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On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better.
if 16 isnt ok how about 18? 20? 28?
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On June 29 2017 07:44 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better. if 16 isnt ok how about 18? 20? 28?
The problem is not that she is 16. The problem is there is an age gap, an income gap, and a cultural Capitap gap.
It's much like fucking your boss is not the same as fucking a hooker which is not the same as fucking your maid which is not the same as fucking your wife.
Power dynamics happen for all kinds of reasons and when there is a disproportion of power then problems arise.
You're taking about someone who is old enough to be run his own business versus someone who can't even vote. The amount of power and social capital each person has is massively disproportionate.
To put it simply, if she were just 5 years older she'd be old enough to drink and it would still be ridiculous for her and the 30 year old to spend that much time together.
From a legal standpoint we are forced to make arbitrary lines, that is correct. Arbitrary lines like age, social relationship, and cultural relationships. Rules like bosses fucking staff, parents fucking children, etc... these arbitrary lines are drawn because at some point we have to put down on paper that which in truth is always vague and contextual.
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I have a silver star medal that my great grandfather got during world war 1. I'm confused though because on the back of the medal it says french army which my great grandfather was in but the medal is an American medal. I was unaware that it was given to non american soldiers. anyone know anything about that?
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On June 29 2017 09:37 Thieving Magpie wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2017 07:44 IgnE wrote:On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better. if 16 isnt ok how about 18? 20? 28? The problem is not that she is 16. The problem is there is an age gap, an income gap, and a cultural Capitap gap. It's much like fucking your boss is not the same as fucking a hooker which is not the same as fucking your maid which is not the same as fucking your wife. Power dynamics happen for all kinds of reasons and when there is a disproportion of power then problems arise. You're taking about someone who is old enough to be run his own business versus someone who can't even vote. The amount of power and social capital each person has is massively disproportionate. To put it simply, if she were just 5 years older she'd be old enough to drink and it would still be ridiculous for her and the 30 year old to spend that much time together. From a legal standpoint we are forced to make arbitrary lines, that is correct. Arbitrary lines like age, social relationship, and cultural relationships. Rules like bosses fucking staff, parents fucking children, etc... these arbitrary lines are drawn because at some point we have to put down on paper that which in truth is always vague and contextual.
and so we cannot escape the slippery slope. we will fall no matter what.
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On June 29 2017 11:09 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2017 09:37 Thieving Magpie wrote:On June 29 2017 07:44 IgnE wrote:On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better. if 16 isnt ok how about 18? 20? 28? The problem is not that she is 16. The problem is there is an age gap, an income gap, and a cultural Capitap gap. It's much like fucking your boss is not the same as fucking a hooker which is not the same as fucking your maid which is not the same as fucking your wife. Power dynamics happen for all kinds of reasons and when there is a disproportion of power then problems arise. You're taking about someone who is old enough to be run his own business versus someone who can't even vote. The amount of power and social capital each person has is massively disproportionate. To put it simply, if she were just 5 years older she'd be old enough to drink and it would still be ridiculous for her and the 30 year old to spend that much time together. From a legal standpoint we are forced to make arbitrary lines, that is correct. Arbitrary lines like age, social relationship, and cultural relationships. Rules like bosses fucking staff, parents fucking children, etc... these arbitrary lines are drawn because at some point we have to put down on paper that which in truth is always vague and contextual. and so we cannot escape the slippery slope. we will fall no matter what.
There is ZERO slippery slope.
The more equal two people are, the more likely their relationship works out and is fine. The less equal the are then the less likely that their relationship works out.
There is ZERO slippery slope.
Slippery slope happens when you actively forgive disparities in equality just because you think 16 is young enough for a 30 year old while others think 5 is old enough for a 30 year old.
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On June 29 2017 13:43 JimmiC wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2017 07:44 IgnE wrote:On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better. if 16 isnt ok how about 18? 20? 28? Sort of, possibly and of course. Unlike the other direction this is easy. On a side note i read a study where they looked for best age gap for longest and happiest marriages. 1 year won by a land slide
Is that because of the low age difference? Or because people who marry/are attracted to others of their same age are a specific type of person who succeed in relationships? Correlation, causation, ramble ramble.
Anyway, 29/2+7=21.5. So 16 is not ok. I proved it with math.
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Mind you that people aged 18+ still ask the permission to go to the bathroom when in class, and you'd be surprised by how many of them can't foresee their bathroom needs for the next two hours.
Yet, they can drive, drink, vote, sex anyone 16+ and so on.
...
They raise their hand to ask to go peepee!!
(Well... Following the rules, they have to anyway. And, I'm not even supposed to let them go either since quite recently...)
Also, when you have a relationship with someone (not necessarily romantic), why should it last forever? You're just planning to have good time, having in mind the possible consequences. Most adults are unable to do the last part, why would anyone use this arguments for a 16 year old?
The problem is not the age, it's the general mentality. If you're worried for her, which is rational anyway, I'd many suggest to check if she knows what she looking at, and what to be careful of, not only on the physical level.
People can be abusive, or abused regardless of their age. Worst case scenario is when both meet, which is what to be avoided in all context. Experience ('being older') is only worth if learnt from it.
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On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better. lots of words for a "we don't actually know but best to be on the safe side"; ridiculously irrelevant and besides the point. the point being: can the teenager take it?.
if you think adult relationships are "better" then you must be living in the land of Oz because adults screw each other way more often than not(or than teenagers/kids), but in this context you think that because they're adults, they can take it, they can shrug the 'get fucked over' and move on.
now, the jury is still out on which is better at coping with <stresses>(children vs adults), with studies giving mixed results based on definitions and methodology(from holocaust survivors studies to your run of the mill ptsd bullshit), but the thing they seem to agree on is that it's not about the age but about the aftercare + social environment in which the care is given and about the way one is born(his innate, internal narrative of coping responses).
in this case you'd inform the teenager about the downsides and about the degree of care(if any) you can provide after <bad shit happen>, then let the chips fall where they may.
or, if you know with certainty that the sister can't handle a fail, just beat the fucker.
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This all is just another example of how everyone nowadays knows what is best for others and insists that all human relationships, in particular sexual ones, happen according to their preferred rules. This desire for control over other people's genitalia is then usually pushed under the guise of protection , as it is the csee here.
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Yes it's creepy and she is probably looking to have sex with him, or at the very least looking towards a relationship of some sort. No it's not a cause for concern as long as she is over the age of consent. People get into relationships all the time. Some work out and others do not. It wouldn't make a difference if the guy was 16 either.
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I mean I knew my fair share of 16ish y.o. girls who exploited the shit out of 25+ish guys. That he's spent this much time talking to her already indicates he'd be a prime candidate for such a play.
I have no idea if she's got that in her or not, but I've also seen a fair share of psycho stalker older men who have been discarded like the latest dance trend.
Opisskanusee is sorta right about this I think. Knowing what we know, at this point, who's getting more out of this at the moment? Seems like she's getting the good side of this deal.
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On June 29 2017 21:36 GreenHorizons wrote:
Opisskanusee
I am quite curious about it, is it a wordplay that eludes me as a non-native speaker, or a really huge covfefe? Because that's quite a lot of letters there to by just a typo 
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My guess is that it has something to do with a song.
I only had that verse in my mind, but some googling lead me to a hymn:
"O say can you see, by the dawns early light".
That "O say can you see" is pretty iconic and well known, as far as i know. I am almost certain of that, because i barely know any music, and i knew it.
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On June 29 2017 04:52 Djzapz wrote:Alright so this is a weird one. I occasionally play Overwatch with a buddy and his 16 year old sister. She recently met a 29 year old professional player who she's a big fan of, and they started hanging out a lot. Now they play together sometimes pretty much all day (8-10+ hours), generally just the two of them, in OW and WoW. He asked her if she was going to E3 and stuff like that. My buddy and I are arguing whether that seems healthy. Is a 16 year old hanging out online with a 29 year old for long hours cause for concern or nah? + Show Spoiler +Poll: Is it cause for concern?Maybe he has bad intentions, keep an eye on it (6) 46% Probably not (4) 31% Yes, he's definitely a creep (3) 23% Not at all (0) 0% 13 total votes Your vote: Is it cause for concern? (Vote): Yes, he's definitely a creep
(Vote): Maybe he has bad intentions, keep an eye on it
(Vote): Probably not
(Vote): Not at all
This is fucking creepy.
Also grounds for rape or whatever below legal age of consent laws you have.
And opportunistic of him.
If you are that late in your 20s, 25+ is ok, 20-25 may be ok but weird. 16 should date people 15-19,20max.
10 year gap is ok only when you reach 30 or mid 30s i guess, when the other party has presumably matured into the early 20s and is financially capable as well.
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On June 29 2017 15:02 Thieving Magpie wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2017 11:09 IgnE wrote:On June 29 2017 09:37 Thieving Magpie wrote:On June 29 2017 07:44 IgnE wrote:On June 29 2017 06:26 JimmiC wrote:
To me the issue is the power structure in the relationship if it's with like a 19 year old or something I see it. But times long ago you were done school ready to start work or pump out kids not to mention as a women you had very few choices. Now at 16 you are still pretty coddled and taken care you don't the Independence to create you "self" or whatever. One of the psychologists that frequent this page could probably explain the dangers of that huge of a age gap at such a young age in a clinical sense.
And then the whole other issue is what type of 29 year old wants a 16 year old. I get they might be attractive and "pure" or something. But 0 life experience comparatively. You are going to likely become the caretaker more then a partner.
There is also the whole slippery slope argument. If 16 is ok how about 14, 12? The longer some one can wait for a "adult" relationship the better. if 16 isnt ok how about 18? 20? 28? The problem is not that she is 16. The problem is there is an age gap, an income gap, and a cultural Capitap gap. It's much like fucking your boss is not the same as fucking a hooker which is not the same as fucking your maid which is not the same as fucking your wife. Power dynamics happen for all kinds of reasons and when there is a disproportion of power then problems arise. You're taking about someone who is old enough to be run his own business versus someone who can't even vote. The amount of power and social capital each person has is massively disproportionate. To put it simply, if she were just 5 years older she'd be old enough to drink and it would still be ridiculous for her and the 30 year old to spend that much time together. From a legal standpoint we are forced to make arbitrary lines, that is correct. Arbitrary lines like age, social relationship, and cultural relationships. Rules like bosses fucking staff, parents fucking children, etc... these arbitrary lines are drawn because at some point we have to put down on paper that which in truth is always vague and contextual. and so we cannot escape the slippery slope. we will fall no matter what. There is ZERO slippery slope. The more equal two people are, the more likely their relationship works out and is fine. The less equal the are then the less likely that their relationship works out. There is ZERO slippery slope. Slippery slope happens when you actively forgive disparities in equality just because you think 16 is young enough for a 30 year old while others think 5 is old enough for a 30 year old.
Isn't a slope with infinite friction just as bad?!?
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16 vs 30 for sure isn't normal.
Yeah, probably 1 in a 1'000 relationships this could work.
Its not even about the age disparity (or legality for that matter), its about a real adult going out with a kid/teenager. Its like an 18 year old going out with a 12 year old. One is a Teenager the other a Kid.
If he/she would be 25 and the guy 50, there is absolutely no issue (aside from possible gold digging, but thats another story).
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Everyone assumes romantic relationship, but how good is she at overwatch? Does she want to pursue a e-sports career? A pupil/mentor relationship doesn't seem completely out of the question, although admittedly very rare and the chances for it being a such in this case are pretty slim (personally I've had loads of those although probably all with less interaction than what is described here).
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It's not just the age, it's the power.
If a 50 year screwed over a 20 year old, today's society is already expecting a 20 year old to die for them in war, have a job, and live by themselves. If a 40 year old made a 12 year old move in with him, that kid cannot really push back or risk being stranded because we don't have the infrastructure to actually allow kids to be adults.
People can't give them jobs due to child labor laws.
They can't really own property due to legal ownership laws.
Can't vote.
Can't join the army.
Their only retreat is going back home to parents assuming that is an option, either that or foster care.
The older and more adult the individual the more we can trust that even if they fuck up or get fucked over we already expected them to survive on their own as single people.
And even in those cases age disparity is horrendous and awful.
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EPT
