EPTbasically what i'm asking is.
how to win girl over so she doesnt move far away in a week and a half
????
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 171
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
basically what i'm asking is. how to win girl over so she doesnt move far away in a week and a half ???? | ||
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Recognizable
Netherlands1552 Posts
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DjayEl
France252 Posts
Now, there are a smaller number of girls who are an exception to these very very very common rules. These chicks usually have some kind of trauma in their past or a disorder or drug addiction. Many times those all go hand in hand. For those chicks, you don't want to be dating them anyways. It's like driving an old Porche that you can't afford to be driving because the repairs and insurance of having a nice looking car like that. its too much trouble and not worth the time. This is why you can not date a stripper or pornstar. I like how you make bold statements about life and women without actually having tried anything. My personal case : I have 2+ girlfriends (2 on a regular basis), and they know each other, and are ok with that. One of them is my wife, I've been with for 8 years, and is having sex with other men as well – but we love incredibly much each other, and when we both back home we act like a very normal couple and are as happy as any happy couple can be. The other one is a 18yo college girl who is dating several men and does not want to settle at all until she is 30+, because she enjoy men so much. Granted, I see other girls who just are in a not-satisfying relationship, and just wanna have good time, but they know I'm married and never quit my wife for them and are ok with that (and no they don't hope in secret that I eventually will stay with her, their have other long term plans and are fully aware of my life philosophy). And no, these two persons (my wife and my younger gf) are no kind of social freaks, have zero problems in life or having been abused during their childhood (I know most attention whores did, and these freaks are just to avoid or they will drive you crazy). These 2 are wonderful human beings, great character, beautiful, balanced and happy with their life, and they both had a good education (my wife especially is high graduated, more than me! Sob....) I think most of your supposed girl behavior comes from a traditional education that is starting to collapse (maybe it is country-dependant?) and you'd be surprised how much girls (especially younger ones) in our modern society are more and more starting to want to have fun. Granted, they are more looking for quality than quantity (compared to most men), but this biological-driven aspect is a tendency (60%-40%, vice versa for men) and even if girls in general would have 5 times less sexual lust towards various men partners than men, that would still be a freaking lot of sex  tldr ; girls would do whatever you want them to do as long as you are honest with them, genuine with who you are and consistent with you personality. Most guys chose girls by trying to trick them into relationship by trying to be that "you're the one, I dont like to have multiple partners, I'm all about fidelity"-kind of guy, which is only perpetuating the traditional point of view about sex and relationships. I talk from (multiple) experience(s). | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
On May 29 2013 13:58 r.Evo wrote: You don't see anything wrong with the statement: "Girls will do it as a way to end a relationship ... it just means that they probably have some shit to deal with from their childhood and could use some therapy."? I don't understand your point. You are just calling me wrong or saying I am wrong? Why don't you be more clear with whatever it is you are trying to point out? To reiterate; A healthy person will end a relationship by calling a person or sending them a letter or whatever and giving a reason (whatever bs it may be) and then move on. Especially if there is someone new that they are interested in pursuing. No chaos by flip flopping, trying to make someone jealous, lying about it, sabotaging, etc. If the person is unhealthy (meaning they usually have some trauma from childhood that caused them to act in a chaotic way) they may do some cheating and try to maintain a dead relationship or jerk it around until it explodes. These people should seek therapy for their real core issues. Stuff like abandonment, neglect, addiction in the family, mental disorders (often caused by abuse), abuse; both verbal and nonverbal, and then sexual abuse as well. Messed up people can also end a relationship normally as well, but it doesn't mean they are healthy. They may be just manipulating friends into thinking better of them, simply just the moral jurisdiction that people beat into each others heads about cheating and relationships. Ever listen to most young girls talk about relationships? They are completely clueless and they just believe what each other and shit like cosmo tells them they should do. It's like they don't even have a brain of their own, just some massive hive brain of irrational jargon that dictates who they should like or how they should act etc. I'm not trying to be chauvanist or mean (there is similar crap going on in places like this thread for guys), but girls suffer from it much more. | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
On May 29 2013 19:18 DjayEl wrote: I like how you make bold statements about life and women without actually having tried anything. My personal case : I have 2+ girlfriends (2 on a regular basis), and they know each other, and are ok with that. One of them is my wife, I've been with for 8 years, and is having sex with other men as well – but we love incredibly much each other, and when we both back home we act like a very normal couple and are as happy as any happy couple can be. The other one is a 18yo college girl who is dating several men and does not want to settle at all until she is 30+, because she enjoy men so much. Granted, I see other girls who just are in a not-satisfying relationship, and just wanna have good time, but they know I'm married and never quit my wife for them and are ok with that (and no they don't hope in secret that I eventually will stay with her, their have other long term plans and are fully aware of my life philosophy). And no, these two persons (my wife and my younger gf) are no kind of social freaks, have zero problems in life or having been abused during their childhood (I know most attention whores did, and these freaks are just to avoid or they will drive you crazy). These 2 are wonderful human beings, great character, beautiful, balanced and happy with their life, and they both had a good education (my wife especially is high graduated, more than me! Sob....) I think most of your supposed girl behavior comes from a traditional education that is starting to collapse (maybe it is country-dependant?) and you'd be surprised how much girls (especially younger ones) in our modern society are more and more starting to want to have fun. Granted, they are more looking for quality than quantity (compared to most men), but this biological-driven aspect is a tendency (60%-40%, vice versa for men) and even if girls in general would have 5 times less sexual lust towards various men partners than men, that would still be a freaking lot of sex tldr ; girls would do whatever you want them to do as long as you are honest with them, genuine with who you are and consistent with you personality. Most guys chose girls by trying to trick them into relationship by trying to be that "you're the one, I dont like to have multiple partners, I'm all about fidelity"-kind of guy, which is only perpetuating the traditional point of view about sex and relationships. I talk from (multiple) experience(s). How do you know what I have and haven't done? I was just as ignorant about this kind of stuff as you were, but I have learned through very much experience (on both ends of the cheating) and listening to years of callers on loveline and I understand it with massive clarity now. I even have issues that I might have to deal with sooner or later. If you aren't making this all up then you have issues as much as these women. Why did you marry your wife? Like really? And why do you call her your girlfriend? Seems like a great marriage.. It's guarantee those girls you sleep with in relationships tell their bf that they cheated. Call up a few old ones and ask em about it if you want. Also, if you really dig into it with them I bet you will find that they have suffered trauma, there is no way a healthy woman would put up with that shit if she hadn't. Just like with medicine, people respond differently to traumas, it could be even as simple as a spanking one time that wired her brain up for these patterns. If a girl is sleeping with you she is hoping for something long term until she doesn't anymore, then she stops sleeping with you. Don't believe me? Tell the side 18yo chick you are thinking about leaving your wife and want to be with her and just her. She will either jump on it immediately or sabotage the relationship as she can't deal with a truly available man, as her biological father probably abandoned her at some point in her life. I'm sure your wife has a similar story about that. What do you know about your wife's biological father and her relationship with him? What is your job? And do you have any kids? Eventually these open or swinging relationships come crashing down. There is no way a person doesn't start developing a resentment towards the other partner or just develops more feelings for the other person they are cheating with. It will not last, ever. I find it extremely hard to believe that you and your gf/wife of 8 years was a stable relationship the entire time with no problems whatsoever. Even just living with a roommate you are going to have issues with things they do. There has to be some problem that comes up relationship-wise. Call up Loveline and get into it with Dr. Drew and see what he figures out about it if you are curious. 1800 LOVE 191 User was temp banned for this post. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
We were specifically talking about women having sex with another man and then ending their relationship. You take that point and turn it into a psychological diagnosis. Afterwards you again take your own beliefs when it comes to open relationships and project them onto everyone else. It's alright if you don't want multiple partners or if you don't want to be with a woman who wants to have multiple partners. Saying that everyone who actually practices those kinds of relationships in a consensual way is someone who suffered "childhood traumas because otherwise that's impossible" is just as stupid as saying "gay people must have must have been abused as a child, why else would you want to put your wiener into another mans ass?!" Being into multiple partners, having a partner who is polygamous, marrying someone while having girlfriends or having casual sex instead of a relationship is just as much preference as being gay or enjoying BDSM is. If you would like to call any of that sick and "coming from childhood traumas because otherwise no one would put up with that" then fine, just don't be confused when you get treated like any other bigot. | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
And the examples you brought up are ironic because a lot of times those people who are into those things usually did suffer some trauma that turns them onto weird stuff. And a good percentage of gay people were actually turned gay by being molested by the same sex, a domineering mother, abusive parent, a weird situation where the parent drills into the child's head that they wished they had the opposite sex child, or something of that nature. It's ok if you guy's can't or don't want to understand this. You are under a very powerful drug called testosterone, it'll start tapering off eventually and you will be wiser and figure it out later. Just don't have any more f'd up kids and wear condoms for the sake of humanity please. Seems like psychology and human brain function are some of the newly discovered sciences that are on the frontier where it is massively discredited, misunderstood and berated. Much in the same way DaVnci and Gallileo were exiled and imprisoned for their astronomy discoveries, you are quick to call me a bigot just because you don't want to believe the truth either. Why not have an open mind and seek out the truths both internally and externally? You may find that you are being so defensive this way because perhaps you felt I was attacking you because of your issues that may need to be deal with. Perhaps your beliefs have been attacked by people your entire life. I don't think therapy ever hurt anyone. Here, do an experiment on fb or with girls you know. Ask them why do they think guys cheat, and then ask them why do they think girls cheat? After that, ask them why do they think a guy would tell the person he cheated on he cheated, and the same for girls. Hell, ask guys too. | ||
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
Listening to calls on a loveline isn't very good evidence because it's clearly vulnerable to selection bias. And if not done correctly, it's also very vulnerable to confirmation bias. Also you aren't very clear on what constitutes trauma. Literally everyone has experienced trauma in some sense of the word. You also seem to say that everyone who experiences trauma suddenly is unhealthy for the rest of their life, with no evidence to back it up. On top of this all, you seem to be proposing that people who are unhealthy are unworthy of love or affection, or a waste of time in a relationship. My verdict: Your evidence is baseless and you don't appear to be a very nice person. | ||
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xicoo
Portugal55 Posts
On May 29 2013 19:18 DjayEl wrote: I like how you make bold statements about life and women without actually having tried anything. My personal case : I have 2+ girlfriends (2 on a regular basis), and they know each other, and are ok with that. One of them is my wife, I've been with for 8 years, and is having sex with other men as well – but we love incredibly much each other, and when we both back home we act like a very normal couple and are as happy as any happy couple can be. The other one is a 18yo college girl who is dating several men and does not want to settle at all until she is 30+, because she enjoy men so much. Granted, I see other girls who just are in a not-satisfying relationship, and just wanna have good time, but they know I'm married and never quit my wife for them and are ok with that (and no they don't hope in secret that I eventually will stay with her, their have other long term plans and are fully aware of my life philosophy). And no, these two persons (my wife and my younger gf) are no kind of social freaks, have zero problems in life or having been abused during their childhood (I know most attention whores did, and these freaks are just to avoid or they will drive you crazy). These 2 are wonderful human beings, great character, beautiful, balanced and happy with their life, and they both had a good education (my wife especially is high graduated, more than me! Sob....) I think most of your supposed girl behavior comes from a traditional education that is starting to collapse (maybe it is country-dependant?) and you'd be surprised how much girls (especially younger ones) in our modern society are more and more starting to want to have fun. Granted, they are more looking for quality than quantity (compared to most men), but this biological-driven aspect is a tendency (60%-40%, vice versa for men) and even if girls in general would have 5 times less sexual lust towards various men partners than men, that would still be a freaking lot of sex tldr ; girls would do whatever you want them to do as long as you are honest with them, genuine with who you are and consistent with you personality. Most guys chose girls by trying to trick them into relationship by trying to be that "you're the one, I dont like to have multiple partners, I'm all about fidelity"-kind of guy, which is only perpetuating the traditional point of view about sex and relationships. I talk from (multiple) experience(s). You don´t see a problem with your lifestyle when you want to have children? | ||
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
On May 29 2013 22:55 jrkirby wrote: @MarlieChurphy Listening to calls on a loveline isn't very good evidence because it's clearly vulnerable to selection bias. And if not done correctly, it's also very vulnerable to confirmation bias. Also you aren't very clear on what constitutes trauma. Literally everyone has experienced trauma in some sense of the word. You also seem to say that everyone who experiences trauma suddenly is unhealthy for the rest of their life, with no evidence to back it up. On top of this all, you seem to be proposing that people who are unhealthy are unworthy of love or affection, or a waste of time in a relationship. My verdict: Your evidence is baseless and you don't appear to be a very nice person. I am aware of the bias that can come from the show, but that still doesn't change the fact that the people are predictable and they behave in predictable ways. I have noticed a bit of the confirmation bias from Dr. Drew at times when he is wrong, but most of the time he isn't wrong, or the person is just not willing to admit it or lying because of the fact that people are predictable (it happens quite a bit where the person deny, deny, deny and then finally admits). I would be interested to see more dissection about that topic as I actually thought about it often. I sort of explained what trauma was in a few posts. And yes, most people have gone through some trauma in the sense I am speaking of. There is plenty of evidence that backs it up just google any of those words with childhood in front of it and I'm sure they will link to studies and psychology papers. stuff like abandonment, neglect, addiction in the family, mental disorders (often caused by abuse), abuse; both verbal and nonverbal, and then sexual abuse as well. I didn't propose those things. I just said that you would probably be in over your head with a messed up chick if you are with her because she is hot and she hasn't dealt with her issues. Those people need stable relationships the most of all, but you most likely can't give it to them or they won't accept it on normal terms. I am only sharing knowledge that has helped me. ): | ||
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Broetchenholer
Germany1943 Posts
They way you degrade people in a general way, or very specifically in this thread by your beliefs will sooner or later get you harmed in real life. I would advise you to stop it. A person with so little respect for the dignity of other people should keep his beliefs to himself. They could warrant only a ban here, in real life, people might get physical. | ||
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
Edit: As a gay dude, I find this particularly offensive: On May 29 2013 22:19 MarlieChurphy wrote: And a good percentage of gay people were actually turned gay by being molested by the same sex, a domineering mother, abusive parent, a weird situation where the parent drills into the child's head that they wished they had the opposite sex child, or something of that nature. This is monumentally contentious at best, and more realistically just spurious. Most of all because it's implying that homosexuality is an affliction which can be negatively inflicted upon someone. | ||
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xicoo
Portugal55 Posts
On May 29 2013 23:34 Broetchenholer wrote: @MarlieChurphy: They way you degrade people in a general way, or very specifically in this thread by your beliefs will sooner or later get you harmed in real life. I would advise you to stop it. A person with so little respect for the dignity of other people should keep his beliefs to himself. They could warrant only a ban here, in real life, people might get physical. This... everyone is good, a trauma can sometimes make a person behave in some way but in the end its not who they are, my ex-gf got raped when she was 13, she never told noone, from 13/17 the way she dealt with it was making out with everyone, at 17 i started dating her and after a while she told me she got raped, the words she said the most were "it was my fault", i like to think the way i dealt with it made her change for the best, maybe if it was you she would go back to old habits. | ||
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LostWraithSC
United States111 Posts
I met a girl at work last year and we ended up working on the same project. We became pretty good friends quickly, and one day she gave me an overly obvious hint that she liked me (as more than a coworker). I, in my incredible idiocy/stubbornness, felt she wasn't really "my type", and didn't want to risk awkwardness at work. So I friend-zoned her  We continued to hang out as good friends and neither of us made a big deal about it. At one point some people at our company just assumed we are dating since we were so close. This later led to some awkward conversations between us, where we agreed that it wouldn't work between us. However, after being such good friends (we've been close for about six months now) my feelings have gradually changed. We've been trying to wing for each other at parties, to no success. At one point I realized that I would be really sad if she started dating another guy, and I wanted to be with her for every movie, every party, basically all the time. So last weekend we went to see an animated movie together. After the movie I told her I had changed my mind and want to be more than friends. She told me she needs time to think about it and she's confused. She has a big exam this Saturday that she's stressing out for, and we'll catch up again after that. TLDR: Friend-zoned a great girl; want her back after months of great friendship; she needs time to think about it. So that's the story of my life right now. I welcome any advice. Feel free to just call me an idiot too since I deserve it. Lots of guys try to get out of the friend-zone, though I'm probably the only one who's trying to escape one that I set up in the first place. | ||
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
You're not an idiot either, just because it feels right now, doesn't necessarily mean it should have felt right at the time. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
After the movie I told her I had changed my mind and want to be more than friends. She told me she needs time to think about it and she's confused. Less talking, more acting. Don't force her to make a logical decision about a topic that should be almost purely emotional, that can't go well. | ||
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HardlyNever
United States1258 Posts
On May 30 2013 00:16 LostWraithSC wrote: Forgive as I rant about my incredibly foolish story... I met a girl at work last year and we ended up working on the same project. We became pretty good friends quickly, and one day she gave me an overly obvious hint that she liked me (as more than a coworker). I, in my incredible idiocy/stubbornness, felt she wasn't really "my type", and didn't want to risk awkwardness at work. So I friend-zoned her We continued to hang out as good friends and neither of us made a big deal about it. At one point some people at our company just assumed we are dating since we were so close. This later led to some awkward conversations between us, where we agreed that it wouldn't work between us. However, after being such good friends (we've been close for about six months now) my feelings have gradually changed. We've been trying to wing for each other at parties, to no success. At one point I realized that I would be really sad if she started dating another guy, and I wanted to be with her for every movie, every party, basically all the time. So last weekend we went to see an animated movie together. After the movie I told her I had changed my mind and want to be more than friends. She told me she needs time to think about it and she's confused. She has a big exam this Saturday that she's stressing out for, and we'll catch up again after that. TLDR: Friend-zoned a great girl; want her back after months of great friendship; she needs time to think about it. So that's the story of my life right now. I welcome any advice. Feel free to just call me an idiot too since I deserve it. Lots of guys try to get out of the friend-zone, though I'm probably the only one who's trying to escape one that I set up in the first place. If you were sure that is how you felt about her, you should have just (semi-aggressively) kissed her after the movie. That would have sent a clearer signal than any words would have, and made her think about you in the way you wanted (or more likely to). I would suggest doing so at the end of the next time you are hanging out (again, though, be sure that is what you want from her). | ||
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LostWraithSC
United States111 Posts
On May 30 2013 01:08 HardlyNever wrote: If you were sure that is how you felt about her, you should have just (semi-aggressively) kissed her after the movie. That would have sent a clearer signal than any words would have, and made her think about you in the way you wanted (or more likely to). I would suggest doing so at the end of the next time you are hanging out (again, though, be sure that is what you want from her). I would certainly do that, if we weren't coworkers. I agree it's a good move but it's risky and if she takes it the wrong way this can have very dire consequences in the office if the gossip ever gets out. In similar response to evo's comment above, that's also why I've been more reserved with her and not out with my full "game". (not my favorite word) Good advices for different circumstances though. Thanks. | ||
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DjayEl
France252 Posts
If you aren't making this all up then you have issues as much as these women. Why did you marry your wife? Like really? And why do you call her your girlfriend? Seems like a great marriage.. It's guarantee those girls you sleep with in relationships tell their bf that they cheated. Call up a few old ones and ask em about it if you want. I talk about with AND gf cause I have both, and they are different persons. Ofc we had minor issues like every couple, like she can yell at me few times if I let some clothes lay on the floor of the living room or this kind of shit, but overall it really is a fulfilling relationship. My whole point is just saying that love =/= sex, or isnt ONLY about it, and we both dont see any problems getting some variety in our sexual partners. Most of the time I love being with my wife, but just from time to time I like to have sex with another girl, just for fun. And so does she with men. And we are nice people I assure you Have you ever watched porn? I did, may times. You dont want to watch the same movie again and again or you become bored. You like some variety in the girls, and watch some different movies so you can stay turned on. That does not mean you dont have a favourite movie you watch more that others. This is for sex. But there is more in a relationship : I share most of my life with my wife, sex included. With my other gf (the younger one) I share sex only and dont see her that often, but sometimes its cool. Even if you prefer oranges, would'n you eat pears from time to time? That's what I like doing with girls. Does that makes me some crazy guy with "childhood issues"? I don't think so. I think most men would do the same, but are just afraid to said so because of the brain conditioning we all received and all this hollywood bullshit thats makes a big deal of the "fidelity", "true love, etc". Why me married? Nice party, fun, sharing our names, saying each other how much we care, bringing our family together. And because of what we shall never have sex with someone else if we both agree? Why is that? Because the society told me? Because some psychologist-to-be guys on the Internet say with have issues? What do you know about your wife's biological father and her relationship with him? What is your job? And do you have any kids? I know both fathers and they are cool guys. They love them. Granted they dont know their daughters are in an "open" relationship, this ofc is not very much accepted by the older generation. And for my occupation I am a copywriter, why is this important. And really dude, why would I have made all this up ? I some random foreign guy on a forum about video games who does not personally know anyone here, what would be the point of inventing a story? I'm just giving my point. I think we shall all live the way we like to, as long as we don't hurt anyone. I never sleep with a girl who doesnt accept my situation, and I dont lie about my intentions. Many guys don't. tldr ; do whatever you want as long as you enjoy it and don't hurt anybody, and the world would be a better place to live. Peace. | ||
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ziggurat
Canada847 Posts
On May 30 2013 01:14 LostWraithSC wrote: I would certainly do that, if we weren't coworkers. I agree it's a good move but it's risky and if she takes it the wrong way this can have very dire consequences in the office if the gossip ever gets out. In similar response to evo's comment above, that's also why I've been more reserved with her and not out with my full "game". (not my favorite word) Good advices for different circumstances though. Thanks. This would have been a very bad thing to do. Don't kiss a girl unless you know she wants you too. If you don't know how to read the signs, figure it out. Aside from being creepy and gross, an unwanted kiss is a kind of minor sexual assault; and it's not beyond the realm of possibility that you end up in legal trouble. | ||
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