EPT
, I'm 22. Me and my GF have been together for a 1 year now , she was my Best Friend for another year before we got together :D and to me that is super awesome :DDating: How's your luck? - Page 186
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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never_Nal
Costa Rica676 Posts
, I'm 22. Me and my GF have been together for a 1 year now , she was my Best Friend for another year before we got together :D and to me that is super awesome :D | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On June 07 2013 04:36 Grumbels wrote: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q0rjp/fr_my_first_threesome_including_structure/ (every second post is like that) And Grumbels goes for downtown, SCORE! (not in that sense) | ||
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Jan1997
Norway671 Posts
On June 06 2013 22:20 Grumbels wrote: Slightly off-topic, I found this post on reddit and I guess I kind of wanted to put it up here as a case study, to see what people here think of it. + Show Spoiler + Yes, nobody likes a shy and modest man that is easily satisfied with his basic needs and doesn't actually enjoy dominance while truly caring about others. I enjoy playing computer games, I don't care about fashion or my physical appearance, I don't actually enjoy going out and dancing, I don't actually enjoy being in a room with many people, I don't actually enjoy being extroverted. I really enjoy D&D, manga, anime, books, games, and all that shit. I don't give a shit about sports. I don't like to cook and would rather order Chinese every day. I don't like to fight. I don't even like to talk very much. I don't like to lead at all. I don't like being confident and I naturally question everything I do and think that's a good thing. Actually, I think people who actually are confident about their actions and opinions are idiots. I actually like the people I'm with and don't want to lose them and do get upset and jealous when they interact with other men and would love to tell them, so I am naturally clingy. I also don't give a shit about most of the nonsense hot women usually are interested in. I don't find things funny or appealing that naturally outgoing and fit people find funny or appealing. In short: I'm a huge nerd and would rather sit at home all day, reading a book in front of a logfire while petting a fluffy cat. For activities with friends I would choose to play PC games for days on end. But guess what: I like to have sex with hot women. And hot women usually don't like any of the things I like. And girls who do like what I like in most cases aren't hot. And to have sex with hot women I have to lie about more or less everything I actually am: I do sports to stay fit and pretend to enjoy it and care, I eat healthy and pretend to enjoy it and care, I cook a lot and pretend to enjoy it and care, I learn about stuff I don't give the slightest shit about, I pretend to be confident, I pretend not to care that much about other people, I don't talk about science, books, manga, and games despite those topics being so much more interesting than everything else, I do stand up for myself rather than running away and calling the cops (which I think is the better alternative to aggression), I talk all the time and have practiced smalltalk and am better at it than people who actually do like to talk. I won't interject and contradict people all the time, I won't try and debate people all the time when it comes to politics and won't annoy them with endless monologues nor will I call them out when they say something stupid (just look at my comment history here on reddit... that kind of interaction is what I find entertaining and worthwhile). Why do I do all that? Because that gets me hot women and significantly more dates. That was a pretty darn accurate post. I don't understand why it works like this though. Why can't people just like each other for who they are? Why does confidence play such a big role when it shouldn't be? | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
On June 07 2013 04:47 Zooper31 wrote: And Grumbels goes for downtown, SCORE! (not in that sense) myeah, it's funny to read :p | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 07 2013 04:36 Grumbels wrote: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q0rjp/fr_my_first_threesome_including_structure/ (every second post is like that) One cherry-picked anecdote does not indicate a trend. You'll also note that this was the user's 2nd (out of only 2 total) submissions to r/seduction, and that the most highly upvoted post (among others) pointed out that the OP used too much jargon/acronyms. Beginners to any sort of pursuit tend to overuse technical terms and jargon as they become used to the material. That should tell you that your linked post is an outlier, not the norm. This post from the thread sums it up: Anyway, I think all technical pursuits and subcultures use technical lingo and/or abbreviations, no? In addition to providing easy reference to concepts the audience is already familiar with, it provides a way to be opaque to outsiders. And communities which are used to being judged harshly and unjustly by outsiders have good reason to be opaque. That how you get everything from cockney rhyming slang to ebonics to PUA lingo. Now, this guy went a little overboard by using acronymic references to something that is not really considered a canonical or foundational text, but merely one person's set of methods. As such, several people in this very thread called him on being uselessly opaque. | ||
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BeyondCtrL
Sweden642 Posts
On June 07 2013 02:19 gedatsu wrote: Your comparison is terrible. Of course "physically fit, healthy body and intelligent" is more attractive than "below average fitness, intelligence and is sickly". You're setting three positive traits against three negative ones. We're talking about which positive trait is more important, so you are missing the mark by several miles. A better comparison is: imagine two men in their 40s. One is completely healthy, can do handstands and is expected to live until age 110, but he doesn't have that many friends, has some money problems and is easily talked down by others. The other has a very large social circle which always laughs at all his jokes, he has a lot of money and people defer to his opinion. But on the other hand he visits the doctor a few times per year, smokes, and can't bench anything close to his own body weight. Everything else between these two guys is equal. Who do you think gets more female attention? Everything about these guys is equal and different? The first guy sounds like a social outcast or has anxiety, indicating that he has an unhealthy psychology and the second guy you describes is quite average when you balance his health and social life. Also the comparison was made for the social status, just because people laugh at your jokes and you have many friends does not make you attractive, in fact there is nothing to indicate that that even increases the attractiveness. Additionally your argument is completely flawed since you have put both males in different wealth, health, and social status groups, of course the choice is obvious. My point was that if you want to see if social status is the primary factor by which attractiveness is measured then any difference between two males of the same status would not make any difference in their perceived value, yet there clearly is as I have pointed out. It is you, sir, that have completely missed the mark by several miles. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 07 2013 05:52 BeyondCtrL wrote: Everything about these guys is equal and different? The first guy sounds like a social outcast or has anxiety, indicating that he has an unhealthy psychology and the second guy you describes is quite average when you balance his health and social life. Also the comparison was made for the social status, just because people laugh at your jokes and you have many friends does not make you attractive, in fact there is nothing to indicate that that even increases the attractiveness. Additionally your argument is completely flawed since you have put both males in different wealth, health, and social status groups, of course the choice is obvious. My point was that if you want to see if social status is the primary factor by which attractiveness is measured then any difference between two males of the same status would not make any difference in their perceived value, yet there clearly is as I have pointed out. It is you, sir, that have completely missed the mark by several miles. Your argument does not fit your conclusion. The example you gave shows that, all other things equal, a man who is healthy is more attractive than a man who is not. Nobody here has disputed this. However, the discussion we're having is whether health is the most important factor for determining male attractiveness. Your arguments do not support this notion. On top of this, you are lumping in non-health factors such as fashion under your definition of "health" (when fashion has been established by academic research as a form of status display). It would appear that you are creating not only an unsupported argument, but one that is unfalsifiable because of your spurious definitions. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
Let's get back to just talking about random stories people have about their dating life and not the scientific reasons why a guy is attractive. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 07 2013 07:09 Zooper31 wrote: Not sure if these arguments are stupid because of the PUA crazies or the overuse of complicated big words when trying to sound smart. Let's get back to just talking about random stories people have about their dating life and not the scientific reasons why a guy is attractive. Would you go into the US politics thread and tell them to talk about random US politics news stories, and not analyze why things happen the way they do? | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On June 07 2013 07:28 sunprince wrote: Would you go into the US politics thread and tell them to talk about random US politics news stories, and not analyze why things happen the way they do? This thread is about one's dating life. Not the scientific journals about why people are attractive. Your analogy is bad. Politics is in itself just a series of interactions trying to get certain things to happen, perfectly viable to talk and analyze it. This is a thread about people's dating lives and the OP asked us to share them. This argument is OT imo. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 07 2013 07:31 Zooper31 wrote: This thread is about one's dating life. Not the scientific journals about why people are attractive. Your analogy is bad. Politics is in itself just a series of interactions trying to get certain things to happen, perfectly viable to talk and analyze it. This is a thread about people's dating lives and the OP asked us to share them. The point I'm making is that talking about a story and analyzing the situation behind it is a natural progression from sharing a story. On June 07 2013 07:31 Zooper31 wrote: This argument is OT imo. Ironic that you say that when you started it. Or is it okay for you to tell others to shut up, and only OT when other people disagree with your demands? | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On June 07 2013 07:40 sunprince wrote: The point I'm making is that talking about a story and analyzing the situation behind it is a natural progression from sharing a story. And the point I'm trying to make is that this discussion has gone far beyond just analyzing a date someone had or giving advice to people when they share their experiences. We are quoting scientific journals and arguing about the definition of words and trying to prove that one's opinion is correct and someone else's is wrong when talking about something as opinionated as dating. Ok I'll stop responding and make this less OT since you request it so. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 07 2013 07:44 Zooper31 wrote: And the point I'm trying to make is that this discussion has gone far beyond just analyzing a date someone had or giving advice to people when they share their experiences. We are quoting scientific journals and arguing about the definition of words and trying to prove that one's opinion is correct and someone else's is wrong when talking about something as opinionated as dating. Some opinions are more truthful/correct than others. The problem is that there are some people in here giving poor analysis/advice, and that when those of us who are more knowledgeable correct them, they resist until we present mounting piles of evidence. It's just like how StarCraft strategy threads may devolve into arguments with cited evidence when low-level players present bad advice and stubbornly defend it. When that happens, it takes a more in-depth discussion to debunk them. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
On June 07 2013 05:52 sunprince wrote: One cherry-picked anecdote does not indicate a trend. You'll also note that this was the user's 2nd (out of only 2 total) submissions to r/seduction, and that the most highly upvoted post (among others) pointed out that the OP used too much jargon/acronyms. Beginners to any sort of pursuit tend to overuse technical terms and jargon as they become used to the material. That should tell you that your linked post is an outlier, not the norm. This post from the thread sums it up: I didn't cherry pick it, I browsed /r/seduction for three minutes and came across it and remembered your denial that they use technical terms so I decided to post it here. For your benefit I checked the 10 or so highest rated threads that include [FR] (Field Report) in the title and I found that in most of them the author uses words like HB, kino, and in all the others some of the comments bring it up. To your credit I couldn't really find any mention of negging, so maybe they retired that term. Some of those field reports really resemble a description of a boxing match though, you dodge then you retaliate then you isolate and then you close. (...) | ||
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Gaphunkyl
Australia20 Posts
User was banned for this post. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 07 2013 07:56 Grumbels wrote: I didn't cherry pick it, I browsed /r/seduction for three minutes and came across it and remembered your denial that they use technical terms so I decided to post it here. For your benefit I checked the 10 or so highest rated threads that include [FR] (Field Report) in the title and I found that in most of them the author uses words like HB, kino, and in all the others some of the comments bring it up. To your credit I couldn't really find any mention of negging, so maybe they retired that term. Here's a quick search of highly upvoted field report threads. The majority use some degree of jargon, but aren't overloaded to the point that they are unintelligible to those unfamiliar with their terminology, contrary to your initial characterization. As the quote I supplied from your initial linked thread states, PUAs would consider that level of excessive jargon to be "uselessly opaque". On June 07 2013 07:56 Grumbels wrote: Some of those field reports really resemble a description of a boxing match though, you dodge then you retaliate then you isolate and then you close. (...) That's how seduction (and social interaction in general) works. Most people simply aren't conscious enough of the process to describe what's happening, or choose to describe social interactions in a more politically correct fashion. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
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aTnClouD
Italy2428 Posts
On June 07 2013 09:02 Ghostcom wrote: I would argue that one has misunderstood the fundamentals of dating (or social interaction) if one considers it a boxing match. Considering how happy PUAs are with their pseudoscience insistence on looking at primal instincts for explanations I find it hilarious that they neglect the tidbit about why any species is social to begin with (hint: It is NOT to fight within the society). The whole point PUAs make is that we live in a society where we don't need our primal instincts but still retain them because biological evolution didn't go on par with technology and the explosion of human population. While women are very counterintuitive and irrational today they weren't a few thousands years back. They say that you have to play by these old rules to understand them, because if you play by logic you are going to lose. I personally found in the PUA community many answers I have been looking for my whole life and it greatly improved my interaction with women and sex life. | ||
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Shiori
3815 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
On June 07 2013 09:38 aTnClouD wrote: The whole point PUAs make is that we live in a society where we don't need our primal instincts but still retain them because biological evolution didn't go on par with technology and the explosion of human population. While women are very counterintuitive and irrational today they weren't a few thousands years back. They say that you have to play by these old rules to understand them, because if you play by logic you are going to lose. I personally found in the PUA community many answers I have been looking for my whole life and it greatly improved my interaction with women and sex life. I do not find women to be irrational nor counterintuitive in a modern context. Shiori nailed it pretty hard. | ||
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