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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6181 Posts
December 05 2013 04:46 GMT
#6761
On December 05 2013 13:42 sam!zdat wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 13:04 Acrofales wrote:
On December 05 2013 13:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
On December 05 2013 12:39 rezoacken wrote:
On December 05 2013 12:35 Kenpachi wrote:
ahem >_>
On December 05 2013 09:11 Kenpachi wrote:
So only time im free is in 2 weeks. do i ask a girl out now for a date then or later?


Not now, in a week for the following week depending on the kind of person (busy and serious you can plan stuff in advance, party girl with a airhead forget it). State your reason why you have to wait a week before the date.


I second this. That way you're not waiting until the last minute, so she can check her schedule and get back to you with plenty of time to plan a nice date out. Two weeks in advance for a first date sounds more like scheduling a business meeting than something more romantic.

This.

Also, opium is natural. /discuss!


opium is way less dangerous than morphine or heroin...

but let's not get distracted about drugs lol

How is your situation at the moment sam?
<3
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
December 05 2013 04:57 GMT
#6762
On December 05 2013 13:46 dravernor wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 13:42 sam!zdat wrote:
On December 05 2013 13:04 Acrofales wrote:
On December 05 2013 13:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
On December 05 2013 12:39 rezoacken wrote:
On December 05 2013 12:35 Kenpachi wrote:
ahem >_>
On December 05 2013 09:11 Kenpachi wrote:
So only time im free is in 2 weeks. do i ask a girl out now for a date then or later?


Not now, in a week for the following week depending on the kind of person (busy and serious you can plan stuff in advance, party girl with a airhead forget it). State your reason why you have to wait a week before the date.


I second this. That way you're not waiting until the last minute, so she can check her schedule and get back to you with plenty of time to plan a nice date out. Two weeks in advance for a first date sounds more like scheduling a business meeting than something more romantic.

This.

Also, opium is natural. /discuss!


opium is way less dangerous than morphine or heroin...

but let's not get distracted about drugs lol

How is your situation at the moment sam?


frustration. despair. hopelessness.
shikata ga nai
LongShot27
Profile Joined May 2013
United States2084 Posts
December 05 2013 04:58 GMT
#6763
On December 05 2013 13:57 sam!zdat wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 13:46 dravernor wrote:
On December 05 2013 13:42 sam!zdat wrote:
On December 05 2013 13:04 Acrofales wrote:
On December 05 2013 13:01 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
On December 05 2013 12:39 rezoacken wrote:
On December 05 2013 12:35 Kenpachi wrote:
ahem >_>
On December 05 2013 09:11 Kenpachi wrote:
So only time im free is in 2 weeks. do i ask a girl out now for a date then or later?


Not now, in a week for the following week depending on the kind of person (busy and serious you can plan stuff in advance, party girl with a airhead forget it). State your reason why you have to wait a week before the date.


I second this. That way you're not waiting until the last minute, so she can check her schedule and get back to you with plenty of time to plan a nice date out. Two weeks in advance for a first date sounds more like scheduling a business meeting than something more romantic.

This.

Also, opium is natural. /discuss!


opium is way less dangerous than morphine or heroin...

but let's not get distracted about drugs lol

How is your situation at the moment sam?


frustration. despair. hopelessness.


Second.
If all men were created equal there would be no reason to declare it.
Arachne
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
South Africa426 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-12-05 05:53:14
December 05 2013 05:40 GMT
#6764
On December 05 2013 07:27 rezoacken wrote:

What the hell does that little gem mean ?
Show nested quote +
I think we are compatible physically




I turn her on, she turns me on



If you want changes, then you need to step in and make it clear what you want and don't like being played with.



I did. Before this while thing started again, I was pretty clear with her about what i'm expecting. She is adamant however that the second that this goes any further than friends who make out (both virgins and 26) gone coz she doesn't want to date me. Basically, the middle ground is convincing her to not worry about that and see what happens, which I think I've done (hopefully... tired of repeating that conversation)


Dude I don't want to be harsh but you need some tough love. She doesn't love you and unless a miracle probably won't. From the little you're writing (and it's obviously not the whole story) you're just being used as a boy toy to satisfy her insecurity about being alone. But it doesn't seem she even sees you as bf material.
And believe me, I know it sucks but you're just being an orbit of her life right now. I'd advise to really stop caring and try to get some action elsewhere I don't see this going anywhere fullfilling for you. And trying to have high expectations of such a relationship will crush you when she moves on.


Thanks for this. This is exactly what I was hoping for.

I won't say I wasn't having high expecations, but I was just kinda hoping a bit ^.^ .As crude as it sounds, actions action after 2 years, which is one of the reasons why i started it up again.

I think i'm going to follow my own advice, see how much fun i get out of it, + Show Spoiler +
whenever she brings up how we arent dating, and I mustnt expect it at all, my counter argument is we're both adults, we're having fun, why worry about something that hasn't happened yet (we're both 26), and I figure if i can't get her to relax about worrying about a potential relationship one will never happen
and just move on.

On a happier side note, I act differently about my body when involved with a girl, so going to use that to get fit, and more out there for the next one


Show nested quote +
neither family will approve of this, imho, which I am fine with, but she's not, tho I see that as something she could (should) grow out of, and not just for me. Until she realizes that she mustn't choose a BF for her family but for her )or both together), don't see many happy things for her


Another proof of her not caring and you caring WAY too much. You gotta start trying to be happy yourself man.


Actually, its a general trend. I really don't care if my family approves of my GF, not just her specifically. And for her (it seems) as above, not just me specifically (right now I mean)



On December 05 2013 07:33 QuanticHawk wrote:

Sitting on it would be a mistake since you won't know if you have an opportunity, and then you're going to eventually get burned in the process and feel bad when she's with other dudes. If she's not interested in the serious thing, you decide whether or not you wanna be option B.

For all you know, she could be saying 'You know this isn't dating' because you haven't brought it up.


Back before this (this year), I told her that i'm not interested in friends unless there's potential for something more, because ofthe trainwreck that happened last time. I then kinda worked my way into her friends again, and on the same night, kissed her because it was going well. She is happy right now, coz I keep on satisfying her with "lets just have fun for now", although last night she forced me to change it to "lets just have fun as friends for now" (I see no difference in this for the current predicament)

Everytime dating is brought up, she reinforces she doesnt want to date me, but again, I think we work well together from my nonexistent successful relationship experience (not saying she's the love of my life. Learnt the lesson from that last time ^.^)



On December 05 2013 09:16 sluggaslamoo wrote:
The reason is not so much self-confidence issues, but more that they want all the benefits without all the drama. She's had a bad relationship and I'm guessing she doesn't wanna deal with that shit anymore, but she still has needs.

Just relax, if you hookup fine, but don't think it means anything more than that, if you don't fine, don't get salty about it.

If you do hookup don't think it means that its because she's changed her mind about you, its because she wants someone to hookup with and that's it. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Basically
Show nested quote +
and I figure I can sit around waiting for her to change her mind and realize i'm an awesome person, since its not like the customary friendzone


Things like this, you just don't need to think about it. If you're concerned about what she thinks about you, she's probably not right for you because you will just end up with a whole lot of heartache. But if you are the kind of person that can just not give a fuck, then she is.

Most likely if things go the way they are and you aren't really friends with benefits (the sex part) and just intimate friends, it probably won't change. But you'll never know unless you give it a shot.

Anyway that's just my opinion, do whatever you wanna do.


Yeah. that first part seems pretty accurate from what i've seen .

For now, i can handle the hook ups without a problem. I think I more posted here in just thinking about "what if things go to plan, would I be happy?" (we hook up, she realizes that we've been pretty much dating for x months, and she just accepts it :D) (I can dream )



I think i'll just keep on going as is for now. Keep my eyes open for actual relationships, try get physically fit. Use this as experience for real dating since chatting 3 hours to a girl, even if its a friend, is hard for me, and hey, at least I get to do fun things (but will be careful about getting too involved, because yeah, I am fairly certain that as soon as another guy comes around, she's gone)

I really appreciate the advice. I think I needed to hear it. Thanks everyone

Sorry if I missed your post.


Update: + Show Spoiler +


Oh the things that made me actually post. When she arrived last night, she called it a date. And when we left, and we kissed, she said "dam and I told them we were just friends" tho probably reading into it a bit much

If I were a rich man, I wouldn't be here
Shauni
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
4077 Posts
December 05 2013 10:30 GMT
#6765
She sounds like such an idiotic tool with all these labels she needs to justify in front of others. Why the hell do you jump at whatever she calls you? Why you would lower yourself to kiss such a deceitful beings shoes is far beyond me. What does that make you?
I'm taking whatever coverage I can get, because frankly, I'm busy working on this million dollar deal at my job. Early retirement is a good thing brotha man. - MessengerASL
Volband
Profile Joined March 2011
Hungary6034 Posts
December 05 2013 10:33 GMT
#6766
On December 05 2013 19:30 Shauni wrote:
She sounds like such an idiotic tool with all these labels she needs to justify in front of others. Why the hell do you jump at whatever she calls you? Why you would lower yourself to kiss such a deceitful beings shoes is far beyond me. What does that make you?

Being unsuccessfull with women can make you quite desperate.
LongShot27
Profile Joined May 2013
United States2084 Posts
December 05 2013 11:41 GMT
#6767
On December 05 2013 19:33 Volband wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 19:30 Shauni wrote:
She sounds like such an idiotic tool with all these labels she needs to justify in front of others. Why the hell do you jump at whatever she calls you? Why you would lower yourself to kiss such a deceitful beings shoes is far beyond me. What does that make you?

Being unsuccessfull with women can make you quite desperate.


Preach it!
If all men were created equal there would be no reason to declare it.
kaykaykay
Profile Joined July 2012
Singapore637 Posts
December 05 2013 12:44 GMT
#6768
How do you be assertive and yet not seem like you are seeking emotional validation?
It seems all very synonymous to me.
Starve the ego, feed the soul.
Arachne
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
South Africa426 Posts
December 05 2013 15:24 GMT
#6769
On December 05 2013 19:30 Shauni wrote:
She sounds like such an idiotic tool with all these labels she needs to justify in front of others. Why the hell do you jump at whatever she calls you? Why you would lower yourself to kiss such a deceitful beings shoes is far beyond me. What does that make you?



You know, I've never really thought about it. but you're not the 1st person to say that to me, nor the 1st person to say that to me about a girl i've liked.
Which makes me realize:

I have no clue, like literally 0, of what a relationship actually is.

+ Show Spoiler +
wow, that kinda depressed me admitting that...


Thanks, I guess.
If I were a rich man, I wouldn't be here
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6181 Posts
December 05 2013 15:50 GMT
#6770
On December 06 2013 00:24 Arachne wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 19:30 Shauni wrote:
She sounds like such an idiotic tool with all these labels she needs to justify in front of others. Why the hell do you jump at whatever she calls you? Why you would lower yourself to kiss such a deceitful beings shoes is far beyond me. What does that make you?



You know, I've never really thought about it. but you're not the 1st person to say that to me, nor the 1st person to say that to me about a girl i've liked.
Which makes me realize:

I have no clue, like literally 0, of what a relationship actually is.

+ Show Spoiler +
wow, that kinda depressed me admitting that...


Thanks, I guess.

I just noticed you're from SA. Firstly, greetings fellow continent-man! Secondly, don't let this get to you too much, and Shauni doesn't have the greatest opinion of women so don't take what he says too seriously. A relationship is exactly what you make of it. There are no set rules as to what a relationship can be. The general idea is that you are committed to a person because you care about them and they are the same with you. Whether it is exclusive or not is entirely up to you and her. If she continually makes you feel shit or puts you down, treats you badly etc then you have every right to be angry and get out of that situation. Imo go out and meet a girl who will appreciate you for you.
<3
Acrofales
Profile Joined August 2010
Spain17992 Posts
December 05 2013 16:18 GMT
#6771
moenie worry nie. alles kom reg!
Arachne
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
South Africa426 Posts
December 05 2013 16:24 GMT
#6772
Lol. Greetings

Thanks. Yeah, must get out more anyways. My self-image hasnt been good for a long while and fixing that now. Just so hard to meet ppl . I don't like bars, and even the ppl I meet arent really keen to meet up there again afterwards


Dankie Acrofales.
If I were a rich man, I wouldn't be here
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32056 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-12-05 16:30:52
December 05 2013 16:28 GMT
#6773
On December 05 2013 14:40 Arachne wrote:



Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 07:33 QuanticHawk wrote:

Sitting on it would be a mistake since you won't know if you have an opportunity, and then you're going to eventually get burned in the process and feel bad when she's with other dudes. If she's not interested in the serious thing, you decide whether or not you wanna be option B.

For all you know, she could be saying 'You know this isn't dating' because you haven't brought it up.


Back before this (this year), I told her that i'm not interested in friends unless there's potential for something more, because ofthe trainwreck that happened last time. I then kinda worked my way into her friends again, and on the same night, kissed her because it was going well. She is happy right now, coz I keep on satisfying her with "lets just have fun for now", although last night she forced me to change it to "lets just have fun as friends for now" (I see no difference in this for the current predicament)

Everytime dating is brought up, she reinforces she doesnt want to date me, but again, I think we work well together from my nonexistent successful relationship experience (not saying she's the love of my life. Learnt the lesson from that last time ^.^)



So you've straight up asked before 'do you want to do this exclusively??' Because if so, and she says no, but then throws all these mixed signals at you, that's kinda fucked up.

The fact that you're a virgin, you're saying you don't have good self esteem, and you want something she's not willing to give, I'd check out of this thing because it isn't gonna end well. You wanna do what makes you happy, and it's obvious you're not gonna get it from her.
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
mRandy
Profile Joined March 2011
Sweden146 Posts
December 05 2013 16:31 GMT
#6774
So im looking for some advise on the girl im seeing right now. First off im doing this on my phone on the way home so sorry for any bad text. We started talking about 2 months ago and we started of really well the first weeks or so. After 2 weeks we started to text about 20-30 times aday and so on. We tried to meet at a time that whould fit us both, i asked the most but she always agreed with a smile. However at the day we was going to meet she went silent for about 6-8 hours and then a few hours after the time we agreed on meeting up she texted me and said she had to go the hospital. And i said "oh ofc dont worry about it. Are you alright?". To this is also good to know that she has just gotten better from some time of sickness so its all good.

And after this i tell her that i dont want to pressure her if she dosnt want to meaning the illness etc. She right away says "no i really want you to keep talking to me". So we keep on like normal only now she talks about what we should do together and this is where i was abit taken back. Its awesome she wants to do stuff but we havent met more then two times at this point. So i keep giving suggestions on when we can meet and she always says yes but same thing happena the same day we jave agreed to meet up. She goes silent the whole day and 1-2 hours sometimes more she answers and says she has been bissy, didnt see my text, out of town or says she answerd my text but it never got sent for some random reason. And i think i know whats going on at this point so i confront her about it and tell her to tell me what she wants to do, giving her a "out" if she wants it. But she says no again and tells me she really do wants to see me etc.

At this point (2 weeks ago) im pretty sure she dont want to do this anymore. And then she says for sure we will go out for a coffe this past sunday. I say okey and sunday rolls by and same thing as the last time, only this time she text me at 19:00 "oh sorry! I was studying" now im 110% sure im geting played so i tell her to just be honest (again...) and same thing she says she really want to. But now shes really short in the texts and sometime just answers with smilys...(i mean WAT)

So whats up? Im i being played or am i wrong here? If not: what should i do now? I might just be overthinking it aswell.
http://sv.twitch.tv/ulfkennethz
ComaDose
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada10357 Posts
December 05 2013 16:34 GMT
#6775
you don't have to do anything, just chill... text her if you enjoy it but i wouldn't chase someone like that.
make plans if you want to but i wouldn't expect her to show up.
BW pros training sc2 is like kiss making a dub step album.
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-12-05 17:11:12
December 05 2013 16:35 GMT
#6776
Edit: Putted the quotes in spoilers in order for my post to appear less lengthy.

On December 05 2013 14:40 Arachne wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 05 2013 07:27 rezoacken wrote:

What the hell does that little gem mean ?
I think we are compatible physically




I turn her on, she turns me on


That's a weird way of saying it lol. We're adults here, you can say you like her naked.

+ Show Spoiler +

If you want changes, then you need to step in and make it clear what you want and don't like being played with.


I did. Before this while thing started again, I was pretty clear with her about what i'm expecting. She is adamant however that the second that this goes any further than friends who make out (both virgins and 26) gone coz she doesn't want to date me. Basically, the middle ground is convincing her to not worry about that and see what happens, which I think I've done (hopefully... tired of repeating that conversation)


Ok so. Let me get this straight. Before my first response I thought you were at least sleeping together. Doesn't seem to be the case so in a sense that's even worse than I thought.
So okay that's gonna hurt. First I said she doesn't see you as bf material, now I'm gonna say she doesn't see you even as a straight male. In my opinion (take it for what it's worth) you are just being used in some very manipulative way as some sort of gay friend (+kissing apparently).

+ Show Spoiler +

Dude I don't want to be harsh but you need some tough love. She doesn't love you and unless a miracle probably won't. From the little you're writing (and it's obviously not the whole story) you're just being used as a boy toy to satisfy her insecurity about being alone. But it doesn't seem she even sees you as bf material.
And believe me, I know it sucks but you're just being an orbit of her life right now. I'd advise to really stop caring and try to get some action elsewhere I don't see this going anywhere fullfilling for you. And trying to have high expectations of such a relationship will crush you when she moves on.


Thanks for this. This is exactly what I was hoping for.

I won't say I wasn't having high expecations, but I was just kinda hoping a bit ^.^ .As crude as it sounds, actions action after 2 years, which is one of the reasons why i started it up again.

I think i'm going to follow my own advice, see how much fun i get out of it, + Show Spoiler +
whenever she brings up how we arent dating, and I mustnt expect it at all, my counter argument is we're both adults, we're having fun, why worry about something that hasn't happened yet (we're both 26), and I figure if i can't get her to relax about worrying about a potential relationship one will never happen
and just move on.


Here is my advice in new lights and it may hurt, sorry man.

Put your barriers back. Be more distanced rather than so compliant. You're not her teddy bear, you're a straight guy obviously attracted by her that is actually being torn.
It's not your fault, it's just you were not taught to keep your ground in such matters and probably thinking that as long as you keep being sympathetic and agreeing to her will she will see you as such a nice guy at one point that she'll agree to be with you. This is a holywood fantasy. I'm not saying you shouldn't be a nice person, I'm saying you should be a strong person.
+ Show Spoiler +
Here is a very schematic way of what I think:
Weak and Bad < Weak and Nice < Strong and Bad < Strong and Nice. (Weak/Strong in a psychological way)

The two in the middle is usually why some people say stuff like: "Girls prefer jerks". It just ain't true. They just prefer strong personalities. It's just more exciting. If on top of it the guy is nice... he'll walk the earth never alone.


You have to step in and say the current situation doesn't work for you and that it cannot go on. And I'd even suggest if you were my friend, and I'd know you better, that you cut her loose and start afresh.

On a happier side note, I act differently about my body when involved with a girl, so going to use that to get fit, and more out there for the next one


Yeah do some exercise, never a bad idea. Better idea is to do a sport imo (if you have time, on top of the gym). It will make you fit, give you friends, give you an interest to talk about. Might even make you meet a girl if it's a mixed gender sport (don't make your choice of sport based on that, please).


+ Show Spoiler +
neither family will approve of this, imho, which I am fine with, but she's not, tho I see that as something she could (should) grow out of, and not just for me. Until she realizes that she mustn't choose a BF for her family but for her )or both together), don't see many happy things for her

Another proof of her not caring and you caring WAY too much. You gotta start trying to be happy yourself man.


Actually, its a general trend. I really don't care if my family approves of my GF, not just her specifically. And for her (it seems) as above, not just me specifically (right now I mean)


Doesn't matter. What matter is that she said the opinion of her family matters for HER when it comes to YOU. So I stand by my opinion, it's another proof.


+ Show Spoiler +
On December 05 2013 07:33 QuanticHawk wrote:

Sitting on it would be a mistake since you won't know if you have an opportunity, and then you're going to eventually get burned in the process and feel bad when she's with other dudes. If she's not interested in the serious thing, you decide whether or not you wanna be option B.

For all you know, she could be saying 'You know this isn't dating' because you haven't brought it up.


Back before this (this year), I told her that i'm not interested in friends unless there's potential for something more, because ofthe trainwreck that happened last time. I then kinda worked my way into her friends again, and on the same night, kissed her because it was going well. She is happy right now, coz I keep on satisfying her with "lets just have fun for now", although last night she forced me to change it to "lets just have fun as friends for now" (I see no difference in this for the current predicament)

Everytime dating is brought up, she reinforces she doesnt want to date me, but again, I think we work well together from my nonexistent successful relationship experience (not saying she's the love of my life. Learnt the lesson from that last time ^.^)



It's just the same thing we're talking about since the beginning. You're her teddy bear.
And man does she sounds like such a drag. At 26 on top of it. That's the attitude of a manipulative high school girl.

+ Show Spoiler +
On December 05 2013 09:16 sluggaslamoo wrote:
The reason is not so much self-confidence issues, but more that they want all the benefits without all the drama. She's had a bad relationship and I'm guessing she doesn't wanna deal with that shit anymore, but she still has needs.

Just relax, if you hookup fine, but don't think it means anything more than that, if you don't fine, don't get salty about it.

If you do hookup don't think it means that its because she's changed her mind about you, its because she wants someone to hookup with and that's it. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Basically

and I figure I can sit around waiting for her to change her mind and realize i'm an awesome person, since its not like the customary friendzone


I disagree with this obviously. It may not be customary if people want to talk about zones, but you're certainly not in her boyfriend zone that's what I'm sure of.

My opinion.
+ Show Spoiler +

Things like this, you just don't need to think about it. If you're concerned about what she thinks about you, she's probably not right for you because you will just end up with a whole lot of heartache. But if you are the kind of person that can just not give a fuck, then she is.

Most likely if things go the way they are and you aren't really friends with benefits (the sex part) and just intimate friends, it probably won't change. But you'll never know unless you give it a shot.

Anyway that's just my opinion, do whatever you wanna do.


Yeah. that first part seems pretty accurate from what i've seen .

For now, i can handle the hook ups without a problem. I think I more posted here in just thinking about "what if things go to plan, would I be happy?" (we hook up, she realizes that we've been pretty much dating for x months, and she just accepts it :D) (I can dream )


If things were going according to your plan you probably would be happy. But your plan is just shitty and so far yields no results. How long has it been since the beginning of this story now that I think of it ?

+ Show Spoiler +
I think i'll just keep on going as is for now. Keep my eyes open for actual relationships, try get physically fit. Use this as experience for real dating since chatting 3 hours to a girl, even if its a friend, is hard for me, and hey, at least I get to do fun things (but will be careful about getting too involved, because yeah, I am fairly certain that as soon as another guy comes around, she's gone)

I really appreciate the advice. I think I needed to hear it. Thanks everyone

Sorry if I missed your post.

Update: + Show Spoiler +


Oh the things that made me actually post. When she arrived last night, she called it a date. And when we left, and we kissed, she said "dam and I told them we were just friends" tho probably reading into it a bit much



In the end it's your decision and I'm only commenting on what is available for me to read, I and others are just offering a perspective. Now let's relax and don't think I'm trying to be mean or make you depressed. In the end you can take some of what I say and leave some or take everything or take nothing, just do what rings true for you. I just want you to move away from this draining relationship. Start a sport, fix other stuff if need be, make some good bros (or see those you have), have hobbies, meet someone, go to a bar, meet someone, do online dating, meet someone. Meet someone that actually likes you and be happy.

Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32056 Posts
December 05 2013 16:42 GMT
#6777
On December 06 2013 01:31 mRandy wrote:
So im looking for some advise on the girl im seeing right now. First off im doing this on my phone on the way home so sorry for any bad text. We started talking about 2 months ago and we started of really well the first weeks or so. After 2 weeks we started to text about 20-30 times aday and so on. We tried to meet at a time that whould fit us both, i asked the most but she always agreed with a smile. However at the day we was going to meet she went silent for about 6-8 hours and then a few hours after the time we agreed on meeting up she texted me and said she had to go the hospital. And i said "oh ofc dont worry about it. Are you alright?". To this is also good to know that she has just gotten better from some time of sickness so its all good.

And after this i tell her that i dont want to pressure her if she dosnt want to meaning the illness etc. She right away says "no i really want you to keep talking to me". So we keep on like normal only now she talks about what we should do together and this is where i was abit taken back. Its awesome she wants to do stuff but we havent met more then two times at this point. So i keep giving suggestions on when we can meet and she always says yes but same thing happena the same day we jave agreed to meet up. She goes silent the whole day and 1-2 hours sometimes more she answers and says she has been bissy, didnt see my text, out of town or says she answerd my text but it never got sent for some random reason. And i think i know whats going on at this point so i confront her about it and tell her to tell me what she wants to do, giving her a "out" if she wants it. But she says no again and tells me she really do wants to see me etc.

At this point (2 weeks ago) im pretty sure she dont want to do this anymore. And then she says for sure we will go out for a coffe this past sunday. I say okey and sunday rolls by and same thing as the last time, only this time she text me at 19:00 "oh sorry! I was studying" now im 110% sure im geting played so i tell her to just be honest (again...) and same thing she says she really want to. But now shes really short in the texts and sometime just answers with smilys...(i mean WAT)

So whats up? Im i being played or am i wrong here? If not: what should i do now? I might just be overthinking it aswell.


Just ignore her. She's either too immature to reject you like an adult, or just really enjoys playing games. She obviously doesn't care a whole lot if she studies and forgets about you.
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
Arachne
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
South Africa426 Posts
December 05 2013 17:19 GMT
#6778
On December 06 2013 01:35 rezoacken wrote:


Ok so. Let me get this straight. Before my first response I thought you were at least sleeping together. Doesn't seem to be the case so in a sense that's even worse than I thought.
So okay that's gonna hurt. First I said she doesn't see you as bf material, now I'm gonna say she doesn't see you even as a straight male. In my opinion (take it for what it's worth) you are just being used in some very manipulative way as some sort of gay friend (+kissing apparently).



lol


Here is my advice in new lights and it may hurt, sorry man.

Put your barriers back. Be more distanced rather than so compliant. You're not her teddy bear, you're a straight guy obviously attracted by her that is actually being torn.
It's not your fault, it's just you were not taught to keep your ground in such matters and probably thinking that as long as you keep being sympathetic and agreeing to her will she will see you as such a nice guy at one point that she'll agree to be with you. This is a holywood fantasy. I'm not seeing you shouldn't be a nice person, I'm saying you should be a strong person.

You have to step in and say the current situation doesn't work for you and that it cannot go on. And I'd even suggest if you were my friend, and I'd know you better, that you cut her loose and start afresh.


yeah thats pretty much what i'm doing . And yeah, thats actually what my friends say too. They said it last time around and they saying it now. I'm quite a laid back guy most times, and unless something actually bothers me, i don't really speak up.

I have one thing that's "planned" with her, that looks like its falling thru, and was then going to step back a bit, for pretty much the reasons you've said. (and because of the advice given here already) I am being a bit too willing, and things arent exactly as great as I first thought. Taking a step back and looking at things ftl T.T



Doesn't matter. What matter is that she said the opinion of her family matters for HER when it comes to YOU. So I stand by my opinion, it's another proof.


fair point




It's just the same thing we're talking about since the beginning. You're her teddy bear.
And man does she sounds like such a drag. At 26 on top of it. That's the attitude of a manipulative high school girl.



not joking, literally stopped speaking to a girl on Saturday coz she was more of a manipulative high school girl than this one (and did it badly to boot)




I disagree with this obviously. It may not be customary if people want to talk about zones, but you're certainly not her boyfriend that's what I'm sure of.

My opinion.

yeah


If things were going according to your plan you probably would be happy. But your plan is just shitty and so far yields no results.


Haha. Yeah, my plans have a habit of being shitty every now and again, You should see some of my sc2 strats :D (and Tanky Bruiser Brand Top lane didnt work in LoL either ;( )


In the end it's your decision, I and others are just offering a perspective.


I appreciate it. I pretty much agree with what everyones said (to some degree or another). The reason why I posted oriiginally was that I was starting to have doubts, and to have pretty much every post (and my friends) point out its going the exact same way as 2 years ago, is kinda sad, won't lie, + Show Spoiler +
again, I don't have a lot of experience with girls. This is the first girl that i've really felt comfortable around that I have been attracted to. So the fact that I managed to get 'intimate' with her is a big thing for me, but I know that its not a big thing for her. I treasure my friends, friendships and relationships, where I am fairly certain she is just viewing this as a thing to pass the time.

however, I do tend to throw myself into things. If I say your my friend, i mean it. like I won't favour one friend over another, or play around with that schoolground bs and ignore you next week.

I also know not everyone is the same way, but its hard to realize that sometimes :/
but I suppose not unexpected. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me

Thank you for the post I might make a follow up post for an update if something unexpected happens, but for now going to be doing this

Put your barriers back. Be more distanced rather than so compliant. You're not her teddy bear, you're a straight guy obviously attracted by her that is actually being torn.


If I were a rich man, I wouldn't be here
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-12-05 17:42:35
December 05 2013 17:37 GMT
#6779
I added a more lengthy end to my post if you haven't seen, some sort of message of encouragement. And other edits.
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
December 05 2013 18:10 GMT
#6780
On December 06 2013 01:42 QuanticHawk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On December 06 2013 01:31 mRandy wrote:
So im looking for some advise on the girl im seeing right now. First off im doing this on my phone on the way home so sorry for any bad text. We started talking about 2 months ago and we started of really well the first weeks or so. After 2 weeks we started to text about 20-30 times aday and so on. We tried to meet at a time that whould fit us both, i asked the most but she always agreed with a smile. However at the day we was going to meet she went silent for about 6-8 hours and then a few hours after the time we agreed on meeting up she texted me and said she had to go the hospital. And i said "oh ofc dont worry about it. Are you alright?". To this is also good to know that she has just gotten better from some time of sickness so its all good.

And after this i tell her that i dont want to pressure her if she dosnt want to meaning the illness etc. She right away says "no i really want you to keep talking to me". So we keep on like normal only now she talks about what we should do together and this is where i was abit taken back. Its awesome she wants to do stuff but we havent met more then two times at this point. So i keep giving suggestions on when we can meet and she always says yes but same thing happena the same day we jave agreed to meet up. She goes silent the whole day and 1-2 hours sometimes more she answers and says she has been bissy, didnt see my text, out of town or says she answerd my text but it never got sent for some random reason. And i think i know whats going on at this point so i confront her about it and tell her to tell me what she wants to do, giving her a "out" if she wants it. But she says no again and tells me she really do wants to see me etc.

At this point (2 weeks ago) im pretty sure she dont want to do this anymore. And then she says for sure we will go out for a coffe this past sunday. I say okey and sunday rolls by and same thing as the last time, only this time she text me at 19:00 "oh sorry! I was studying" now im 110% sure im geting played so i tell her to just be honest (again...) and same thing she says she really want to. But now shes really short in the texts and sometime just answers with smilys...(i mean WAT)

So whats up? Im i being played or am i wrong here? If not: what should i do now? I might just be overthinking it aswell.


Just ignore her. She's either too immature to reject you like an adult, or just really enjoys playing games. She obviously doesn't care a whole lot if she studies and forgets about you.


2nd this notion. It sounds like she just enjoys the attention from the texts. If it's been a couple weeks of this then something is definitely up, if she really wanted to meet you she would have made time by now, and especially not forgotten because she was studying.

On December 06 2013 01:35 rezoacken wrote:
Show nested quote +
On a happier side note, I act differently about my body when involved with a girl, so going to use that to get fit, and more out there for the next one


Yeah do some exercise, never a bad idea. Better idea is to do a sport imo (if you have time, on top of the gym). It will make you fit, give you friends, give you an interest to talk about. Might even make you meet a girl if it's a mixed gender sport (don't make your choice of sport based on that, please).


Sports will be more of a direct social benefit, while going to the gym would be more beneficial to your body image. That being said, playing sports is a good motivational factor to start going to the gym in the first place. Regardless, head over to the TL Health and Fitness thread and we'd be happy to help guide you towards your goals!
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