you could also check her meds. you say they're not working, but there's a lot of different classes of antidepressants. if her psychiatrists are scrupulous (which they often aren't) they would work to prescribe her the right mix of meds. However, they don't always work and you may have to change the medications to a different class. Something you might try which worked very well for me (don't go on this recommendation alone) is something called wellbutrin in the dopamine reuptake inhibitor class. dopamine is the chemical that makes you feel good about yourself and is the brain's natural "reward" system

Edit: I should clarifiy. Get her to talk to her psychiatrist about switching medication. Don't try to switch the medication yourself. Actually, the medication can only be obtained by prescription, but if the psychiatrist gives the impression that they're only talking to her cause they're getting paid to talk to her, forget that scumbag and find a new one.

also, several people have mentioned it, but in addition to this she needs some reason to keep on living and to not feel so hopeless. therapy is a bit risky, especially since it can cost a crapton of money and a lot of people don't even benefit off therapy. she needs an outlet. for me, it was music, both playing and listening to it, and it may at least be a partial outlet for most people. but most importantly have her understand that she's loved and would be very sorely missed by people in this world.

Piste

6183 Posts

November 14 2009 08:38 GMT

#65

On November 14 2009 14:15 Tien wrote:
Wants me to help her suicide, and knowing her she's actually really serious about it.

She is not serious if she said that.

Osmoses

Sweden5302 Posts

November 14 2009 08:39 GMT

#66

This is a complicated subject. Trying to convince someone else that life is worth living is a slippery slope. The best advice I can give, having suicidal siblings, is to let them know you're there for them, that they are priority #1. But you can't know what's really going on in their head, so I wouldn't tell them what to live for.

Fen

Australia1848 Posts

November 14 2009 08:41 GMT

#67

Wow, a lot of decent advice in this thread, and a shitload of crap advice as well

- Do NOT fuck with her medication. Seriously, you are not a doctor, you have no idea what you are doing, you have no idea what the different types of medications are and exactly what they are doing to her.

- Do NOT betray her trust. If you run off to her parents or something, you will ruin her. You will lose any trust and you will be unable to do anything to help her.

- Do NOT tell her that it is her fault that she got in this position and needs to man up etc. We are way past this being effective advice, this will be detrimental to her

- Trying to cheer her up and seeing that life is worth it is very unlikely to do fuck all. We are past this stage, she is in a depression is not able to look at things the same way

- Do NOT leave her alone for long periods of time. Most people who are depressed and are considering suicide are feeling very very lonely. If she has someone with her, you can stave off these feelings for a short time

- Talk to her about it but do NOT interrogate. Try to find out her plan, and try to get her to talk to suicide help lines and stuff

- Get help. Talk to suicide hotlines, go on websites and educate yourself as much as possible

- Do NOT let her drink or take drugs

- Being female, she will statistically choose a drug overdose (sleeping pills, pain drugs etc). So be aware

.risingdragoon

United States3021 Posts

November 14 2009 08:45 GMT

#68

you need professional help, unless there's an expert somewhere in this thread nothing here will help except maybe some morale

check her into a hospital, put her on suicide watch. get REAL help

Descent

1244 Posts

November 14 2009 08:46 GMT

#69

I suggested going to her parents, and I can't see it as being so apocalyptic as that. They are her parents, after all. Regardless of trust, she seems to need help, and that help might be in the form of knowing her parents can support her. Parents are also capable of being discrete, and the trust may not be broken at all.

igotmyown

United States4291 Posts

November 14 2009 08:55 GMT

#70

At first I thought that this would be a thread about a moody teenage friend, but she actually has substantial (financial) problems. I was reading that suicides have shot up during the economic downturn, and I mention this because I expect that there are debt support groups out there who can be much more helpful and supportive than the average friend could ever be. Talking to real people have handled her problems will make it much more manageable.

I mean, you can be nice and supply emotional reinforcement, but in the end she'll end up being the one having to face all those problems by herself, just being nice is basically just propping her up and hoping she's strong enough to handle it by herself.

DoctorHelvetica

United States15034 Posts

November 14 2009 08:56 GMT

#71

The best thing to do is get her in touch with a PROFESSIONAL. I can not stress this enough.
Depression is extremely serious. Handle it like any medical problem and get her in the care of experts on the matter.

Fen

Australia1848 Posts

November 14 2009 08:56 GMT

#72

On November 14 2009 17:46 Descent wrote:
I suggested going to her parents, and I can't see it as being so apocalyptic as that. They are her parents, after all. Regardless of trust, she seems to need help, and that help might be in the form of knowing her parents can support her. Parents are also capable of being discrete, and the trust may not be broken at all.

If she hasnt told her parents, she doesnt want her parents to know. If he tells her parents, all hes doing is ratting her out, betraying her trust. She'll be much less likely to tell him anything else.

She needs to talk to trained professionals, not her parents, who chances are wouldnt help.

Descent

1244 Posts

November 14 2009 09:00 GMT

#73

I agree that she needs to talk to professionals, but any relatives have more of a right to know than anyone else, imo. If I had a child in a similar position, I would certainly want to know, and to help. And again, just because her relatives find out does not necessarily mean that her trust will be broken.

Fen

Australia1848 Posts

November 14 2009 09:03 GMT

#74

On November 14 2009 18:00 Descent wrote:
I agree that she needs to talk to professionals, but any relatives have more of a right to know than anyone else, imo. If I had a child in a similar position, I would certainly want to know, and to help. And again, just because her relatives find out does not necessarily mean that her trust will be broken.

A right to know?

This isnt about the parents, this is about the girl. Im assuming shes over 18 and is an adult. The reason she hasnt told her parents is because she doesnt trust the parents. To go behind her back and tell the parents would be a stupid thing to do. For all we know the parents will do something stupid and make matters worse

Descent

1244 Posts

November 14 2009 09:05 GMT

#75

You have a point and I agree, but at the same time, neither of us knows the situation that well, and I think that telling her relatives is a viable option. Whether or not it is depends on circumstances we don't know, but it's an option for consideration. I'm not suggesting it's better than getting her to professionals.

Edit: Typo.
Edit 2: I'm not saying you're not right either. To be honest, I could probably have worded this in a better way, but I feel letting anyone who she might have close relations with might not be so bad. I can't say so definitively because again, I don't know the circumstances, but at the same time, I don't think it's something that should be thrown away so quickly. For all we know, this might not even be an option, if she has no close living relatives.

Fen

Australia1848 Posts

November 14 2009 09:11 GMT

#76

On November 14 2009 18:05 Descent wrote:
You have a point and I agree, but at the same time, neither of us knows the situation that well, and I think that telling her relatives is a viable option. Whether or not it is depends on circumstances we don't know, but it's an option for consideration. I'm not suggesting it's better than getting her to professionals.

Edit: Typo.

I agree that neither of us know the situation well enough to make an accurate call. However if anyone is going to tell the parents, it should be her herself and definitely should be something the OP should talk about with the girl.

Descent

1244 Posts

November 14 2009 09:15 GMT

#77

I disagree (with the first bit). If she's feeling ashamed for her current situation, and OP is able to communicate it in a calm and responsible manner to the concerned parties, they may be able to find a solution revolving around giving her support and letting her know that they don't blame her, etc. Again, very circumstantial, but it's a possibility. It may even be the best solution, for all we know. Whatever happens, I hope it turns out well.

Edit: Hahah, sorry for sounding so contentious. I mean, I disagree that it is necessarily best for her to discuss it with her relatives. She may not be in a position in which she is able to do that, while it may in fact give the best outcome.

KurtistheTurtle

United States1966 Posts

November 14 2009 09:19 GMT

#78

On November 14 2009 14:32 KwarK wrote:
being hated by a living friend > burying one and wondering what you could have done more.

kvilx

Poland198 Posts

November 14 2009 09:22 GMT

#79

First of all, I think asking us for advice is not the best option. You need professional help from doctor.

On November 14 2009 16:01 OpticalShot wrote:
Oh and if it comes down to really talking to her at the hospital, do make physical contact i.e. hold her hand while you talk. I keep on emphasizing the concept of belonging to this world and holding someone's hand is like #1, I think. (That's what they told me when I volunteered at a hospitalized senior care home)

This. Give her a hug or two. It really should help at least a bit.