Friend A - Female, 19, female friend for 2 years, in a different program of study at the same university as me, decent looking, never had a real relationship in her life. Let's call her Cathy.
Friend B - Male, 20, male friend for 13 years, in the same program of study at the same university as me, going to live with me next term on campus. Let's call him Tom.
Cathy got to know Tom through me at a party last year, and this year it's become pretty clear she really likes Tom.
Tom has a GF of 1 year, and we talk about everything, he told me that he likes Cathy only for her looks, went out with her on a few dates and got to kiss her, going to keep it up and try to get her to sleep with him.
I feel Cathy is going to get hurt quite profusely down this road. So I'm inclined to say something to her as she's a really innocent and nice person.
I also feel obligated to uphold the implied confidentially between Tom and I as he put his trust in me by telling me what he intended to do in the first place.
Bros before hoes has a limit. If you honestly believe that he is going to hurt her very badly, then you should do something. Don't tell her to gtfo but maybe just give her a little bit of info to help her decide for herself if she wants to proceed?
Alternately, get Tom to discuss more with you and express your disapproval of her getting hurt. If he isn't willing to cooperate see above.
I wouldn't go straight to telling the girl, give your friend a chance by talking to him honestly about it for a bit. Hopefully he'll do the right thing
well you cant tell her lol thats just breaking the code.. What you can do is like talk to her and maybe make her like him less? lol I dunno... Just make sure she isnt in love. Start easing the pain early
I don't spend much time on the blogs here on TL, but most of the time when I do and I find people soliciting advice from complete strangers on the internet I tell them to either flip a coin or talk to someone you trust in real life.
Though, when things are as black-and-white as this, I feel compelled to put the snide mockery aside and just tell you straight up. Right thing: tell her. Wrong thing: let her get hurt. There's no reason that your friend's seeking of fun should come before her feelings. None. If confidentiality is what you're worried about, have the courage to stand up to your friend and tell him he was being an ass.
Agreed with lucktar, you need to teach Tom how to respect women and not merely treat them as objects. I recommend going to a bookstore and picking out a Julia Kristeva book so you can give to Tom as a gift the next time you guys celebrate an anniversary. A friend who doesn't respect women is not a friend at all.
Tell 'Tom' that 'Cathy' is your friend, and you won't stand for that bullshit. If he doesn't respect her enough to not hurt her, maybe he'll respect you. Or maybe not.
On January 26 2010 14:27 WheelOfTime wrote: Long story short:
Facts:
Friend A - Female, 19, female friend for 2 years, in a different program of study at the same university as me, decent looking, never had a real relationship in her life. Let's call her Cathy.
Friend B - Male, 20, male friend for 13 years, in the same program of study at the same university as me, going to live with me next term on campus. Let's call him Tom.
Cathy got to know Tom through me at a party last year, and this year it's become pretty clear she really likes Tom.
Tom has a GF of 1 year, and we talk about everything, he told me that he likes Cathy only for her looks, went out with her on a few dates and got to kiss her, going to keep it up and try to get her to sleep with him.
I feel Cathy is going to get hurt quite profusely down this road. So I'm inclined to say something to her as she's a really innocent and nice person.
I also feel obligated to uphold the implied confidentially between Tom and I as he put his trust in me by telling me what he intended to do in the first place.
Your thoughts on this matter?
Preserving the original post.
You shouldn't sit there and let all that happen. It may affect her for the rest of her life for the worse, but for Tom, it would just be a good fling that he'd forget about. Just tell her.
On January 26 2010 14:48 Lucktar wrote: Tell 'Tom' that 'Cathy' is your friend, and you won't stand for that bullshit. If he doesn't respect her enough to not hurt her, maybe he'll respect you. Or maybe not.
This. Whatever you do, do not puss out and say nothing, and do not puss out and go behind Tom's back. Make Tom tell Cathy.
talk to your "Tom" and tell him he is being a fucking asshole, and that she is your friend. then go into detail about the 112312312 ways his girlfriend could find out about this.
if he still wants to play with her, whatever it's her fault for being weak and gullible, and you did your best.
great artwork is borne from the kind of smoldering, destroyed mess of a heart that he will leave her with. She could be the greatest artist of our generation, if only you allow him to make her never be able to trust again
On January 26 2010 15:01 Etherone wrote: talk to your "Tom" and tell him he is being a fucking asshole, and that she is your friend. then go into detail about the 112312312 ways his girlfriend could find out about this.
if he still wants to play with her, whatever it's her fault for being weak and gullible, and you did your best.
You can tell her, but just remember thats it could ruin your friendship with Tom. My friend was in the exact same dilemma. He considered the guy to be his bestfriend but he did it anyway. What happened was that the guy completely cut my friend out of his life. He'd ignore him at school. He never even acknowledged his prescence when they were in the same room together. So if you're gonna do this, be prepared to lose your friend.
EPT
