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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
my girlfriend of a month just broke up with me. Literally the last three girlfriends I have broke up with have called me an asshole. I have no idea what is going on in a girls mind but I am in no way whatsoever an asshole. Girls be crazy!
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On December 04 2013 10:53 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
my girlfriend of a month just broke up with me. Literally the last three girlfriends I have broke up with have called me an asshole. I have no idea what is going on in a girls mind but I am in no way whatsoever an asshole. Girls be crazy!
...they didn't give any other explanation??
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On December 04 2013 10:05 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 10:00 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say  About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone  However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted  I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know? You've been naked together but didn't have sex? I have no clue what's going on anymore and didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess I have to agree with IgnE now, she doesn't think you're doable. Not sure how that situation even happens... Wow man. Not even sure how that happens either. Naked and no sex . . .
Regarding Zooper31, r.Evo and IgnE's posts.
We were naked the first night we met. But it was a strange thing where we spent the night with a common friend - all of us naked - nothing happened (tequila will make you do strange shit, kids).
The second time, I actually proposed we shouldn't have sex myself. She thought it was sweet and instead we went on to play all sorts of sexual things (hot wax and such)... However, when I proposed we shouldn't have sex that night, I presumed, we'd have a chance in the near future... Now it's been nearly a month...
Plus, I could still use a comment about the other girl I'm going drinking with in the weekend. Would you suggest I should do anything with her?
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United States7639 Posts
Long distance can be really rough. The distance between LA and San Diego isn't all that much (120 miles) but because I don't have a car, I have to take the train (and 3 buses and a subway) to see my bf. The trip, one way, always takes about 5-6 hours. Like now, as I type this, I am sitting on the train on the way home from LA. It kinda sucks because I basically devote the whole day to traveling, and I'm exhausted when I finally arrive. I only get to see him once every couple of weeks, which is pretty hard. I get lonely very easily. And I imagine things won't get any easier when I move back home to the Bay Area and the distance becomes only traversable via plane :/
That said, I'm still happier than I've ever been before. Some things are definitely worth it. Wouldn't reccommend this for everyone though. I would say its a case by case basis, rather than a general rule of dating. There was a guy I had feelings for in my senior year of high school, with whom I went to prom with. I felt like we definitely had a connection and potential for a relationship, but as soon as I realized I was going to go to school 400 miles from him, my nope switch turned on, and that was the end of that.
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On December 04 2013 10:53 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:
my girlfriend of a month just broke up with me. Literally the last three girlfriends I have broke up with have called me an asshole. I have no idea what is going on in a girls mind but I am in no way whatsoever an asshole. Girls be crazy!
Women are mental, but look at yourself and see what you could improve on. Maybe you unconsciously put them down or something, we could all be better.
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On December 04 2013 11:04 Mentalizor wrote:
We were naked the first night we met.
So you're a nudist?
Again, it's however long you wanna go along with the games. It seems more like teasing than being conservative.
That being said, I wouldn't particularly worry if something happened with that other girl. That's the risk you run when you wanna play games rather than be straight forward. You're not exclusive. It's up to how you feel
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On December 04 2013 11:16 Kiett wrote:
Long distance can be really rough. The distance between LA and San Diego isn't all that much (120 miles) but because I don't have a car, I have to take the train (and 3 buses and a subway) to see my bf. The trip, one way, always takes about 5-6 hours. Like now, as I type this, I am sitting on the train on the way home from LA. It kinda sucks because I basically devote the whole day to traveling, and I'm exhausted when I finally arrive. I only get to see him once every couple of weeks, which is pretty hard. I get lonely very easily. And I imagine things won't get any easier when I move back home to the Bay Area and the distance becomes only traversable via plane :/
That said, I'm still happier than I've ever been before. Some things are definitely worth it. Wouldn't reccommend this for everyone though. I would say its a case by case basis, rather than a general rule of dating. There was a guy I had feelings for in my senior year of high school, with whom I went to prom with. I felt like we definitely had a connection and potential for a relationship, but as soon as I realized I was going to go to school 400 miles from him, my nope switch turned on, and that was the end of that.
yea it is definitely difficult to maintain a "medium" distance relationship just because of the exhaustion factor from travelling, it makes everyone a bit more irritable and less fun when you're tired. I dated some one recently that was about an hour and a half drive away and even that takes a bit of a toll so I can only imagine what 6 hours can do.
Long distance (airplane) should really not be attempted in my opinion, unless they are the kind of person that only have eyes for you. Eventually they will meet some one closer to them, it's only a matter of time.
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hey so ive been out of the dating game a while since a break up but im ready to jump back in. Theres this chick I have been wanting to ask how should I go about asking her out. I would just straight up do it in person but I tend to rarely if ever see her. Would it be weird just to give a call out of the blue? whats your guys opinion
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On December 04 2013 11:39 Rupyness wrote:
hey so ive been out of the dating game a while since a break up but im ready to jump back in. Theres this chick I have been wanting to ask how should I go about asking her out. I would just straight up do it in person but I tend to rarely if ever see her. Would it be weird just to give a call out of the blue? whats your guys opinion
Yes it's kinda weird. Does she even know you or showed interest ? Would you be able to meet her again normally ?
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On December 04 2013 11:04 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 10:05 IgnE wrote:On December 04 2013 10:00 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know? You've been naked together but didn't have sex? I have no clue what's going on anymore and didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess I have to agree with IgnE now, she doesn't think you're doable. Not sure how that situation even happens... Wow man. Not even sure how that happens either. Naked and no sex . . . Regarding Zooper31, r.Evo and IgnE's posts. We were naked the first night we met. But it was a strange thing where we spent the night with a common friend - all of us naked - nothing happened (tequila will make you do strange shit, kids). The second time, I actually proposed we shouldn't have sex myself. She thought it was sweet and instead we went on to play all sorts of sexual things (hot wax and such)... However, when I proposed we shouldn't have sex that night, I presumed, we'd have a chance in the near future... Now it's been nearly a month... Plus, I could still use a comment about the other girl I'm going drinking with in the weekend. Would you suggest I should do anything with her?
It's never a waste to have sex. Your error was proposing that you don't have sex.
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On December 04 2013 12:26 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 11:04 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 10:05 IgnE wrote:On December 04 2013 10:00 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know? You've been naked together but didn't have sex? I have no clue what's going on anymore and didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess I have to agree with IgnE now, she doesn't think you're doable. Not sure how that situation even happens... Wow man. Not even sure how that happens either. Naked and no sex . . . Regarding Zooper31, r.Evo and IgnE's posts. We were naked the first night we met. But it was a strange thing where we spent the night with a common friend - all of us naked - nothing happened (tequila will make you do strange shit, kids). The second time, I actually proposed we shouldn't have sex myself. She thought it was sweet and instead we went on to play all sorts of sexual things (hot wax and such)... However, when I proposed we shouldn't have sex that night, I presumed, we'd have a chance in the near future... Now it's been nearly a month... Plus, I could still use a comment about the other girl I'm going drinking with in the weekend. Would you suggest I should do anything with her? It's never a waste to have sex. Your error was proposing that you don't have sex.
Hell maybe she thinks you aren't interested because you backed down twice and said no to sex when you were both alrdy naked.
And yes do something with the other girl. You two aren't a thing yet or seems to not gonna become anything either. Why let the 2nd girl get away too lol.
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On December 04 2013 11:50 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 11:39 Rupyness wrote:
hey so ive been out of the dating game a while since a break up but im ready to jump back in. Theres this chick I have been wanting to ask how should I go about asking her out. I would just straight up do it in person but I tend to rarely if ever see her. Would it be weird just to give a call out of the blue? whats your guys opinion Yes it's kinda weird. Does she even know you or showed interest ? Would you be able to meet her again normally ?
well we worked extensively together for like 3-6 months on a work project but that was like 3 months ago. i never showed real interest back then but we did talk and hang a lot. this might be relevant background but she has never dated anyone before.
yea if i could see her id straight up ask but i dont really get the chance to see her anymore. so iono
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Netherlands6181 Posts
Okay there have been some interesting responses to the long distance relationship question. The general trend, as was pointed out to me, was that a) there was a preexisting relationship before the distance, b) the couple needed to have a defined amount of time apart and c) don't do it because it doesn't work.
My experience: my best friend dated a girl from another school while we were both boarding. He saw her once every four weeks and during holidays. Straight after school they both moved to different countries for uni and basically saw each other once or twice a year. They somehow managed to keep their relationship together for six years in this manner before moving in with each other last year. So it is definitely doable.
Next part of question: how about meeting someone online, from another country entirely, whom you will probably only meet in a year or two? Basically, how do you feel about long distance online dating? This goes against everything discussed above - no preexisting relationship (and so the couple isn't used to physical company, but have become accustomed to skype dates etc) and since there is no predefined amount of time before they meet, do you think it is possible? Logic tells me no; there are so many ways to be distracted by rl people, never having a solid plan to be together is pretty damaging to the point of a relationship in the long run, and can you ever truly know how compatible you are with said person until you have been in their physical presence?
So many cons. But if the feelings are there? Is it still silly?
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On December 04 2013 13:59 dravernor wrote:
Okay there have been some interesting responses to the long distance relationship question. The general trend, as was pointed out to me, was that a) there was a preexisting relationship before the distance, b) the couple needed to have a defined amount of time apart and c) don't do it because it doesn't work.
My experience: my best friend dated a girl from another school while we were both boarding. He saw her once every four weeks and during holidays. Straight after school they both moved to different countries for uni and basically saw each other once or twice a year. They somehow managed to keep their relationship together for six years in this manner before moving in with each other last year. So it is definitely doable.
Next part of question: how about meeting someone online, from another country entirely, whom you will probably only meet in a year or two? Basically, how do you feel about long distance online dating? This goes against everything discussed above - no preexisting relationship (and so the couple isn't used to physical company, but have become accustomed to skype dates etc) and since there is no predefined amount of time before they meet, do you think it is possible? Logic tells me no; there are so many ways to be distracted by rl people, never having a solid plan to be together is pretty damaging to the point of a relationship in the long run, and can you ever truly know how compatible you are with said person until you have been in their physical presence?
So many cons. But if the feelings are there? Is it still silly?
Possible, maybe. Probable? No. I don't know why you would want to be exclusive with a girl you've never even met in person. Just be friends, and then if the situation arises that allows you two to meet regularly physically, then consider a relationship at that point. The only reason I'd see someone doing this is if it was their only option, as it was mine when I met a girl playing Aion a few years back when I had approximately zero confidence. We were a skype couple for a month or two but with no real future we quickly got bored of just skyping eachother so often.
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It's impossible to know if you have real feelings without meeting the person in physical space. Online dating is stupid.
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On December 04 2013 04:49 Liquid`Drone wrote:
it's fine to not have sex with lots of girls. It's also fine to have sex with lots of girls. I think normally the guys who have lots of sex with different girls who they regard as conquests (and I agree you don't want to turn into one of those "keep numbers or trophies" jackasses) were often emotionally detached from the get go. I know several guys who have had lots of sex with lots of different girls who have normal healthy relationships with women, and I guess I know one guy who has had lots of sex with lots of different girls who don't have normal healthy relationships with women at all. But that guy was like that before he started having sex with lots of women.
I think mentalizor's experience sounded like a sweet evening and one that's likely to lead to them having sex in the future. No biggie that it didn't happen yet. maybe next time, or the one after that. It's actually pretty awesome to just kiss, talk and spoon.
In general some people thrive off of the feeling and others thrive off feelings. If a person likes the facility of casual sex, if they like the feelings of sex, then cool do that. If someone likes the deep emotional connection of loving sex, if they like staring deeply into another person's eyes and saying, "I love you," mid thrust, then cool do that. The issue is when the two become mixed and one person gets hurt. Then it's not as healthy. It's all situational in my opinion.
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On December 04 2013 13:22 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 12:26 IgnE wrote:On December 04 2013 11:04 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 10:05 IgnE wrote:On December 04 2013 10:00 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know? You've been naked together but didn't have sex? I have no clue what's going on anymore and didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess I have to agree with IgnE now, she doesn't think you're doable. Not sure how that situation even happens... Wow man. Not even sure how that happens either. Naked and no sex . . . Regarding Zooper31, r.Evo and IgnE's posts. We were naked the first night we met. But it was a strange thing where we spent the night with a common friend - all of us naked - nothing happened (tequila will make you do strange shit, kids). The second time, I actually proposed we shouldn't have sex myself. She thought it was sweet and instead we went on to play all sorts of sexual things (hot wax and such)... However, when I proposed we shouldn't have sex that night, I presumed, we'd have a chance in the near future... Now it's been nearly a month... Plus, I could still use a comment about the other girl I'm going drinking with in the weekend. Would you suggest I should do anything with her? It's never a waste to have sex. Your error was proposing that you don't have sex. Hell maybe she thinks you aren't interested because you backed down twice and said no to sex when you were both alrdy naked. And yes do something with the other girl. You two aren't a thing yet or seems to not gonna become anything either. Why let the 2nd girl get away too lol.
I actually kinda disagree with your advice. There isn't anything more offputting to a potential love interest than you casually seeing another girl with the intent of keeping your options open. By all means go drinking with her, but if you are really interested in the other girl, ensure that you keep this a platonic friendship.
Just my opinion.
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On December 04 2013 13:59 dravernor wrote:
Okay there have been some interesting responses to the long distance relationship question. The general trend, as was pointed out to me, was that a) there was a preexisting relationship before the distance, b) the couple needed to have a defined amount of time apart and c) don't do it because it doesn't work.
My experience: my best friend dated a girl from another school while we were both boarding. He saw her once every four weeks and during holidays. Straight after school they both moved to different countries for uni and basically saw each other once or twice a year. They somehow managed to keep their relationship together for six years in this manner before moving in with each other last year. So it is definitely doable.
Next part of question: how about meeting someone online, from another country entirely, whom you will probably only meet in a year or two? Basically, how do you feel about long distance online dating? This goes against everything discussed above - no preexisting relationship (and so the couple isn't used to physical company, but have become accustomed to skype dates etc) and since there is no predefined amount of time before they meet, do you think it is possible? Logic tells me no; there are so many ways to be distracted by rl people, never having a solid plan to be together is pretty damaging to the point of a relationship in the long run, and can you ever truly know how compatible you are with said person until you have been in their physical presence?
So many cons. But if the feelings are there? Is it still silly?
Long distance online dating blows and is probably one of the worst situation you can end up in, it's just usually a synonym of being pretty needy. Is it possible ? Yes, everything is possible. But it's definitely not advisable.
Why ? Because it's usually a matter of one geeky guy desperately clinging onto a geeky girl (or a manipulator) he has never met because he has absolutely no real opportunity elsewhere. THIS is stupid. What if she ends up being a horrible person or smell bad or more likely once you got laid you start acknowledging that in fact you don't really like her after a few weeks ? Then, it's years wasted.
Or what if she is just an entire other person than she is advertising like the Catfish movie.
On December 04 2013 14:30 IgnE wrote:
It's impossible to know if you have real feelings without meeting the person in physical space. Online dating is stupid.
No, generally speaking (not mmorpg dating), it really isn't stupid. Unless you're weird about it, it's a good way to meet people and I really advise it for very busy people. Only real problem is that you have to be smart about it, not waste too much time on it and probably have to pay some 10$/mo fee. But yes obviously you gotta meet them first before talking about feelings.
Between 2 to 5 e-mails is enough to start asking for a real date. You obviously don't want to date her by skype or whatever.
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On December 04 2013 14:30 IgnE wrote:
It's impossible to know if you have real feelings without meeting the person in physical space. Online dating is stupid.
It isn't stupid, it's tough, it requires a different way of looking at and thinking of things. It's very hard for some people to just go out and meet people. If two people find each other online then get together and it works whose to say their love isn't as legitimate as anyone else's?
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On December 04 2013 15:07 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 13:59 dravernor wrote:
Okay there have been some interesting responses to the long distance relationship question. The general trend, as was pointed out to me, was that a) there was a preexisting relationship before the distance, b) the couple needed to have a defined amount of time apart and c) don't do it because it doesn't work.
My experience: my best friend dated a girl from another school while we were both boarding. He saw her once every four weeks and during holidays. Straight after school they both moved to different countries for uni and basically saw each other once or twice a year. They somehow managed to keep their relationship together for six years in this manner before moving in with each other last year. So it is definitely doable.
Next part of question: how about meeting someone online, from another country entirely, whom you will probably only meet in a year or two? Basically, how do you feel about long distance online dating? This goes against everything discussed above - no preexisting relationship (and so the couple isn't used to physical company, but have become accustomed to skype dates etc) and since there is no predefined amount of time before they meet, do you think it is possible? Logic tells me no; there are so many ways to be distracted by rl people, never having a solid plan to be together is pretty damaging to the point of a relationship in the long run, and can you ever truly know how compatible you are with said person until you have been in their physical presence?
So many cons. But if the feelings are there? Is it still silly? Long distance online dating blows and is probably one of the worst situation you can end up in, it's just usually a synonym of being pretty needy. Is it possible ? Yes, everything is possible. But it's definitely not advisable. Why ? Because it's usually a matter of one geeky guy desperately clinging onto a geeky girl (or a manipulator) he has never met because he has absolutely no real opportunity elsewhere. THIS is stupid. What if she ends up being a horrible person or smell bad or more likely once you got laid you start acknowledging that in fact you don't really like her after a few weeks ? Then, it's years wasted. Or what if she is just an entire other person than she is advertising like the Catfish movie. Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 14:30 IgnE wrote:
It's impossible to know if you have real feelings without meeting the person in physical space. Online dating is stupid. No, generally speaking (not mmorpg dating), it really isn't stupid. Unless you're weird about it, it's a good way to meet people and I really advise it for very busy people. But yes obviously you gotta meet them first before talking about feelings. Between 2 to 5 e-mails is enough to start asking for a real date. You obviously don't want to date her by skype or whatever.
He is talking about online dating, as in, only talking and interacting online; never meeting in real life. That is stupid.
Meeting people online is a fine idea.
On December 04 2013 15:10 LongShot27 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 14:30 IgnE wrote:
It's impossible to know if you have real feelings without meeting the person in physical space. Online dating is stupid. It isn't stupid, it's tough, it requires a different way of looking at and thinking of things. It's very hard for some people to just go out and meet people. If two people find each other online then get together and it works whose to say their love isn't as legitimate as anyone else's?
Me, I am to say it isn't legitimate. You are changing the story, anyway. Meeting people online and then meeting in person is not what he is talking about. He is talking about carrying on a farce of a "relationship" entirely online. If you want to have virtual romances you might as well go play some Japanese bishojo game.
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EPT
