Friend A - Female, 19, female friend for 2 years, in a different program of study at the same university as me, decent looking, never had a real relationship in her life. Let's call her Cathy.
Friend B - Male, 20, male friend for 13 years, in the same program of study at the same university as me, going to live with me next term on campus. Let's call him Tom.
Cathy got to know Tom through me at a party last year, and this year it's become pretty clear she really likes Tom.
Tom has a GF of 1 year, and we talk about everything, he told me that he likes Cathy only for her looks, went out with her on a few dates and got to kiss her, going to keep it up and try to get her to sleep with him.
I feel Cathy is going to get hurt quite profusely down this road. So I'm inclined to say something to her as she's a really innocent and nice person.
I also feel obligated to uphold the implied confidentially between Tom and I as he put his trust in me by telling me what he intended to do in the first place.
Bros before hoes has a limit. If you honestly believe that he is going to hurt her very badly, then you should do something. Don't tell her to gtfo but maybe just give her a little bit of info to help her decide for herself if she wants to proceed?
Alternately, get Tom to discuss more with you and express your disapproval of her getting hurt. If he isn't willing to cooperate see above.
I wouldn't go straight to telling the girl, give your friend a chance by talking to him honestly about it for a bit. Hopefully he'll do the right thing
well you cant tell her lol thats just breaking the code.. What you can do is like talk to her and maybe make her like him less? lol I dunno... Just make sure she isnt in love. Start easing the pain early
I don't spend much time on the blogs here on TL, but most of the time when I do and I find people soliciting advice from complete strangers on the internet I tell them to either flip a coin or talk to someone you trust in real life.
Though, when things are as black-and-white as this, I feel compelled to put the snide mockery aside and just tell you straight up. Right thing: tell her. Wrong thing: let her get hurt. There's no reason that your friend's seeking of fun should come before her feelings. None. If confidentiality is what you're worried about, have the courage to stand up to your friend and tell him he was being an ass.
Agreed with lucktar, you need to teach Tom how to respect women and not merely treat them as objects. I recommend going to a bookstore and picking out a Julia Kristeva book so you can give to Tom as a gift the next time you guys celebrate an anniversary. A friend who doesn't respect women is not a friend at all.
Tell 'Tom' that 'Cathy' is your friend, and you won't stand for that bullshit. If he doesn't respect her enough to not hurt her, maybe he'll respect you. Or maybe not.
On January 26 2010 14:27 WheelOfTime wrote: Long story short:
Facts:
Friend A - Female, 19, female friend for 2 years, in a different program of study at the same university as me, decent looking, never had a real relationship in her life. Let's call her Cathy.
Friend B - Male, 20, male friend for 13 years, in the same program of study at the same university as me, going to live with me next term on campus. Let's call him Tom.
Cathy got to know Tom through me at a party last year, and this year it's become pretty clear she really likes Tom.
Tom has a GF of 1 year, and we talk about everything, he told me that he likes Cathy only for her looks, went out with her on a few dates and got to kiss her, going to keep it up and try to get her to sleep with him.
I feel Cathy is going to get hurt quite profusely down this road. So I'm inclined to say something to her as she's a really innocent and nice person.
I also feel obligated to uphold the implied confidentially between Tom and I as he put his trust in me by telling me what he intended to do in the first place.
Your thoughts on this matter?
Preserving the original post.
You shouldn't sit there and let all that happen. It may affect her for the rest of her life for the worse, but for Tom, it would just be a good fling that he'd forget about. Just tell her.
On January 26 2010 14:48 Lucktar wrote: Tell 'Tom' that 'Cathy' is your friend, and you won't stand for that bullshit. If he doesn't respect her enough to not hurt her, maybe he'll respect you. Or maybe not.
This. Whatever you do, do not puss out and say nothing, and do not puss out and go behind Tom's back. Make Tom tell Cathy.
talk to your "Tom" and tell him he is being a fucking asshole, and that she is your friend. then go into detail about the 112312312 ways his girlfriend could find out about this.
if he still wants to play with her, whatever it's her fault for being weak and gullible, and you did your best.
great artwork is borne from the kind of smoldering, destroyed mess of a heart that he will leave her with. She could be the greatest artist of our generation, if only you allow him to make her never be able to trust again
On January 26 2010 15:01 Etherone wrote: talk to your "Tom" and tell him he is being a fucking asshole, and that she is your friend. then go into detail about the 112312312 ways his girlfriend could find out about this.
if he still wants to play with her, whatever it's her fault for being weak and gullible, and you did your best.
You can tell her, but just remember thats it could ruin your friendship with Tom. My friend was in the exact same dilemma. He considered the guy to be his bestfriend but he did it anyway. What happened was that the guy completely cut my friend out of his life. He'd ignore him at school. He never even acknowledged his prescence when they were in the same room together. So if you're gonna do this, be prepared to lose your friend.
On January 26 2010 15:56 numLoCK wrote: Do not tell the girl. Talk to 'Tom', and tell him what you think. You said the guy had a GF right? WTF is he doing, talk some sense into him...
This is exactly correct. For the love of god don't talk to any girl about this though, that'll bring a shitstorm I don't think anyone wants to deal with
If she knows he has a girlfriend then there is nothing for you to say. If she doesnt then you should tell him to do the right thing, but you telling her behind his back would be a douche thing to do.
On January 26 2010 16:58 Mastermind wrote: If she knows he has a girlfriend then there is nothing for you to say. If she doesnt then you should tell him to do the right thing, but you telling her behind his back would be a douche thing to do.
She knows.
But she thinks he'll choose her over his GF, at least that's what he tells her.
On January 07 2010 07:32 Chill wrote: Let's look at your last three blogs:
1. You are poor and starving but you're actually not. 2. You are a recovering alcoholic but you're actually not. 3. Your girlfriend is having a baby but she's actually not.
4. You are in a huge moral dilemma, but you're actually not. -_-;;
On January 26 2010 14:27 WheelOfTime wrote: he [...] went out with her on a few dates and got to kiss her, going to keep it up and try to get her to sleep with him.
your friend is a clown.
On January 26 2010 14:27 WheelOfTime wrote: I also feel obligated to uphold the implied confidentially between Tom and I as he put his trust in me by telling me what he intended to do in the first place.
Your thoughts on this matter?
i dont see the dilemma here at all. no clue about you, but i choose people i affiliate with by their morals (values, these things people use to determine how they behave), by whether or not i get along with them and then by common interests. in this order. any of these missing reduces the reason for me to interact with them.
why do you value your relationship with your friend if not for the nice person he is? choices (the setting of priorities) like these make you into the person you are so either you are an honest person and tell her, or you are not, dont care about things like that and cover your friend.
so which is it? simple question. there is no inbetween.
if that doesnt convince you try this: didnt cathy also put her trust in you? especially after you are the one who introcuded them to each other. tom decided that trust is not important for him, clearly indicated by the fact that he is going to misuse cathy's trust, and even told you about it (and he is probably also cheating on his gf if she doesnt know about this). does that not take the responbility to respect his trust off of you?
On January 07 2010 07:32 Chill wrote: Let's look at your last three blogs:
1. You are poor and starving but you're actually not. 2. You are a recovering alcoholic but you're actually not. 3. Your girlfriend is having a baby but she's actually not.
4. You are in a huge moral dilemma, but you're actually not. -_-;;
End of discussion.
I somehow knew it was him when I only read the blog title. lol
On January 07 2010 07:32 Chill wrote: Let's look at your last three blogs:
1. You are poor and starving but you're actually not. 2. You are a recovering alcoholic but you're actually not. 3. Your girlfriend is having a baby but she's actually not.
4. You are in a huge moral dilemma, but you're actually not. -_-;;
End of discussion.
I somehow knew it was him when I only read the blog title. lol
On one hand, I'm betraying a friend. He wouldn't have told me what he did if he knew I was going to tell the girl.
On the other hand, I'm going to keep my silence and watch someone get really hurt.
If you don't see the big fucking dilemma here, then I guess you can just GTFO.
On January 26 2010 16:58 Mastermind wrote: If she knows he has a girlfriend then there is nothing for you to say. If she doesnt then you should tell him to do the right thing, but you telling her behind his back would be a douche thing to do.
She knows.
But she thinks he'll choose her over his GF, at least that's what he tells her.
And yes, I will try and talk some sense into him.
Damn, I just love bitches that are crazy like that. I mean wtf they expect from merried/in a relationship guys? Will they really leave their wifes? no. Will they leave their gf's? possibly but still not likely. If I were you I wouldn't say a word if she knows about his gf and then when she gets her heart broken I would use the situation to take advantage of her. Just like dump girls/guys deserve.
On January 07 2010 07:32 Chill wrote: Let's look at your last three blogs:
1. You are poor and starving but you're actually not. 2. You are a recovering alcoholic but you're actually not. 3. Your girlfriend is having a baby but she's actually not.
4. You are in a huge moral dilemma, but you're actually not. -_-;;
End of discussion.
I somehow knew it was him when I only read the blog title. lol
On one hand, I'm betraying a friend. He wouldn't have told me what he did if he knew I was going to tell the girl.
On the other hand, I'm going to keep my silence and watch someone get really hurt.
If you don't see the big fucking dilemma here, then I guess you can just GTFO.
Insensitive cunts.
wow. youre just as much a douche as "tom". go stick with him.
lol sounds like he has a messed up life with messed up people in it, so no point advise him what normal people would do. we don't know his situation, we can't guage what hes doing at all.
LOL if Cathy already knows he has a girlfriend and kisses him/goes on dates with him/stays up all night with him, then I HIGHLY doubt that she would have a moral dilemma about Tom trying to nail her. She clearly doesn't have any base of morality or she would've contacted his current girlfriend already
On January 07 2010 07:32 Chill wrote: Let's look at your last three blogs:
1. You are poor and starving but you're actually not. 2. You are a recovering alcoholic but you're actually not. 3. Your girlfriend is having a baby but she's actually not.
4. You are in a huge moral dilemma, but you're actually not. -_-;;
End of discussion.
I somehow knew it was him when I only read the blog title. lol
On one hand, I'm betraying a friend. He wouldn't have told me what he did if he knew I was going to tell the girl.
On the other hand, I'm going to keep my silence and watch someone get really hurt.
If you don't see the big fucking dilemma here, then I guess you can just GTFO.
EPT
