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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 19 2013 09:21 Cirqueenflex wrote:Show nested quote +On July 18 2013 22:57 TheFish7 wrote:
Ah, I have observed this behaviour in the enigmatic femalus mammalius before. she might be trying to test the waters. I have known girls who knew their relationship with their current bf was at an end, but wouldn't break up with him until she had another one lined up. (Which makes sense if she can't stand the idea of going two weeks without sex, although pretty messed up if you ask me as I have a strong policy of ending relationships I know to be at an end) a wise friend of mine once said: "a girl and her boyfriend is like a monkey and a bough/branch. She won't let go until she has the next one firmly in her hand." it is very common behaviour, and seems to stem more from the social need of having a boyfriend then the sex part. After all, most girls seem to mainly talk about relationships (their own and other peoples. That's also the reason why gossip magazines exist at all). Just a couple hours ago I was in a train, near two groups of girls. Both groups talked about all the relationships of all the people they know, and a bit about not remembering a recent event due to drinking too much. And quite some about shopping and clothes. Then one girl started saying "girl talk, girl talk" as she noticed both groups kept circling around all the "girl talk". And then suddenly: "guys must have no problems at all". Made my day. That and her friend shortly after confessing that they spent quite some time in the big city walking in a circle because she messed up holding the map into the right direction multiple times.
the "social need to have a boyfriend" you refer to exists because women, unlike men, are demeaned and branded as "sluts" who are less desirable to date if they have sex or spend time with guys who are not their "boyfriend."
the truth is that all the behavior you describe is common in men as well, but women are subject to different social conditions which create such stereotypes.
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On July 18 2013 23:35 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On July 18 2013 23:07 Shiori wrote:On July 18 2013 22:57 TheFish7 wrote:
Ah, I have observed this behaviour in the enigmatic femalus mammalius before. she might be trying to test the waters. I have known girls who knew their relationship with their current bf was at an end, but wouldn't break up with him until she had another one lined up. (Which makes sense if she can't stand the idea of going two weeks without sex, although pretty messed up if you ask me as I have a strong policy of ending relationships I know to be at an end) Yeah, I would never date a girl who did this. You'd just know that the second the two of you break up (since apparently she's cool with setting things up while she's in a relationship to occur after said relationship ergo she practically plans to break up) she'll be with some other guy. No thanks, don't need that shit. I'd rather not wonder how long before the breakup she was looking for other guys and staying with me just for her own insecurity. Hf not getting along with the absolute totality of girls
No worries; I prefer women to girls, anyway.
Pretty defeatist... "how long before the [inevitable] breakup" ...
A girl who has a pattern of seeking out a new guy to date while she's still in a relationship is the kind of girl that I'd say is likely to "inevitably" break up. I didn't mean that from my point of view break ups are inevitable, but merely that with a girl like that, it'd be practically a foregone conclusion, since she has a history of leaping from one r/s to the next. Means her understanding of relationships is immature.
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On July 19 2013 09:34 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On July 18 2013 23:35 aTnClouD wrote:On July 18 2013 23:07 Shiori wrote:On July 18 2013 22:57 TheFish7 wrote:
Ah, I have observed this behaviour in the enigmatic femalus mammalius before. she might be trying to test the waters. I have known girls who knew their relationship with their current bf was at an end, but wouldn't break up with him until she had another one lined up. (Which makes sense if she can't stand the idea of going two weeks without sex, although pretty messed up if you ask me as I have a strong policy of ending relationships I know to be at an end) Yeah, I would never date a girl who did this. You'd just know that the second the two of you break up (since apparently she's cool with setting things up while she's in a relationship to occur after said relationship ergo she practically plans to break up) she'll be with some other guy. No thanks, don't need that shit. I'd rather not wonder how long before the breakup she was looking for other guys and staying with me just for her own insecurity. Hf not getting along with the absolute totality of girls No worries; I prefer women to girls, anyway. A girl who has a pattern of seeking out a new guy to date while she's still in a relationship is the kind of girl that I'd say is likely to "inevitably" break up. I didn't mean that from my point of view break ups are inevitable, but merely that with a girl like that, it'd be practically a foregone conclusion, since she has a history of leaping from one r/s to the next. Means her understanding of relationships is immature.
I take it more to mean that a woman (and men too, I don't see why not) want to make sure that they have something to fall back on. They may not actively search for it, but if they happen to find someone who they think is better than you, they'll test the waters and see what options they have.
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On July 19 2013 09:21 Cirqueenflex wrote:Show nested quote +On July 18 2013 22:57 TheFish7 wrote:
Ah, I have observed this behaviour in the enigmatic femalus mammalius before. she might be trying to test the waters. I have known girls who knew their relationship with their current bf was at an end, but wouldn't break up with him until she had another one lined up. (Which makes sense if she can't stand the idea of going two weeks without sex, although pretty messed up if you ask me as I have a strong policy of ending relationships I know to be at an end) a wise friend of mine once said: "a girl and her boyfriend is like a monkey and a bough/branch. She won't let go until she has the next one firmly in her hand." it is very common behaviour, and seems to stem more from the social need of having a boyfriend then the sex part. After all, most girls seem to mainly talk about relationships (their own and other peoples. That's also the reason why gossip magazines exist at all). Just a couple hours ago I was in a train, near two groups of girls. Both groups talked about all the relationships of all the people they know, and a bit about not remembering a recent event due to drinking too much. And quite some about shopping and clothes. Then one girl started saying "girl talk, girl talk" as she noticed both groups kept circling around all the "girl talk". And then suddenly: "guys must have no problems at all". Made my day. That and her friend shortly after confessing that they spent quite some time in the big city walking in a circle because she messed up holding the map into the right direction multiple times.
yes, and all of us dudes are sex addicted pigs who cant help but cheat and beat our women...
your friend is a dumbass.
judge shit like that on an individual basis
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There are definitely girls who roll from one relationship into the other but I know plenty of girls who go without relationships and sex for months.
Also I have to add that I think those relationship hoppers are a bit disturbing and quite a deal breaker for me.
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On July 19 2013 05:53 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 18 2013 23:43 pyro19 wrote:
I have no dating life..Haven't had a Girlfriend since I've been out of High School and the one I did have was Worth the Wait but has now since Moved to London..I did go and visit her and the spark is still there but is it worth holding out for ?
QQ Any reason you can't stay with her for at least a little while?
Cuz I live in another Country T_T
Also Uni 
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I met a girl like 2 month ago, when my friends and I had gone out for a drink after we finished an exam. She's been there with us as well. We've had some nice conversations going but hadn't talked for about a month after this evening.
So one month ago she wrote me a message and asked me if I'd like to go out for diner with her. I was pretty surprised as I hadn't thought about her since back then. As I recognized her being a nice person I accepted her offer and we went out together. It was a damn nice evening and we've been there until the bar closes (3am) and had great conversations.
As we both liked it we continued to meet each other like 3 or 4 more times and it's been really nice every single time.
There were some romantic moments but nothing precisely directing to a kiss or sth. similar.
The next date we've had, there was a nice moment and I told her, that I kinda fell a bit in love with her, as I really enjoyed the last couple weeks with her. She answered that she felt the same and that she was really surprised how fast it all went, and that she definitely enjoyed the time we've had as much as I did.
In the last week we haven't been able to meet each other as we've both had 4 exams in one week. Two days ago we finished them, so I thought we could spend time with each other again.
Yesterday she wrote me a text message that it all went a too fast for her, and that she was irritated with what I said to her, and she'd prefer it to not meet each other, at least not on a dating basis. She'd instead like to keep it in the friendship zone.
Am I right if I understand this as a polite way to turn me down? As I understood it like that. Not too bad if it's the case, as things like these just happen, I'm just irritated.
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On July 19 2013 17:29 Baumbart wrote:
I met a girl like 2 month ago, when my friends and I had gone out for a drink after we finished an exam. She's been there with us as well. We've had some nice conversations going but hadn't talked for about a month after this evening.
So one month ago she wrote me a message and asked me if I'd like to go out for diner with her. I was pretty surprised as I hadn't thought about her since back then. As I recognized her being a nice person I accepted her offer and we went out together. It was a damn nice evening and we've been there until the bar closes (3am) and had great conversations.
As we both liked it we continued to meet each other like 3 or 4 more times and it's been really nice every single time.
There were some romantic moments but nothing precisely directing to a kiss or sth. similar.
The next date we've had, there was a nice moment and I told her, that I kinda fell a bit in love with her, as I really enjoyed the last couple weeks with her. She answered that she felt the same and that she was really surprised how fast it all went, and that she definitely enjoyed the time we've had as much as I did.
In the last week we haven't been able to meet each other as we've both had 4 exams in one week. Two days ago we finished them, so I thought we could spend time with each other again.
Yesterday she wrote me a text message that it all went a too fast for her, and that she was irritated with what I said to her, and she'd prefer it to not meet each other, at least not on a dating basis. She'd instead like to keep it in the friendship zone.
Am I right if I understand this as a polite way to turn me down? As I understood it like that. Not too bad if it's the case, as things like these just happen, I'm just irritated.
You fucked up. You should have told her much earlier maybe on 2nd or 3rd date. If you felt it then she probably also felt it yet you didn't do anything like lean in for a kiss or hug her and so she immediately registers that as weakness. Come on man you stayed until a bar closed! What the fuck did you think she was waiting for. Girls like to fuck too.
Maybe she had doubts and maybe she has a boyfriend already. Now you are just the same as every other average guy and not an alpha so she has no good reason to choose you. She is hesitant to get into a relationship with you now since you have shown you have nothing exceptional to offer.
Better luck next time.
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On July 19 2013 18:05 pyrogenetix wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 17:29 Baumbart wrote:
I met a girl like 2 month ago, when my friends and I had gone out for a drink after we finished an exam. She's been there with us as well. We've had some nice conversations going but hadn't talked for about a month after this evening.
So one month ago she wrote me a message and asked me if I'd like to go out for diner with her. I was pretty surprised as I hadn't thought about her since back then. As I recognized her being a nice person I accepted her offer and we went out together. It was a damn nice evening and we've been there until the bar closes (3am) and had great conversations.
As we both liked it we continued to meet each other like 3 or 4 more times and it's been really nice every single time.
There were some romantic moments but nothing precisely directing to a kiss or sth. similar.
The next date we've had, there was a nice moment and I told her, that I kinda fell a bit in love with her, as I really enjoyed the last couple weeks with her. She answered that she felt the same and that she was really surprised how fast it all went, and that she definitely enjoyed the time we've had as much as I did.
In the last week we haven't been able to meet each other as we've both had 4 exams in one week. Two days ago we finished them, so I thought we could spend time with each other again.
Yesterday she wrote me a text message that it all went a too fast for her, and that she was irritated with what I said to her, and she'd prefer it to not meet each other, at least not on a dating basis. She'd instead like to keep it in the friendship zone.
Am I right if I understand this as a polite way to turn me down? As I understood it like that. Not too bad if it's the case, as things like these just happen, I'm just irritated. You fucked up. You should have told her much earlier maybe on 2nd or 3rd date. If you felt it then she probably also felt it yet you didn't do anything like lean in for a kiss or hug her and so she immediately registers that as weakness. Come on man you stayed until a bar closed! What the fuck did you think she was waiting for. Girls like to fuck too. Maybe she had doubts and maybe she has a boyfriend already. Now you are just the same as every other average guy and not an alpha so she has no good reason to choose you. She is hesitant to get into a relationship with you now since you have shown you have nothing exceptional to offer. Better luck next time.
This. She already asked YOU out, you went on three dates and you still didn't make a move. That was weak on your part. I'm a firm believer in sex as a precursor to a relationship, not vice versa. Even though she said it was going too fast, I believe the opposite is true. Chick logic for ya :-)
That's my take at least. I don't know you or the girl so all we can do is speculate
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On July 19 2013 17:29 Baumbart wrote:
I met a girl like 2 month ago, when my friends and I had gone out for a drink after we finished an exam. She's been there with us as well. We've had some nice conversations going but hadn't talked for about a month after this evening.
So one month ago she wrote me a message and asked me if I'd like to go out for diner with her. I was pretty surprised as I hadn't thought about her since back then. As I recognized her being a nice person I accepted her offer and we went out together. It was a damn nice evening and we've been there until the bar closes (3am) and had great conversations.
As we both liked it we continued to meet each other like 3 or 4 more times and it's been really nice every single time.
There were some romantic moments but nothing precisely directing to a kiss or sth. similar.
The next date we've had, there was a nice moment and I told her, that I kinda fell a bit in love with her, as I really enjoyed the last couple weeks with her. She answered that she felt the same and that she was really surprised how fast it all went, and that she definitely enjoyed the time we've had as much as I did.
In the last week we haven't been able to meet each other as we've both had 4 exams in one week. Two days ago we finished them, so I thought we could spend time with each other again.
Yesterday she wrote me a text message that it all went a too fast for her, and that she was irritated with what I said to her, and she'd prefer it to not meet each other, at least not on a dating basis. She'd instead like to keep it in the friendship zone.
Am I right if I understand this as a polite way to turn me down? As I understood it like that. Not too bad if it's the case, as things like these just happen, I'm just irritated.
Well, if you're not feeling too bad with it, and then just say something like "okay, no problem". If it looks like you don't care, she may become annoyed and try and pursue a relationship with you afterwards.
Or the above posters could be right, and you might be able to salvage something if you can make her believe that it's a good idea to go out with you.
Really, you'd probably know the answer much more than us, since the appropriate response will be based on her own personality.
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This thread is still has funny. Between the bragging virgins, the pseudo-alphas and their bullshit advices, the self-loathing ... Humanity in its splendor.
As for me, I'm still with my girlfriend, she came to Paris this year, worked her ass off like a boss and got into the master she wanted despite having learned french for only a year. I'm dating an awesome girl !
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This thread is still has funny. Between the bragging virgins, the pseudo-alphas and their bullshit advices, the self-loathing ... Humanity in its splendor.
You could add those who brag about how awesome their girlfriend is.
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On July 19 2013 18:39 Otolia wrote:
This thread is still has funny. Between the bragging virgins, the pseudo-alphas and their bullshit advices, the self-loathing ... Humanity in its splendor.
As for me, I'm still with my girlfriend, she came to Paris this year, worked her ass off like a boss and got into the master she wanted despite having learned french for only a year. I'm dating an awesome girl !
You must be joking with that post. If you honestly believe you are elevated above the rest of us posting in this thread then your ego is playing tricks on you.
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On July 19 2013 17:29 Baumbart wrote:
I met a girl like 2 month ago, when my friends and I had gone out for a drink after we finished an exam. She's been there with us as well. We've had some nice conversations going but hadn't talked for about a month after this evening.
So one month ago she wrote me a message and asked me if I'd like to go out for diner with her. I was pretty surprised as I hadn't thought about her since back then. As I recognized her being a nice person I accepted her offer and we went out together. It was a damn nice evening and we've been there until the bar closes (3am) and had great conversations.
As we both liked it we continued to meet each other like 3 or 4 more times and it's been really nice every single time.
There were some romantic moments but nothing precisely directing to a kiss or sth. similar.
The next date we've had, there was a nice moment and I told her, that I kinda fell a bit in love with her, as I really enjoyed the last couple weeks with her. She answered that she felt the same and that she was really surprised how fast it all went, and that she definitely enjoyed the time we've had as much as I did.
In the last week we haven't been able to meet each other as we've both had 4 exams in one week. Two days ago we finished them, so I thought we could spend time with each other again.
Yesterday she wrote me a text message that it all went a too fast for her, and that she was irritated with what I said to her, and she'd prefer it to not meet each other, at least not on a dating basis. She'd instead like to keep it in the friendship zone.
Am I right if I understand this as a polite way to turn me down? As I understood it like that. Not too bad if it's the case, as things like these just happen, I'm just irritated.
Oh man, she said you went too fast but in reality you went too slow. Also you told her you fell a bit in love? That's instant deal breaker.
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God dammit, I am the biggest pussy. It's 430am and I'm on my coworkers couch where I was previously just cuddling with her insanely beautiful friend and of course I didn't have the nerve to just kiss her. What the fuck is wrong with me? I am thee worst closer ever. So fucking mad at myself right now. Gonna be even more bummed in the morning once I've sobered up. Fuuuuuck.
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At least you did not puke on her. This can be fixed still!
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I got her number.... Tomorrow I'm asking her out on a date in order to redeem myself. Nonetheless, disappointed.
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Well you still got the number, good luck ^^
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EPT
