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if she lied to the bank to say she makes 250k is another situation, but to make sure im clear on the situation. She really makes 250k a year and only claimed 20k of income on her tax return. So when applying for a loan/house/etc... she told the truth that she really makes 250k.
if your trying to over inflate your income on a tax return to prove how much you make to the bank is very silly to say the least.
if she does make 250k a year after expenses then you should file under the VDP, but a very important part is to go to an accountant because you need to calculate what you expect the interest and penalties are going to be and the amount owing. all that needs to be included when you file under the VDP, which is why im saying you should talk to an accountant. A professional accountant in your province should be able to help you out.
It will cost abit, but for piece of mind its worth it. And you dont want to mess that up.
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Sanya12364 Posts
On November 15 2009 07:21 Tower82 wrote:
if she lied to the bank to say she makes 250k is another situation, but to make sure im clear on the situation. She really makes 250k a year and only claimed 20k of income on her tax return. So when applying for a loan/house/etc... she told the truth that she really makes 250k.
if your trying to over inflate your income on a tax return to prove how much you make to the bank is very silly to say the least.
That's exactly what she did. I advise you to read a bit more carefully on what Tien says she did.
She makes 20k for real.
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That's the reason I wanted to clarify the issue. My understanding was that she frauded on her notice of assessment is that she lied on her tax return to the CRA.
There is no tax issue here by lying on her notice of assessment. She claimed what she really made. she commited fraud on her bank loan by altering her notice of assessment. thats just pure fraud and she needs to talk to a lawyer.
The VDP is only to admiting wrong on your tax return. Thats it, nothing to do with other criminal acts.
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You have to decide how much of yourself you want to put into helping her. Be honest with yourself. Unless you want to go the whole way and care for her through everything, don't pretend like you are at first. The worst thing you could do is to abandon her (or give up on her) halfway through. If you aren't willing to put in lots and lots of effort into this, as much as I'm opposed to the idea, seeking help from a professional might actually be the best idea.
If you are going to stick out the whole way, be there for her and hold her. Having someone who cares and supports her will make a huge difference. Calling the suicide hotline and asking for advice on how to help her is also a great idea.
There's tons of good advice in here, but just as much bad advice. It really depends what level you want to commit yourself to helping her.
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Sanya12364 Posts
I still think take her and running away to a foreign country for a new life or for a few months of respite, could be a decent idea. Depends on the girl, of course. You have to know if she was really focused on some burning ambition that has been now smashed into pieces.
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On November 15 2009 04:05 keV. wrote:Show nested quote +On November 15 2009 03:55 Cloud wrote:On November 15 2009 03:36 keV. wrote:
What the fuck are you doing in posting this on an internet forum?
A handful of internet sympathy and an armchair diagnosis won't do anything to keep your friend from killing herself. Act, and act properly.
When shit like this ends up on an internet forum it is impossible to take seriously. Call a fucking doctor. Jesus.
Why should anyone believe you when you claim you want 'serious' help all the while cracking Heath Ledger jokes. Anyone who makes a joke in poor taste has been banned, and the OP is making OD jokes.
This thread is a joke. So he is looking for sympathy, shoot him. People looking for sympathy on the internet deserve the comments "let her do it..." etc.
TL is not the usual internet.
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why dont she volunteer for africa or something, that will help her feel better, have time to clear her mind and then she with time can decide if she wants to come back and rebuild her life or just stay there.
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How is she in that much dept when she makes 250k... I dont understand, anyway, check her into a hospital or get her to talk to a shrink.
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Sanya12364 Posts
On November 15 2009 11:25 GreEny K wrote:
How is she in that much dept when she makes 250k... I dont understand, anyway, check her into a hospital or get her to talk to a shrink.
She doesn't make 250k. She claims she makes 250k. The banks lent her money because she claimed that she made that much.
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Give me a break, angry-and-borderline-suicidal people. You don't ask a friend to help kill yourself. You don't need help to kill yourself. It's not really a two-person job. So when you say you want help to kill yourself, it just means you want help. You just want someone to know that you're hurting. But that's not what friends do. Friends don't ask friends to end their lives or commit felonies.
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On November 15 2009 09:22 Slaughter wrote:Show nested quote +On November 15 2009 04:05 keV. wrote:On November 15 2009 03:55 Cloud wrote:On November 15 2009 03:36 keV. wrote:
What the fuck are you doing in posting this on an internet forum?
A handful of internet sympathy and an armchair diagnosis won't do anything to keep your friend from killing herself. Act, and act properly.
When shit like this ends up on an internet forum it is impossible to take seriously. Call a fucking doctor. Jesus.
Why should anyone believe you when you claim you want 'serious' help all the while cracking Heath Ledger jokes. Anyone who makes a joke in poor taste has been banned, and the OP is making OD jokes.
This thread is a joke. So he is looking for sympathy, shoot him. People looking for sympathy on the internet deserve the comments "let her do it..." etc. TL is not the usual internet.
A collection of strangers and non-experts that take such posts seriously (TL), remain a collection of strangers and non-experts. TL or no.
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Something I'd like to add. She's not the first to be in this position. There have been countless other people who have been in this situation and are currently in this situation as we speak (type/read/whatever). And chances are, many of them have had this resolved. Just the realization of that fact is often a good deal of comfort to people. Let her know that there's probably a solution out there, despite the fact that you yourself don't have a solution for her.
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On November 14 2009 14:33 Tien wrote:
She won't do it on her own.
She wants me to help her do it (yeah fucking right). I even lied to her and told her I'd help her do it (loooooool) but only to convince her to fly over to Montreal from Calgary to help her finish some other urgent business affairs.
But how long can someone survive on 1-2 hours of sleep a day? She's going to turn into a Heath Ledger.
1-2 hours a day means her cortisol is extremely elevated , just means her adrenal glands are working overtime which could put her at risk of adrenal fatigue or failure
probably too late now but is there any chance of selling the house to a private buyer?
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You really do need to get some professional help with this, TL can provide good advice but it's going to come in bits and pieces and be spread out all over the place. You need one person who knows exactly what they're doing to provide you with a plan of action that'll take you into account as well, not just her.
It's going to be extremely difficult for you to take her situation on and provide the counselling and advice she needs if you're at all unsure about what to do. At the moment everything in her life is out of control so she's looking for a saviour with all the answers or a way out and if she's looking to you to be or provide those things... you're in an extremely difficult situation.
Debt and fraud are horrible things to be weighed down by, not only is she going to be blaming herself for the financial mess she's in but she's going to be choking on the guilt of lying about things in the first place. Combine that with having no close family she can turn to as well as the medication and the lack of sleep and you can see why she's caught in a vicious circle.
You can be honest with her and it's important to do that without comparing her situation to someone else's. Her financial situation is bad but it's not hopeless, there's a tendancy to think of any organization like a bank as being a faceless monster ready to crush you in the computerized cogs but they do and will take circumstances into account if a person is willing to admit that they did something wrong and show that they want to make amends.
So, in the time before she gets to you, you need to find numbers for and call people who are trained and qualified to give you advice on two matters.
1) How to deal with her mental state and the best way of providing care for her both physically and emotionally.
2) Advice about resolving her debt issues.
From a legal point of view, whatever processes are currently underway to recover any money that she owes or to reposses her house will not stop but there is a chance that they can be temporarily halted or delayed if she is currently mentally or physically incapable of dealing with the situation. It is extremely important that the any debt collection agency, the bank or whoever is trying reclaim funds from her are made aware that she is not in a position where she can fully understand or deal with what is happening.
If you talk to a debt advisor, they may suggest that someone takes on power of attorney on her behalf and that might help her to feel like she's not so weighed down with the pressure of sorting things out herself if she can't face it.
This isn't something she can run from and although it may seem like an insurmountable thing, it isn't. With guidance and advice she can work this out and with your help she won't have to do it alone. She's in a dark place at the moment and if you want to be her light, you need to make sure that you know exactly what you're doing and that you've got people to support you as well.
Take everything slowly and be sure of every step before you make it.
I very much recommend that you don't just check into her a hospital before you've spoken to a professional about the whole situation. If that's what they tell you to do then fine but don't make that decision by yourself. It might be possible for a counsellor to come out to see her in a place where she feels comfortable and would feel happy to talk to them or you may be able to convince her to talk to someone over the phone. You know her better than any of us so you are best suited to judge whether she's genuinely serious about suicide or if she's hoping to stay with you and thinking of your place as a refuge. Either way, professional help and advice first and try not to put any pressure on her when she arrives at your place.
I've been in an extremely similar situation to you and there's a lot more I'd like to say but I think you've got enough in this thread to make a start with things and to formulate a plan of action.
I know it's unlikely but if there's anything I can do to help, feel free to pm me. Otherwise, I wish you all the best and hope that both of you are able to work this out.
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I agree very much with the post above here. A friend of my brother, whom he had known since he was 5 and went to school with all the way up until now (he is in 4th year university), killed himself with a knife this past Friday. So do me a favour and please go to a professional for some help. My brother and his friends saw a few signs, and they didn't do anything drastic, and now they are missing a good friend. The most important thing is to act fast, and try not to leave your friend alone.
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You should totally do something sweet for her...
Show that there's someone out there who WANTS and CARES for her.
I don't wanna touch too much on the psychological aspect...
But what kinda debt is this?
Is it liquid like spending too much money on clothes.. or like, poker debt?
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bring her out for a walk, somewhere nice and beautiful. talk to her, and make her share all her problems, then promise to be her friend. a hug would be nice?
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EPT
