|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not.
Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet.
Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day.
|
On May 29 2013 06:50 NeonFox wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not. Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet. Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day.
No shit? And, you are really naive to trust these kinda people. I guess you will have to learn the hard way. It's a shitty experience but you won't make the same mistake twice
|
On May 29 2013 07:00 Gunther wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 06:50 NeonFox wrote:On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not. Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet. Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day. No shit? And, you are really naive to trust these kinda people. I guess you will have to learn the hard way. It's a shitty experience but you won't make the same mistake twice
I've been "one of these people" and know some. You have to be naive yourself to think the majority of people go through the entirety of their lives making zero mistakes. I've cheated once and I've never done it or want to do it again. I've been with girls that had previously cheated that didn't do it with me (as far as I know) and some that did.
Lumping everybody in a single group doesn't work, but of course some people have issues and will always cheat no matter what, I'm not denying that.
|
On May 29 2013 06:50 NeonFox wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not. Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet. Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day.
Do I even have to point out how obvious it is what situation you're in right now?
If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you.
|
On May 29 2013 07:12 Meow-Meow wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 06:50 NeonFox wrote:On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not. Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet. Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day. Do I even have to point out how obvious it is what situation you're in right now?
Single?
On May 29 2013 07:14 xicoo wrote:
Well, my best friend cheated hard on his ex-gf, now he has a new gf, guess who wants to go to them hookers?
The sickening part is that he genuinely liked is ex and likes his current gf..
I cheated on my ex once, i regreted straight away and told her since i was completely sure i would not do it again to her, guess that means i will cheat on my next gf... FML.
Yup you are now doomed forever to cheat again and again in every single relationship to the end of your life.
|
Well, my best friend cheated hard on his ex-gf, now he has a new gf, guess who wants to go to them hookers?
The sickening part is that he genuinely liked is ex and likes his current gf..
I cheated on my ex once, i regreted straight away and told her since i was completely sure i would not do it again to her, guess that means i will cheat on my next gf... FML.
edit: i actually despise my friend for treating girls the way he does (he still has so much more sucess with them still), i´ve told him he should not treat girls like that, he once used the "fake it till you make it" on a good girl who was virgin/religious and fell in love with him, once he fucked her he got lost..
I despised myself to for cheating on my gf, but well... everyone makes mistakes.
Oh and by the way, my ex-gf was the kind of girl you would label "whore" and would never be her boyfriend, she cheated on her exes many times, but not on me through 2 years (if she had she would problably had thrown it to my face)
|
On May 29 2013 07:13 NeonFox wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 07:12 Meow-Meow wrote:On May 29 2013 06:50 NeonFox wrote:On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not. Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet. Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day. Do I even have to point out how obvious it is what situation you're in right now? Single?
Would have been my second guess...
Man I'm a douche today, sorry. I didn't mean to say people are incapable of change, I just found it naive to assume you're the turning point for a notorious cheater to suddenly develop undying devoting towards you. Maybe Tyrion made me cynical...
|
On May 29 2013 07:15 Meow-Meow wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 07:13 NeonFox wrote:On May 29 2013 07:12 Meow-Meow wrote:On May 29 2013 06:50 NeonFox wrote:On May 29 2013 03:20 KwarK wrote:
As a rule people follow patterns. If she cheats on her boyfriend now she'll cheat on you later. I mean sure, maybe you're so unique and special that you'll change her and break the pattern and that explains why she did something so against her nature in the first place. But you're not. Not always true. With some you cheat with others you don't. It depends on the relationship, the other, you at different periods of time, who you meet. Thinking that people never change is depressing, some cheat with their previous boyfriend but not with the new one, and some never cheated before doing it one day. Do I even have to point out how obvious it is what situation you're in right now? Single? Would have been my second guess... Man I'm a douche today, sorry. I didn't mean to say people are incapable of change, I just found it naive to assume you're the turning point for a notorious cheater to suddenly develop undying devoting towards you. Maybe Tyrion made me cynical...
Yes I agree with that, someone who has always cheated before being with you will almost always cheat with you as well. It would be foolish to think otherwise. Fun thing is that these kind of people often end up with each other and hilarity ensues.
|
Well i guess my case is the exception, or maybe i just won the "race" lol.
I have a 27 year old malefriend who is a virgin, he is a sucessfull guy, works for allianz, and is a nice guy overall, not that good of looks and really introvert, for some reason he never had a girlfriend and most likely never had sex, i just don´t know what can i do to help him, he won´t talk about it i just know from mutual friends he was a virgin at 25, he said he had a girlfriend for some time but i start to suspect its not true.
I guess he learned to live with the fact he has no sucess with girls (maybe because you don´t even try?), he will eventually find a girl for him but i think he will make many mistakes since he never had a serious relationship, what do you think i can do to try and "free" him from that stigma of being a virgin?
|
On May 29 2013 08:38 xicoo wrote:
Well i guess my case is the exception, or maybe i just won the "race" lol.
I have a 27 year old malefriend who is a virgin, he is a sucessfull guy, works for allianz, and is a nice guy overall, not that good of looks and really introvert, for some reason he never had a girlfriend and most likely never had sex, i just don´t know what can i do to help him, he won´t talk about it i just know from mutual friends he was a virgin at 25, he said he had a girlfriend for some time but i start to suspect its not true.
I guess he learned to live with the fact he has no sucess with girls (maybe because you don´t even try?), he will eventually find a girl for him but i think he will make many mistakes since he never had a serious relationship, what do you think i can do to try and "free" him from that stigma of being a virgin?
If he's happy, there's no need to do anything.
|
On May 29 2013 08:39 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 08:38 xicoo wrote:
Well i guess my case is the exception, or maybe i just won the "race" lol.
I have a 27 year old malefriend who is a virgin, he is a sucessfull guy, works for allianz, and is a nice guy overall, not that good of looks and really introvert, for some reason he never had a girlfriend and most likely never had sex, i just don´t know what can i do to help him, he won´t talk about it i just know from mutual friends he was a virgin at 25, he said he had a girlfriend for some time but i start to suspect its not true.
I guess he learned to live with the fact he has no sucess with girls (maybe because you don´t even try?), he will eventually find a girl for him but i think he will make many mistakes since he never had a serious relationship, what do you think i can do to try and "free" him from that stigma of being a virgin? If he's happy, there's no need to do anything.
This. If he is truly unhappy he will eventually do something himself and try to change it. Then you can help him.
|
yeah well, i think he is happy, and being sexually active or not is not that big of a deal, but imo when you are a virgin in your head it is a big deal, especially if you are male, for some reason everytime we talk about girls he just shuts down.
|
On May 29 2013 08:51 xicoo wrote:
yeah well, i think he is happy, and being sexually active or not is not that big of a deal, but imo when you are a virgin in your head it is a big deal, especially if you are male, for some reason everytime we talk about girls he just shuts down.
If it's not bad enough that he tries to actively do something about it, it can't be that bad. You can't make someone else change, you can only be around to help out when they want change themselves.
|
United States43259 Posts
A good number of people are simply asexual too. It's there with bi and gay as a sexual preference. As the above posters say, if he's happy then why pressure him to conform to societal relationship ideas.
|
yeah you are right, i would just be creating a problem where there is none.
|
To all those talking about cheating and if it means something or whatever. I'll explain the facts about it.
Guys and Girls do not cheat for the same reasons. Guys cheat just to simply have sex. Variety, like eating all the fruits in the salad instead of just the strawberry. Guys will like one fruit the most, but still want to try the others before they finish eating it. And most times will try and never tell the girls.
Girls do not do this (90% + ). Girls cheat because they are done with their relationship and want to move on. They had the fruit and it's going sour now, or becoming bland, and they need some new kind. They will try to tell the bf that they have cheated, either indirectly or directly; in a way to sabotage the relationship into ending.
Now, there are a smaller number of girls who are an exception to these very very very common rules. These chicks usually have some kind of trauma in their past or a disorder or drug addiction. Many times those all go hand in hand. For those chicks, you don't want to be dating them anyways. It's like driving an old Porche that you can't afford to be driving because the repairs and insurance of having a nice looking car like that. its too much trouble and not worth the time. This is why you can not date a stripper or pornstar.
Besides that, guys are attracted primarily by physical. Women are attracted by a whole slew of factors with visual not being as important. The most important is the male's status. What you do, how you make her feel, what you can do for her, etc. It's more likely that a strong visually good looking guy is attractive to a woman because of the fact they think of him as a protector and he probably has a good career or gig (since most good looking people simply do have better jobs). If the same guy had a twin who was a bum and was depressed he's not going to be attractive to a woman at all once they figure it out. Women will ALWAYS be into a guy they are having sex with and want a relationship even if they agree or whatever to a fuckbuddy status or NSA thing. They are just afraid of the rejection if they ask for more. Guys on the other hand can have sex with no emotions attached.
This is why you see women's calendars where the guys are ALWAYS dressed up in positions of power. Fireman, policemen, doctors, etc. And granted there are some men's calendars where the women will sport some cute version of a nurse outfit or something, but the reality is it doesn't matter what she does (and most of the calendars are just a girl in some skimpy clothes).
So, as far as cheating goes. Girls will do it as a way to end a relationship and it doesn't mean they will cheat on everyone, it just means that they probably have some shit to deal with from their childhood and could use some therapy. And guys cheat just because they like sex. If a guy cheats it probably means he just has trouble controlling his impulses or has a lack of care for other people and could also probably use some therapy. (Sexual addiction is another factor to all of this but I won't get into that)
|
So, as far as cheating goes. Girls will do it as a way to end a relationship and it doesn't mean they will cheat on everyone, it just means that they probably have some shit to deal with from their childhood and could use some therapy.
...did you really just write that?
Someone who cheats needs therapy because of either "lack of impulse control" or "childhood shit they have to deal with"?
|
On May 29 2013 12:46 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +So, as far as cheating goes. Girls will do it as a way to end a relationship and it doesn't mean they will cheat on everyone, it just means that they probably have some shit to deal with from their childhood and could use some therapy. ...did you really just write that? Someone who cheats needs therapy because of either "lack of impulse control" or "childhood shit they have to deal with"?
If you don't believe the facts, listen to all the callers who call in here and ask about their cheating http://www.lovelinetapes.com/search/
Change the box from 'shows' to 'calls' and type in 'cheat' under summary.
Often times adam and drew will go off about why women and men cheat besides just dealing with the call at hand. I can't give a specific example of this right off hand but listen to a few calls and you will hear it eventually.
|
Not exactly dating, but my self-confidence issues were at least assuaged when a asian graduate student here at Indiana University who is 28 hit on me at our chess club. I am 14-she was pretty drunk tbh, but still.  That's gonna be funny at our next chess club meeting, we'll see if she remembers asking me to make out with her. Suddenly the long hair that my entire class makes fun of seems less disadvantageous. Anyways, how good of an indicator that you're doing something right is it that a 7.5 asks to kiss you randomly? I did go 8.5 out of my 11 games in front of her, i think she was starting to get impressed.(kidding)
|
On May 29 2013 12:50 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On May 29 2013 12:46 r.Evo wrote:So, as far as cheating goes. Girls will do it as a way to end a relationship and it doesn't mean they will cheat on everyone, it just means that they probably have some shit to deal with from their childhood and could use some therapy. ...did you really just write that? Someone who cheats needs therapy because of either "lack of impulse control" or "childhood shit they have to deal with"? If you don't believe the facts, listen to all the callers who call in here and ask about their cheating http://www.lovelinetapes.com/search/Change the box from 'shows' to 'calls' and type in 'cheat' under summary. Often times adam and drew will go off about why women and men cheat besides just dealing with the call at hand. I can't give a specific example of this right off hand but listen to a few calls and you will hear it eventually.
You don't see anything wrong with the statement: "Girls will do it as a way to end a relationship ... it just means that they probably have some shit to deal with from their childhood and could use some therapy."?
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
