Hey TL. So today I was thinking of how friends and bf/gf's can grow closer together through texting, but then that intimacy doesn't come through when seeing each other face-to-face.
You might know each other's deep thoughts and feelings, but have trouble talking in person.
Have you guys experienced this, or something similar? Facebook can be similar. Has technology killed relationships? What do you think of the medium?

{CC}StealthBlue

United States41117 Posts

June 20 2011 04:35 GMT

What? No.

sickle

New Zealand656 Posts

June 20 2011 04:35 GMT

lol wtf

StyLeD

United States2965 Posts

June 20 2011 04:35 GMT

It goes beyond texting. Computers, IM, phone, all these have reduced the necessity for face-to-face conversation. This isn't something we necessarily should be afraid of...I think people still do value f2f conversation. Both can coexist.

Manifesto7

Osaka27149 Posts

June 20 2011 04:35 GMT

Sounds like homework to me.

Anyway, I think limiting your thinking to texting is wrong. You should be talking about over-connectivity, which has created an inane property to some social relationships. Talking to my students, many feel pressured to respond quickly to missives and have to deal with the buzzing phone by their head as they sleep.

Rev0lution

United States1805 Posts

June 20 2011 04:36 GMT

You could try calling her lol,

phil.ipp

Austria1067 Posts

June 20 2011 04:38 GMT

i know what you mean, if you text for days and month with a gf without seeing her you feel like you know her inside out but you cant really connect on a face to face level, at that point you are really fucked and it never was going well from that point on ,, so since then i dont text serious conversations anymore.

Gamegene

United States8308 Posts

June 20 2011 04:38 GMT

When you talk to someone, how much communication is expressed in actual words? Seven percent.

93% of all communication is nonverbal: eye contact, facial expressions, hand gestures, touch all of it.
Meatspace > Facebook.

Treva

United States533 Posts

June 20 2011 04:39 GMT

I don't think that it had really damaged relationships but I do know that a lot of people would prefer to tell someone something they should tell them in person over a text and that's what bothers me. Texting is a great way to talk to someone if like you're bored or you need to know something that doesn't require a phone call but I think some people get into a comfort zone with texting and find it hard to break out of that when they "should'.

However if you use facebook and texting and you aren't resorting to telling people things they should be told in person (a break up, I hate you, w/e) because you're afraid of confrontation face-to-face then I see no problem in it.

Doomblaze

United States1292 Posts

June 20 2011 04:40 GMT

#10

I mainly text my gf cause im generally doing something where i wouldnt be able to talk, but late at night when im not with other ppl or at work i talk to her.

Texting and face to face are completely different. the real debate is texting vs talking on the phone. you have time to formulate your thoughts when youre texting so you generally dont sound stupid, but hearing peoples voices is much nicer

Arthemesia

United States292 Posts

June 20 2011 04:40 GMT

#11

Too much face to face can be annoying as well sometimes being away from each other face to face can make actually being together more special.

n.DieJokes

United States3443 Posts

June 20 2011 04:43 GMT

#12

On June 20 2011 13:38 Gamegene wrote:
When you talk to someone, how much communication is expressed in actual words? Seven percent.

93% of all communication is nonverbal: eye contact, facial expressions, hand gestures, touch all of it.
Meatspace > Facebook.

Well that sounds like a totally arbitrary statistic but even if that UCLA study wasn't totally bogus its 45% voice, read your link. Meatspace doesn't sound like a place I'd want on my history

Gaius Baltar

United States449 Posts

June 20 2011 04:44 GMT

#13

My girlfriend never texts. She comes when she wants, always wearing the same red dress. I don't think other people can see her and sometimes she hits me, but I love her all the same.

Headlines

United States482 Posts

June 20 2011 04:45 GMT

#14

I've been thinking about this topic for a while. I deleted my facebook a year ago because I felt the "social networking" was actually drifting me apart from my friends. Every conversation through chat, PM, wall post, etc. left me with wanting a little more... like something was left out every time. And the information page leaves me with a sickening gut feeling - I felt like I was a Nascar with all those promotions and advertisements attached to me.

One important reason I removed facebook was for... and don't laugh, dating! Admit it, the person you really like befriends you, pokes you, sends a PM, yadda yadda... and you befriend him or her, have long-ass 100 page PM's, chat on facebook for hours on end... But what it all comes down to is you're losing your mystery. Hahaha! I'm no David Deangelo or Neil Strauss, but you don't connect with your would-be date as much on facebook as you would with meeting him or her for the first time at a cafe for a nice chat.

Weson

Iceland1032 Posts

June 20 2011 04:52 GMT

#15

Well i dont know for sure but i think that texting and all have made the relationships less exiting. I mean when you text your GF about everything you are doing what are you going to talk about at the dinner table?
It's also easy to miss-understand a text if there's irony in it and that can cause conflict.

Seeker

Where dat snitch at?37024 Posts

June 20 2011 04:55 GMT

#16

Well iPhone has this thing call Face Time and I think that's f*cking amazing......

But apart from that, I don't think technology has killed relationships. Rather, most of them have probably been strengthened by it.

EggYsc2

620 Posts

June 20 2011 04:57 GMT

#17

On June 20 2011 13:44 Gaius Baltar wrote:
My girlfriend never texts. She comes when she wants, always wearing the same red dress. I don't think other people can see her and sometimes she hits me, but I love her all the same.

I give this the most WTF post ive seen on TL.

heishe

Germany2284 Posts

June 20 2011 05:06 GMT

#18

The only major disadvantage I see with texting, online chatting etc. is that it's a lot slower, especially when you're talking to people who can't type really fast. This is just a minor inconvenience though. Sure, body language might make up a large part of actually talking, but is actually largely irrelevant to what you're talking about. The only times when it's important is when you're trying to flirt up a girl for the first time etc. Otherwise, the content of what's talked about is more important (although not always of course).

A major advantage is that you actually get to think before hitting the "Enter" key. At that equivalent point in real life, your sentence is already out in the air, here you have a few seconds or milliseconds time to realize that you may be stepping over the line.

Personally I find it much easier to have long conversations (as in >30 minutes) in written form than in real life. You do not have to spend all your attention to it, it's fine if you do something else for a minute. It's easier to keep check of all the logical points you and your conversational partner made, because you just have to scroll up to read them.

All the girl's I've been together with, I've spent an extensive amount of texting/chatting with, and I can certainly say that it has brought me much closer to them. When you ask someone something personal, he or she actually has it a lot more easier to explain when he has time to think about how to put the answer for a minute, instead of standing right on the spot in front of you in a real conversation and having to answer immediately.

Of course this can be a problem. Sometimes I've heard that people who met each other through online dating have practically fallen in love with each other from writing with each other exlusively, only to be completely turned off when they met for the first time because whatever image their written text created in each others minds was not like reality at all, and as such they were heavily disappointed.

This hasn't ever happened to me, though, and I've met all my long term girlfriends through online dating. To be fair though, with all of them I've done nothing but online chatting for at least a couple of weeks before meeting them (If a person can't impress me online she will never be able to impress me offline). So that might be a problem with already meeting up after just day or something worth of writing.

Astrapto

United States69 Posts

June 20 2011 05:07 GMT

#19

Thanks, guys, I especially like the thoughts of Manifesto, phillip, Headlines, Treva, Doomblaze, Arthemesia, Gamegene.
It seems like teens will have to deal with this issue, or suffer consequences you've been describing.