fucking game we're playing. Why can't people just be straight with each other and say what's on their mind? "So maybe we can hang out in the evening?" She said this the day before, Friday, and I said "Sure, call me then." Turn the bolded part into something "real" aka "Does 8 pm at my place / in front of place xyz work for you?" and make a fixed date right then and there. Done. | ||
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