|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 10 2013 05:09 QuanticHawk wrote:
I dunno, no contact is always the way to go, and don't have any of her shit or photos still floating around, but I usually go through a couple weeks or months of just not caring about women at all and focusing on getting drunk and doing stupid shit with friends. That and gym/sports more.
I work this out the same way and its all good until you start feeling better and suddenly run into her and realize you're not cured yet, your carapace falls apart instantly and you consider no other option but to flee. Are breakups harder to an introvert, or is it only because the loss feels greater, having fewer friends or less ease to meet new people? Overthinking truly is a blessing and a curse...
|
I remember reading once a long while back that break ups are generally more difficult for men despite the cultural stereotype that women are the emotional ones. The reason given was that women tend to have strong social networks to fall back on when a relationship ends, while men usually have fewer people they are willing to share their emotions with.
It seems reasonable that introverts would find break ups more difficult than extroverts for the same reasons.
|
The last 4-5 girls I've liked have seen me as best friends and brothers.
Now that I think about it. I just got friendzoned last night.
Long story short, it's not easy being a nice guy... honestly.
|
Try telling one of them you'd really like to fuck their brains out.
Gets you right out of the friendzone.
|
Yep, one way or the other, that's going to remove you from the friendzone. But as r.Evo(I think) said, it's better to demonstrate your intentions early on rather than resort to a flat-out line like that. So make sure you are making it clear you like them, etc. It doesn't need to be some great secret. It's not high school any more.
|
On December 10 2013 09:58 -TGO- wrote:
The last 4-5 girls I've liked have seen me as best friends and brothers.
Now that I think about it. I just got friendzoned last night.
Long story short, it's not easy being a nice guy... honestly.
When I first started typing I wrote 'Bro' but since you have yet to achieve bro status with me ill just refer to you as StarBro since that is more relatable.
StarBro I know exactly what you are talking about. The friendzone is a harsh place to live and survive in. Many-a-time men have given up escaping the friendzone and just accept that friendship is as far as they can go; however, StarBro it is hard escape the desolate hell people refer to as the 'Friendzone'.
But there is a flipside to this. is Friendship more important to you than scoring or dating these girls? Dont push it, sometimes you realize that maybe being just friends is better.
If you are having a problem letting girls know that you like them then that is a different problem entirely. Do you just talk to them and don't flirt much StarBro? Most girls pick up very little if you don't flirt with them as far as you liking them goes. Make sure they know but don't be mega obvious.
And please for the love of god don't say the "L" word when you talk to these girls. Or worse.
"I've always loved you." <---- No. Dont please.
Being the nice guy doesn't necessarily mean that you are "in". All it means is that you are nice to them and immedietly you are seen as a friend.
For instance when you first talked to these girls did you flirt at all or did you just like have a reg conversation without saying anything. Even something as simple as "you look good today" is good.
If this is not hitting the spot then perhaps you could expand or provide context to your friendzone mishaps. Perhaps starting with last night is a good way to start?
|
On December 10 2013 09:58 -TGO- wrote:
The last 4-5 girls I've liked have seen me as best friends and brothers.
Now that I think about it. I just got friendzoned last night.
Long story short, it's not easy being a nice guy... honestly.
1 flirt more
2 go after womern in your league
3 dont do random favors with the misguided notion that they will make women like you, don't put the pussy on a pedestal, don't try to go too fast, etc.
4 you are not a nice guy, you are one hot mofo. change your mentality son
If you still have a problem after this then reevaluate. It can take some self-reflection to get better e.g. maybe you dress weird and smell, maybe you seem too insecure, maybe you aren't really interesting enough, maybe you are too fat. The good news is that you can change all of that. Also, flirt straight from the start and be able to recognize when girls are flirting with you or showing interest. If a girl asks you to go somewhere with her then DO IT even if it may be inconvenient (not so that you miss an exam but you should definitely go over a WOW raid or something).
And as the other guy said, never never never tell a girl that you love her / have always loved her if you aren't even in a relationship. At best she will try to pretend that you mean it platonically but it's actually just downright weird. And while it may be funny to suggest that you tel the girls that have "friendzoned" you that you want to fuck them, I hope you realize that it's a joke.
|
hey guys. theres this girl who i would catch looking at me every time we crossed each others path on the bus so one day i sparked up a conversation with her and got her name. ran into her a couple more times and then i told myself next time i see her i would ask her out for lunch or something but i havnt ran into her. its finals week so i wont be on campus much so i doubt ill see her again until next semester. i was thinking, since i added her on facebook over thanksgiving break, to just ask her in a message or something. ask her when she is done with finals if i she would like to meet up with me for some lunch before she headed home. good idea or should i just wait until the next time i run into her?
if i do go through with this idk how i would start a conversation... i dont really socialize with people aside from close friends on facebook. oh well, ill think of something!
|
On December 10 2013 11:46 TFNxOmega wrote:
hey guys. theres this girl who i would catch looking at me every time we crossed each others path on the bus so one day i sparked up a conversation with her and got her name. ran into her a couple more times and then i told myself next time i see her i would ask her out for lunch or something but i havnt ran into her. its finals week so i wont be on campus much so i doubt ill see her again until next semester. i was thinking, since i added her on facebook over thanksgiving break, to just ask her in a message or something. ask her when she is done with finals if i she would like to meet up with me for some lunch before she headed home. good idea or should i just wait until the next time i run into her?
if i do go through with this idk how i would start a conversation... i dont really socialize with people aside from close friends on facebook. oh well, ill think of something!
In that situation I'd just use a very honest and direct approach to be honest. Since it's someone you don't seem to be able to meet very often. The only issue is that asking through a FB message is kinda weak (not saying it cant work). Would have been better to grab her number or just not wait so fricking long before acting on it.
I'd still message her rather than waiting for the next semester since I think using the free time during holiday is better and it diminishes the waiting period.
Either way, get straight to the point assuming she knows you a minimum. Don't say you love her or that you want to sleep with her obviously  Just say you like her and want to know her better and desires to meet her. That you're free at X or Y time and would really like if she could join you for A or B activity. Pick times there is a good chance you both are free and activities you both enjoy (you included !). Pick activities allowing for interaction (no movies). If date is going well plan short C and D activities as a surprise follow up.
If she says she's busy ask her when she's not busy and that you'll contact her if you are free at one of these times.
If she says no, then it's a no
If you get no response at all, see it as a no.
If she throws doubtful question at you, do not deny hitting on her, just keep your ground affirming you like her and would like to spend time with her. Remember: Honest and direct. Do not turn into that guy that says he just want to be friends at the slightest hint of resistance.
If you get a no see it like this: you know for sure and waste no more time on this one, you will have the whole winter holiday to think about something else, you'll remember to pick her phone or ask her out on the spot next time, either way you'll still have more balls than many. Remember, you can't succeed without trying.
|
On December 10 2013 10:45 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote +On December 10 2013 09:58 -TGO- wrote:
The last 4-5 girls I've liked have seen me as best friends and brothers.
Now that I think about it. I just got friendzoned last night.
Long story short, it's not easy being a nice guy... honestly. 1 flirt more 2 go after womern in your league 3 dont do random favors with the misguided notion that they will make women like you, don't put the pussy on a pedestal, don't try to go too fast, etc. 4 you are not a nice guy, you are one hot mofo. change your mentality son If you still have a problem after this then reevaluate. It can take some self-reflection to get better e.g. maybe you dress weird and smell, maybe you seem too insecure, maybe you aren't really interesting enough, maybe you are too fat. The good news is that you can change all of that. Also, flirt straight from the start and be able to recognize when girls are flirting with you or showing interest. If a girl asks you to go somewhere with her then DO IT even if it may be inconvenient (not so that you miss an exam but you should definitely go over a WOW raid or something). And as the other guy said, never never never tell a girl that you love her / have always loved her if you aren't even in a relationship. At best she will try to pretend that you mean it platonically but it's actually just downright weird. And while it may be funny to suggest that you tel the girls that have "friendzoned" you that you want to fuck them, I hope you realize that it's a joke.
Dont do any of this unless you want to end up alone and an alcoholic at 40
|
Yeah because it's a good idea to go after the prettiest woman that you see regardless of whether she likes you and then to obsess about her forever.
If you're talking about the I love you thing, I'm not saying to never say it but you can't just say it straight up. I know guys who have done that (who are also self-proclaimed nice guys) and it never goes well.
And as for the favors thing, I'm talking about buying people random crap that they don't need. Like buying jewelry for the girl that put you "in the friendzone" without her buying you anything.
And flirting isn't just AY YO BBY YOU DTF. You have to be playful and joking and funny. There's body language too.
|
On December 10 2013 12:06 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On December 10 2013 11:46 TFNxOmega wrote:
hey guys. theres this girl who i would catch looking at me every time we crossed each others path on the bus so one day i sparked up a conversation with her and got her name. ran into her a couple more times and then i told myself next time i see her i would ask her out for lunch or something but i havnt ran into her. its finals week so i wont be on campus much so i doubt ill see her again until next semester. i was thinking, since i added her on facebook over thanksgiving break, to just ask her in a message or something. ask her when she is done with finals if i she would like to meet up with me for some lunch before she headed home. good idea or should i just wait until the next time i run into her?
if i do go through with this idk how i would start a conversation... i dont really socialize with people aside from close friends on facebook. oh well, ill think of something! In that situation I'd just use a very honest and direct approach to be honest. Since it's someone you don't seem to be able to meet very often. The only issue is that asking through a FB message is kinda weak (not saying it cant work). Would have been better to grab her number or just not wait so fricking long before acting on it. I'd still message her rather than waiting for the next semester since I think using the free time during holiday is better and it diminishes the waiting period. Either way, get straight to the point assuming she knows you a minimum. Don't say you love her or that you want to sleep with her obviously Just say you like her and want to know her better and desires to meet her. That you're free at X or Y time and would really like if she could join you for A or B activity. Pick times there is a good chance you both are free and activities you both enjoy (you included !). Pick activities allowing for interaction (no movies). If date is going well plan short C and D activities as a surprise follow up. If she says she's busy ask her when she's not busy and that you'll contact her if you are free at one of these times. If she says no, then it's a no If you get no response at all, see it as a no. If she throws doubtful question at you, do not deny hitting on her, just keep your ground affirming you like her and would like to spend time with her. Remember: Honest and direct. Do not turn into that guy that says he just want to be friends at the slightest hint of resistance. If you get a no see it like this: you know for sure and waste no more time on this one, you will have the whole winter holiday to think about something else, you'll remember to pick her phone or ask her out on the spot next time, either way you'll still have more balls than many. Remember, you can't succeed without trying.
i dont really mind rejection, i got over that during my last experience with a female i liked. ill say something like "hey i find you pretty interesting, would you like to meet up for lunch whenever you arnt busy?" or should i just say i like her? i feel like that something that would sound much better in person than through a FB message lol
|
On December 10 2013 12:28 Chocolate wrote:
Yeah because it's a good idea to go after the prettiest woman that you see regardless of whether she likes you and then to obsess about her forever.
If you're talking about the I love you thing, I'm not saying to never say it but you can't just say it straight up. I know guys who have done that (who are also self-proclaimed nice guys) and it never goes well.
And as for the favors thing, I'm talking about buying people random crap that they don't need. Like buying jewelry for the girl that put you "in the friendzone" without her buying you anything.
And flirting isn't just AY YO BBY YOU DTF. You have to be playful and joking and funny. There's body language too.
ahahaha these blogs give me the best ideas sometimes, its a bad influence. I'm so texting that letter for letter next time I get someones number tho, probably not gonna work but will be funny as shit.
|
On December 10 2013 12:54 sluggaslamoo wrote:Show nested quote +On December 10 2013 12:28 Chocolate wrote:
Yeah because it's a good idea to go after the prettiest woman that you see regardless of whether she likes you and then to obsess about her forever.
If you're talking about the I love you thing, I'm not saying to never say it but you can't just say it straight up. I know guys who have done that (who are also self-proclaimed nice guys) and it never goes well.
And as for the favors thing, I'm talking about buying people random crap that they don't need. Like buying jewelry for the girl that put you "in the friendzone" without her buying you anything.
And flirting isn't just AY YO BBY YOU DTF. You have to be playful and joking and funny. There's body language too. ahahaha these blogs give me the best ideas sometimes, its a bad influence. I'm so texting that letter for letter next time I get someones number tho, probably not gonna work but will be funny as shit.
And if it does work you need to come back with details.
|
On December 10 2013 12:44 Funshines wrote:Show nested quote +On December 10 2013 12:06 rezoacken wrote:On December 10 2013 11:46 TFNxOmega wrote:
hey guys. theres this girl who i would catch looking at me every time we crossed each others path on the bus so one day i sparked up a conversation with her and got her name. ran into her a couple more times and then i told myself next time i see her i would ask her out for lunch or something but i havnt ran into her. its finals week so i wont be on campus much so i doubt ill see her again until next semester. i was thinking, since i added her on facebook over thanksgiving break, to just ask her in a message or something. ask her when she is done with finals if i she would like to meet up with me for some lunch before she headed home. good idea or should i just wait until the next time i run into her?
if i do go through with this idk how i would start a conversation... i dont really socialize with people aside from close friends on facebook. oh well, ill think of something! In that situation I'd just use a very honest and direct approach to be honest. Since it's someone you don't seem to be able to meet very often. The only issue is that asking through a FB message is kinda weak (not saying it cant work). Would have been better to grab her number or just not wait so fricking long before acting on it. I'd still message her rather than waiting for the next semester since I think using the free time during holiday is better and it diminishes the waiting period. Either way, get straight to the point assuming she knows you a minimum. Don't say you love her or that you want to sleep with her obviously Just say you like her and want to know her better and desires to meet her. That you're free at X or Y time and would really like if she could join you for A or B activity. Pick times there is a good chance you both are free and activities you both enjoy (you included !). Pick activities allowing for interaction (no movies). If date is going well plan short C and D activities as a surprise follow up. If she says she's busy ask her when she's not busy and that you'll contact her if you are free at one of these times. If she says no, then it's a no If you get no response at all, see it as a no. If she throws doubtful question at you, do not deny hitting on her, just keep your ground affirming you like her and would like to spend time with her. Remember: Honest and direct. Do not turn into that guy that says he just want to be friends at the slightest hint of resistance. If you get a no see it like this: you know for sure and waste no more time on this one, you will have the whole winter holiday to think about something else, you'll remember to pick her phone or ask her out on the spot next time, either way you'll still have more balls than many. Remember, you can't succeed without trying. i dont really mind rejection, i got over that during my last experience with a female i liked. ill say something like "hey i find you pretty interesting, would you like to meet up for lunch whenever you arnt busy?" or should i just say i like her? i feel like that something that would sound much better in person than through a FB message lol
Don't take my post words for words. If you say "interesting" instead of "like" that's alright if you feel more comfortable. As long as the general meaning stays the same. (things also varies based on what you think is right depending on how much time you have spoken to her).
As for proposing lunch and giving her the choice of when, meh.
There's a reason why I advised you to propose specific times. It allows her to make more readily a response rather than simply having to pick a time for you and having to remember herself that you want a date. You can rephrase it though: "I'd like to do A with you if you're interested, are you free day X or Y ?"
Or another solution: When are you free ? I like to do A and would like to invite you (it's a middleground, you want her schedule so that you can make plans but don't give too vague of a proposition)
Lunch is okay but I'd really have a real activity just after it. It's not that interesting by itself. Having lunch prior allows you to judge the situation in case you want to break the date early though.
Or if you want to only have something like coffee or lunch, be ready to have a real second date some days after. And in that case make this first date short like 1 to 2h and say it in advance that it will be a short one (so that she can have plan after it).
|
On December 10 2013 10:45 Chocolate wrote:2 go after womern in your league
I hate this advice. Every single woman I've ever dated has been "out of my league" when considering what society would usually dictate. I'd consider myself a 6.5-7 at best, but I've dated multiple 9+s in my life. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with how you carry yourself
|
On December 10 2013 13:25 Cainam wrote:I hate this advice. Every single woman I've ever dated has been "out of my league" when considering what society would usually dictate. I'd consider myself a 6.5-7 at best, but I've dated multiple 9+s in my life. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with how you carry yourself
Right. But if the girls that you are currently seeing don't like you and say that you're too nice it does say something about your standards. And for guys, your "league" is dictated by much more than physical attractiveness. Confidence is everything, but if you aren't confident enough to make it apparent to girls that you like them (and they aren't making is apparent to you) then perhaps you should go after some other girls.
|
On December 10 2013 10:28 WarSame wrote:
Yep, one way or the other, that's going to remove you from the friendzone. But as r.Evo(I think) said, it's better to demonstrate your intentions early on rather than resort to a flat-out line like that. So make sure you are making it clear you like them, etc. It doesn't need to be some great secret. It's not high school any more.
"Demonstrating your intentions early" is a bit of an awkward choice of words because to the average guy in that position (lots of female friends, socially alright, always gets "friendzoned") that means telling her how much you're into her. The best possible advice for that spot however is most likely just straight up learning how to physically escalate. Worst case if you have never done it before, do it mechanically and follow guides. Literally. If you want to say that you "aren't the type that touches people" then, well, enjoy them not touching you either which makes this whole girl-guy-thing kind of hard.
Basically this demonstration needs to show with actions that you're into her. Raw physical actions and not the "I buy her dinner when we meet that's showing her what's up!" kind of stuff. It's her who will try to define what your relationship exactly is, you don't need to do that.
Have fun with her, make her laugh, escalate, have sex with her and then let her worry about "making you a real couple". That plan is solid for almost all situations.
PS: You can be the most confident fucker in the world but if you don't physically escalate things it's highly unlikely something will happen between you and girl xyz.
|
On December 10 2013 13:25 Cainam wrote:I hate this advice. Every single woman I've ever dated has been "out of my league" when considering what society would usually dictate. I'd consider myself a 6.5-7 at best, but I've dated multiple 9+s in my life. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with how you carry yourself
Being confident (/carrying yourself well) is not that easy if you are not attractive. Also, I have friends who could've been the biggest assholes on the face of Earth, girls would still melt for them.
A recurring theme in this topic is "being interesting". What is interesting, exactly? I get that it's entirely subjective, but still, even if you have common interests, and you can talk about it for some time, that won't qualify you as interesting. When I read "maybe you are not interesting" I always think about someone who climbs Mount Everest one day, and goes surfing to Dubai the next day, while also funding a child's raise.
Thinking back, I was really afraid of being not interesting enough while being in a conversation, and it only went away when I felt I've crossed a threshold, and then I could just be myself, not thinking about whether it's interesting or not, what I'm saying, since we were having fun, so that gave me confidence. Does that make any sense, lol?
And what boggles my mind is when I see someone hook up with a girl, and he's not good looking, he's not funny, he's not anything, but still. Interesting is definetly not the first word that comes to your mind talking to him a little. Sure, I'm far from flawless myself, but I always thought being divisive/controversial - since I can be quite hyperactive - at least gives me a sense of uniqueness. Like, you either fucking hate me, or you think I'm awesome. That being said, I thought many things in my life that turned out to be not close to the truth at all.
|
On December 04 2013 15:59 LeeDawg wrote:
so i want advice. I've done the online dating thing for a few months since I finished school and really wanted to meet someone. I went out with a few girls, slept with a couple, but I wasn't really interested in committing to any of them. however, the website I was on matched me with a friend from work. how humorous, I thought, I'll send her an email. she didn't respond through the site, but we ended up talking more frequently. a week or two ago, she somehow got my number and began texting me, frequently. now, we work at a bar, and are both of drinking age, so all of our time together has been at said bar, since we both enjoy the alcohols. a few mutual friends have told me that she thinks i'm really nice but she doesn't know what she wants. should I try to progress things or continue to take it slow? on one hand, she obviously has some level of interest if she's going to look up my cell number, but if she's "unsure" about it and I consider her a friend, I don't want to make things weird. GAH FEMALES!!!
ok, so, update. for those of you who care, which realistically is no one but WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
sunday I worked basically a 10 hour day, for literally 0 pay. I was getting paid in free drinks. she was closing. I'm a kitchen manager, she's a waitress. now, there's some kind of annual christmas festival in town this day, it's a big fucking deal for people around here, lots of people, and we were insanely busy. now, long story short, I was stressed the fuck out big time, and left an hour and a half before close simply needing to get some space from work. I'm there literally 7 days a week, and I just wanted to go home and play DOTA, and enjoy my monday off. she texts me when we close asking me to come back and have a drink with her. I say 'I'm sorry I just can't look at that place right now, but if you want to hang out you're welcome to come over' since I live 10 minutes away. so she calls me and we have a 10 minute discussion about 'where this is going.' TL;DR of the conversation: I've "grown on her" and she doesn't want to lose the friendship, but she's looking for a boyfriend, but wants to take things slowly IF things are gonna 'happen' between us. I agree on all fronts. she asks me to come back to the bar, I refuse again because if I had to look at that place again that day I was gonna lose 100% of my shit. I'm kind of regretting this for potential relationship reasons, like she clearly wanted to see me at least a bit, but for my own sanity I just didn't want to at the time. I mean, shit was so bad sunday that I left basically in tears, and my bosses were also ready to throw their hands up in the air and quit, and I told her this, so I hope she's not going to hold it against me that I didn't want to go back, but I definitely wanted to hang out with her. I dunno man. sometimes I think 'the chase' is too much work. hopefully shit works out with her, cause I like her more than any girl I've dated in the last 3 years, but the headaches of relationships are making me miss the casual booty.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
