Dating: How's your luck? - Page 345

On December 10 2013 18:36 Volband wrote:

Being confident (/carrying yourself well) is not that easy if you are not attractive. Also, I have friends who could've been the biggest assholes on the face of Earth, girls would still melt for them.

A recurring theme in this topic is "being interesting". What is interesting, exactly? I get that it's entirely subjective, but still, even if you have common interests, and you can talk about it for some time, that won't qualify you as interesting. When I read "maybe you are not interesting" I always think about someone who climbs Mount Everest one day, and goes surfing to Dubai the next day, while also funding a child's raise.
Thinking back, I was really afraid of being not interesting enough while being in a conversation, and it only went away when I felt I've crossed a threshold, and then I could just be myself, not thinking about whether it's interesting or not, what I'm saying, since we were having fun, so that gave me confidence. Does that make any sense, lol?

And what boggles my mind is when I see someone hook up with a girl, and he's not good looking, he's not funny, he's not anything, but still. Interesting is definetly not the first word that comes to your mind talking to him a little. Sure, I'm far from flawless myself, but I always thought being divisive/controversial - since I can be quite hyperactive - at least gives me a sense of uniqueness. Like, you either fucking hate me, or you think I'm awesome. That being said, I thought many things in my life that turned out to be not close to the truth at all.

On December 10 2013 19:17 LeeDawg wrote:


ok, so, update. for those of you who care, which realistically is no one but WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

sunday I worked basically a 10 hour day, for literally 0 pay. I was getting paid in free drinks. she was closing. I'm a kitchen manager, she's a waitress. now, there's some kind of annual christmas festival in town this day, it's a big fucking deal for people around here, lots of people, and we were insanely busy. now, long story short, I was stressed the fuck out big time, and left an hour and a half before close simply needing to get some space from work. I'm there literally 7 days a week, and I just wanted to go home and play DOTA, and enjoy my monday off. she texts me when we close asking me to come back and have a drink with her. I say 'I'm sorry I just can't look at that place right now, but if you want to hang out you're welcome to come over' since I live 10 minutes away. so she calls me and we have a 10 minute discussion about 'where this is going.' TL;DR of the conversation: I've "grown on her" and she doesn't want to lose the friendship, but she's looking for a boyfriend, but wants to take things slowly IF things are gonna 'happen' between us. I agree on all fronts. she asks me to come back to the bar, I refuse again because if I had to look at that place again that day I was gonna lose 100% of my shit. I'm kind of regretting this for potential relationship reasons, like she clearly wanted to see me at least a bit, but for my own sanity I just didn't want to at the time. I mean, shit was so bad sunday that I left basically in tears, and my bosses were also ready to throw their hands up in the air and quit, and I told her this, so I hope she's not going to hold it against me that I didn't want to go back, but I definitely wanted to hang out with her. I dunno man. sometimes I think 'the chase' is too much work. hopefully shit works out with her, cause I like her more than any girl I've dated in the last 3 years, but the headaches of relationships are making me miss the casual booty.

Don't ever talk about computer games, unless she's a gamer.

On December 10 2013 19:51 MightyBill wrote:

Also, the argument of looks is complete bullshit unless you look like the elephant-man or something. If you groom yourself (like clean clothes and regular showers), you're fine.

On December 10 2013 20:06 r.Evo wrote:
Talk about whatever you're passionate about. Being passionate about a certain game and conveying said passion (instead of a technical explanation of the reasons behind said passion) is awesome. Feel free to be the guy who hates League of Legends and loves Dark Souls, be able to explain why the latter is more satisfying than any other game to you and then draw the line from there to the overall pattern behind that satisfaction and where you find it in books or movies.

If you can draw that arc, still passionate, all the way to an art exhibition that's opening in your city next weekend you're a perfect 10 right there. Being a man is so awesome.

On December 10 2013 20:06 r.Evo wrote:
Talk about whatever you're passionate about. Being passionate about a certain game and conveying said passion (instead of a technical explanation of the reasons behind said passion) is awesome. Feel free to be the guy who hates League of Legends and loves Dark Souls, be able to explain why the latter is more satisfying than any other game to you and then draw the line from there to the overall pattern behind that satisfaction and where you find it in books or movies.

If you can draw that arc, still passionate, all the way to an art exhibition that's opening in your city next weekend you're a perfect 10 right there. Being a man is so awesome.

On December 10 2013 11:46 TFNxOmega wrote:
hey guys. theres this girl who i would catch looking at me every time we crossed each others path on the bus so one day i sparked up a conversation with her and got her name. ran into her a couple more times and then i told myself next time i see her i would ask her out for lunch or something but i havnt ran into her. its finals week so i wont be on campus much so i doubt ill see her again until next semester. i was thinking, since i added her on facebook over thanksgiving break, to just ask her in a message or something. ask her when she is done with finals if i she would like to meet up with me for some lunch before she headed home. good idea or should i just wait until the next time i run into her?

if i do go through with this idk how i would start a conversation... i dont really socialize with people aside from close friends on facebook. oh well, ill think of something!

On December 10 2013 20:26 LeeDawg wrote:


well, I mean, I understand not wanting to come over, since we agreed to take stuff slow and usually when a guy asks a girl to come over it results in make outs. as for going somewhere else, well, we'd drink for free at work, since I'm a manager, so going somewhere else is kind of illogical haha.

On December 10 2013 23:01 Acrofales wrote:

Except you just said that you absolutely didn't want to go to work under no circumstances. The two options are not work and your place. Isn't it worth a bit of money to hang out at a bar (or anything else really) which will not cause you to "100% lose your shit"?

On December 10 2013 18:36 Volband wrote:

Being confident (/carrying yourself well) is not that easy if you are not attractive. Also, I have friends who could've been the biggest assholes on the face of Earth, girls would still melt for them.

A recurring theme in this topic is "being interesting". What is interesting, exactly? I get that it's entirely subjective, but still, even if you have common interests, and you can talk about it for some time, that won't qualify you as interesting. When I read "maybe you are not interesting" I always think about someone who climbs Mount Everest one day, and goes surfing to Dubai the next day, while also funding a child's raise.
Thinking back, I was really afraid of being not interesting enough while being in a conversation, and it only went away when I felt I've crossed a threshold, and then I could just be myself, not thinking about whether it's interesting or not, what I'm saying, since we were having fun, so that gave me confidence. Does that make any sense, lol?

And what boggles my mind is when I see someone hook up with a girl, and he's not good looking, he's not funny, he's not anything, but still. Interesting is definetly not the first word that comes to your mind talking to him a little. Sure, I'm far from flawless myself, but I always thought being divisive/controversial - since I can be quite hyperactive - at least gives me a sense of uniqueness. Like, you either fucking hate me, or you think I'm awesome. That being said, I thought many things in my life that turned out to be not close to the truth at all.

On December 10 2013 19:17 LeeDawg wrote:


ok, so, update. for those of you who care, which realistically is no one but WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

sunday I worked basically a 10 hour day, for literally 0 pay. I was getting paid in free drinks. she was closing. I'm a kitchen manager, she's a waitress. now, there's some kind of annual christmas festival in town this day, it's a big fucking deal for people around here, lots of people, and we were insanely busy. now, long story short, I was stressed the fuck out big time, and left an hour and a half before close simply needing to get some space from work. I'm there literally 7 days a week, and I just wanted to go home and play DOTA, and enjoy my monday off. she texts me when we close asking me to come back and have a drink with her. I say 'I'm sorry I just can't look at that place right now, but if you want to hang out you're welcome to come over' since I live 10 minutes away. so she calls me and we have a 10 minute discussion about 'where this is going.' TL;DR of the conversation: I've "grown on her" and she doesn't want to lose the friendship, but she's looking for a boyfriend, but wants to take things slowly IF things are gonna 'happen' between us. I agree on all fronts. she asks me to come back to the bar, I refuse again because if I had to look at that place again that day I was gonna lose 100% of my shit. I'm kind of regretting this for potential relationship reasons, like she clearly wanted to see me at least a bit, but for my own sanity I just didn't want to at the time. I mean, shit was so bad sunday that I left basically in tears, and my bosses were also ready to throw their hands up in the air and quit, and I told her this, so I hope she's not going to hold it against me that I didn't want to go back, but I definitely wanted to hang out with her. I dunno man. sometimes I think 'the chase' is too much work. hopefully shit works out with her, cause I like her more than any girl I've dated in the last 3 years, but the headaches of relationships are making me miss the casual booty.

On December 10 2013 18:36 Volband wrote:

Being confident (/carrying yourself well) is not that easy if you are not attractive. Also, I have friends who could've been the biggest assholes on the face of Earth, girls would still melt for them.

A recurring theme in this topic is "being interesting". What is interesting, exactly? I get that it's entirely subjective, but still, even if you have common interests, and you can talk about it for some time, that won't qualify you as interesting. When I read "maybe you are not interesting" I always think about someone who climbs Mount Everest one day, and goes surfing to Dubai the next day, while also funding a child's raise.
Thinking back, I was really afraid of being not interesting enough while being in a conversation, and it only went away when I felt I've crossed a threshold, and then I could just be myself, not thinking about whether it's interesting or not, what I'm saying, since we were having fun, so that gave me confidence. Does that make any sense, lol?

And what boggles my mind is when I see someone hook up with a girl, and he's not good looking, he's not funny, he's not anything, but still. Interesting is definetly not the first word that comes to your mind talking to him a little. Sure, I'm far from flawless myself, but I always thought being divisive/controversial - since I can be quite hyperactive - at least gives me a sense of uniqueness. Like, you either fucking hate me, or you think I'm awesome. That being said, I thought many things in my life that turned out to be not close to the truth at all.

On December 10 2013 20:06 r.Evo wrote:


edit @ above:

Talk about whatever you're passionate about. Being passionate about a certain game and conveying said passion (instead of a technical explanation of the reasons behind said passion) is awesome. Feel free to be the guy who hates League of Legends and loves Dark Souls, be able to explain why the latter is more satisfying than any other game to you and then draw the line from there to the overall pattern behind that satisfaction and where you find it in books or movies.

If you can draw that arc, still passionate, all the way to an art exhibition that's opening in your city next weekend you're a perfect 10 right there. Being a man is so awesome.

On December 01 2013 11:52 ZapRoffo wrote:
Well tomorrow for the first time I'm meeting someone from online where it feels like there's actually potential (we clicked fairly immediately in online conversation) rather than knowing that it's just gonna end up practice, or random socializing, so I'm rather nervous like it's all new. Even though I keep telling myself to not treat it different because I know I show a fairly good self when I'm behaving naturally nowadays.

On December 11 2013 14:41 ZapRoffo wrote:


This kind of thing goes over the head of a lot of girls I talk to tbh--It goes something like: Oh this is like this movie, you seen that? (no) Oh then [music group that's not big hit pop from last 20 years] got to it really strongly in this song/album, know what I mean? (oh I've never really listened to them, don't know that song) That whole movement was actually really cool, really prescient attitudes. (oh.) Then I give a simple jokey explanation if none of that really caught to sum it up and maybe salvage some laugh or something from it.

It often turns out I decide she's actually not interesting in my eyes. Though sometimes that's fine, and also she might even just think you are sophisticated and smart and feel bad that she can't keep up. Anyway changing the narrative from "I'm failing" (since it's not always appropriate) helps majorly with confidence.

But usually if I feel like I lost her a bit on some conversation thread, it's not too hard to just ask any somewhat related question that makes it easy for her to start talking about herself/something she likes. (So what's your favorite show? Read anything good lately? Did you like art class in school?, etc.)

Update from this after a week and a half, we went out a second time to a movie--(arm touching and leaning close/into each other was what happened physically, she was very reactive to the thrilling parts of the movie). She seemed to have a positive reaction to the date afterward overall.

The thing is we clicked because we seem to move at the same speed in life and such, but our interests don't really click that much. She's gets into things like movies only emotionally, she thinks Twilight is decent (but not spectacularly good, heh), she really likes shopping--these aren't really the sorts of things I'm really mentally (whole package type) attracted to. But thinking of her physically does turn me on, but then she doesn't seem like the type at all that will go for sex or anything without getting quite emotionally close, and I'm not sure whether I'm down to go there or not. Not really sure how to approach, especially since I don't have opportunities with females just raining down on me.

On December 11 2013 14:41 ZapRoffo wrote:


This kind of thing goes over the head of a lot of girls I talk to tbh--It goes something like: Oh this is like this movie, you seen that? (no) Oh then [music group that's not big hit pop from last 20 years] got to it really strongly in this song/album, know what I mean? (oh I've never really listened to them, don't know that song) That whole movement was actually really cool, really prescient attitudes. (oh.) Then I give a simple jokey explanation if none of that really caught to sum it up and maybe salvage some laugh or something from it.

It often turns out I decide she's actually not interesting in my eyes. Though sometimes that's fine, and also she might even just think you are sophisticated and smart and feel bad that she can't keep up. Anyway changing the narrative from "I'm failing" (since it's not always appropriate) helps majorly with confidence.

But usually if I feel like I lost her a bit on some conversation thread, it's not too hard to just ask any somewhat related question that makes it easy for her to start talking about herself/something she likes. (So what's your favorite show? Read anything good lately? Did you like art class in school?, etc.)



Update from this after a week and a half, we went out a second time to a movie--(arm touching and leaning close/into each other was what happened physically, she was very reactive to the thrilling parts of the movie). She seemed to have a positive reaction to the date afterward overall.

The thing is we clicked because we seem to move at the same speed in life and such, but our interests don't really click that much. She's gets into things like movies only emotionally, she thinks Twilight is decent (but not spectacularly good, heh), she really likes shopping--these aren't really the sorts of things I'm really mentally (whole package type) attracted to. But thinking of her physically does turn me on, but then she doesn't seem like the type at all that will go for sex or anything without getting quite emotionally close, and I'm not sure whether I'm down to go there or not. Not really sure how to approach, especially since I don't have opportunities with females just raining down on me.

On December 10 2013 04:28 r.Evo wrote:

Personally in ANY situation where I don't get an answer back it's a gigantic red flag for me that I fucked up something along the way. If a text goes unanswered I just let it be and call her a couple of days later. If she picks up there is still a good chance I can get back in, if she doesn't it's pretty much gg right there. In most cases I'd keep the number around and try again after a couple of weeks but that has a really, really low success chance.

Texting again after a text went unanswered is equivalent to shooting yourself in the foot tho. =P