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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
November 28 2013 20:38 GMT
#6521
I think monogamy is hard, and while I respect those that truly believe in it, I still think it rings wrong.

On the other hand I think cheating is also wrong as it's a break of trust and will ultimately make you feel like a bad person. So if you're gonna have another romance or just a casual relationship you should be honest about it and be okay for the other person to also have the same privileges.

I think we would live way happier if people had more realistic expectations for attraction, sex and love instead of listening to holywood, cheating left and right, or stay sad in a relationship with kids, or be just another part of the whole marriage/divorce cycle.
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
November 28 2013 20:40 GMT
#6522
On November 29 2013 04:51 killa_robot wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 29 2013 02:47 TOCHMY wrote:
On November 29 2013 02:10 IgnE wrote:
On November 28 2013 21:00 Danglars wrote:
On November 28 2013 11:11 GibberMD wrote:
Signed up just to post here.

3 years ago, I attempted to amicably end a 9 year relationship.

So basically it all ended with the conversation of "I don't think that I'm in love with you anymore". This was only shortly before I was due to go away for work at the time so I said we will sort all the belongings and monies and things when I get back. So basically I just wanted to make things easy on both of us just pay the rent, food and bills with our joint money.

I went over for work to a mine site just outside of Mt. Isa in Queensland, Australia. On these sites you dont have to pay for anything, its all provided. We spoke a few times while I was away and everything appeared to be as good as it could be between us. Biggest misjudgment that I have ever made.

I was flying home through Sydney and decided to stay two nights to visit some long forgotten friends however when I got to the hotel it was all "sorry sir you CC has been declined". Immediately I log on to my bank to discover that I have indeed been shafted. $4k run up on the CC and no savings left whatsoever which was just creeping into the 5 figure territory. I couldn't believe it. So I just couch surfed a few nights in Sydney while seeing friends and explaining what had happened.

Anyhow I ended up catching my flight back to Perth and walked in the front door gobsmacked me. Nothing there... just and empty shell no furniture.... not even a knife and fork and a plate. Just nothing. I cried like a baby for about 2 hours before finally literally running to my mothers house.

Never heard from her again, don't know where she went or how she is getting on. I never pursued legal action because I just didn't think it was worth it.

This is heartbreaking. I'm just presuming its all true because it's so incredible (why register an account just to lie in such an odd manner).

Can't for the life of me think why you wouldn't prosecute for fraud ($4,000 fraud + Several Thousand for apartment furnishings). Maybe I'm just too unromantic when it comes to money. Couple hundred to a thousand I could kiss off to avoid the hassle. More and its just ridiculous.


While I understand your reaction Danglars, it seems like he's leaving some parts out. His later clarification that she had paid for some of his tuition and had bought most of the things in the house makes it more understandable. It's not like they were married and he had easy legal recourse. But I feel like if this situation were reversed, and a guy was living with a woman who told him that she didn't love him anymore, and this guy had spent 9 years of his life supporting this woman, who was just now starting to make money and be self-supporting, your advice to the guy would be to just take everything you can and run. Am I wrong?

Maybe the real heartbreak is that such a split needn't have happened. Monogamy just became too hard.



Regarding the YT clip: What the bloke says makes sense I guess. But I just hate the thought of another dick being inside the girl I love D:


The guy sounds retarded and nothing he says holds any legitimacy lol. We also treated women as our inferiors for most of our history as well, maybe we should go back to that because it's "easier" and more "natural".

Monogamy isn't too hard, people are just so focused on self-satisfaction that they don't care.


He didn't say that we should go back to how it was in the past, but that instead of elevating women's rights to be equal to men, we demoted men's rights to be what was expected of women at the time.

I don't know how I feel about the topic, I could go either way. I don't have enough personal experience to make any informed judgement call so everything I know is based on what I've heard from others. I know there are people who are in a committed relationship or married and have an open relationship that works great for them, whereas there are also people who are fully monogamous and happy with it, so it seems to be able to go either way.
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14080 Posts
November 28 2013 23:04 GMT
#6523
On November 29 2013 02:47 TOCHMY wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 29 2013 02:10 IgnE wrote:
On November 28 2013 21:00 Danglars wrote:
On November 28 2013 11:11 GibberMD wrote:
Signed up just to post here.

3 years ago, I attempted to amicably end a 9 year relationship.

So basically it all ended with the conversation of "I don't think that I'm in love with you anymore". This was only shortly before I was due to go away for work at the time so I said we will sort all the belongings and monies and things when I get back. So basically I just wanted to make things easy on both of us just pay the rent, food and bills with our joint money.

I went over for work to a mine site just outside of Mt. Isa in Queensland, Australia. On these sites you dont have to pay for anything, its all provided. We spoke a few times while I was away and everything appeared to be as good as it could be between us. Biggest misjudgment that I have ever made.

I was flying home through Sydney and decided to stay two nights to visit some long forgotten friends however when I got to the hotel it was all "sorry sir you CC has been declined". Immediately I log on to my bank to discover that I have indeed been shafted. $4k run up on the CC and no savings left whatsoever which was just creeping into the 5 figure territory. I couldn't believe it. So I just couch surfed a few nights in Sydney while seeing friends and explaining what had happened.

Anyhow I ended up catching my flight back to Perth and walked in the front door gobsmacked me. Nothing there... just and empty shell no furniture.... not even a knife and fork and a plate. Just nothing. I cried like a baby for about 2 hours before finally literally running to my mothers house.

Never heard from her again, don't know where she went or how she is getting on. I never pursued legal action because I just didn't think it was worth it.

This is heartbreaking. I'm just presuming its all true because it's so incredible (why register an account just to lie in such an odd manner).

Can't for the life of me think why you wouldn't prosecute for fraud ($4,000 fraud + Several Thousand for apartment furnishings). Maybe I'm just too unromantic when it comes to money. Couple hundred to a thousand I could kiss off to avoid the hassle. More and its just ridiculous.


While I understand your reaction Danglars, it seems like he's leaving some parts out. His later clarification that she had paid for some of his tuition and had bought most of the things in the house makes it more understandable. It's not like they were married and he had easy legal recourse. But I feel like if this situation were reversed, and a guy was living with a woman who told him that she didn't love him anymore, and this guy had spent 9 years of his life supporting this woman, who was just now starting to make money and be self-supporting, your advice to the guy would be to just take everything you can and run. Am I wrong?

Maybe the real heartbreak is that such a split needn't have happened. Monogamy just became too hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI


Regarding the YT clip: What the bloke says makes sense I guess. But I just hate the thought of another dick being inside the girl I love D:

I'm in favor of relationships in which everyone can have sex with as many women as they want to.
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
chadissilent
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada1187 Posts
November 28 2013 23:31 GMT
#6524
On November 29 2013 08:04 r.Evo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 29 2013 02:47 TOCHMY wrote:
On November 29 2013 02:10 IgnE wrote:
On November 28 2013 21:00 Danglars wrote:
On November 28 2013 11:11 GibberMD wrote:
Signed up just to post here.

3 years ago, I attempted to amicably end a 9 year relationship.

So basically it all ended with the conversation of "I don't think that I'm in love with you anymore". This was only shortly before I was due to go away for work at the time so I said we will sort all the belongings and monies and things when I get back. So basically I just wanted to make things easy on both of us just pay the rent, food and bills with our joint money.

I went over for work to a mine site just outside of Mt. Isa in Queensland, Australia. On these sites you dont have to pay for anything, its all provided. We spoke a few times while I was away and everything appeared to be as good as it could be between us. Biggest misjudgment that I have ever made.

I was flying home through Sydney and decided to stay two nights to visit some long forgotten friends however when I got to the hotel it was all "sorry sir you CC has been declined". Immediately I log on to my bank to discover that I have indeed been shafted. $4k run up on the CC and no savings left whatsoever which was just creeping into the 5 figure territory. I couldn't believe it. So I just couch surfed a few nights in Sydney while seeing friends and explaining what had happened.

Anyhow I ended up catching my flight back to Perth and walked in the front door gobsmacked me. Nothing there... just and empty shell no furniture.... not even a knife and fork and a plate. Just nothing. I cried like a baby for about 2 hours before finally literally running to my mothers house.

Never heard from her again, don't know where she went or how she is getting on. I never pursued legal action because I just didn't think it was worth it.

This is heartbreaking. I'm just presuming its all true because it's so incredible (why register an account just to lie in such an odd manner).

Can't for the life of me think why you wouldn't prosecute for fraud ($4,000 fraud + Several Thousand for apartment furnishings). Maybe I'm just too unromantic when it comes to money. Couple hundred to a thousand I could kiss off to avoid the hassle. More and its just ridiculous.


While I understand your reaction Danglars, it seems like he's leaving some parts out. His later clarification that she had paid for some of his tuition and had bought most of the things in the house makes it more understandable. It's not like they were married and he had easy legal recourse. But I feel like if this situation were reversed, and a guy was living with a woman who told him that she didn't love him anymore, and this guy had spent 9 years of his life supporting this woman, who was just now starting to make money and be self-supporting, your advice to the guy would be to just take everything you can and run. Am I wrong?

Maybe the real heartbreak is that such a split needn't have happened. Monogamy just became too hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI


Regarding the YT clip: What the bloke says makes sense I guess. But I just hate the thought of another dick being inside the girl I love D:

I'm in favor of relationships in which everyone can have sex with as many women as they want to.

What about being in a relationship in which everyone can have sex with as many men as they want to? The second I found out my ex I was still sleeping with was also sleeping with 3 other guys, sometimes multiple in the same day, I dropped that shit instantly.
VayneAuthority
Profile Joined October 2012
United States8983 Posts
November 28 2013 23:35 GMT
#6525
how do you even have that kind of time 0o her schedule must be pretty free
I come in for the scraps
KaiserKieran
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States615 Posts
November 28 2013 23:39 GMT
#6526
All the girls I like are either hoes or don't like me.
How did my ancestors survive?
julius33
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Estonia79 Posts
November 29 2013 01:56 GMT
#6527
Hi liquidians,

I need some advice, or to be precise, just your opinion, on a very specific situation.

Couple of weeks ago i fell in love with a new girl. Generally we both like each other quite alot, though i doubt that she feels the same way as i do, which is ok by me. It has been going pretty well thus far (we kiss alot and the sexual tension is quite strong), however, when we are together, on some rare occurances, she gets really thrown off by feelings that this is wrong(doesnt specify, i dont believe she could actually pinpoint it to something specific). Seeing that i have very little experience in that department, how should i proceed? And i say again, i want your opinion I´ll make up my own in the end anyway, I just need alternative perspectives.
Rahulikult!
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-29 02:35:50
November 29 2013 02:33 GMT
#6528
On November 29 2013 10:56 julius33 wrote:
Hi liquidians,

I need some advice, or to be precise, just your opinion, on a very specific situation.

Couple of weeks ago i fell in love with a new girl. Generally we both like each other quite alot, though i doubt that she feels the same way as i do, which is ok by me. It has been going pretty well thus far (we kiss alot and the sexual tension is quite strong), however, when we are together, on some rare occurances, she gets really thrown off by feelings that this is wrong(doesnt specify, i dont believe she could actually pinpoint it to something specific). Seeing that i have very little experience in that department, how should i proceed? And i say again, i want your opinion I´ll make up my own in the end anyway, I just need alternative perspectives.


Step 1: Go through this checklist:

-Have you slept together ?
-Do you know most of what there is to know about her ?
-Have you already had a fight and worked it out ?
-Are you with her for at least 6 months ?

If one of these is unchecked, really ask yourself if you really love her or you're just in a need for a relationship due to a lack of other opportunities. I'd probably say the latest. However, it doesn't mean it's wrong, just that you probably should tone down your expectations and just acknowledge that wherever this is going you want to pursue it but shouldn't feel too bad if it goes nowhere.

Step 2: If you're still there it would require a bit more details as to what is really going wrong and what kind of stuff she is expressing. Also you should indicate your age, hers and whether or not she is a virgin.
Either way the most basic advice we can give you is just to keep going forward using the tension you speak about BUT everytime she pushes back just stop, let it die as if its just normal, and go back at it a later time when the opportunity raises again. You could also try to make some reassurance if you think it might be her problem. Tell her whatever happens you will respect it if she says no and will never boast about it in your entourage. These two things have always been the number 2 stuff I've heard girl being worried about when it comes to sex (after pregnancy and STD obviously but these are easily warded off).
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Drowsy
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
United States4876 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-29 04:06:52
November 29 2013 03:48 GMT
#6529
Anyone have experience meeting a Korean girlfriend's parents as a westerner? Is there anything I should know about for this kind of situation? Are there sometimes racist attitudes among older generation Koreans in their 50s-60s? First time meeting a girl's parents and it seems like I'm in the hardest possible situation to win their approval.

It's gonna be extra hard in my case because she's 33 and I'm 24. I'm also black/hispanic mixed. I declined her invitation to Thanksgiving this year. She seemed disappointed but understood my apprehension since 3 of her siblings+their spouses (who are all Korean) were going to be there in addition to parents. It's just a lot of pressure to meet all of them in one day.

She's the eldest (and hottest) of her siblings and the only one who's not married, so I'm praying that they're just happy their daughter snagged a man and are willing to overlook the age difference+ethnicity.


annnddd I have extra anxiety because she's not introduced any of her previous BFs to the folks. And they were all Asian.
Our Protoss, Who art in Aiur HongUn be Thy name; Thy stalker come, Thy will be blunk, on ladder as it is in Micro Tourny. Give us this win in our daily ladder, and forgive us our cheeses, As we forgive those who play zerg against us.
Cainam
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States421 Posts
November 29 2013 03:49 GMT
#6530
So I'm sort of involved with three girls right now. Two who are local and one who lives 3 hours away. Of course my idiot brain is falling for the one that lives three hours away. FML
VayneAuthority
Profile Joined October 2012
United States8983 Posts
November 29 2013 04:10 GMT
#6531
On November 29 2013 12:48 Drowsy wrote:
Anyone have experience meeting a Korean girlfriend's parents as a westerner? Is there anything I should know about for this kind of situation? Are there sometimes racist attitudes among older generation Koreans in their 50s-60s? First time meeting a girl's parents and it seems like I'm in the hardest possible situation to win their approval.

It's gonna be extra hard in my case because she's 33 and I'm 24. I'm also black/hispanic mixed. I declined her invitation to Thanksgiving this year. She seemed disappointed but understood my apprehension since 3 of her siblings+their spouses (who are all Korean) were going to be there in addition to parents. It's just a lot of pressure to meet all of them in one day.

She's the eldest (and hottest) of her siblings and the only one who's not married, so I'm praying that they're just happy their daughter snagged a man and are willing to overlook the age difference+ethnicity.


annnddd I have extra anxiety because she's not introduced any of her previous BFs to the folks. And they were all Asian.


really depends on the family, I have met asian parents that were very accepting of crossing races and others that you could tell silently voiced their disapproval. If they don't like you because of your skin that is never going to change and you shouldn't waste effort trying to win them over. In the end all that matters is that you two are happy together and that should be enough for them (although obviously you have to be ready to put up with weird family situations which isn't that bad really)
I come in for the scraps
Stratos_speAr
Profile Joined May 2009
United States6959 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-11-29 04:57:32
November 29 2013 04:54 GMT
#6532
On November 29 2013 02:10 IgnE wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 28 2013 21:00 Danglars wrote:
On November 28 2013 11:11 GibberMD wrote:
Signed up just to post here.

3 years ago, I attempted to amicably end a 9 year relationship.

So basically it all ended with the conversation of "I don't think that I'm in love with you anymore". This was only shortly before I was due to go away for work at the time so I said we will sort all the belongings and monies and things when I get back. So basically I just wanted to make things easy on both of us just pay the rent, food and bills with our joint money.

I went over for work to a mine site just outside of Mt. Isa in Queensland, Australia. On these sites you dont have to pay for anything, its all provided. We spoke a few times while I was away and everything appeared to be as good as it could be between us. Biggest misjudgment that I have ever made.

I was flying home through Sydney and decided to stay two nights to visit some long forgotten friends however when I got to the hotel it was all "sorry sir you CC has been declined". Immediately I log on to my bank to discover that I have indeed been shafted. $4k run up on the CC and no savings left whatsoever which was just creeping into the 5 figure territory. I couldn't believe it. So I just couch surfed a few nights in Sydney while seeing friends and explaining what had happened.

Anyhow I ended up catching my flight back to Perth and walked in the front door gobsmacked me. Nothing there... just and empty shell no furniture.... not even a knife and fork and a plate. Just nothing. I cried like a baby for about 2 hours before finally literally running to my mothers house.

Never heard from her again, don't know where she went or how she is getting on. I never pursued legal action because I just didn't think it was worth it.

This is heartbreaking. I'm just presuming its all true because it's so incredible (why register an account just to lie in such an odd manner).

Can't for the life of me think why you wouldn't prosecute for fraud ($4,000 fraud + Several Thousand for apartment furnishings). Maybe I'm just too unromantic when it comes to money. Couple hundred to a thousand I could kiss off to avoid the hassle. More and its just ridiculous.


While I understand your reaction Danglars, it seems like he's leaving some parts out. His later clarification that she had paid for some of his tuition and had bought most of the things in the house makes it more understandable. It's not like they were married and he had easy legal recourse. But I feel like if this situation were reversed, and a guy was living with a woman who told him that she didn't love him anymore, and this guy had spent 9 years of his life supporting this woman, who was just now starting to make money and be self-supporting, your advice to the guy would be to just take everything you can and run. Am I wrong?

Maybe the real heartbreak is that such a split needn't have happened. Monogamy just became too hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI


The guy in this video is absolutely clueless. Not only is his knowledge of history and past cultures woefully inadequate (his take on men being allowed to just have other women free of consequence is factually incorrect), but he's also completely wrong on his other points. "Monogamy is unnatural/we didn't evolve with monogamy/etc" is patently false and he has no basis for it. Monogamy has huge evolutionary merit and has also been seen in cultures across the world throughout history. It didn't just randomly pop up.

I absolutely do not believe monogamy is for everyone. Many people are really bad at it. The part that bugs me is when those people that suck at monogamy try to invalidate the practice by saying that it's bad, futile, or otherwise unnatural. That argument is pretty much always BS, and all it ends up being is that person trying to make themselves feel better for being terrible at monogamous relationships.

If you suck at/don't like monogamous relationships, don't do it. You should be free to be different, and more power to you if you can find a partner that's ok with it (you'd probably have a pretty sweet life if you did). But don't be such a hipster and try to deride the practice as a whole. It just makes you look ridiculous.
A sound mind in a sound body, is a short, but full description of a happy state in this World: he that has these two, has little more to wish for; and he that wants either of them, will be little the better for anything else.
chadissilent
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada1187 Posts
November 29 2013 06:21 GMT
#6533
On November 29 2013 08:35 VayneAuthority wrote:
how do you even have that kind of time 0o her schedule must be pretty free

She just has no soul. Put a golf club through my rear windshield when I cut things off with her.
IgnE
Profile Joined November 2010
United States7681 Posts
November 29 2013 06:27 GMT
#6534
On November 29 2013 13:54 Stratos_speAr wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 29 2013 02:10 IgnE wrote:
On November 28 2013 21:00 Danglars wrote:
On November 28 2013 11:11 GibberMD wrote:
Signed up just to post here.

3 years ago, I attempted to amicably end a 9 year relationship.

So basically it all ended with the conversation of "I don't think that I'm in love with you anymore". This was only shortly before I was due to go away for work at the time so I said we will sort all the belongings and monies and things when I get back. So basically I just wanted to make things easy on both of us just pay the rent, food and bills with our joint money.

I went over for work to a mine site just outside of Mt. Isa in Queensland, Australia. On these sites you dont have to pay for anything, its all provided. We spoke a few times while I was away and everything appeared to be as good as it could be between us. Biggest misjudgment that I have ever made.

I was flying home through Sydney and decided to stay two nights to visit some long forgotten friends however when I got to the hotel it was all "sorry sir you CC has been declined". Immediately I log on to my bank to discover that I have indeed been shafted. $4k run up on the CC and no savings left whatsoever which was just creeping into the 5 figure territory. I couldn't believe it. So I just couch surfed a few nights in Sydney while seeing friends and explaining what had happened.

Anyhow I ended up catching my flight back to Perth and walked in the front door gobsmacked me. Nothing there... just and empty shell no furniture.... not even a knife and fork and a plate. Just nothing. I cried like a baby for about 2 hours before finally literally running to my mothers house.

Never heard from her again, don't know where she went or how she is getting on. I never pursued legal action because I just didn't think it was worth it.

This is heartbreaking. I'm just presuming its all true because it's so incredible (why register an account just to lie in such an odd manner).

Can't for the life of me think why you wouldn't prosecute for fraud ($4,000 fraud + Several Thousand for apartment furnishings). Maybe I'm just too unromantic when it comes to money. Couple hundred to a thousand I could kiss off to avoid the hassle. More and its just ridiculous.


While I understand your reaction Danglars, it seems like he's leaving some parts out. His later clarification that she had paid for some of his tuition and had bought most of the things in the house makes it more understandable. It's not like they were married and he had easy legal recourse. But I feel like if this situation were reversed, and a guy was living with a woman who told him that she didn't love him anymore, and this guy had spent 9 years of his life supporting this woman, who was just now starting to make money and be self-supporting, your advice to the guy would be to just take everything you can and run. Am I wrong?

Maybe the real heartbreak is that such a split needn't have happened. Monogamy just became too hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI


The guy in this video is absolutely clueless. Not only is his knowledge of history and past cultures woefully inadequate (his take on men being allowed to just have other women free of consequence is factually incorrect), but he's also completely wrong on his other points. "Monogamy is unnatural/we didn't evolve with monogamy/etc" is patently false and he has no basis for it. Monogamy has huge evolutionary merit and has also been seen in cultures across the world throughout history. It didn't just randomly pop up.

I absolutely do not believe monogamy is for everyone. Many people are really bad at it. The part that bugs me is when those people that suck at monogamy try to invalidate the practice by saying that it's bad, futile, or otherwise unnatural. That argument is pretty much always BS, and all it ends up being is that person trying to make themselves feel better for being terrible at monogamous relationships.

If you suck at/don't like monogamous relationships, don't do it. You should be free to be different, and more power to you if you can find a partner that's ok with it (you'd probably have a pretty sweet life if you did). But don't be such a hipster and try to deride the practice as a whole. It just makes you look ridiculous.


I don't think you are factually right about much here. You can like monogamy if you want, no one is stopping you.
The unrealistic sound of these propositions is indicative, not of their utopian character, but of the strength of the forces which prevent their realization.
corumjhaelen
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
France6884 Posts
November 29 2013 06:45 GMT
#6535
Am i supposed to take a gay activist that uses a naturalist argument seriously though ?
I kinda agree with what he says overall, but I think he could say it in a much more intelligent way, but alas not as controversial too...
‎numquam se plus agere quam nihil cum ageret, numquam minus solum esse quam cum solus esset
rezoacken
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada2719 Posts
November 29 2013 06:50 GMT
#6536
On November 29 2013 12:48 Drowsy wrote:
Anyone have experience meeting a Korean girlfriend's parents as a westerner? Is there anything I should know about for this kind of situation? Are there sometimes racist attitudes among older generation Koreans in their 50s-60s? First time meeting a girl's parents and it seems like I'm in the hardest possible situation to win their approval.

It's gonna be extra hard in my case because she's 33 and I'm 24. I'm also black/hispanic mixed. I declined her invitation to Thanksgiving this year. She seemed disappointed but understood my apprehension since 3 of her siblings+their spouses (who are all Korean) were going to be there in addition to parents. It's just a lot of pressure to meet all of them in one day.

She's the eldest (and hottest) of her siblings and the only one who's not married, so I'm praying that they're just happy their daughter snagged a man and are willing to overlook the age difference+ethnicity.

annnddd I have extra anxiety because she's not introduced any of her previous BFs to the folks. And they were all Asian.


Might as well kill the abscess and just do meet her family. Its not like you can change your color over time (or your age) so if they dont respect you now because of it they probably never will. If you feel pressured I can understand you missing meeting everyone at once. But don't decline the next invitation. It's useless.

What you can do is just ask her what you can do to make it all go smoother.

In the end if it fails, well it sucks but you wouldn't be the first guy to be disliked by his step family. And then it doesn't mean she would instantly break up or someething especially at 33 (you may even consider that if a girl breaks up with you because of her parents, it's probably a good thing you avoided her).
Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
raga4ka
Profile Joined February 2008
Bulgaria5679 Posts
November 29 2013 17:13 GMT
#6537
On November 28 2013 06:00 LongShot27 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 28 2013 05:50 raga4ka wrote:
On November 28 2013 05:15 LongShot27 wrote:
"So do you still wanna go out sometime?". she says "I duno" or something like that. Tell her that you'd like to take her out, tell her it doesn't have to be anything overly serious but that ya like her and wanna get to know her better. If she says no to that then she isn't worth it


You are probably right , though i would still think she is worth it . I am gonna ask her out maybe tomorrow or today on facebook , and negotiate something easy going cafe or a some kind of a club . But i don't think i should tell her on the phone that i still like her , why not on the date in person ? I don't think she is not the type of girl that would be making stuff up so we can avoid going out , she really is quite busy .


Trust me on this one I felt the dame way as you did a few days ago. Just go up, say it and see what happens. If she says something like "well maybe in so many days" hold her to it. I got the "im going through alot of stuff right now" response so I said "alright we'll talk about it next week". Set a time for it. If you just keep letting it go by that's all that's ever gonna happen.


And what happened ? Did you two go out together or are you still on the roller coaster ?
LongShot27
Profile Joined May 2013
United States2084 Posts
November 29 2013 18:01 GMT
#6538
On November 30 2013 02:13 raga4ka wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 28 2013 06:00 LongShot27 wrote:
On November 28 2013 05:50 raga4ka wrote:
On November 28 2013 05:15 LongShot27 wrote:
"So do you still wanna go out sometime?". she says "I duno" or something like that. Tell her that you'd like to take her out, tell her it doesn't have to be anything overly serious but that ya like her and wanna get to know her better. If she says no to that then she isn't worth it


You are probably right , though i would still think she is worth it . I am gonna ask her out maybe tomorrow or today on facebook , and negotiate something easy going cafe or a some kind of a club . But i don't think i should tell her on the phone that i still like her , why not on the date in person ? I don't think she is not the type of girl that would be making stuff up so we can avoid going out , she really is quite busy .


Trust me on this one I felt the dame way as you did a few days ago. Just go up, say it and see what happens. If she says something like "well maybe in so many days" hold her to it. I got the "im going through alot of stuff right now" response so I said "alright we'll talk about it next week". Set a time for it. If you just keep letting it go by that's all that's ever gonna happen.


And what happened ? Did you two go out together or are you still on the roller coaster ?


Roller coastery until tuesday
If all men were created equal there would be no reason to declare it.
Danglars
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States12133 Posts
November 29 2013 18:07 GMT
#6539
On November 29 2013 12:48 Drowsy wrote:
Anyone have experience meeting a Korean girlfriend's parents as a westerner? Is there anything I should know about for this kind of situation? Are there sometimes racist attitudes among older generation Koreans in their 50s-60s? First time meeting a girl's parents and it seems like I'm in the hardest possible situation to win their approval.

It's gonna be extra hard in my case because she's 33 and I'm 24. I'm also black/hispanic mixed. I declined her invitation to Thanksgiving this year. She seemed disappointed but understood my apprehension since 3 of her siblings+their spouses (who are all Korean) were going to be there in addition to parents. It's just a lot of pressure to meet all of them in one day.

She's the eldest (and hottest) of her siblings and the only one who's not married, so I'm praying that they're just happy their daughter snagged a man and are willing to overlook the age difference+ethnicity.


annnddd I have extra anxiety because she's not introduced any of her previous BFs to the folks. And they were all Asian.

If you have been seriously dating for 6 months to a year or longer, thanksgiving is a good idea. The only reason I'd ever decline is a heavy travel cost or your family all getting together for something big. It's a sign she wants to show you off (vs warning you from coming). If you're very interested in her, you can come to terms with how the inlaws behave even earlier.

I don't know what apprehension there is if you already know her siblings somewhat (know her to be the hottest of them). Just presume her siblings will be happy she's found someone, and manage with whatever cross-cultural or awkward could happen with the parents first meeting you. Christmas?
Great armies come from happy zealots, and happy zealots come from California!
TL+ Member
babylon
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
8765 Posts
November 29 2013 18:31 GMT
#6540
On November 29 2013 12:48 Drowsy wrote:
Anyone have experience meeting a Korean girlfriend's parents as a westerner? Is there anything I should know about for this kind of situation? Are there sometimes racist attitudes among older generation Koreans in their 50s-60s? First time meeting a girl's parents and it seems like I'm in the hardest possible situation to win their approval.

It's gonna be extra hard in my case because she's 33 and I'm 24. I'm also black/hispanic mixed. I declined her invitation to Thanksgiving this year. She seemed disappointed but understood my apprehension since 3 of her siblings+their spouses (who are all Korean) were going to be there in addition to parents. It's just a lot of pressure to meet all of them in one day.

She's the eldest (and hottest) of her siblings and the only one who's not married, so I'm praying that they're just happy their daughter snagged a man and are willing to overlook the age difference+ethnicity.


annnddd I have extra anxiety because she's not introduced any of her previous BFs to the folks. And they were all Asian.

Good luck. I don't really have any advice, other than if her parents decide they don't like you based on your ethnicity and age, then it's unlikely you'll change their mind even if you act like the most upstanding, culturally sensitive young man.

One of my brothers' friends (Chinese) has been dating this white girl for years now, and he wants to marry her... his parents were fine with the relationship when they were just dating, but as soon as he said anything about marriage, they're suddenly turned all hostile and may be trying to sabotage the relationship, just (1) because she's not Chinese, and (2) because she's not a stay-at-home woman (in med school). Never thought I'd see the day that modernish Chinese parents wouldn't be fine with another doctor in the house.
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