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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 03 2013 08:46 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 07:54 TheRabidDeer wrote:
Some of you guys put a really negative spin on somebody that leaves a relationship for somebody else. That's because monogamy kinda entails not cheating on your so/scoping out other options. Hence why we said, if you are interested in a relationship, it is probably best not to try and bust them up, but rather be friendly and see what happens down the road. Leaving someone because you are not happy isn't bad. In fact, it's what mature people due when their relationship goes to shit. Being unhappy, but fucking other people/sticking around until you finding someone else worth fucking is not good and kinda the total opposite of what you do in a monogamous relationship. I'm not sure why you're confused about this?
You are putting a gigantic emphasis on fucking, when relationships are more than fucking. Leaving somebody because of whatever reason is not cheating or scoping out options. It isn't like she is going out to bars and clubs looking for guys, she is a classmate. She isn't checking guys out, she isn't flirting with guys or leading them on. And leaving somebody doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is shit.
I mean, come on. There are tons of couples that split amicably and the girl/guy goes on a date with somebody the very next day. This is like the exact same thing. No cheating involved. It feels more like you were cheated on at some point and are completely missing what is actually happening in this conversation.
EDIT: Also, I am not trying to break them up. I am trying to see if I should pursue her AT ALL. To let her know that I like her. I am not going to repeatedly go after her and pressure her into leaving her boyfriend. I am not going to try and take her out on a date while she is still with him.
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Imagine you're dating this girl, and I come up and I'm like 'Hey ma, I know you're dating TheRabidDeer, but I like you and I've got way more posts than him. Just letting you know'
What is the purpose of such a statement if not to get her to leave her bf?
I mean your first post about this said you wanna steal her away. It's pretty obvious why you'd say that.
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On December 03 2013 05:01 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best. The data on OkCupid demonstrates only a maximum of 8% difference in the reply rate from the lowest responders (Black male - 21% White male 29%) of the same gender. That different isn't very noticeable, and even the same article says that response rates are much more dependent on match percentage. Another argument to be made is whether or not the sample used is a representative sample for the entire population. It isn't unreasonable to say the dating site/app appeals to only certain demographics, which can skew the results one way or the other. Also I don't think it's particularly shallow and especially not racist to have preferences towards one race, but if you are eliminating an entire race for no reason other than skin color that's a different story. It's the equivalent of saying I prefer shorter girls with blonde hair who dress a certain way. It's just one factor in how attracted I am to a person, and just because I like one thing it doesn't mean I rule out everything else.
8% difference on a baseline of 21% is a 38% difference. As in, a white man is 38% more likely to get a response than a black man. I don't know if you are downplaying it out of ignorance or some agenda you have, but it's pretty egregious.
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On December 03 2013 09:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
Imagine you're dating this girl, and I come up and I'm like 'Hey ma, I know you're dating TheRabidDeer, but I like you and I've got way more posts than him. Just letting you know'
What is the purpose of such a statement if not to get her to leave her bf?
I mean your first post about this said you wanna steal her away. It's pretty obvious why you'd say that.
Or
"Hey, I know you have a boyfriend and all but I just have to say that I really like you. I think you are amazing". That is practically a glorified complement that just puts it out there. How is it any different than saying that to a girl that you DONT know has a boyfriend? Hell, for all I know they already broke up. I could just say "Hey, I really like you. I think you are amazing"
Also, I want to do a lot of things but that doesn't mean I will. It is a turn of phrase that emphasizes the concept of me liking her, plain and simple.
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On December 03 2013 09:13 TheRabidDeer wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 09:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
Imagine you're dating this girl, and I come up and I'm like 'Hey ma, I know you're dating TheRabidDeer, but I like you and I've got way more posts than him. Just letting you know'
What is the purpose of such a statement if not to get her to leave her bf?
I mean your first post about this said you wanna steal her away. It's pretty obvious why you'd say that. Or "Hey, I know you have a boyfriend and all but I just have to say that I really like you. I think you are amazing". That is practically a glorified complement that just puts it out there. How is it any different than saying that to a girl that you DONT know has a boyfriend? Hell, for all I know they already broke up. I could just say "Hey, I really like you. I think you are amazing" Also, I want to do a lot of things but that doesn't mean I will. It is a turn of phrase that emphasizes the concept of me liking her, plain and simple.
It's a phrase that doesn't need to be said if you don't plan on breaking them up. It does nothing but either make your situation with her awkward (if she doesn't like you in return) or it forces you to take action (and her too) to get her to be single and then start dating etc. because now it's out there.
The only reason you would say that is because you want something to happen, which means her breaking up with her current bf.
It's simple what you wanna do, be with this girl instead of the current guy. You are just here trying to rationalize it and get others to make you feel good about breaking up with her bf so you can move in.
Be that guy, or leave her alone until she is single (if ever).
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On December 03 2013 09:17 Zooper31 wrote:
The only reason you would say that is because you want something to happen, which means her breaking up with her current bf.
Exactly.
I mean, if you're cool with being manipulative about this and dating someone who'd allow herself to get courted by another dude while in a relationship then go for it. But you're the one who asked the question
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Norway28554 Posts
If you mention that "I know you have a boyfriend" then you're also kinda saying "I wish you didn't, or rather, that it was me". And you only say this if you actually want to break them up.
You can say "I think you are amazing" and it's cool with me though, genuine compliments are awesome and people are much too scarce in handing them out. So if your sole motivation is making her feel good because you think she's a great person, then you can say "I think you are amazing" or "I hope your life will be filled with wonder and greatness because you are great and deserving of awesome stuff". But like, do you? Do you really hope that her life will be filled with wonder and greatness not involving you?
If you say anything alluding to that you "like her romantically" then you are also saying that you want to be with her and then you are also saying that you wish she wasn't with her boyfriend. I do firmly believe that it's possible to platonically love people of the opposite sex though, and then I firmly believe that giving that person great genuine compliments is totally okay. But I do not at all think you are there.
In all honesty, unless she's given you some pretty explicit reason to believe that she's really into you and unhappy with her boyfriend, and this kinda has to be so explicit that she outright stated what I just wrote, then it's probably time to give her up.
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So if a girl has a boyfriend, you do nothing? Never? Even if she is "the one"? You go through life never knowing? Do you never ask out a girl that would seemingly have a boyfriend? What about asking her, "are you still going out with somebody?"
Where do you draw the line? What difference does it make if she does break up with him now? If she does it now, odds are she would've done it later too, no? Isn't it worse to try and form a friendship with the goal of going out if they break up? That seems more keen on breaking them up than simply telling her you like her.
EDIT: I am not trying to get people to make me feel good, I am trying to figure out why people would put me out as this awful human being for expressing something.
EDIT for Drone:
I am a nice guy, I always wish the best for people. If it means not being with me, then OK. I hate seeing people sad, no matter what I always want people to be happy. This is why relationships give me a hard time, because there are always people on the losing end. I am tired of being on the losing end and finding out a girl that I like has a new boyfriend, and if I had just asked a week earlier then it would've been in the moral clear and that I would experience that kind of happiness (and possibly, eventually heartbreak).
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On December 03 2013 09:28 TheRabidDeer wrote:
So if a girl has a boyfriend, you do nothing? Never? Even if she is "the one"? You go through life never knowing? Do you never ask out a girl that would seemingly have a boyfriend? What about asking her, "are you still going out with somebody?"
Where do you draw the line? What difference does it make if she does break up with him now? If she does it now, odds are she would've done it later too, no? Isn't it worse to try and form a friendship with the goal of going out if they break up? That seems more keen on breaking them up than simply telling her you like her.
EDIT: I am not trying to get people to make me feel good, I am trying to figure out why people would put me out as this awful human being for expressing something.
Forming a friendship is fine. Simply telling her you like her is ill advised and shouldn't be done unless you are prepared to break them up. We are just responding to what you wanted to do and we said you shouldn't.
If she has a bf, don't try to pry your way in. If you don't know if she has a bf or not, it's fine to ask her out and treat her as fair game. Then proceed whether she has one or not.
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Norway28554 Posts
I stole my wife from her boyfriend. I approached her saying that I liked her and would like to be with her, and then she eventually dumped him for me. But I knew that she liked me more than she liked him, because she had pretty much explicitly said so in the past. I don't actually mind this, if you know that you love the girl or whatever, or you know that her thingy isn't so serious right now. But do you actually know any of this? Do you know that she likes you? And, are you happy with her dumping him for you?
The thing is, it just sounds to me like you have a crush on a girl, you've never told her you have a crush on her, she's had a boyfriend and you haven't interacted all that much outside school, but now you're panicking a little because she'll soon be gone forever and it will all be lost. It just doesn't sound plausible that she's gonna even consider dumping him for you based on what you've told so far. And if you're trying to form a friendship with the goal of going out with her if they break up, then that's also a flawed plan from the get-go. How would you even go about this, seeing as how you think you're never gonna see her again 1 week from now if you don't act immediately? Basically, it sounds like you aren't even remotely close, otherwise you would be staying somewhat in touch at least for a little while..
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Yes, it basically is a crush at this point. But really, crushes don't come often for me. I don't know a ton about her. I would like to know more, but having a boyfriend limits that. I have never been a guy that tries to get what I want, especially in relationships (see above)
Story example time:
Couple of years ago there was a girl that I liked. She invited me to her birthday party. There also was another guy that came too (6 people in total are there). Before the party I wanted to end up asking her out (I thought she might like me) at some point in the night. I get to the party and the other guy that is there tells me that he likes her and is trying really hard to impress her. So, I back off and just try to have a good time and make sure she has a good birthday while this other guy hits on her all night and walks her out to her car at the end. She never went out with him. Week or two later she gets a boyfriend. This lasts for a while, then she moves away where I learn that she actually did like me and wanted me to ask her out that night. I lost my shot because I didn't think she wanted to spend her birthday being hit on by guys. We were friends the whole time.
This is, historically, how I am. This is why no matter how much I would want her to be with me I probably still won't tell her that I like her.
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On December 03 2013 09:09 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 05:01 Najda wrote:On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best. The data on OkCupid demonstrates only a maximum of 8% difference in the reply rate from the lowest responders (Black male - 21% White male 29%) of the same gender. That different isn't very noticeable, and even the same article says that response rates are much more dependent on match percentage. Another argument to be made is whether or not the sample used is a representative sample for the entire population. It isn't unreasonable to say the dating site/app appeals to only certain demographics, which can skew the results one way or the other. Also I don't think it's particularly shallow and especially not racist to have preferences towards one race, but if you are eliminating an entire race for no reason other than skin color that's a different story. It's the equivalent of saying I prefer shorter girls with blonde hair who dress a certain way. It's just one factor in how attracted I am to a person, and just because I like one thing it doesn't mean I rule out everything else. 8% difference on a baseline of 21% is a 38% difference. As in, a white man is 38% more likely to get a response than a black man. I don't know if you are downplaying it out of ignorance or some agenda you have, but it's pretty egregious.
While I don't know the standard deviation of the results, people aren't going to be sending out enough messages on a dating site for there to be any difference between 20% or 30% reply rate unless you are literally sending out hundreds of messages.
For example a 15% reply rate for a white male who has sent out 50 messages is probably still within 2 standard deviations of the mean.
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Northern Ireland23775 Posts
Picking based on race is no more shallow than picking on any number of other aesthetic preferences that you might have, at least imo.
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On December 03 2013 10:22 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 09:09 IgnE wrote:On December 03 2013 05:01 Najda wrote:On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best. The data on OkCupid demonstrates only a maximum of 8% difference in the reply rate from the lowest responders (Black male - 21% White male 29%) of the same gender. That different isn't very noticeable, and even the same article says that response rates are much more dependent on match percentage. Another argument to be made is whether or not the sample used is a representative sample for the entire population. It isn't unreasonable to say the dating site/app appeals to only certain demographics, which can skew the results one way or the other. Also I don't think it's particularly shallow and especially not racist to have preferences towards one race, but if you are eliminating an entire race for no reason other than skin color that's a different story. It's the equivalent of saying I prefer shorter girls with blonde hair who dress a certain way. It's just one factor in how attracted I am to a person, and just because I like one thing it doesn't mean I rule out everything else. 8% difference on a baseline of 21% is a 38% difference. As in, a white man is 38% more likely to get a response than a black man. I don't know if you are downplaying it out of ignorance or some agenda you have, but it's pretty egregious. While I don't know the standard deviation of the results, people aren't going to be sending out enough messages on a dating site for there to be any difference between 20% or 30% reply rate unless you are literally sending out hundreds of messages. For example a 15% reply rate for a white male who has sent out 50 messages is probably still within 2 standard deviations of the mean.
People send out dozens of messages. There are hundreds of thousands if not millions of data points. 4 messages instead of 3 messages is appreciable. Doesn't matter anyway because its over the whole group. If a person has a 34% greater chance to get a message that is significant and can be the difference between getting a reply at all and getting no reply. You are thinking about this wrong.
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On December 03 2013 10:35 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 10:22 Najda wrote:On December 03 2013 09:09 IgnE wrote:On December 03 2013 05:01 Najda wrote:On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best. The data on OkCupid demonstrates only a maximum of 8% difference in the reply rate from the lowest responders (Black male - 21% White male 29%) of the same gender. That different isn't very noticeable, and even the same article says that response rates are much more dependent on match percentage. Another argument to be made is whether or not the sample used is a representative sample for the entire population. It isn't unreasonable to say the dating site/app appeals to only certain demographics, which can skew the results one way or the other. Also I don't think it's particularly shallow and especially not racist to have preferences towards one race, but if you are eliminating an entire race for no reason other than skin color that's a different story. It's the equivalent of saying I prefer shorter girls with blonde hair who dress a certain way. It's just one factor in how attracted I am to a person, and just because I like one thing it doesn't mean I rule out everything else. 8% difference on a baseline of 21% is a 38% difference. As in, a white man is 38% more likely to get a response than a black man. I don't know if you are downplaying it out of ignorance or some agenda you have, but it's pretty egregious. While I don't know the standard deviation of the results, people aren't going to be sending out enough messages on a dating site for there to be any difference between 20% or 30% reply rate unless you are literally sending out hundreds of messages. For example a 15% reply rate for a white male who has sent out 50 messages is probably still within 2 standard deviations of the mean. People send out dozens of messages. There are hundreds of thousands if not millions of data points. 4 messages instead of 3 messages is appreciable. Doesn't matter anyway because its over the whole group. If a person has a 34% greater chance to get a message that is significant and can be the difference between getting a reply at all and getting no reply. You are thinking about this wrong.
Maybe we are arguing different points. I'm saying that for the individual, it doesn't make a difference, but obviously for the group as a whole it does (an 8% difference). If me and you go buy lottery tickets, I buy one and you buy four, you are 400% more likely to win the lottery. So now I have a 1/500m chance to win and you have a 1/125m chance to win, or in realistic terms, neither of us are going to win. The relativistic difference is not relevant when comparing on an individual case basis, unless buying millions of lottery tickets, or in this scenario sending out hundreds of messages.
Add to that the fact that if a person is indeed sending out hundreds of messages (and you can assume he isn't getting replies or he wouldn't send out so many messages), it's probably due to a flaw in that person's approach whether it's the profile picture, the profile content, or the message content.
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But it's not individualized, because it's over the group.
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On December 03 2013 09:53 TheRabidDeer wrote:
Yes, it basically is a crush at this point. But really, crushes don't come often for me. I don't know a ton about her. I would like to know more, but having a boyfriend limits that. I have never been a guy that tries to get what I want, especially in relationships (see above)
Story example time:
Couple of years ago there was a girl that I liked. She invited me to her birthday party. There also was another guy that came too (6 people in total are there). Before the party I wanted to end up asking her out (I thought she might like me) at some point in the night. I get to the party and the other guy that is there tells me that he likes her and is trying really hard to impress her. So, I back off and just try to have a good time and make sure she has a good birthday while this other guy hits on her all night and walks her out to her car at the end. She never went out with him. Week or two later she gets a boyfriend. This lasts for a while, then she moves away where I learn that she actually did like me and wanted me to ask her out that night. I lost my shot because I didn't think she wanted to spend her birthday being hit on by guys. We were friends the whole time.
This is, historically, how I am. This is why no matter how much I would want her to be with me I probably still won't tell her that I like her.
On the backstory:
Could have just ask her out immediately before or after the party. That's how easy it is. I'll never understand where the whole "waiting for a good event" comes from. You like her, she seems to like you, you give a shot "now", not "then". That's dating in a nutshell to be honest.
If you think it's an awkward moment, being at an event won't make it less so. And as a young boy you're wired to feel awkward doing that kind of stuff.
Anyway, it's the past now. We all missed some opportunities, who cares. Point is not to keep missing them.
For the schoolmate:
Not sure really where this is going since it's not even clear she really knows you or if you really know her yourself. If not, start with that. If it's a passionate mutual interest, you'll work from there.
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On December 03 2013 11:02 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 10:35 IgnE wrote:On December 03 2013 10:22 Najda wrote:On December 03 2013 09:09 IgnE wrote:On December 03 2013 05:01 Najda wrote:On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best. The data on OkCupid demonstrates only a maximum of 8% difference in the reply rate from the lowest responders (Black male - 21% White male 29%) of the same gender. That different isn't very noticeable, and even the same article says that response rates are much more dependent on match percentage. Another argument to be made is whether or not the sample used is a representative sample for the entire population. It isn't unreasonable to say the dating site/app appeals to only certain demographics, which can skew the results one way or the other. Also I don't think it's particularly shallow and especially not racist to have preferences towards one race, but if you are eliminating an entire race for no reason other than skin color that's a different story. It's the equivalent of saying I prefer shorter girls with blonde hair who dress a certain way. It's just one factor in how attracted I am to a person, and just because I like one thing it doesn't mean I rule out everything else. 8% difference on a baseline of 21% is a 38% difference. As in, a white man is 38% more likely to get a response than a black man. I don't know if you are downplaying it out of ignorance or some agenda you have, but it's pretty egregious. While I don't know the standard deviation of the results, people aren't going to be sending out enough messages on a dating site for there to be any difference between 20% or 30% reply rate unless you are literally sending out hundreds of messages. For example a 15% reply rate for a white male who has sent out 50 messages is probably still within 2 standard deviations of the mean. People send out dozens of messages. There are hundreds of thousands if not millions of data points. 4 messages instead of 3 messages is appreciable. Doesn't matter anyway because its over the whole group. If a person has a 34% greater chance to get a message that is significant and can be the difference between getting a reply at all and getting no reply. You are thinking about this wrong. Maybe we are arguing different points. I'm saying that for the individual, it doesn't make a difference, but obviously for the group as a whole it does (an 8% difference). If me and you go buy lottery tickets, I buy one and you buy four, you are 400% more likely to win the lottery. So now I have a 1/500m chance to win and you have a 1/125m chance to win, or in realistic terms, neither of us are going to win. The relativistic difference is not relevant when comparing on an individual case basis, unless buying millions of lottery tickets, or in this scenario sending out hundreds of messages. Add to that the fact that if a person is indeed sending out hundreds of messages (and you can assume he isn't getting replies or he wouldn't send out so many messages), it's probably due to a flaw in that person's approach whether it's the profile picture, the profile content, or the message content.
No, dude. It's a 34% difference. And it matters at the individual level. It's the difference between sending out 10 messages and getting roughly 2 replies back or roughly 3 replies back (rounded down and up, respectively, obviously, since its only 38%, not 50%). That is a huge difference in potential dates.
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On December 03 2013 09:28 TheRabidDeer wrote:
So if a girl has a boyfriend, you do nothing? Never? Even if she is "the one"? You go through life never knowing? Do you never ask out a girl that would seemingly have a boyfriend? What about asking her, "are you still going out with somebody?"
Where do you draw the line? What difference does it make if she does break up with him now? If she does it now, odds are she would've done it later too, no? Isn't it worse to try and form a friendship with the goal of going out if they break up? That seems more keen on breaking them up than simply telling her you like her.
EDIT: I am not trying to get people to make me feel good, I am trying to figure out why people would put me out as this awful human being for expressing something.
EDIT for Drone:
I am a nice guy, I always wish the best for people. If it means not being with me, then OK. I hate seeing people sad, no matter what I always want people to be happy. This is why relationships give me a hard time, because there are always people on the losing end. I am tired of being on the losing end and finding out a girl that I like has a new boyfriend, and if I had just asked a week earlier then it would've been in the moral clear and that I would experience that kind of happiness (and possibly, eventually heartbreak).
If you tried to break up me and my gf, I'd probably let it go/laugh it off the first time, give you a little heads up the second, then smash in your face the third. When people are seeing each other, you respect that and let them have a chance to be together. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out -- then you give it a shot. If it works out, then good for them.
I've cheated, been cheated on, and been the person that someone cheated with. It's a shitty situation all around and you really need to just back the fuck off.
Be friends with her, but ACTUALLY BE FRIENDS. Don't be that guy that's just waiting around to fuck her/waiting for her to be single. Everyone can tell you're that person and you'll end up pissing a lot of people off.
Then again, what do I know... I've only been in pretty much every situation imaginable and am just speaking for experience, when I do speak.
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-- I don't really know her
-- I really like her
-- She might be the one
I miss high school love when you reallyyyyyyy "liked" somebody that you very seldomly talked to and passed notes and it was the most dramatic OMG LOL THIS IS THE ONE CAUSE WE'VE TALKED TWICE.
It's already doomed to fail based on your approach.
Then she has a bf.
lol.
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EPT
