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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 02 2013 20:35 Grumbels wrote:
Is it possible for someone to be bisexual, autistic, & allergic to pretty much everything? My brother is dating a girl who has all these things. And she's really weird, she wears hats indoors, schmink and bizarre clothing. She is also visiting our house a lot, but she never makes her presence known, she just sneaks into the house to see my brother, which my parents find very annoying and rude. (also, it's annoying when you innocently go shower) She also has a girlfriend. And her parents are crazy religious and she seems very afraid of them somehow. And since he started dating her my brother has been into weird and "gothic" things and stopped talking to the family pretty much. And she also has a very low opinion of me for some reason.
Explain to her that what matters is not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean.
Other than that, I'd repeat everything Drone already said.
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not saying hello when you come into someone's home is pretty rude, but the rest of the stuff, what the hell? why do you or your parents care?
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On December 02 2013 22:43 Liquid`Drone wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2013 20:35 Grumbels wrote:
Is it possible for someone to be bisexual, autistic, & allergic to pretty much everything? My brother is dating a girl who has all these things. And she's really weird, she wears hats indoors, schmink and bizarre clothing. She is also visiting our house a lot, but she never makes her presence known, she just sneaks into the house to see my brother, which my parents find very annoying and rude. (also, it's annoying when you innocently go shower) She also has a girlfriend. And her parents are crazy religious and she seems very afraid of them somehow. And since he started dating her my brother has been into weird and "gothic" things and stopped talking to the family pretty much. And she also has a very low opinion of me for some reason.
Also, my brother is saying things like: "if I would have had the chance to choose my family I would have chosen a different family, that's just common sense if you think about it, because it's unrealistic that my family is the best one out of all the ones in the world".
Any advice on how to sabotage their relationship? o.o The idea that you should sabotage their relationship, while hopefully tongue-in-cheek, might just be exactly why your brother is distancing himself from you and your parents.. I mean wtf there's so much in this post I can comment on while playing pretend psychoanalyst.. but I'll just go through some quick ones. 1: If she is bisexual, it sounds natural that she's "afraid" of her crazy religious parents. 2: If she's autistic, it makes sense that she doesn't really follow regular social code of conducts, as she probably doesn't really understand regular social conduct. 3: How does it matter that she's allergic to everything? 4: Really, wearing hats indoors and bizarre clothing makes any difference to you? 5: Opinions, especially of others, multiply. Considering you apparently don't like her, it's very natural that she doesn't like you either. Not saying you're the one who formed the bad opinion first, that's irrelevant anyway, but I have a hard time picturing you being genuinely nice towards her when this is the post you make online - and no matter how nice you think you're being, most people have a very, very hard time faking genuine niceness. If you want your brother to stop choosing this girl over your family, all you need to do is stop making it a choice. Maybe he has issues of his own that makes him identify with the obvious oddball, maybe you (presumably you are the older brother - anything else doesn't make sense to me) already kinda fulfilled the "responsible upstanding person" role in your family and then the first identity which was left and appealed towards your brother was the "artistic outsider" or whatever.. Stop being judgmental, accept your brother's choice of girlfriend and accept the girlfriend as a wholesome human being rather than as a collection of weird personality traits.
1. I'm also worried for my brother that she might discover that she leans either direction which would be annoying for him.
2. How is that an excuse? She's autistic so it's okay to not pay proper respect to my parents that own the house she "haunts"? She's not dumb.
3. My theory is that she's an abuse victim somehow (indirect perhaps), since so many things about her are against the norm genetically, that it would make sense if some of them weren't nature but nurture, i.e. that she invented either of autism/bisexuality.
4. Yes it does, if you dress like you have mental damage, then why should you expect others to take you seriously? I don't dress like a clown when I go to visit my girlfriend's family or whatever.
5. I don't like her, but that's only after a year of having to put up with her. I started out very friendly. For instance, I know that a lot of my brother's behavior is purely due to her, since she's much smarter than him and has a lot of influence on him. Also, she frequently makes him do weird things like travel to the other side of the country on a whim without telling anyone.
In general I prefer not to associate with people that act like abuse victims, since typically they will turn on you.
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what on fucking earth does abuse have to do with allergies and her turning bisexual? Holy fuck
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On December 03 2013 00:31 QuanticHawk wrote:
what on fucking earth does abuse have to do with allergies and her turning bisexual? Holy fuck
Just wondering how much of her personality is real. For instance, my brother discovered new allergies to kiwi, banana and milk within the last year of dating her. Despite no one in the family having any history of food allergies.
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On December 03 2013 02:07 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 00:31 QuanticHawk wrote:
what on fucking earth does abuse have to do with allergies and her turning bisexual? Holy fuck Just wondering how much of her personality is real. For instance, my brother discovered new allergies to kiwi, banana and milk within the last year of dating her. Despite no one in the family having any history of food allergies.
Just sneak a food that he is allergic to into his food to find out...
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On December 03 2013 02:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 03 2013 02:07 Grumbels wrote:On December 03 2013 00:31 QuanticHawk wrote:
what on fucking earth does abuse have to do with allergies and her turning bisexual? Holy fuck Just wondering how much of her personality is real. For instance, my brother discovered new allergies to kiwi, banana and milk within the last year of dating her. Despite no one in the family having any history of food allergies. Just sneak a food that he is allergic to into his food to find out...
Yeah except don't. I'm allergic to kiwi and might die if I eat it. This ain't no game, son...
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On December 03 2013 00:15 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2013 22:43 Liquid`Drone wrote:On December 02 2013 20:35 Grumbels wrote:
Is it possible for someone to be bisexual, autistic, & allergic to pretty much everything? My brother is dating a girl who has all these things. And she's really weird, she wears hats indoors, schmink and bizarre clothing. She is also visiting our house a lot, but she never makes her presence known, she just sneaks into the house to see my brother, which my parents find very annoying and rude. (also, it's annoying when you innocently go shower) She also has a girlfriend. And her parents are crazy religious and she seems very afraid of them somehow. And since he started dating her my brother has been into weird and "gothic" things and stopped talking to the family pretty much. And she also has a very low opinion of me for some reason.
Also, my brother is saying things like: "if I would have had the chance to choose my family I would have chosen a different family, that's just common sense if you think about it, because it's unrealistic that my family is the best one out of all the ones in the world".
Any advice on how to sabotage their relationship? o.o The idea that you should sabotage their relationship, while hopefully tongue-in-cheek, might just be exactly why your brother is distancing himself from you and your parents.. I mean wtf there's so much in this post I can comment on while playing pretend psychoanalyst.. but I'll just go through some quick ones. 1: If she is bisexual, it sounds natural that she's "afraid" of her crazy religious parents. 2: If she's autistic, it makes sense that she doesn't really follow regular social code of conducts, as she probably doesn't really understand regular social conduct. 3: How does it matter that she's allergic to everything? 4: Really, wearing hats indoors and bizarre clothing makes any difference to you? 5: Opinions, especially of others, multiply. Considering you apparently don't like her, it's very natural that she doesn't like you either. Not saying you're the one who formed the bad opinion first, that's irrelevant anyway, but I have a hard time picturing you being genuinely nice towards her when this is the post you make online - and no matter how nice you think you're being, most people have a very, very hard time faking genuine niceness. If you want your brother to stop choosing this girl over your family, all you need to do is stop making it a choice. Maybe he has issues of his own that makes him identify with the obvious oddball, maybe you (presumably you are the older brother - anything else doesn't make sense to me) already kinda fulfilled the "responsible upstanding person" role in your family and then the first identity which was left and appealed towards your brother was the "artistic outsider" or whatever.. Stop being judgmental, accept your brother's choice of girlfriend and accept the girlfriend as a wholesome human being rather than as a collection of weird personality traits. 1. I'm also worried for my brother that she might discover that she leans either direction which would be annoying for him. 2. How is that an excuse? She's autistic so it's okay to not pay proper respect to my parents that own the house she "haunts"? She's not dumb. 3. My theory is that she's an abuse victim somehow (indirect perhaps), since so many things about her are against the norm genetically, that it would make sense if some of them weren't nature but nurture, i.e. that she invented either of autism/bisexuality. 4. Yes it does, if you dress like you have mental damage, then why should you expect others to take you seriously? I don't dress like a clown when I go to visit my girlfriend's family or whatever. 5. I don't like her, but that's only after a year of having to put up with her. I started out very friendly. For instance, I know that a lot of my brother's behavior is purely due to her, since she's much smarter than him and has a lot of influence on him. Also, she frequently makes him do weird things like travel to the other side of the country on a whim without telling anyone. In general I prefer not to associate with people that act like abuse victims, since typically they will turn on you.
I think you're the one who has the problem. The things you list are so trivial, that most people would overlook.
Who gives a shit if she is abusive, or might lean towards another sexual orientation and break your borthers heart? Shit happens, and people deal with this just fine.
Are you sure you dont just want to fuck her brains out yourself? Many people find these kind of chicks attractive because of their abusiveness, me included :D
Also, I have to put up with tons of friends over the year who simply become a doormat to their girlfriends, including my own brother. This goes both ways for men and women btw. Having a patner can have a huge influx on people. Like I said, its pretty trivial.
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Norway28894 Posts
he's not actually saying that she's abusive, but that her personality indicates that she has been abused. Somehow, this makes it more okay (rather than less??) to "avoid her like the plague" or whatever.
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On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about.
The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially.
And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point.
Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best.
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On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best.
See, that's what I mean. While saying for example "White males are more likely to be attracted to Asian women" is fine, you're drawing the conclusion that "White males are more likely to be attracted to Asian women because they're Asian" - that's a conclusion that simply can't be made based on the data. There are dozens of factors in what makes you attracted to someone that it's completely plausible that people don't make that choice because of them perceiving one group to be "inferior" or "superior".
If someone is majorly attracted to blondes with big tits then he will be more likely to click... blondes with big tits in an exercise like this. That does in no shape or form imply that he believes brunettes with small tits are inferior human beings and deserve some form of punishment for that.
We make all kinds of dating decisions based on utterly shallow things. If I see 100 women on the streets and I'm trying to talk to a 20 year old blonde with big tits over a 40 year old black chick with a big booty it's just as reasonable as picking the white chick when I can pick either her or a black chick with otherwise similar features.
Looks matter.
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This thread took a hard left turn
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On December 03 2013 03:48 Shiragaku wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2013 21:20 r.Evo wrote:
That data doesn't support any kind of "racism or bigotry in dating", not sure why you're trying to put it into that context in the first place.
IF the average white male has a higher average income
AND women are more likely to respond to someone with higher income
THEN women are more likely to respond to white males
...completely logical, zero racism involved. And you can draw up dozens of these.
While we're at it what exactly is bad about preferring a specific color of skin when it comes to your partner? Zero. Nada. Unless it's paired with a racist motive - which isn't in the slightest what that article is talking about. The articles I posted mentioned little, if anything about income. And if women were more attracted to people with higher income, I am sure we would see much more women of all races trying to to win the hearts of Indian and East Asian men since they tend to achieve a lot academically and financially. And I am not too well read about race relations and dating in Germany, but in America, race plays a really big factor in dating, no matter how "colorblind" people try to be. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard both African American men and non-black men express discontent or fear of black women, I would be pretty damn rich at this point. Also, picking a dating partner based off of the color of their skin is pretty shallow at best.
The data on OkCupid demonstrates only a maximum of 8% difference in the reply rate from the lowest responders (Black male - 21% White male 29%) of the same gender. That different isn't very noticeable, and even the same article says that response rates are much more dependent on match percentage.
Another argument to be made is whether or not the sample used is a representative sample for the entire population. It isn't unreasonable to say the dating site/app appeals to only certain demographics, which can skew the results one way or the other.
Also I don't think it's particularly shallow and especially not racist to have preferences towards one race, but if you are eliminating an entire race for no reason other than skin color that's a different story. It's the equivalent of saying I prefer shorter girls with blonde hair who dress a certain way. It's just one factor in how attracted I am to a person, and just because I like one thing it doesn't mean I rule out everything else.
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The only time liking certain ethnicities or whatever gets weird is when you cross into the realm of something like picking asians because you heard they're all subservient waifus. Most people don't fall into that category. Liking the physical characteristics of a group of people aint racist
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On December 03 2013 04:53 LongShot27 wrote:
This thread took a hard left turn
Down really.
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On December 03 2013 03:10 Liquid`Drone wrote:
he's not actually saying that she's abusive, but that her personality indicates that she has been abused. Somehow, this makes it more okay (rather than less??) to "avoid her like the plague" or whatever.
honestly, i dont even really understand half of his complaints
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Question: If a girl has a boyfriend (that you dont know and have never met), is she off limits to you or would you still try?
Normally I would think she is off limits, but damnit I want to steal this girl away from that guy somehow.
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Are you at all uncomfortable with being "that" guy? If not, go for it. If so, probably not.
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I'm always confused as to why people would wanna date someone that is willing to cheat in their current relationship to be with you. For a quick lay, sure. But commit to someone who just cheated? uhhh haha
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On December 03 2013 05:08 QuanticHawk wrote:
The only time liking certain ethnicities or whatever gets weird is when you cross into the realm of something like picking asians because you heard they're all subservient waifus. Most people don't fall into that category. Liking the physical characteristics of a group of people aint racist
Totally!
Honestly, I think attraction is the situation where preferences of a certain ethnicity are normal.
If I am not attracted to -say for the sake of the argument - african women, should I force myself to feel attracted to them, since it is the right thing to do based on a skewed sense of political correctness?
Fact is, attraction cannot be controlled by reason.
And since the situation with for instance hair color or hair cut is similar, is this also politically incorrect?
Following this logic means you have to be attracted to everyone equally, including both sexes.
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EPT
