EPTShe's just not that into you.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 341
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
She's just not that into you. | ||
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FreedomMurder
Canada200 Posts
On December 06 2013 09:32 Doodsmack wrote: Thanks for the good advice guys. I tend to think the slow build-up approach is superior but more difficult and I would need to work my way up to that skill level. I have actually done the kiss on the cheek thing before. The slow build-up is probably for girls that the only way to compete for them is to have that skill...because they are good looking enough that they get the most skilled guys. In my limited experience girls aren't necessarily skilled themselves, and sometimes the two of us have gone straight for a kiss as if we both had it on our mind. I actually straight up asked the girl if I should have made a move and fucked it up. She responded and said I should not really have made a move, and that she was wrong to be so forward beforehand, and after being forward she had decided we should get to know each other as friends first instead, because that's the best way to do online dating in her eyes. Not sure if she is just trying to salvage what we have left. I do think that if I had known what I was doing with escalation, it would have worked. She fucking directly insinuated immediately prior to me coming over that we were going to be cuddling in her room lol. What a fail It's not starcraft lol. This "slow build up" approach is not out of your skill level and as i said before its not something that you follow a check-list for. Just do what comes naturally to you, and you will come off as confident because these actions are what you WANT to do so you WILL be confident in them. Don't be scared of failure, its like you were setting up chances for her to be aggressive instead of being aggressive yourself. Instead of putting your arm behind her so she can lean back into your arm, just put your arm around her. Tell her she looks good or you like the way a certain piece of clothing looks on her. Its often good to be straight up with girls, I often tell girls exactly what I want/am feeling with good results. I even ask girls about sex instead of awkwardly hinting at the subject, or just going for it and getting shut down. But in the future don't ask if you should have made a move, it makes you seem immature and inexperienced. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On December 06 2013 09:58 FreedomMurder wrote: It's not starcraft lol. This "slow build up" approach is not out of your skill level and as i said before its not something that you follow a check-list for. Just do what comes naturally to you, and you will come off as confident because these actions are what you WANT to do so you WILL be confident in them. Don't be scared of failure, its like you were setting up chances for her to be aggressive instead of being aggressive yourself. Instead of putting your arm behind her so she can lean back into your arm, just put your arm around her. Tell her she looks good or you like the way a certain piece of clothing looks on her. Its often good to be straight up with girls, I often tell girls exactly what I want/am feeling with good results. I even ask girls about sex instead of awkwardly hinting at the subject, or just going for it and getting shut down. But in the future don't ask if you should have made a move, it makes you seem immature and inexperienced. But to him it felt natural to ask if he should have made a move. He doesn't even know how to make a move naturally. He didn't even realize the girl wasn't that into him. | ||
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Doodsmack
United States7224 Posts
On December 06 2013 10:07 IgnE wrote: But to him it felt natural to ask if he should have made a move. He doesn't even know how to make a move naturally. He didn't even realize the girl wasn't that into him. When a girl texts you immediately prior to you coming to her apartment saying that her bedroom is ready for you, it's very reasonable for me to assume she's interested lol. And that sort of text is what justifies asking whether I should have made a move. Normally I would not do that. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On December 06 2013 10:21 Doodsmack wrote: When a girl texts you immediately prior to you coming to her apartment saying that her bedroom is ready for you, it's very reasonable for me to assume she's interested lol. And that sort of text is what justifies asking whether I should have made a move. Normally I would not do that. Can't be too literal. The context doesn't make it that obvious. And as it turned out, you were wrong. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On December 06 2013 10:31 IgnE wrote: Can't be too literal. The context doesn't make it that obvious. And as it turned out, you were wrong. At that time it was still completely on imo. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On December 06 2013 09:32 Doodsmack wrote: 1 Thanks for the good advice guys. I tend to think the slow build-up approach is superior but more difficult and I would need to work my way up to that skill level. I have actually done the kiss on the cheek thing before. The slow build-up is probably for girls that the only way to compete for them is to have that skill...because they are good looking enough that they get the most skilled guys. In my limited experience girls aren't necessarily skilled themselves, and sometimes the two of us have gone straight for a kiss as if we both had it on our mind. 2 I actually straight up asked the girl if I should have made a move and fucked it up. She responded and said I should not really have made a move, and that she was wrong to be so forward beforehand, and after being forward she had decided we should get to know each other as friends first instead, because that's the best way to do online dating in her eyes. Not sure if she is just trying to salvage what we have left. I do think that if I had known what I was doing with escalation, it would have worked. She fucking directly insinuated immediately prior to me coming over that we were going to be cuddling in her room lol. What a fail 3 When a girl texts you immediately prior to you coming to her apartment saying that her bedroom is ready for you, it's very reasonable for me to assume she's interested lol. And that sort of text is what justifies asking whether I should have made a move. Normally I would not do that. Part1 So you admit what we talked about is a better solution but then think it's too hard for you so you won't give it a shot ? And how is it possible that you think doing small touches here and there is harder that suddenly pulling off a french kiss out of nowhere ? Why would you try not to do it ? Sure it won't be the smoothest version of it. But who cares. It's not like your version of a blunt approach would be super smooth either. Just do some of it naturally at first. You'll recognize the sign and make good transitions later. Just do what you can, even a little, it can only raises your chances for a bigger moment. Also the part about it being for beautiful girls makes no sense at all. Part2 Don't articulate that kind of problem directly to her. That's way too insecure and if I were a girl, a turn off. Just let it cool down and only think about the next time. Part3 And you were right. It was on imo. Sure she may have met you with a cold approach but who cares if you worry about that kind of things you wouldn't try stuff. And you gotta try stuff. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
So the girl I was talking about went completely 180°, from implying to sleep together to ignoring me by not answering texts/fbook messages, not picking up the phone. 4 days later she finally replied - when I was more serious, and asked her "if you want me to leave you alone, then just tell me, don't do this shit" -, and said she thought I would've figured by now that she's angry at me for almost a week. I was like wtf, but okay, let's talk about whatever I did. And She Didn't Reply Last sunday I sent her a very last message; nothing demanding, even though after 1 week of being ignored you can get quite mad, but she hasn't replied since. As for closure, I get it that it's a huge "fuck off" - I didn't dance on her relatives' graves or anything, so I couldn't possibly done anything to deserve this treatment -, especially reading Arachne's story and finding my situation there (not the same, just the manipulative and mixed signals part), I just don't get it why can't she a.) tell me straight that it just won't work out b.) come up with the "let's stay friends instead!" BS instead, since we knew each other a long time and we've been talking on and off. Funny how if I'd be succesfull with women I'd probably told her off at the third date, since she were way too mean sometimes. | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain17992 Posts
On December 06 2013 22:08 TOCHMY wrote: If a girl says that shes angry with you, probably the worst thing to say to her is "what did I do?" Well, to be fair, I think the being angry was not the main point of that story. The girl had obviously decided that "not communicating" is the same as "communicating no". Whether that's because she was angry, or had decided she just wasn't all that into him, or whatever, the main issue here was a failure of communication. It has happened to me too that a girl prefers to just not say anything, rather than sending a rejecting message. I then phoned her angrily and told her that after two weeks of no answer I got the message, but a simple "no" would have been better. She apologized and that was the end of it. To Volband: it happens, just drop it. If she doesn't want to talk to you, she doesn't want to talk to you. And yeah, if a girl is angry and you ask why, that's a surefire way to make her even more angry at you. Learn that lesson well! | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32055 Posts
On December 06 2013 18:24 Volband wrote: I am so retarded, but I'm dying for a closure, so I have to share my patheticness. /self loathe off So the girl I was talking about went completely 180°, from implying to sleep together to ignoring me by not answering texts/fbook messages, not picking up the phone. 4 days later she finally replied - when I was more serious, and asked her "if you want me to leave you alone, then just tell me, don't do this shit" -, and said she thought I would've figured by now that she's angry at me for almost a week. I was like wtf, but okay, let's talk about whatever I did. And She Didn't Reply Last sunday I sent her a very last message; nothing demanding, even though after 1 week of being ignored you can get quite mad, but she hasn't replied since. As for closure, I get it that it's a huge "fuck off" - I didn't dance on her relatives' graves or anything, so I couldn't possibly done anything to deserve this treatment -, especially reading Arachne's story and finding my situation there (not the same, just the manipulative and mixed signals part), I just don't get it why can't she a.) tell me straight that it just won't work out b.) come up with the "let's stay friends instead!" BS instead, since we knew each other a long time and we've been talking on and off. Funny how if I'd be succesfull with women I'd probably told her off at the third date, since she were way too mean sometimes. you dodged a bullet by getting out easy with someone who does the ignoring and then expecting you to mind read stuff. at the same time, you get jealous over stupid stuff, and send long winded messages to someone ignoring you like your life is some kinda dramatic movie. if you act that way, youre going to attract similarly immature people. realize that closure is something you have to come up with on your own, work on getting jealous over stupid stuff and dont be so dramatic. youll find that you get more mature people when youre more mature yourself | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
I would totally understand if this was a blind date, but we've known each other for some time now, so I didn't expected this version of a bad ending. And yeah, that long message wasn't because I was so heart-broken after 3,5 dates, but because I was too afraid of screwing up EVEN THIS. I mean, if I couldn't make this one work, how can I expect to get together with a complete stranger? Way too scary (and sad) to think about it, so I clinged there. You know, last message. very last message. Very very last message!! Overall I'm happy that this happened, it actually made me want to do stuff, and to work towards eventually getting together with someone. I'm a pretty self-destructive guy, but even after this - worst possible? - ending I remained determined to do something with myself, instead of drenching in a dark corner. That being said I still hate myself, but I guess it can't be helped. Thanks for clearing things up, guys! One last thing though: Am I allowed to fucking erase every connection (like fbook) with her and THEN get on with this getting more mature thing? 1. It annoys me every time i see her online, and having a hard time not to tell her "fuck you" 2. Why would I ever want to talk with her again? She chose this route, and ignoring even a complete stranger is considered quite rude, not to mention this then. + Show Spoiler + pretty please? | ||
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Acrofales
Spain17992 Posts
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On December 07 2013 05:33 Acrofales wrote: If erasing her as a friend on facebook will make you feel better, then go ahead. When you put it this way, I feel like I'm in a mental institution.  Then again, maybe I am!Aaaaand done! It might be pathetic, but it really felt like I was dragging a damn corpse with me along the way in the past week. | ||
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AeroGear
Canada652 Posts
I've been crawling my way back up for 3 months, and I had to start the climb all over multiple times because my ex (who did dump me) kept texting me out of the blue until I told her to stop. It most likely made her feel better, while it did nothing else for me other than refresh the pain of the loss. She's not coming back anyway, and why would you wish for someone who left you to come back, you'd never trust her again. After a while it passes, and once you feel better, you get back in the game... Even in their thirties, a lot of women dont know WTF they want in life or in their companion...A rather beautiful/painful trial and error process is to be expected. The ultimate torture, for the ultimate prize. | ||
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LongShot27
United States2084 Posts
On December 07 2013 07:01 AeroGear wrote: Relationship withdrawal and/or ambiguity is possibly the worst feeling in the world, so no you are not alone in this. Breaking contact is the only way to get back on your feet. Delete phone contact, remove from FB and any other social networking site, otherwise you're either tempted to make contact, or exposed to updates, which is the last thing you want/need to get better. I've been crawling my way back up for 3 months, and I had to start the climb all over multiple times because my ex (who did dump me) kept texting me out of the blue until I told her to stop. It most likely made her feel better, while it did nothing else for me other than refresh the pain of the loss. She's not coming back anyway, and why would you wish for someone who left you to come back, you'd never trust her again. After a while it passes, and once you feel better, you get back in the game... Even in their thirties, a lot of women dont know WTF they want in life or in their companion...A rather beautiful/painful trial and error process is to be expected. The ultimate torture, for the ultimate prize. Women are mental.....but for some reason you keep finding yourself wanting them. Life is annoying | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On December 07 2013 07:39 LongShot27 wrote: Women are mental.....but for some reason you keep finding yourself wanting them. Life is annoying Playing the victim is always an easy way out instead of taking responsibility for your own life and the choices you make. Most of the time there are two people who have no clue what they want and are "mental" involved. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32055 Posts
On December 07 2013 05:26 Volband wrote: Oh, I see... but why is it better for some girls to make us/me hate them by doing this? If she just straight out says "no", I'd get over it in some weeks, then we might start to speak again and go back to where we were before; now I'd just shout "fuck you" in her face, and burn all the bridges. I'd even mention the mixed messages thing, but it's been the topic some pages ago, so no need to talk about that again - still, pretty mean to play me like this. I actually got better from date to date, and managed to work some of my stuff (like, absolutely no jealousy, hell, I was the one who told her to call a guy friend of hers if she has nowhere to sleep that night [long story]), and swallowed - in hindsight way too - many shit from her part; and from 100% clumsy 0% confident, I went to something like 70-30, which is fucking hard if you are veeeery inconfident to begin with. I would totally understand if this was a blind date, but we've known each other for some time now, so I didn't expected this version of a bad ending. And yeah, that long message wasn't because I was so heart-broken after 3,5 dates, but because I was too afraid of screwing up EVEN THIS. I mean, if I couldn't make this one work, how can I expect to get together with a complete stranger? Way too scary (and sad) to think about it, so I clinged there. You know, last message. very last message. Very very last message!! Overall I'm happy that this happened, it actually made me want to do stuff, and to work towards eventually getting together with someone. I'm a pretty self-destructive guy, but even after this - worst possible? - ending I remained determined to do something with myself, instead of drenching in a dark corner. That being said I still hate myself, but I guess it can't be helped. Thanks for clearing things up, guys! One last thing though: Am I allowed to fucking erase every connection (like fbook) with her and THEN get on with this getting more mature thing? 1. It annoys me every time i see her online, and having a hard time not to tell her "fuck you" 2. Why would I ever want to talk with her again? She chose this route, and ignoring even a complete stranger is considered quite rude, not to mention this then. + Show Spoiler + pretty please? people are retarded in their teens/early 20s. it's not gender specific. most people get better at communicating their needs as they get older and more mature. you also learn to not invest so much after just three dates because people flake out a lot early on. | ||
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Chaosu
Poland404 Posts
On December 07 2013 00:30 QuanticHawk wrote: send long winded messages [...]. if you act that way, youre going to attract similarly immature people. I disagree, do you really think sending long messages is less mature than sending no messages at all? I think in majority of cases the person sending long messages is more mature. Better at relations with girls? Maybe no, but immature? No way! | ||
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