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On May 30 2013 00:16 LostWraithSC wrote: Forgive as I rant about my incredibly foolish story...
I met a girl at work last year and we ended up working on the same project. We became pretty good friends quickly, and one day she gave me an overly obvious hint that she liked me (as more than a coworker). I, in my incredible idiocy/stubbornness, felt she wasn't really "my type", and didn't want to risk awkwardness at work. So I friend-zoned her
We continued to hang out as good friends and neither of us made a big deal about it. At one point some people at our company just assumed we are dating since we were so close. This later led to some awkward conversations between us, where we agreed that it wouldn't work between us.
However, after being such good friends (we've been close for about six months now) my feelings have gradually changed. We've been trying to wing for each other at parties, to no success. At one point I realized that I would be really sad if she started dating another guy, and I wanted to be with her for every movie, every party, basically all the time.
So last weekend we went to see an animated movie together. After the movie I told her I had changed my mind and want to be more than friends. She told me she needs time to think about it and she's confused. She has a big exam this Saturday that she's stressing out for, and we'll catch up again after that.
TLDR: Friend-zoned a great girl; want her back after months of great friendship; she needs time to think about it.
So that's the story of my life right now. I welcome any advice. Feel free to just call me an idiot too since I deserve it. Lots of guys try to get out of the friend-zone, though I'm probably the only one who's trying to escape one that I set up in the first place.
If you were sure that is how you felt about her, you should have just (semi-aggressively) kissed her after the movie. That would have sent a clearer signal than any words would have, and made her think about you in the way you wanted (or more likely to).
I would suggest doing so at the end of the next time you are hanging out (again, though, be sure that is what you want from her).
I would certainly do that, if we weren't coworkers. I agree it's a good move but it's risky and if she takes it the wrong way this can have very dire consequences in the office if the gossip ever gets out. In similar response to evo's comment above, that's also why I've been more reserved with her and not out with my full "game". (not my favorite word) Good advices for different circumstances though. Thanks.
In general you want to avoid a sudden huge transition. A kiss without any previous physical escalation barely never works, simply because you didn't build anything beforehand. If you go from casual touching to something more intimate (holding hands for a while, stroking her back/upper thigh, whispering into her ear, cuddling) into to something even more intimate (massaging her neck, a bit of biting or similar stuff) and then towards the kiss it's suddenly no big deal and it has the additional advantage that she could have stopped you at any of the previous stages without causing major embarrassment for either of you.
That's why a good physical escalation slowly, well, escalates and what makes it socially intelligent as well.
edit: It also doesn't require you to "read signs" besides her taking your hand off her thigh. Keep in mind that the concept of a smooth escalation relies on her not complying if she doesn't want to take it further which is not a given for every single woman out there. When I'd be unsure whether she is just tolerating instead of actually complying that's one of the few cases where I'd verbalize the whole thing, juuust in case.
So, the last time I posted here it was about that Girl who I somehow got the number of at a local bar and found out she lived 4 hours away.
Long story short We talked a lot for a few weeks even though I started off really conservative because of the distance, but I drove out there after being invited over Memorial day weekend. I figured we had a lot in common, had a similar outlook on life and similar humor that it would be cool to see a city I've never been to before.
First day at her place was cool, hung out, watched The Hangover, got to know her and her roommate, made dinner, ate and went to bed. I really had no expectations going in so I was surprised when she asked me to come to bed with her. We talk for hours then she straight up says Fuck it and kisses me and starts making out with me. Goes on from there but she suddenly stop and says "No I said I be good with you" and we go back to talking.
Next day is awesome too, Chill at her place playing guitar hero, talking, watch The Hangover 2, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Go to bed again but this time a bit earlier, talk for a bit. Which leads to a conversation about "this is stupid". Meaning Me and her being 4 hours apart and somehow ending up sleeping in the same bed together.
Day three we hang out a bit then go see Hangover 3, go back to her place packed up my stuff got ready to leave and she gives me a kiss goodbye.
Kinda confused if I did alright or not. Considering she went to Vegas this week and hasn't talked to me much because of it. I'm whatever about it though, did something I never would have done. Expanded my horizons, met some cool people, and saw a beautiful city. Can't complain.
On May 30 2013 14:53 Shotcoder wrote: So, the last time I posted here it was about that Girl who I somehow got the number of at a local bar and found out she lived 4 hours away.
Long story short We talked a lot for a few weeks even though I started off really conservative because of the distance, but I drove out there after being invited over Memorial day weekend. I figured we had a lot in common, had a similar outlook on life and similar humor that it would be cool to see a city I've never been to before.
First day at her place was cool, hung out, watched The Hangover, got to know her and her roommate, made dinner, ate and went to bed. I really had no expectations going in so I was surprised when she asked me to come to bed with her. We talk for hours then she straight up says Fuck it and kisses me and starts making out with me. Goes on from there but she suddenly stop and says "No I said I be good with you" and we go back to talking.
Next day is awesome too, Chill at her place playing guitar hero, talking, watch The Hangover 2, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Go to bed again but this time a bit earlier, talk for a bit. Which leads to a conversation about "this is stupid". Meaning Me and her being 4 hours apart and somehow ending up sleeping in the same bed together.
Day three we hang out a bit then go see Hangover 3, go back to her place packed up my stuff got ready to leave and she gives me a kiss goodbye.
Kinda confused if I did alright or not. Considering she went to Vegas this week and hasn't talked to me much because of it. I'm whatever about it though, did something I never would have done. Expanded my horizons, met some cool people, and saw a beautiful city. Can't complain.
Woah man, that's pretty dope. I like these kind of adventures, I think whatever happens you shouldn't regret it the least. A bit weirded out on why you specifically watched a hangover movie every day, there's probably two million better ways to spend time but this is just my subjective take on the franchise. Anyway, big ups for the trip.
On May 30 2013 14:53 Shotcoder wrote: So, the last time I posted here it was about that Girl who I somehow got the number of at a local bar and found out she lived 4 hours away.
Long story short We talked a lot for a few weeks even though I started off really conservative because of the distance, but I drove out there after being invited over Memorial day weekend. I figured we had a lot in common, had a similar outlook on life and similar humor that it would be cool to see a city I've never been to before.
First day at her place was cool, hung out, watched The Hangover, got to know her and her roommate, made dinner, ate and went to bed. I really had no expectations going in so I was surprised when she asked me to come to bed with her. We talk for hours then she straight up says Fuck it and kisses me and starts making out with me. Goes on from there but she suddenly stop and says "No I said I be good with you" and we go back to talking.
Next day is awesome too, Chill at her place playing guitar hero, talking, watch The Hangover 2, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Go to bed again but this time a bit earlier, talk for a bit. Which leads to a conversation about "this is stupid". Meaning Me and her being 4 hours apart and somehow ending up sleeping in the same bed together.
Day three we hang out a bit then go see Hangover 3, go back to her place packed up my stuff got ready to leave and she gives me a kiss goodbye.
Kinda confused if I did alright or not. Considering she went to Vegas this week and hasn't talked to me much because of it. I'm whatever about it though, did something I never would have done. Expanded my horizons, met some cool people, and saw a beautiful city. Can't complain.
Woah man, that's pretty dope. I like these kind of adventures, I think whatever happens you shouldn't regret it the least. A bit weirded out on why you specifically watched a hangover movie every day, there's probably two million better ways to spend time but this is just my subjective take on the franchise. Anyway, big ups for the trip.
She was going to Vegas and Hangover 3 was coming out so that's essentially the reasoning lol.
Don't date someone at work! It's a huuuuuge mistake. My last ex, someone I broke up with less than three months ago, was a co-worker.
The first two months were hella sweet. Go to work, spend all day together, come home, crash at my place, spend the whole talking and fucking. Rinse repeat.
But there's an old saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Man alive, ain't that the truth. There becomes a thing as spending too much time together. Slowly, over time we got sick of each others company. And then all of our other smaller problems, which would have been fine had we had time to ourselves and to reflect on the relationship, suddenly became a lot greater.
And the last thing is, breakups are very rarely mutual. Which means if you guys break up, one of you is going to want the other one back, and it's going to make things very difficult for that person to come in and work. Pray that it isn't you.
If you're not good at meeting women, then you might feel forced to take this opportunity. But for the love of God, don't do it. It's a horrible, horrible, deathtrap.
On May 30 2013 00:16 LostWraithSC wrote: Forgive as I rant about my incredibly foolish story...
I met a girl at work last year and we ended up working on the same project. We became pretty good friends quickly, and one day she gave me an overly obvious hint that she liked me (as more than a coworker). I, in my incredible idiocy/stubbornness, felt she wasn't really "my type", and didn't want to risk awkwardness at work. So I friend-zoned her
We continued to hang out as good friends and neither of us made a big deal about it. At one point some people at our company just assumed we are dating since we were so close. This later led to some awkward conversations between us, where we agreed that it wouldn't work between us.
However, after being such good friends (we've been close for about six months now) my feelings have gradually changed. We've been trying to wing for each other at parties, to no success. At one point I realized that I would be really sad if she started dating another guy, and I wanted to be with her for every movie, every party, basically all the time.
So last weekend we went to see an animated movie together. After the movie I told her I had changed my mind and want to be more than friends. She told me she needs time to think about it and she's confused. She has a big exam this Saturday that she's stressing out for, and we'll catch up again after that.
TLDR: Friend-zoned a great girl; want her back after months of great friendship; she needs time to think about it.
So that's the story of my life right now. I welcome any advice. Feel free to just call me an idiot too since I deserve it. Lots of guys try to get out of the friend-zone, though I'm probably the only one who's trying to escape one that I set up in the first place.
If you were sure that is how you felt about her, you should have just (semi-aggressively) kissed her after the movie. That would have sent a clearer signal than any words would have, and made her think about you in the way you wanted (or more likely to).
I would suggest doing so at the end of the next time you are hanging out (again, though, be sure that is what you want from her).
I would certainly do that, if we weren't coworkers. I agree it's a good move but it's risky and if she takes it the wrong way this can have very dire consequences in the office if the gossip ever gets out. In similar response to evo's comment above, that's also why I've been more reserved with her and not out with my full "game". (not my favorite word) Good advices for different circumstances though. Thanks.
In general you want to avoid a sudden huge transition. A kiss without any previous physical escalation barely never works, simply because you didn't build anything beforehand. If you go from casual touching to something more intimate (holding hands for a while, stroking her back/upper thigh, whispering into her ear, cuddling) into to something even more intimate (massaging her neck, a bit of biting or similar stuff) and then towards the kiss it's suddenly no big deal and it has the additional advantage that she could have stopped you at any of the previous stages without causing major embarrassment for either of you.
That's why a good physical escalation slowly, well, escalates and what makes it socially intelligent as well.
edit: It also doesn't require you to "read signs" besides her taking your hand off her thigh. Keep in mind that the concept of a smooth escalation relies on her not complying if she doesn't want to take it further which is not a given for every single woman out there. When I'd be unsure whether she is just tolerating instead of actually complying that's one of the few cases where I'd verbalize the whole thing, juuust in case.
Yeah I'm trying to escalate slowly on this, even starting with just a really tight hug/brushing arms/whispering (one thing the movies are really good for). The genie's out of the bottle at this point though, so next time we meet it'll either be really good or really sad.
On May 30 2013 15:52 Fumanchu wrote: Don't date someone at work! It's a huuuuuge mistake. My last ex, someone I broke up with less than three months ago, was a co-worker.
Well fortunately the nature of our work is a bit different. I almost never see any of my coworkers, unless we are on the same project. (which was how we got close the first time) We are most likely not even going to be in the same city on weekdays. (our jobs involves heavy, weekly traveling) So in that sense it's not nearly as bad.
I was wondering. A girl I ve been dating for a couple of days ("one" actual first date, and 2 lunch time since then, because we work in the same neighborhood) just texted me "What was your first impression when you saw me" ? (We first met on a dating website). Do you think it is reasonnable for me to assume things are going well ? =p
I was wondering. A girl I ve been dating for a couple of days ("one" actual first date, and 2 lunch time since then, because we work in the same neighborhood) just texted me "What was your first impression when you saw me" ? (We first met on a dating website). Do you think it is reasonnable for me to assume things are going well ? =p
Or she might just be learning what she can do better before moving on.
I was wondering. A girl I ve been dating for a couple of days ("one" actual first date, and 2 lunch time since then, because we work in the same neighborhood) just texted me "What was your first impression when you saw me" ? (We first met on a dating website). Do you think it is reasonnable for me to assume things are going well ? =p
Or she might just be learning what she can do better before moving on.
So, I'm still not sold on the whole "Asking to strangers on the Internet about personal stuff" but TL is full of fine gentlemen so I'm gonna give it a try
Here's the story: a while back (like last October / November, can't quite remember) I met this girl at a friend's party. We start to talk a bit and to flirt, albeit very lightly but I still felt there was some potential. Night unfortunately ends there and nothing happens. I kinda forget about her, I think I learn that she is going to the Netherlands to finish her studies. Fast forward to two weeks ago, same friend, same party, the girl is back to France for the weekend. This time, things are a bit more serious, a lot more contact between us, kisses, etc. Problem is, at the end of the evening we were both very very drunk and when we woke up in the morning, she didn't seem to remember everything (or she was faking it, no idea...). Two more problems: she is going back to the Netherlands the following day for 2 more months and apparently, she has a boyfriend there (or maybe that's not that important, I assume their relationship is going to end as soon as she leaves definitely).
It's now been two weeks where I haven't done anything but I've been thinking about it a bit two much for my liking. Doesn't seem like a very complicated situation to handle but I guess my judgement is clouded^^. So, what should be my next move ? - Wait for her to come back and to meet her again, and see where it goes? - Get her phone and call her? Not too sure about that, I'm definitely not your typical awkward nerd but I'm still rather shy and if she is busy or high, it's going to be terrible... - Get her email and send her something maybe? (and no, I don"t have Facebook or any of that crap).
Gonna bump that one because it's bugging my mind and I know it really shouldn't. To be fair, I really need a good "You fuckin' dumb ass, go for it" or a "Stop wasting your time waiting, too many girls outside", I just can't seem to decide which is the best in that case...
I met a girl I liked and that seemed to show some interest in me. We both agreed to sign up for this (recreational sports) activity, but failed to coordinate for she and I picked different time slots. As there are limited chances to sign up I would have to break protocol and defy university policy to make the switch, far from being guaranteed a spot. (and I am scared of bureaucrats) I felt like the flow of our relationship development had been disrupted: it was supposed to be the case that we could share in this activity and become closer to each other, but if I want to see her again I would have to make a direct move in pursuing her even if we were only friends before.
I think I can probably convince the trainer to let me switch time slots, but it will probably also require me to be quite insistent with him (which I don't like) and I don't want to make an enemy of him as I will be working with him closely for several months. I suspect she will be happy for me to make this effort, but I'm still quite worried since I'm not certain about this. There is a lingering suspicion in my mind that no woman can be attracted to me in this way, even despite her actual behavior, and I do lack self confidence. I would like to get through this without any strong emotional discomfort on my side, I really can't stand rejection, so I'll have to try to handle this situation carefully. My hope is that I can simply switch the time slots, have a proper non-committal reason for doing so to allow my actions to remain ambiguous from her point of view and then continue with seeing her weekly while becoming closer to her as I had originally planned.
(sorry if this level of elaboration sounds insane)
Oh, I have an update (to my highly boring romantic adventures).
I had mostly given up on my fancies of romance as, due to a succession of coincidences/school holidays, I ended up not seeing her for about a month, but eventually some more contrivances worked in my favor. We were the only two that showed up for a course, since a dozen people conveniently stayed home, so it's almost like I had a date handed to me. Actually, I went to play tennis with the instructor since I was the only one at first, but she was late and tracked us down and volunteered to play ballgirl, but it was still quite cozy, and we ended up talking a lot the next hour (for the next time slot for the same thing, although people actually showed up this time). And afterwards we walked together for a bit until out of nowhere it started to hail (and I was still wearing sports clothing), so she used her umbrella to protect me while we walked off into the sunset in romantic fashion..shield herself and to leave me to dash for my apartment, but I don't blame her since it was more practical as I was on my bike while she was walking. :p
Bad news...
I have been quite sick since last weekend and I am completely useless at the moment, yet I felt things were going so well, but now I don't have any contact info of her and no opportunity to meet her since I am mostly bed ridden for a while and with the way I'm feeling I have no idea if I can see her again before the course ends in two weeks.
On May 31 2013 07:41 Chaosu wrote: Always go for it if you know it's going to be bugging you otherwise.
Best advice ever. It will not always work out, but it will still be the better outcome.
On that note, I've been on the fence about asking a girl I work with out. She's part time while covering vacation/sick days for 2 other people I work with more regularly, and she is here for just the summer. She's very smart, and studying for the MCAT. Not a 10, but taller than average (I'm 6 ft 3 and not a fan of short girls), and she's pretty cute and has gorgeous blue eyes. And she's single.
Right now she's struggling on the math portions she's studying, and from what I've seen (she studies while at work lol), it's pretty basic stuff for me, because I learned a lot of that type of stuff while studying engineering. It could be a fun summer fling, because she's headed to the other side of the country at the end of the summer.
I'll see her again on Saturday lol. Not sure what I'm going to do specifically, but I'll figure it out.
Two date stories, one bad and one that turned good.
This first story happened when I was a senior in high school and she was a junior. It was our second date. This girl and I walked around the shadiest parts of our city for nearly 2 hours because I was so clueless and was also really terrible at leading. We did nothing but walk around dark alleys and talk about any random thing that would come to mind. She was probably expecting a kiss that night but I had no fucking clue and happily said goodbye at the end of that date. Needless to say, I got a good leg workout. There was no third date of course.
Fast forward 3 years, I'm in college. I ask this girl out on an impulse and turns out she likes me too. Cool. We decided to go to the movies to see Skyfall. We're in a taxi and me being extremely inexperienced (have only gone out on 2 dates before this) and a shy character, I was too scared to make any sort of physical contact. Anyways, the taxi driver puts on this cute, romantic song and we make eye contact. The moment is so perfect. We're sitting next to each other, it's night and the perfect temperature and there's a beautiful song playing.
I decide to blurt out "HAHA IF THIS WERE A ROMANTIC MOVIE, WE WOULD BE HOLDING HANDS HERE." Immediately fucking facepalmed inside with the force of a thousand suns. I'm sure the taxi driver cringed inside too and thought "this dumbass can't pull it off even with my help." Miraculously, she just laughed and agreed.
Anyways, let's skip ahead. Movie was good and we talked about our lives afterwards while waiting for the taxi. The taxi eventually comes to pick us up (we both live on campus). It's a minivan and there's no one else inside. So we squeeze in and the taxi has to make one more stop before going back to campus. There are 6 guys waiting for the cab outside the mall. I was thinking there is no way all of them are fitting in here but they somehow do. To make room, my date has to squish into me. So she did that and because I was so tired of being a loser, I decided 'fuck it' and wrapped my arms around her to pull her into me. After awhile, the six guys got off and it was only us left in the cab. We stayed together like that for awhile and then suddenly I felt her hands slowly grab mine. My heart started beating fast instantly as it was sort of the first time I had that kind of physial contact with a girl and I have to be honest, also popped a stealth boner. We stayed like that for the rest of the trip back to campus.
Anyways, cut to the present. We've been together for 6 months and have sex just about almost every day.
I was wondering. A girl I ve been dating for a couple of days ("one" actual first date, and 2 lunch time since then, because we work in the same neighborhood) just texted me "What was your first impression when you saw me" ? (We first met on a dating website). Do you think it is reasonnable for me to assume things are going well ? =p
As long as your response wasn't "You looked like you got run over by a hippo", its probably fine. Really the ball was entirely in your court after that, which means she probably likes you.
uhh.. idk but can it be possible to be bad a kissing on the cheek, neck, and such? My girlfriend and I like kissing lips but idk what im doing anywhere else
On May 31 2013 11:10 Kenpachi wrote: uhh.. idk but can it be possible to be bad a kissing on the cheek, neck, and such? My girlfriend and I like kissing lips but idk what im doing anywhere else
Desperately need some good advice here. There was this girl I met in school, she is my junior for extra curricular activities. So she started chatting me up and asking me out.
Firstly a bit of background information, it seems she has a boyfriend. Secondly, and more importantly, I do NOT feel anything for her.
but I thought, "Hey, if this girl is so desperate to meet me, she might be worth getting to know." Also, we all know building a hareem is extremely important because it elevates your market value.
So dinner went well, the friendly banter and everything. And then while walking back she started getting all touchy feely, holding my arms and all. I didn't reciprocate, not even in the slightest. I think it's because I don't want to give her the wrong impression and also because I didn't want anyone to get the wrong impression of us. I had a friend who lived nearby. So amidst my constant shrugging and her constantly pulling, thank god the night finally ended.
What should I do to get my point firmly across? Or is this what all guys have to go through if they wanna increase their market value. I will still be seeing her when school reopens.
You've got to be mindful about not sending "mixed messages." Both your words and your actions must give her the same message that you do not feel that way about her.
She might be upset, but you'll be able to feel good about not leading her on. Some day she'll come to appreciate that fact as well.
EPT
