Sorry if this is the wrong forum to put this, but I need serious responses. I know I have to do something, but not sure what my best plan of action is.
My friend is going through a lot of distress. The cause of her distress is not something that is going to go away. She's losing her house, in massive amounts of debt, can't declare bankruptcy because courts will unravel the fact that she frauded a bunch of paperwork (T4's / notice of assessments).
For 1 month now she's been only able to sleep 1-2 hours a night. She's sick because she's in such bad health due to lack of sleep. Lack of sleep caused by such incredible amounts of stress.
On anti depressants / valium / bunch of other crap given to her by doctors but none of it is actually working. She's getting worse by the week.
I've tried for dozens and dozens of hours to talk to her and try to convince her it isn't so freaking bad, but she won't have any of it. The stress of the whole situation is way too enormous for her.
Wants me to help her suicide, and knowing her she's actually really serious about it.
She's flying in on Monday. My plan is to check her into the hospital on Tuesday.
The only way your plan could be improved is by checking in her in on Monday instead of waiting the day.
You are doing the right thing, she needs professional help since it's clear you've tried to help and cannot. Stay there for her, but make sure she gets the help she needs too.
seriously you should give her some hope, distraction, inspiration or addiction of something. good luck. please do tell her that she is very important to you.
On November 14 2009 14:15 Tien wrote: Wants me to help her suicide, and knowing her she's actually really serious about it.
Holy shit.
Every area should have toll free suicide hotlines that you can call (even if you're not the one contemplating it), they can recommend what to do/say. I honestly don't even want to take a stab at it other than to say at this point, professionals need to be involved (police asap if she tries anything).
As far as what you can do, just be supportive, let her know you'll always be there to support her, but DO NOT downplay her problems, she'll know you're full of it. Just tell her you're always there, she obviously seems to trust you more than anyone else in the world.
Continue to be there for her and help convince her that this isn't the end of her story and there is a life past this whole debt situation. Take one step at a time.
I'm no psychological specialist, but I think your friend needs to: 1) accept the fact (she should have already, actually) that theres nobody else to blame except herself for the situation she's in. The more people she can blame her misery to, the more hatred grows and the farther away from the world she gets. 2) find a reason to live. This is hard - it could be love (probably the best motive and the hardest to "make one up"), some sort of a legacy, hobbies (strong ones), personal goals, power and fame, whatever.
I think it'll be best of you to simply spend time with her and keep her feel like she's part of the world. Often suicides occur because the person feels alone, isolated, unloved and uncared. She needs to know that, many times and often, and make sure she gets it. This is different from trying to convince her it's not so bad because if a person's contemplating suicide, it's very likely that her only voice of reason is her own and nobody else's. That's why it's important to constantly show she's not alone - her voice of reason might start listening to yours, and others.
On November 14 2009 14:25 aRod wrote: Get her to a hospital ASAP. She needs to be involuntarily or voluntarily commited. Both of which are legal when someone is considering suicide.
This. Very least get her to call one of the free hotlines. At the most phone the police and get them to stop her. Tbh it doesn't sound like she has a decent exit strategy from this anyway so you can't make shit must worse by intervening. Short of winning the lottery shit will hit the fan.
She might hate you for interfering, especially if you just bluntly tell people what's on so they can help her. It'd be a breach of trust. But being hated by a living friend > burying one and wondering what you could have done more.
She wants me to help her do it (yeah fucking right). I even lied to her and told her I'd help her do it (loooooool) but only to convince her to fly over to Montreal from Calgary to help her finish some other urgent business affairs.
But how long can someone survive on 1-2 hours of sleep a day? She's going to turn into a Heath Ledger.
On November 14 2009 14:33 Tien wrote: She won't do it on her own.
She wants me to help her do it (yeah fucking right). I even lied to her and told her I'd help her do it (loooooool) but only to convince her to fly over to Montreal from Calgary to help her finish some other urgent business affairs.
But how long can someone survive on 1-2 hours of sleep a day? She's going to turn into a Heath Ledger.
erkkhmm if your a guy.. you can do something about it.
my friend commited suicide. they said they had the university doctors examine him and they said he was normal, etc so they didn't do any follow up checks. however he wasnt. he tried to get into a car crash on his own but he decided not to for some reason. he ended up shooting himself in the head in a parking lot.
do NOT leave her alone. dont know what to say on talking to her but i would try to boost her esteem, show her that she is loved, what she has to look forward too.
talk to her. let her know that with alot of work and time she will be alright. get some professional help and for heaven's sake get her off the valium!
If you're in university they should have a place to call specifically for situations like this, otherwise what ET said. You can find these by looking at community page or hospital websites (or if you just call the police and ask them to direct you the operate will know). Your plan is to get her to a professional and help in whatever way they see fit.
If she suddenly feels well, don't take it as a sign of relief because she might of thought of a clever suicide technique, and suddenly not worried anymore... Be cautious.
talk to her. let her know that with alot of work and time she will be alright. get some professional help and for heaven's sake get her off the valium!
On November 14 2009 14:15 Tien wrote: She's losing her house, in massive amounts of debt, can't declare bankruptcy because courts will unravel the fact that she frauded a bunch of paperwork (T4's / notice of assessments).
Make her call the hot-lines. Those people are trained to listen and to make her feel understood, which will help reduce her pressure. She might not want to talk to them at first, but try to gently coax her into it. If the situation demands, you can even call for her and talk to those people first, and then give the phone to her and leave the room/or not depending on her needs.
Do not under any circumstance give her "hard advice", stuff like "just tough it up", take responsibility, ectect. Any smart intelligent being would have already thought of that or heard it from some other jackass, so go away captain obvious. Shes already smashing herself into bits inside, and doesnt need you to add to it.
Tell her from the start you wont help her suicide, so she knows you're not lying to her and you can be trusted. And be with her as much as possible. Not just that emotionally "call me anytime! im here for you!" bullshit. Actually stick by her side for lengthy periods of time. Bring your computer over and play starcraft or something. Suicide is an incredibly lonely experience, company is welcomed even if she pushes you away, find some other way to negotiate to stick around.
Get used to silence, it might be uncomfortable for you, and you might try to fill it with conversation, but long drawn out silences to you are just short periods of time for her to wallow in her own depressive thoughts. I'm not saying don't giver her any silent time, but just that sometimes silence is needed and don't try to dispel it.
!!!!MOST IMPORANTLY!!!! She will not have the motivation to kill herself at the pit of depression. She will do it when she is recovering and actually feels a little better and more in control. DO NOT let your guard down once she is on the recovery path, in-fact, thats the most dangerous time, so stick around her even more then.
Gently, if you can, tease out her secret suicide plan if she has one, and take the necessary precautions. Remove scissors and firearms, turn off the gas, lock the windows.
If you have many friends who want to help, you can even set up a rotation schedule to be with her at all times.
Edit: The hospital thing depends on the situation. Some people are open to it, some people violently reject the stigma/label of being hospitalized. My uncle was of the latter category and coupled with some other stuff, was porobably what pushed him over the edge. Also hospital staff are not always reliable, you will always care about her more than they do.
EPT
