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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 04 2013 04:49 Liquid`Drone wrote:
it's fine to not have sex with lots of girls. It's also fine to have sex with lots of girls. I think normally the guys who have lots of sex with different girls who they regard as conquests (and I agree you don't want to turn into one of those "keep numbers or trophies" jackasses) were often emotionally detached from the get go. I know several guys who have had lots of sex with lots of different girls who have normal healthy relationships with women, and I guess I know one guy who has had lots of sex with lots of different girls who don't have normal healthy relationships with women at all. But that guy was like that before he started having sex with lots of women.
I think mentalizor's experience sounded like a sweet evening and one that's likely to lead to them having sex in the future. No biggie that it didn't happen yet. maybe next time, or the one after that. It's actually pretty awesome to just kiss, talk and spoon.
Yeah all of the people I know who have unhealthy relationships w women (or men) were like that long before they started sleeping around a lot. Generally all around douchebags.
And I agree, mentalizor, you should go out and do something fun. Minigolf, bowling, etc etc.
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On December 04 2013 04:59 Kleinmuuhg wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 04:42 QuanticHawk wrote:
'I have no experience in X, but here are my opinions about how people who do X are emotionally impacted by their choices'
If you have no experience in the matter, why exactly would anyone consider your opinion to be something other than judgy, douchy and baseless?
'Listen mechanic, I've never swapped out an engine, but this is definitely how you do it'
You really don't grasp why your comments aren't well received? Okay let me use your example: You have seen a car in an advertisement and now you say : "I am a mechanic and everyone needs to swap engines this way." I come along, as a person who has never swapped an engine that way, but have friends who talked to me about how they used that method and we have discussions on how to swap it. Also I am fairly knowledgeable in the other parts of automotive engineering. Therefore I say: "It is fine to swap the engine the way you do it, but I think there is another way of doing so and there are people who prefer that way, as it may be better for their type of cars. Swapping engines the way you suggest could have influences on the performance of the car. I do not know this for certain, it is just what I think and I have close friends whose cars have broken down." Now you start throwing monkey wrenches at me and shout: " STOP TELLING ME HOW TO CHANGE MY ENGINE." Finally understood?
I don't think you'll find many mechanics who enjoy being told that their method of engine service is ignorant of car types or long-term effects. In fact, you are only opening yourself up to negligence when you tell someone with knowledge in a field that "my friends know this other way that is probably better".
That being said, I actually think you have a point in saying that casual sex does oftentimes lead to negatively changed perspectives on how to regard partners, only your analogy is very meh. 
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On December 04 2013 03:16 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 03:07 r.Evo wrote:
Kind of funny that said buddies statement results in you being intimate with less girls which results in less emotional connections with girls. Exactly! That's nothing more than a statement from a dude jealous that he doesn't have women wanting to have casual sex from him. Decide on your own merits whether or not you enjoy that. Don't let others, esp friends, dictate that
He has a gf who he has regular sex with. I just don't feel comfortable having one night stands. I don't care if people do have them. If the girl wanted a one night stand then she should at least accep an offer of lunch or something, so i can know what i'm getting into...
EDIT: Let me clarify, both of us get girls and they say we are both attractive. We just both have no experience with girls. Apart from the summer fling and library girl i've never had an actual relationship. His last gf was 3 years ago and just recently started going out with this girl. So overall experience pool is lower than a lv2 barbarian in diabloe 2
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On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating?
She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say
About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience:
Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype.
X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype.
Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype.
Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype.
So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it
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On December 04 2013 04:03 Merany wrote:How do you guys deal with a girl that makes you feel like the dating phase is moving at a really slow pace? The setup is: met this girl through online dating. We started to talk a bit, exchanged 10 or so emails back and forth, she seemed like someone I'd like to date (cute in my book and quite clever) so I asked her for a first meet up which she accepted. We had a beer in a nice bar downtown and spent about 2-3 hours talking and both seemed to enjoy ourselves. That was a bit more than a week ago. We agreed on a second date which could not happen until last Sunday. She suggested we go to our city's aquarium which was ok and we ended up drinking a nice hot chocolate in another bar downtown. Once again, I had fun and she seemed to enjoy herself. I also started to try to flirt a bit but with very little success. I remember her mentioning she had a pain somewhere in the back, said to her jokingly that I make very good massages, to which she replayed with a smile something along the line of "clever boy, aren't you? Nice try" and then moved on. I'm still fine at that point. So yesterday, I asked her if she wants to do something this week, she replied, "yeah, why not tonight" and we agreed to watch a movie at her place. During the movie (something funny), she was clearly keeping her distances on the couch. Not too obvious but still and I'm starting to wonder what is up. End of the movie, I still have an hour left before grabbing my bus so we spend some time talking. I'm cold and I see a blanket near me, put it on us both and use that opportunity to get a lot closer to her and I'm greeted with the exact same "clever boy, aren't you". I replied "Do you blame me for trying?" and she once again closed the discussion with a "I guess it's part of the game". The only other "hint" I can remember of was her mentioning being messy with her place followed by a "I'd better warn you before…". And I left with a kiss on the cheek (which in France, is totally normal, we never hug). Sooooo…. Am I just wayyyy overthinking it? Maybe she just needs a lot of time but seriously, I'm starting to question myself at that point… I mean, she would just cut things loose if she was not interested right? Is it a good idea to just be upfront about it with her? Like call her and ask? Another important element in that story, at least in my eyes is that she a going on a one month vacation in Argentina in about a week and a half (she's going alone, sort of a challenge she set up for herself). I feel like I absolutely need to "conclude" something before she goes… Oh btw, we're both 25, so we've both had our own experiences before. I'm just really not used to that kind of super slow pace… And this post as gone way longer than I expected Any advice appreciated!
Prime example of shit-tests. The first one would have confused me more than the second (she kinda put the ball and the goal there, you just had to kick it) ---> "What, you tried to bait me first!" (and depending on the general mood you can be like "Okay, this is how it works. You make a dumb comment, I pick up on it, you laugh and then box me in the side for it. Wanna try again?")
The second one is really standard. That's a spot in which you almost always will meet a comment like that, the main reason being that you haven't been close enough before the movie. Since you haven't done anything to change that over the last couple of hours trying to get closer now represents a different frame from the one you showed so far --> frame test aka "Did he grow balls now?"
By verbalizing the issue you failed it. Just pretend it was a compliment and her way of saying "Thanks for finally doing it!" --- "Yup." *snuggle closer* - if she reacts negatively to that back way off (aka back to where it started) and do verbalize it aka "Excuse me, princess, I like being close to people I like." ... If she apologizes here/gives positive feedback it's on, if she doesn't you're out.
PS: If you wanna do something with her, do it before her final week starts or work from scratch after she comes back.
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On December 04 2013 04:03 Merany wrote:
How do you guys deal with a girl that makes you feel like the dating phase is moving at a really slow pace?
The setup is: met this girl through online dating. We started to talk a bit, exchanged 10 or so emails back and forth, she seemed like someone I'd like to date (cute in my book and quite clever) so I asked her for a first meet up which she accepted.
It went well so it doesn't matter but I personally think 10mails is a lot. No need to wait that long. 2 to 4 is enough for a first meeting in a public place.
We had a beer in a nice bar downtown and spent about 2-3 hours talking and both seemed to enjoy ourselves. That was a bit more than a week ago. We agreed on a second date which could not happen until last Sunday.
She suggested we go to our city's aquarium which was ok and we ended up drinking a nice hot chocolate in another bar downtown. Once again, I had fun and she seemed to enjoy herself. I also started to try to flirt a bit but with very little success. I remember her mentioning she had a pain somewhere in the back, said to her jokingly that I make very good massages, to which she replayed with a smile something along the line of "clever boy, aren't you? Nice try" and then moved on. I'm still fine at that point.
So yesterday, I asked her if she wants to do something this week, she replied, "yeah, why not tonight" and we agreed to watch a movie at her place. During the movie (something funny), she was clearly keeping her distances on the couch. Not too obvious but still and I'm starting to wonder what is up. End of the movie, I still have an hour left before grabbing my bus so we spend some time talking. I'm cold and I see a blanket near me, put it on us both and use that opportunity to get a lot closer to her and I'm greeted with the exact same "clever boy, aren't you". I replied "Do you blame me for trying?" and she once again closed the discussion with a "I guess it's part of the game".
The only other "hint" I can remember of was her mentioning being messy with her place followed by a "I'd better warn you before…".
And I left with a kiss on the cheek (which in France, is totally normal, we never hug).
Sooooo…. Am I just wayyyy overthinking it? Maybe she just needs a lot of time but seriously, I'm starting to question myself at that point… I mean, she would just cut things loose if she was not interested right?
Don't beat yourself on it to be honest. We all went there at some point. It's hard to really say without being you but maybe what is weird is that you just try awkwardly some stuff that just break the current mood of the situation. She might just be a slow one too, but after 3 dates I'd expect something to happen to be honest.
I'd just suggest that you keep trying but maybe try to be more flirtatious and less friendly. Tease her, make a GENUINE compliment when appropriate, make her jealous, touch her when appropriate. Select activities that requires interaction and which would raise the mood to a more playful vibe to warm things up, forget movies or cinema. Go do a sport, dancing, play pool, play bowling, shopping, ice-skating, whatever. Obviously something you think you'll both enjoy.
This should create a tons of opportunity to have a few physical contacts, teasing her about her abilities. And all that while creating an hopefully enjoying event. If you can do multiples of those it's even better.
Grab a few drinks at your/her place afterward and try to move even further.
Edit: And yeah, forgot about it. Anytime she sends you some stuff that destabilize you ("Clever boy") just reframe it as a compliment, her hitting on you etc. Like r.evo said:
-Clever boy.
-I know
-Clever boy
-Stop hitting on me
Or more naturally in french:
-T'es un malin toi.
-Merci.
-T'es malin.
-Essayes tu de me draguer ?
Obviously, resume what you were doing.
Is it a good idea to just be upfront about it with her? Like call her and ask?
Another important element in that story, at least in my eyes is that she a going on a one month vacation in Argentina in about a week and a half (she's going alone, sort of a challenge she set up for herself). I feel like I absolutely need to "conclude" something before she goes…
Well, she met you on a online DATING site and accepts your company so that's something but I'll admit it isn't good news that she is moving but it's only a month so I don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't bluntly ask her to sleep with you if that's what you're implying. She is already going out with you, the next step is just to make it seem comfortable kissing and then sleeping and talking about it won't make it so. We are not convinced by a speech to be ready to kiss or sleep with someone.
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Thanks both of you for the replies.
I'm usually comfortable with the "teasing" thing with girls, just... not in the position I was in, I guess. But I tend to learn fast, if an opportunity presents itself again (I should be able to come up with a date idea without too much trouble), I'll make sure to not miss it  I'll report back if things end up going well!
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On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it
I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone 
However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work.
Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement.
I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important).
Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun
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So this friend who I asked out and got a "maybe" from is super depressed. I really don't think she said it because she didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying no. She has a ton of schoolwork and personal stuff to stress about and I completely get that but the waiting is killing me. I'd like to just go up and pour my heart out to her but I know that won't go well. Is there anything you all would suggest to distract me. I've tried running, working out, school work but I just feel like I want to explode. Thanks in advance.
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So feel free to have a long distance relationship when one of you moves to Australia, but realize that down under it's not very likely to work out.
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On December 04 2013 04:59 Kleinmuuhg wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 04:42 QuanticHawk wrote:
'I have no experience in X, but here are my opinions about how people who do X are emotionally impacted by their choices'
If you have no experience in the matter, why exactly would anyone consider your opinion to be something other than judgy, douchy and baseless?
'Listen mechanic, I've never swapped out an engine, but this is definitely how you do it'
You really don't grasp why your comments aren't well received? Okay let me use your example: You have seen a car in an advertisement and now you say : "I am a mechanic and everyone needs to swap engines this way." I come along, as a person who has never swapped an engine that way, but have friends who talked to me about how they used that method and we have discussions on how to swap it. Also I am fairly knowledgeable in the other parts of automotive engineering. Therefore I say: "It is fine to swap the engine the way you do it, but I think there is another way of doing so and there are people who prefer that way, as it may be better for their type of cars. Swapping engines the way you suggest could have influences on the performance of the car. I do not know this for certain, it is just what I think and I have close friends whose cars have broken down." Now you start throwing monkey wrenches at me and shout: " STOP TELLING ME HOW TO CHANGE MY ENGINE." Finally understood?
The problem with your opinion is that, because you have no experience with the topic at hand, you could be missing a whole lot of variables in the situation.
Personally, I agree with Hawk; my personal experience finds your opinion to be completely off-base. In fact, having more partners/some casual encounters has actually made me much, much better at 1) simply making friends and emotional connections and 2) being in serious relationships because I've dealt with many more relationship scenarios. Of course, if you are a serial hook-up person and treat people like objects, your emotional capacity will suffer, but it's pretty immature and absurd to think that every single intimate encounter needs to be with someone that you're deeply in love with and have a long-term relationship with.
So this friend who I asked out and got a "maybe" from is super depressed. I really don't think she said it because she didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying no. She has a ton of schoolwork and personal stuff to stress about and I completely get that but the waiting is killing me. I'd like to just go up and pour my heart out to her but I know that won't go well. Is there anything you all would suggest to distract me. I've tried running, working out, school work but I just feel like I want to explode. Thanks in advance.
Move on. There are only two realistic scenarios here.
1) She doesn't like you and is just stringing you along.
2) She's not good enough at life to juggle school/stress and a relationship.
If it's either of these scenarios, you don't want to keep trying. It'll just be bad. With 1, you obviously just don't want to go down that road. With 2, unless someone in her family died or she is otherwise having some serious emotional problems, you don't want to bother with people that can't handle work/stress enough to date; these people tend to be unreliable. If she is having some serious emotional issues, then shame on you for dumping that on her as well. At this point, you need to put yourself through some mental boot camp, stop being such a star-crossed hopeless lover type, and move on.
And long distance relationships? Only worth it if
1) You have a very strong, pre-existing relationship
2) It isn't indefinitely
For instance, I have been dating my current girlfriend for well over a year and the relationship is about as strong as it could get. I am also an officer in the Navy, and I will be gone for long periods of time in the near future. That said, we're still staying together because we're in this for the long haul and we know when either 1) I'll get out and move back or 2) she'll get done with school and be able to move in with me.
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On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun
I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex...
Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirt a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions??
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On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions??
Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex.
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On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex.
Or she is just lonely and enjoys the attention but doesn't find him worthy of sex.
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On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex.
The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that.
One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now.
...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know?
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On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know?
You've been naked together but didn't have sex? I have no clue what's going on anymore and didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess I have to agree with IgnE now, she doesn't think you're doable.
Not sure how that situation even happens...
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On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirt a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions??
Exact same situation as the massage thing after she said her back hurts. You're predictable and it comes off needy.
a) Bring an answer like that in a way that makes it obvious that you understood it was bait. Kinda hard to do via text sometimes. "Oh, now that you mentioned it I obviously gotta see that =P" / "Now you're really getting desperate... So cute. <3"
b) Ignore it completely.
c) Bring it over the top. "That's amazing, I bought new sexy boxers last week! Wanna swap?"
edit @above: Being naked without sex happening is so damn easy. Happened more often to me than I'd like to admit.
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On December 04 2013 10:00 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know? You've been naked together but didn't have sex? I have no clue what's going on anymore and didn't know such a thing was possible. I guess I have to agree with IgnE now, she doesn't think you're doable. Not sure how that situation even happens...
Wow man. Not even sure how that happens either. Naked and no sex . . .
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On December 04 2013 09:55 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 09:47 Zooper31 wrote:On December 04 2013 09:45 Mentalizor wrote:On December 04 2013 08:01 Acrofales wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 04 2013 05:18 Mentalizor wrote:Show nested quote +On December 04 2013 01:59 dravernor wrote:
If she wasn't comfortable with the idea of possibly having sex with you, she would have left when her headache started. Also, 2AM is no early hour. If she wasn't interested to some degree she'd have left. So all in all, positive vibes mean she'll most likely accept a second date if you ask her on one. Keep it a casual, social situation though, so that she doesn't have to feel pressured into thinking it's a date date. Something like going to a fair or a theatre etc. If she wants to continue the interaction on a more personal level afterwards she'll let you know.
Edit: while I'm here, thoughts on long distance dating? She asked me to join her friday. She's getting a tattoo and wanted me to join her. Later that day a friend of hers is having an excibit in an art gallery where we're going together. So pretty casual, I'd say About long distance, I can only speak from personal experience: Was with a girl 7 years. Everything was perfect. She went to Australia for one semester where we broke up over Skype. X-girlfriend (the one just mentioned) was with Australian guy after coming back to Denmark - only a few months before breaking up over Skype. Good friend had a girl for 3 years. She went to Australia for 6 months where they broke up over Skype. Another friend went to USA while having a girl back home in Denmark. After 3-4 months, they broke up over Skype. So... If you're a fan of breaking up on Skype - go for it I broke up with my girlfriend when I was in Australia, but Skype didn't really exist yet, so I broke up using the telephone However, I hadn't been with her very long when I moved to Australia and we both (deep down) knew that it wouldn't work. Luckily, I also have a more positive experience with a long-distance relationship. I lived in Spain and was together with my girlfriend for 4 years before moving out here. We did the whole long-distance thing for a year, with just her vacation here of a month in the middle before I went back to Spain for a few weeks. Now she's moving out here, and we'll take it from there. Note that our relationship took a battering. It is incredibly hard to have no physical contact with her for months on end, and Skype is better than phoning, but a pretty inadequate replacement. I would say: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible, but sometimes you can't avoid being separated because of work/studies/whatever. In that case assess whether your girlfriend/boyfriend means enough to you to make it work... and whether he/she feels the same way (equally important). Regarding the girl and the real reason you posted I think it sounds great! Being there while she is in agony because she is having a needle jabbed into her body doesn't sound very casual, but if she invites you for that she clearly likes you and trusts you, which is a good thing. The art gallery opening sounds more relaxed and fun I know all of you are telling me, she's being quite obvious about staying until late at night, sleeping at my appartment and even kissing. But still... No sex... Tonight she wrote how she bought some sexy lingerie. I joke/flirt and tell her "well, now I've got to see it" and rather than just going for it - or flirty a bit, she just goes for a "Well, I'm not too sure about that"... It's not like she's rejecting me straight up at all. But she's done these small rejections several times now. Is there a risk I'm misjudging her intentions?? Or she's playing games with you and doesn't want to give in to sex yet. It's obvious she likes you if she slept in your bed while you guys kissed and spooned. That much is clear. Maybe she just wants to wait on the sex. The thing is... We've been naked together a few times before... I don't really think there's anything to hide... Unless it's about the intimicy... And we're both quite experienced, so it's not exactly "our first" or something like that. One time we spent the night together we actually agreed to not have sex since it would be a waste for us to have drunk sex without knowing if we would ever be more... And no matter what, if something was supposed to happen it would. That's nearly four weeks ago though. Man, I'd really love to get a chance with her... But I can't help but fear, she's just playing me for now. ...and on top of that, I'm most likely going out with 3 girls this saturday - one of them, I've ended up kissing/sleeping with every single time we've been drinking together... Feel like I can't win this one though... If I reject her, I'd feel stupid for rejecting sex... If I don't, I'd feel stupid for not really commiting to the other girl, you know?
Looks like a case of agreeing to a lot of her bullshit just in hopes you don't blow it. Which in the end may very well be why you blow it.
I mean obviously you should respect her boundaries but there is a point where you should state your own boundaries and if being naked with a case of blue balls isn't what you asked for then maybe you should step in a bit stronger. Lead on to where you want it to go next time.
And if it's still going nowhere just say you think she's just playing, it annoys you and don't want to continue it if its going nowhere.
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EPT
