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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 05 2013 02:18 dravernor wrote:
The worst part of long distance dating is the lack of massages given T_T
It's always more of a long distance pause from dating than actual dating. By mutual agreement, you're staying away from dating other people while she's gone. The expectation is that things will resume after the absence. My friend is getting married next year and the relationship thrived after his return from a distant college.
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On December 05 2013 05:10 Danglars wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2013 02:18 dravernor wrote:
The worst part of long distance dating is the lack of massages given T_T It's always more of a long distance pause from dating than actual dating. By mutual agreement, you're staying away from dating other people while she's gone. The expectation is that things will resume after the absence. My friend is getting married next year and the relationship thrived after his return from a distant college.
You are forgetting about the Skype masturbation.
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Hey. I feel kinda bad posting here, but I suppose i'm kinda looking for someone (or people) to affirm what i'm thinking right now.
Trying to get it as short as possible. Met a girl 2 years ago, had a good time, she was just out a relationship. A toxic friendship my side, my issues and her issues with her ex (continuing to this day) ended things badly.
fast forward 2 years. Met up with her, and pretty picked up exactly where we left off (the good things), Entered into a kinda light friends with benefits thing, but ended up as a surrogate boyfriend (she feeds me at the table  ... pretty sure thats not a friends with benefits thing). Which i'm fine with. I really enjoy spending time with her, I think we are compatible physically + Show Spoiler + (and she either gets turned on really easily or agrees  )
However, everytime I see her she feels the need to remind me that this isnt dating (and I remind her we're both adults here knowing whats happening). And tonight, just had this really awesome meal with her, wont say it was perfect, it wasn't. but she arrived happy to see me, and she left happy, despite what happened during the evening. I spent most of the evening affirming her as a good person who deserves good things, since I think she has some self-confidence issues (i have some evidence but not going to delve into it too deeply here), sort of made plans to meet up again, and left (we stay 30 minutes away).
And I realized that if she asked me to date her tonight, i'd be content. I know (maybe too well, never been in one) that no relationship is perfect. I know that you need to be able to balance a lot of things to make one work, and I know you need to fit mentally, physically and emotionally to make one work... but... I dunno. I just feel, like there is this amazing person waiting there, who she is most of the time, and if I stick through it, she'll realize that you know, maybe i'm not such a bad guy. And I tell myself i'm in it for the long haul, but I know I don't have patience.
I guess what i'm asking is - Do I carry on with this? its the first bit of action since her 2 years ago for me
Do I go "well it didn't work last time, and she's getting annoying telling me we're not right for each other every time she sees me"?
Do I actually considering just waiting around for a girl who's pseudo-friendzoned me while pseudo dating me, and is striking me as highly confused about what she needs, and probably not ready for a relationship right now (and when she is, it won't be me, since I'll have to be in that right spot at the time)?
+ Show Spoiler + and I kinda hate myself talking about this with all the "i"'s, "me"'s and kinda hijacking away from the current convo  , but figure I am needing some harsh truth.
+ Show Spoiler + neither family will approve of this, imho, which I am fine with, but she's not, tho I see that as something she could (should) grow out of, and not just for me. Until she realizes that she mustn't choose a BF for her family but for her )or both together), don't see many happy things for her
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Why would you feel bad posting here. The thread probably has seen it all.
What the hell does that little gem mean ?
I think we are compatible physically
I guess what i'm asking is - Do I carry on with this? its the first bit of action since her 2 years ago for me
Looks like a loosy relationship from my perspective. I just think she's leading you on as a toy while waiting for something else. If you want this to continue then yes do carry with it. Don't expect changes without changing attitude.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results" - Einstein + Vaas.
If you want changes, then you need to step in and make it clear what you want and don't like being played with.
Do I go "well it didn't work last time, and she's getting annoying telling me we're not right for each other every time she sees me"?
Unclear question. If you mean should you comfront her ? You can try.
Do I actually considering just waiting around for a girl who's pseudo-friendzoned me while pseudo dating me, and is striking me as highly confused about what she needs, and probably not ready for a relationship right now (and when she is, it won't be me, since I'll have to be in that right spot at the time)?
See first response. No.
Dude I don't want to be harsh but you need some tough love. She doesn't love you and unless a miracle probably won't. From the little you're writing (and it's obviously not the whole story) you're just being used as a boy toy to satisfy her insecurity about being alone. But it doesn't seem she even sees you as bf material.
And believe me, I know it sucks but you're just being an orbit of her life right now. I'd advise to really stop caring and try to get some action elsewhere I don't see this going anywhere fullfilling for you. And trying to have high expectations of such a relationship will crush you when she moves on.
and I kinda hate myself talking about this with all the "i"'s, "me"'s and kinda hijacking away from the current convo , but figure I am needing some harsh truth.
Last time I checked it was the purpose of the thread.
neither family will approve of this, imho, which I am fine with, but she's not, tho I see that as something she could (should) grow out of, and not just for me. Until she realizes that she mustn't choose a BF for her family but for her )or both together), don't see many happy things for her
Another proof of her not caring and you caring WAY too much. You gotta start trying to be happy yourself man.
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it means they are having hot sex
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It's a nice way of they're sexual compatible.
If you have feelings beyond wanting to stick it in her, you should bring it up. Going from fwb to dating exclusively isn't odd, nor is dating someone again down the road.
Sitting on it would be a mistake since you won't know if you have an opportunity, and then you're going to eventually get burned in the process and feel bad when she's with other dudes. If she's not interested in the serious thing, you decide whether or not you wanna be option B.
For all you know, she could be saying 'You know this isn't dating' because you haven't brought it up.
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On December 05 2013 07:32 sam!zdat wrote:
it means they are having hot sex
To me it looked like more: I have a penis she has a vagina, and it slides there nicely so I guess we're of compatible brands.
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
Dating is harder in Cologne because all these girls speak english as a second language so they dont get my subtlties but its also easier because #EUROPE. So its basically the same as Canada.
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I'm really not having a good time with women. Alot of them have this false sense of endearment that is a huge turn off..
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On December 05 2013 07:46 Kennigit wrote:
Dating is harder in Cologne because all these girls speak english as a second language so they dont get my subtlties but its also easier because #EUROPE. So its basically the same as Canada.
I've noticed a similar thing since moving to Sweden -- some of my jokes/references just go right over peoples' heads (especially the puns/linguistic witticisms/ monty python references) but it's more than made up for by the genuine interest people have for the USA (fuck if I know why...). Seriously, recently I was just chilling in a nightclub alone for a few minutes (my friends had just left) and a group of well-dressed people just randomly came up and gave me a bottle of champagne when they heard my American accent. Followed by naive questions like do I know their good friend "Joe" from Brooklyn.
Also, if I had a dollar for every time a girl has asked me if I know Snooki... well I think the VAT would feel a lot less painful. It's also refreshing to see not-completely-appalled reactions when I acrimoniously admit that she spoke at my university once.
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more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose
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On December 05 2013 07:46 Kennigit wrote:
Dating is harder in Cologne because all these girls speak english as a second language so they dont get my subtlties but its also easier because #EUROPE. So its basically the same as Canada.
Hahaha #EUROPE :D You want people with a more liberal view on the dating scene... We got it (^_^)
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So only time im free is in 2 weeks. do i ask a girl out now for a date then or later?
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On December 05 2013 06:09 Arachne wrote:Hey. I feel kinda bad posting here, but I suppose i'm kinda looking for someone (or people) to affirm what i'm thinking right now. Trying to get it as short as possible. Met a girl 2 years ago, had a good time, she was just out a relationship. A toxic friendship my side, my issues and her issues with her ex (continuing to this day) ended things badly. fast forward 2 years. Met up with her, and pretty picked up exactly where we left off (the good things), Entered into a kinda light friends with benefits thing, but ended up as a surrogate boyfriend (she feeds me at the table ... pretty sure thats not a friends with benefits thing). Which i'm fine with. I really enjoy spending time with her, I think we are compatible physically + Show Spoiler + (and she either gets turned on really easily or agrees ) and I figure I can sit around waiting for her to change her mind and realize i'm an awesome person, since its not like the customary friendzone However, everytime I see her she feels the need to remind me that this isnt dating (and I remind her we're both adults here knowing whats happening). And tonight, just had this really awesome meal with her, wont say it was perfect, it wasn't. but she arrived happy to see me, and she left happy, despite what happened during the evening. I spent most of the evening affirming her as a good person who deserves good things, since I think she has some self-confidence issues (i have some evidence but not going to delve into it too deeply here), sort of made plans to meet up again, and left (we stay 30 minutes away). And I realized that if she asked me to date her tonight, i'd be content. I know (maybe too well, never been in one) that no relationship is perfect. I know that you need to be able to balance a lot of things to make one work, and I know you need to fit mentally, physically and emotionally to make one work... but... I dunno. I just feel, like there is this amazing person waiting there, who she is most of the time, and if I stick through it, she'll realize that you know, maybe i'm not such a bad guy. And I tell myself i'm in it for the long haul, but I know I don't have patience. I guess what i'm asking is - Do I carry on with this? its the first bit of action since her 2 years ago for me Do I go "well it didn't work last time, and she's getting annoying telling me we're not right for each other every time she sees me"? Do I actually considering just waiting around for a girl who's pseudo-friendzoned me while pseudo dating me, and is striking me as highly confused about what she needs, and probably not ready for a relationship right now (and when she is, it won't be me, since I'll have to be in that right spot at the time)? + Show Spoiler + and I kinda hate myself talking about this with all the "i"'s, "me"'s and kinda hijacking away from the current convo , but figure I am needing some harsh truth. neither family will approve of this, imho, which I am fine with, but she's not, tho I see that as something she could (should) grow out of, and not just for me. Until she realizes that she mustn't choose a BF for her family but for her )or both together), don't see many happy things for her
This happens a lot in my country, we seem to have this culture of commitment phobia. I actually thought it was normal until I started meeting a lot of foreigners and them telling me this. They get into a sexual relationship, and then they want to "get serious" about it, and poof! she's gone
All I can say is this, stop thinking and just go with the flow. I find the most of the problems people have in this thread is that they over think everything.
The reason is not so much self-confidence issues, but more that they want all the benefits without all the drama. She's had a bad relationship and I'm guessing she doesn't wanna deal with that shit anymore, but she still has needs.
Just relax, if you hookup fine, but don't think it means anything more than that, if you don't fine, don't get salty about it.
If you do hookup don't think it means that its because she's changed her mind about you, its because she wants someone to hookup with and that's it. Don't get ahead of yourself. 
Just be cool, and try not too invested with her because it will make things problematic for both of you, and she will most likely freak out if you just suddenly blurt out "I love you". If you do find yourself being way too infatuated with her take a break or see someone else until things become carefree again, I don't think I've ever had or seen a friends with benefits experience end well when that happens.
Basically
and I figure I can sit around waiting for her to change her mind and realize i'm an awesome person, since its not like the customary friendzone
Things like this, you just don't need to think about it. If you're concerned about what she thinks about you, she's probably not right for you because you will just end up with a whole lot of heartache. But if you are the kind of person that can just not give a fuck, then she is.
Most likely if things go the way they are and you aren't really friends with benefits (the sex part) and just intimate friends, it probably won't change. But you'll never know unless you give it a shot.
Anyway that's just my opinion, do whatever you wanna do.
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On December 05 2013 08:09 sam!zdat wrote:
more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose
Let's just say that I was completely unsurprised when I ended up marrying a foreigner.
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On December 05 2013 09:20 xDaunt wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2013 08:09 sam!zdat wrote:
more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose Let's just say that I was completely unsurprised when I ended up marrying a foreigner.
Is she Asian?
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On December 05 2013 09:45 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2013 09:20 xDaunt wrote:On December 05 2013 08:09 sam!zdat wrote:
more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose Let's just say that I was completely unsurprised when I ended up marrying a foreigner. Is she Asian?
Chinese.
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On December 05 2013 09:48 xDaunt wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2013 09:45 IgnE wrote:On December 05 2013 09:20 xDaunt wrote:On December 05 2013 08:09 sam!zdat wrote:
more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose Let's just say that I was completely unsurprised when I ended up marrying a foreigner. Is she Asian? Chinese.
Let's just say I am completely unsurprised to hear this.
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On December 05 2013 09:53 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2013 09:48 xDaunt wrote:On December 05 2013 09:45 IgnE wrote:On December 05 2013 09:20 xDaunt wrote:On December 05 2013 08:09 sam!zdat wrote:
more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose Let's just say that I was completely unsurprised when I ended up marrying a foreigner. Is she Asian? Chinese. Let's just say I am completely unsurprised to hear this.
I'd love to hear why. If you think a mod will step on you for whatever you're about to say, PM it to me instead.
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On December 05 2013 09:48 xDaunt wrote:Show nested quote +On December 05 2013 09:45 IgnE wrote:On December 05 2013 09:20 xDaunt wrote:On December 05 2013 08:09 sam!zdat wrote:
more reasons I need to leave this fucking country. nobody here understands my jokes anyway, nothing to lose Let's just say that I was completely unsurprised when I ended up marrying a foreigner. Is she Asian? Chinese.
she probably doesn't smoke weed though
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EPT
