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For our new friend newb14 because he says it's very pressing and he can't sleep tonight 
And I'm feeling very nice today.
Hey everyone. Didn’t think I’d end up doing this, but this has been bugging me for quite some time now. Plus its been really hurting our relationship, so I’m desperate enough to have my privacy invaded.
I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now, and I love her. We spend almost every free moment we have with each other. However, there has been issues with the sexual side of the relationship…don’t know if this is due to me, her, or a combo.
First off, I cant seem to get over her past. She was a virgin when I met her (and I was her first sex). However, I feel like she was slutty in the past. Now, I don’t mean that she was slutty in the sense that she was fucking everyone, but slutty in other ways.
First of all, she had an ex-boyfriend who she dated for 5 years. She CHEATED on him not once, or twice…but 5 times! Her excuse is that she only did it “to get back at him for cheating on me.”
Second of all, during her last 2 years of college, she started to party a lot. She wasn’t dating her boyfriend anymore, but says she hooked up with about 15 guys. Now, all of you know, if a girl says 15 guys, its closer to at least 20 if not more. She says they would only make out.
Also, she admitted to making out with girls a few times at parties. However, one thing that really got to me is that she admitted to making out with a girl, not at a party but for experimenting! Usually girls who make out at a party do it for the attention of the surrounding guys. However, that one time she did it just to see what it was like.
For all you people who say she’s not a slut, I don’t mean it in the strictest sense. I am Asian, and for all you Asians out there, you understand. There are different standards out there. Even though she didn’t have sex, she was making out a lot, AND cheated MULTIPLE times on her ex-boyfriend. Plus, her personality is very flirtatious with other guys – something I can’t stand sometimes.
My girlfriend has a perception amongst my friends – she is the “party girl” and the girl that gets crazy and fun. If you saw how she interacted (all flirty), you would think that her boyfriend was getting amazing sex whenever he wanted. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
While she has a certain reputation, I’m stuck with a girlfriend that is hardly in the mood to have sex. We’ve had many fights about this. I love sex, and I want it pretty much every day. She wants it much less. I don’t know if its something I’m not doing to satisfy her (she says that’s not true when I ask her…don’t know if I believe her) or shes just not interested. BUT WHAT REALLY SUCKS about all this is that while she has that party girl perception and stereotype, I’M NOT EVEN GETTING AS MUCH SEX AS I WANT!
Sigh, maybe I have my insecurities. Maybe I have my jealousy issues. Maybe I’m not satisfying her enough sexually. Maybe I’m not flexible enough. Who knows? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m happy with everything else with the girl but I think we are just sexually incompatible. Also, I am haunted by her past.
I would appreciate any comments that any of you make. Please help me out. Thank you.
 
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Wow, a different perspective; I thought those girls always had good sex. So she's basically super horny but doesn't want it, at least from you. Was her first experience with you good or bad?
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Need more info sort of, hard to tell.
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Her first experience with me she says was not what she expected it to be. (she didnt enjoy it)
Grobyc, can you elaborate?
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u need to get out of your own head and stop dwelling on what she did in college. college is when girls experiment and hook up with tons of guys, and not every girl is a virgin and pure anymore like it was in the 9th grade, and if you can't get over that, then you're better off just not asking how many guys she has fucked. and if she talks about it constantly then it's obvious she's just an attention whore
either way, you obviously have insecurities and if it's affecting you sexually you better do well to fix it or she'll probably cheat on you too!
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On February 21 2009 15:44 newb14 wrote:Her first experience with me she says was not what she expected it to be. (she didnt enjoy it) Grobyc, can you elaborate?
First of all, yubee is right. You can't let the past get you down, it's just something you are going to have to accept. On the other hand, it does sound like you are a little insecure, possibly because of that reason, but whatever it is is affecting her too. Sex with someone not confident, insecure, is probably not the best sex out there. Whatever it is, it sounds like shes not satisfied, and it's probably you for whatever reason. Work on this asap because like yubee said, she could possibly cheat on you as well. After all, 5x with one ex- in the past isn't very good =/
But then again I don't know much so thats just my 2cents.
GL
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c'mon you losers, at least gimme a five for helping someone out.
lol @ "(3v3 BGH) Player 1: you rushin? Player 2: nah, but my dad is german"
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You have to make her in the mood to have sex with you. Obviously, you're not doing something sweet enough/caring enough/etc. to seduce her into the bedroom. When she's your girlfriend, it doesn't just entitle you to sex. You still have to try (more than you think).
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On February 21 2009 16:19 Rayzorblade wrote:
You have to make her in the mood to have sex with you. Obviously, you're not doing something sweet enough/caring enough/etc. to seduce her into the bedroom. When she's your girlfriend, it doesn't just entitle you to sex. You still have to try (more than you think).
WHAT? lolz
To the OP, seriously, put the past behind you. She was only making out with a lot of people, it's not that big of a deal.
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Braavos36374 Posts
shes totally boning some other dude
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Maybe you need to give her a time out.
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On February 21 2009 16:22 Hot_Bid wrote:
shes totally boning some other dude yeah actually on second thought, this
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Smix
United States4549 Posts
Some people just prefer making out to having sex.
I know many girls like this.
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On February 21 2009 16:28 yubee wrote:yeah actually on second thought, this
nah
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Sounds like you have issues, I feel bad for your GF :/
Way too many guys have these same issues though, so at least you're not alone 
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
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On February 21 2009 16:28 yubee wrote:yeah actually on second thought, this
agree
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well this is the same thing that happen to my gf ( except the sex part ) but she was asking me very often about my past, and If I cheat her in the present and stuff like this. Then she starting confessing to me about how she dislike the fact that I`m flirting with other girls (even if there's nothing serious) and that I go to parties even when she can`t go....so I sorta stopped this...I really love my gf :D
so...did u try explaining nicely to her?
also, if u can tell your age...that would help a lot 
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Almost all relationships have issues with sex (at least at your age) because women just don't have the sex drive men do. That plus throw in all the past trauma and the fact that its very psychological for women makes sex a straining point in most relationships. The reason why guys put up with this though is because she is either (1) smoking hot and a trophy gf/wife or (2) all her other characteristics are amazing. You should think critically and rationally exactly why you love her and make a decision whether the relationship is worth pursuing down the line.
Personally, she doesn't sound like the type of girl thats a keeper (ie. a party girl), so I probably would have dumped her.
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astrology warning + Show Spoiler +she sounds like an air sign and you sound like scorpio/taurus/cancer/leo. My ex was a libra and reminds me of yours. She almost put herself entirely out into the public domain and consequently had very little to give and do behind closed doors (not sexually just in general). I'd be very skeptical of women like that from the start UNLESS you are that type of person yourself.
Basically- from the sounds of it both of you are going to stay in your ways- a clash. You either have to compromise with her or end the relationship- they are the only two ways you can resolve your issue to minimize anguish.
THINGS WHICH WILL NOT WORK:
1) trying to change her
2) ignoring it
3) getting back at her
Face yourself in the mirror and say is this girl worth sex once every 2 or 3 days?
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Why guess when you can just pull their birthday from their profile?
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because it doesn't really matter. My advice is not astrological i just threw astrology in there cos i felt like it.
the other thing i would advise is talk to her about it and tell her that you want to meet her halfway. If she fails to compromise/ can't see anything wrong, which imo is probably quite likely, you're probably going to have to go separate ways; being in an unfulfilling relationship is never worth it and never leads to anything good.
one of the most important thing in relationships is knowing when to fight and when to let things go. So don't make any rash decisions but keep aware of the dynamics of your relationship. If they are stagnant and stuck in problems for long enough, get it over with.
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On February 21 2009 16:17 Cambium wrote:
c'mon you losers, at least gimme a five for helping someone out.
lol @ "(3v3 BGH) Player 1: you rushin? Player 2: nah, but my dad is german"
fine lol. heres your 5
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There are not many girls out there who aren't total trash who will have sex with you every day. Girls depend too much on their mood/level of horniness BEFORE any foreplay, which means it is mostly arbitrary. You aren't the one who gets to decide when you have sex 100% of the time, she is. Why? Because she wants it less often than you, and when she wants it you will give it because you were waiting for this opportunity. Counter-denying them will just make them bitchy, and if you try to say "THIS IS HOW IT FEELS FOR ME BITCH," it won't change them at all, you will just come off as a dick. That's life, grow up and get used to it. How often do you think most married couples have sex? You'd think that because they love each other enough (well nowadays I guess this has lost merit but still) that they would get aroused by each other's presence often enough. Nope, sorry. 95% chance it won't happen.
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First of all, either get over her past, or get over her and do it asap. Your call which one.
The sex thing is a problem. First of all you need to realize that she is not getting off from intercourse. Few girls do, this is obviously not one of them.
Worse, most likely it's actually hurting her, due to her feeling pressured and more importantly scared since it hurt last time.
You getting into fights about this does not improve the situation.
My recomendation (since I guess you asked for it) Mentally prepare yourself for a month or two without sex. Stop asking for or initating sex. If she wants to make out encourage her. Just cuddle and hug and kiss a lot in general.
_If_ things end up getting hotter go with the flow, finger her, give her oral or whatever. _Ask for feedback_!! Most likely you are not doing it in a way that makes this particular girl happy so just keep practicing and make sure your ego can handle failures.
Most importantly: Don't ask for anything yourself, not at all. If she wants to don't deny her but _don't_ hint at it. And _no_ penetration, _none_. Not until she is screaming for it anyway =p.
Ok that ended up with way too much detail for my own liking >< sorry about that, and good luck.
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It could be alot of reasons why she dont wanna have sex. It could be something easy as her pills(if she is using any birthcontrol)
You have to talk to her, ask her why and try to get to the bottom of it. If not, it will never work. My friend had the similar problem, they brokeup and decided to be friends instead.
Bottom line, you have to be open about your love\sexlife or it will never work.
Regards
Dr Phil
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On February 21 2009 16:27 KissBlade wrote:
Maybe you need to give her a time out.
hahahahaha
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On February 21 2009 16:39 Cambium wrote:Show nested quote +On February 21 2009 16:28 yubee wrote:On February 21 2009 16:22 Hot_Bid wrote:
shes totally boning some other dude yeah actually on second thought, this nah
Da nile, not just a river in Egypt.
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On February 21 2009 21:47 writer22816 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 21 2009 16:27 KissBlade wrote:
Maybe you need to give her a time out. hahahahaha
Hahaha. I'd say just keep trying to talk to her. You aren't going to "change" her very effectively.
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If you're just out of college and you're having issues with discrepancies over sexual desires, it's time to consider that she's not the right person for you. She's never going to wake up and go, "you're right, I DO WANT TO FUCK (YOU) ALL THE TIME!" and if she does start more frequently it will generally be just to appease you and the sex will not be very good and she will likely resent you.
I would suggest moving on if the situation is as you described it.
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this guy came in here asking for sex tips, and you guys paralleled it.
missionary is always a good position, although very vanilla.
ALSO i hope when you deflowered the girl you didn't ram it in there. hopefully you spent an enormous amount of time doing oral and manual labor. if this is not the case, oh i feel bad for you
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I know its hard to get over a girls past because i've had smiliar issues with my girlfriend. We were both virgins but parts of her past bothered me. She had a long term relationship with some other guy and a lot of bf's before him. I only had 1 gf before her that only lasted about 2 weeks. However I knew about those things before I started going out with her and chose to ignore them.
Part of the reason they bothered me was not because of her but because of me. Although she hadn't had intercourse she still got some action from her exs. I had never gotten any action with a girl before so it felt like we were not on "even ground". Theres nothing you can do to change it. So ethier you work on accepting it or you don't. I would be worried about going out with someone who had cheated on their previous bf. You just have to decide if you like her enough to live with her past.
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On February 22 2009 00:06 Pengu1n wrote:
I know its hard to get over a girls past because i've had smiliar issues with my girlfriend. We were both virgins but parts of her past bothered me. She had a long term relationship with some other guy and a lot of bf's before him. I only had 1 gf before her that only lasted about 2 weeks. However I knew about those things before I started going out with her and chose to ignore them.
Part of the reason they bothered me was not because of her but because of me. Although she hadn't had intercourse she still got some action from her exs. I had never gotten any action with a girl before so it felt like we were not on "even ground". Theres nothing you can do to change it. So ethier you work on accepting it or you don't. I would be worried about going out with someone who had cheated on their previous bf. You just have to decide if you like her enough to live with her past.
well, why does it matter?
she didn`t even fuck with anyone, and even if she did, maybe her last boyfriend was a dumbhead or a jackass...or does the OP know him ?
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I was originally of the mindset that men want sex more than women 99% of the time but after being with my girlfriend I'm finding that not to be true. Unless I'm really really luck or something. I was pretty nervous about my first time and stuff so I did what any competent nerd would do, I read tons of stuff on the internet. I read a great deal before our first time and continued to read up for the first year or so of our sexual relationship to keep getting better. It completely paid off in my opinion, she wants it just as bad as I do now if not more so.
Bottom line, I'm guessing you're not satisfying her. Not to get too nosy about your sexual experiences but have you given her consistent orgasms? Thing about girls is that unlike men they want it more after they orgasm if you're doing it right. I make it a point to make sure she gets off before I do practically every time. If you can give her an orgasm (multiple orgasms are even better, read up on it) on request any time I think you'll find her much more willing to come back for more. If you haven't found the g-spot for example yet then I'm not surprised by her lack of willingness. A good g-spot orgasm can keep her in the mood for hours. Service her first and well.
Just to put things into perspective, she's my first ever so I didn't have experience prior. We've been together for over 4 years now and she's still amazing. The power of the internet at work my friends.  I don't want to come off as a know it all but I feel like I must be doing something right because I've got a great relationship going. I'm obviously not as experienced as some people on this board, having gone through multiple girlfriends or even being married, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
Anyway, she'd probably not be too pleased about me sharing this stuff because she's kinda on the shy side so keep this to yourselves.
As for the stuff in her past, put it behind you. Keep an eye open as she sounds prone to cheating but don't let it stop you from showing you trust her. Possessive boyfriends (especially ones that aren't satisfying in bed) are just asking to be cheated on. I trust my gf 100% and she knows it. She wants to hang out at a guy friend's house? No problem. Go clubbing? Whatever. She was surprised by my trust at first but appreciates it greatly. My logic was that it was better to find out sooner than later anyway.
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On February 22 2009 01:24 Phyre wrote:
Bottom line, I'm guessing you're not satisfying her. Not to get too nosy about your sexual experiences but have you given her consistent orgasms? Thing about girls is that unlike men they want it more after they orgasm if you're doing it right. I make it a point to make sure she gets off before I do practically every time. If you can give her an orgasm (multiple orgasms are even better, read up on it) on request any time I think you'll find her much more willing to come back for more. If you haven't found the g-spot for example yet then I'm not surprised by her lack of willingness. A good g-spot orgasm can keep her in the mood for hours. Services her first and well.
So, how can we find the G-Spot? :>
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Ok first of all, how did she cheat on her ex if she was a virgin when she met you? Secondly who gives a shit if she made out with a girl, that should be hot you crazy bastard. Do you seriously expect her to just not have a sexual past previous to you, I mean you got a fucking virgin what more can you want.
The whole time I was thinking "whats wrong with this guy?" untill I read the "I'm Asian" part, and it was like Ohhhhhhhhh! My guess is you haven't dont almost anything with females previous to this relationship and you have a verry closed minded view on anything sexual (as so many asian-americans do these days).
Here is what you have to remember -
Guys are like dogs, we are ready to play almost anytime anywhere.
Girls on the other hand are like cats, whenever you want to play they just want to sleep, but when you want to sleep they want to play.
It's how shit goes, get used to it. However some girls have extremely high sex drives at that age, and want to have sex 24/7. Your girlfriend could be either way.
However the main problem is it sounds like she doesn't enjoy sex. Find out why, adress the problem, and enjoy. Communication is a big part of good sex that people overlook.
And finding the G-Spot never hurt. Google it if you haven't yet, you will thank me.
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On February 22 2009 03:16 dream-_- wrote:
However the main problem is it sounds like she doesn't enjoy sex. Find out why, adress the problem, and enjoy. Communication is a big part of good sex that people overlook.
And finding the G-Spot never hurt. Google it if you haven't yet, you will thank me.
Agreed, communication is absolutely key. Especially if you're new at it.
Same on the g-spot comment too, google it. It really isn't that hard to find.
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I guess I wasnt the first to think of the g-spot. Just google it, take the time to find it once and memorize where it is for your girlfriend. After that it's instant pleasure for the girl at your slightest whim.
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On February 22 2009 01:24 Phyre wrote:I was originally of the mindset that men want sex more than women 99% of the time but after being with my girlfriend I'm finding that not to be true. Unless I'm really really luck or something. I was pretty nervous about my first time and stuff so I did what any competent nerd would do, I read tons of stuff on the internet. I read a great deal before our first time and continued to read up for the first year or so of our sexual relationship to keep getting better. It completely paid off in my opinion, she wants it just as bad as I do now if not more so. Bottom line, I'm guessing you're not satisfying her. Not to get too nosy about your sexual experiences but have you given her consistent orgasms? Thing about girls is that unlike men they want it more after they orgasm if you're doing it right. I make it a point to make sure she gets off before I do practically every time. If you can give her an orgasm (multiple orgasms are even better, read up on it) on request any time I think you'll find her much more willing to come back for more. If you haven't found the g-spot for example yet then I'm not surprised by her lack of willingness. A good g-spot orgasm can keep her in the mood for hours. Service her first and well. Just to put things into perspective, she's my first ever so I didn't have experience prior. We've been together for over 4 years now and she's still amazing. The power of the internet at work my friends. I don't want to come off as a know it all but I feel like I must be doing something right because I've got a great relationship going. I'm obviously not as experienced as some people on this board, having gone through multiple girlfriends or even being married, so take my advice with a grain of salt. Anyway, she'd probably not be too pleased about me sharing this stuff because she's kinda on the shy side so keep this to yourselves. As for the stuff in her past, put it behind you. Keep an eye open as she sounds prone to cheating but don't let it stop you from showing you trust her. Possessive boyfriends (especially ones that aren't satisfying in bed) are just asking to be cheated on. I trust my gf 100% and she knows it. She wants to hang out at a guy friend's house? No problem. Go clubbing? Whatever. She was surprised by my trust at first but appreciates it greatly. My logic was that it was better to find out sooner than later anyway.
This.
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talk to her. tell her all of this you're feeling and thinking. listen to what she has to say and compromise =/
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thanks for all the replies. Here's some more info:
I'm 22 and she's 24. I dont think she ever gets off on sex when im penetrating her. However, after sex she almost always touches herself and gets off that way. She gets pain a lot of the time when we're having sex, especially if I go too deep in a certain position. Also, she gets pain when I dont come fast enough. She also started taking birth control in our relationship.
She cheated no her ex-boyfriend, not by having sex but by making out with multiple people.
For the person that said its "hot" to have two girls kissing, I can tell you yeah maybe it is. It is when its not your girlfriend, and when its at a party. NOT when the two girls are by themselves experimenting. Anyone know any hot lesbians? I sure dont.
I tried talking to her multiple times about sex and whether or not she's enjoying it. She insists that she is...but how do I know if shes not just lying?
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Also, another thing. If i'm already unhappy with her sexually, I'm really scared about the future. When you get older and get married, sex takes a turn for the worst. That scares the shit out of me. Plus, right now, I feel like half the times that she "wants to have sex" is because she's pretending and doesnt want turn it down to avoid another fight.
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On February 21 2009 16:22 Hot_Bid wrote:
shes totally boning some other dude
I think it has to be this. When she is trying to distance herself from you, it's probably because there is someone else.
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above post +
what hot_bid said, this one is pretty obvious - she's cheating on you and getting her extra satisfaction elsewhere.
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Judging by your post count its probably due to the size of your penis.
Obvious solution is to make more posts and TL will magically do the rest.
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On February 21 2009 16:22 Hot_Bid wrote:
shes totally boning some other dude
I guess I agree with this. How is the background story? Has it always been like this? Did it start recently?
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On February 22 2009 04:46 newb14 wrote:
thanks for all the replies. Here's some more info:
I'm 22 and she's 24. I dont think she ever gets off on sex when im penetrating her. However, after sex she almost always touches herself and gets off that way. She gets pain a lot of the time when we're having sex, especially if I go too deep in a certain position. Also, she gets pain when I dont come fast enough. She also started taking birth control in our relationship.
She cheated no her ex-boyfriend, not by having sex but by making out with multiple people.
For the person that said its "hot" to have two girls kissing, I can tell you yeah maybe it is. It is when its not your girlfriend, and when its at a party. NOT when the two girls are by themselves experimenting. Anyone know any hot lesbians? I sure dont.
I tried talking to her multiple times about sex and whether or not she's enjoying it. She insists that she is...but how do I know if shes not just lying?
You're doing it all wrong. Makes sense why she isn't interested in sex now.
If she's experiencing pain during penetration then it's most likely due to one of two things. Either you've got an astronomically huge cock or she's not wet enough. I'm going to go ahead and assume the latter.
First off, if she has to get herself off after you finish, you failed and failed miserably. Imagine things in reverse if she got off and decided she was going to call it quits before you got off. Most people would be frustrated and she most likely is too. You're not pleasing her thus she doesn't enjoy sex thus it becomes a chore she does purely for your benefit. It's downright selfish.
Second, if she's not getting off then that completely explains why she's in pain. She's probably not even turned on and is faking most of it. When this is the case she doesn't get very wet down there and it probably hurts like hell. Imagine shitting a sandpaper brick. I'm assuming you're using a condom which when dry will most definitely be painful to her.
Lastly, of course she's going to tell you she's enjoying it. She's flat out lying to you though. Any girl with half a brain knows that a sure fire way to kill a guy's confidence is to tell him she's not enjoying sex (aka you suck at sex). You'll know she's enjoying sex when she's jumping you for sex.
So yeah, now that you know you are bad at sex accept it and (SC analogy incoming) do what any D- noob would do. Read and practice. Well, you can't really practice but you can sure as hell read. Look up diagrams, read How To's, whatever the hell it takes. There is zero shame at sucking miserably at sex when you're starting out just the same way no one expects to be A+ the second they step into ICCup. To think otherwise is foolish. Everyone sucks at first with rare exceptions here and there. Most guys don't take the time to get good, there gf's put up with it, and for the rest of their lives the guys are left thinking "Pft, girls just don't want sex as much as guys." Not true in most cases, the guys just suck at sex. In their defense I do think guys need to do a lot more work to get a girl off than the other way around. No excuse though.
Funny how this thread on an SC website is veering towards sex advice, but I guess this guy needs it. Some quick pointers I've picked up a long the way:
- Girls almost always need foreplay and even if they don't they'll enjoy it a ton more if you do it. This means kissing/making out for a good 5-15 minutes first. As with everything in sex, start slow and very very slowly speed up.
- Fingers. The easiest way to get her off is with your fingers on the gspot. Oral works too but lots of girls are self conscious about being clean so they might not even let you do that unless they really really trust you and are comfortable around you. Clearly not the case with you OP. Take your time too, don't be in a rush to get her off. The longer you can finger her without her actually finishing, the better it will be when she finally does.
- After you get her off, give her a few minutes of cuddling and go right back to fingers. We take awhile to get ready again, girls don't. If you do it right (not too hard) the number of orgasms you can give is only limited by your hand/finger strength. I maxed out at around 8-10 once and my forearm was sore.
- If you're doing things right, she'll be plenty wet and horny so you probably won't even need to ask for sex.
- If you still aren't getting her wet enough it's possible she just plain doesn't get wet much. I heard it varies from girl to girl so you might just be unlucky. You could try fixing that by getting some lube. Never tried it myself but others have said it works wonders. Even if they don't need it supposedly it makes things just plain better. Might try looking into that yourself on top of the rest of the advice.
Just from my personal experience, your mileage may vary. From what I've read, we've got a number of people on this forum with way more experience than me so hopefully they'll chime in sooner or later.
edit: damn this turned out longer than I expected. Someone else take over. XD
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On February 21 2009 16:22 Hot_Bid wrote:
shes totally boning some other dude
No. More like 3 other dudes.
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id end it. u seem to be a loyal guy, and someone as her does not suit you.. thats just my opinion. there are better women out there for you
id be suspicious to... maybe she is just hooking up with you just to pass time or something.
if you are trying to find true love then its not in her 10000000% (no that wasnt a type)
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Russian Federation4235 Posts
5 times in 5 years is not even remotely "many".
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Another thing that really bothers me about her is this: We'll go out clubbing with my friends and we'll have a great time. She'll be all over me all night, including giving me lap dances in front of everyone when shes pretty tipsy. I know when you guys go to clubs and see other guys getting lapdances from some girl whos all that guy you're probably thinking to yourself "Damn that girl wants him bad, shes gonna prolly fuck the shit outta him when they go back."
Nothing could be further from the truth. We usually end up goin back and she passes out cause she's too "drunk and tired."
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On February 22 2009 04:46 newb14 wrote:
Anyone know any hot lesbians? I sure dont.
YES, definitely
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OP, first of all I wouldn't believe she was a virgin. If she was truly a virgin then it's obvious that she has problems, especially since she is slutty acting but doesn't put out. What a bitch (no offense).
Imo if you can be in a relationship and not have sex at least like once a week if you see each other often, then she is either really naive and immature or just a dumb bitch. In any case I would drop her, regardless of the social status or how good she looks or whatever.
If she is actually just playing games with you to see if you will stay faithful when she doesn't put out then that is the really illogical cunning that some women use in order to test you/the relationship. I don't put up with that kind of bullshit from girls and I let them know.
So you can either A) tell her that if this is a test , to cut it out, tell her what she means to you, and what a relationship should be for you. If she denies or doesn't accommodate your requests then it won't work anyways.
B) Realize what is going on and just cut her out anyways without the talk. Because if she plays games and is slutty all the time she is a typical dumb bitch imho.
You don't have to put up with any woman's bullshit, ever.
edit- It could be possible that she actually has some kind of physical condition that makes her not want/like sex. Same thing with a mental block (was she molested as a child or something?). In either case it's up to you to decide if you wanna be in a relationship with damaged goods.
And just to throw some info out there a huge percentage of women can't come vaginally and/or clitorally (sic). If it hurts her like she says, then you are not getting her wet enough (or like I said she might have a condition [maybe even unknown to her].) When you fuck her stimulate her clit as much as possible, rub her nipples and shit, kiss her neck, collarbone, and behind the ear. Forcefully position her legs and body around and show her who's in control (Trust me girls get off on this shit.)
Buy some water based lube that is safe for vagina. I'm not sure what brands are good but my gf uses this kind in a long narrow turqoise bottle with a weird top for her toys and when her body isn't cutting it by itself.
and another note, My GF is bi and I tell her I don't care if she hooks up with other chicks in any way at all (if I'm there or not). I would prefer she do it when i'm there (or if she brings a girl home ofc) but this never happens T_T.
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Charliemurphy, then how do girls cum? And do most girls squirt?
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The most important thing in assuring a 'balanced' sexual act is to have HUGE amounts of patience. Of course you wish to have sex everyday, however it's too much, even for a guy, and you'll be ending up just wanting yourself pleased, without too much regard to prelude and such. Try a very soft, and 'innocent' approach. Kiss, hug, cuddle and kiss some more. Make sure you want to have sex for the actual act of making love and enjoying it thoroughly, not just because you need to fell free from sexual tension. It's not a very thick line, especially for a man, but you have to see it, and recognize when your desire is in fact, entirely selfish.
Even if you feel you would want to rip off her clothes, don't do nothing. Just wait, cuddle some more and you'll eventually get her horny.
This is what works best for me, and I'm having a superb time with my gf, almost every time. It took me a whole year to figure out that this exact type of approach is what works best for her. Maybe for your girl it's different, but as Phyre suggested, try this approach, and be (at least for a while) completely oblivious to your personal needs.
If things cannot get sorted out, remember that sexual incompatibility IS a good reason for a relationship to end. At least it's better than living pseudo-miserably until you're 35, at which point you notice your partner cheats, or even worse, you cheat on her.
Maybe the approach I suggested isn't the perfect suggestion for your girlfriend, but nonetheless, if everything fails, you can still gain a huge amount of sexual/relationship experience, which will be crucial in your success with other potential future relationships.
So basically I'm really saying man up, and start being tender/teasing with your girl in a more passive manner.
Just my two cents, take them with a grain of salt, and good luck mate.
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On February 22 2009 04:46 newb14 wrote:
I'm 22 and she's 24. I dont think she ever gets off on sex when im penetrating her. However, after sex she almost always touches herself and gets off that way. She gets pain a lot of the time when we're having sex, especially if I go too deep in a certain position. Also, she gets pain when I dont come fast enough. She also started taking birth control in our relationship.
Oo
You must be doing it SO wrong... that is, unless you take close to a hour or more to go off (yeah, you could tell how long does it take for you) or your cock is way too big for her (I don't think so, since you're Asian is she Asian too?). There is one solution: foreplay, foreplay and even more foreplay. If you do it correctly she should be dying to get you inside. Kiss her a lot, touch her everywhere, especially in the sensitive areas, such as the breasts (round moves are far better than just squeezing/pressing), use your fingers. And most importantly, don't fucking stop just when you are horny, you are always horny and it doesn't mean she is too (apparently she is not). 30 minutes of foreplay definately isn't too long, you can go as much as to an hour if you two have time (unless she actually makes you stick it earlier but be sure it's really really wet there). And after you finish and she's not pleased yet, don't stop touching and kissing her. Also, when you fail one more time, watch closely how does she touch herself to go off and emulate it in your future foreplay, it's a great help when you can see what is she doing.
Also, listen to Phyre. He's the wise man.
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regarding to the slutty attitude, take my advice:
give it a timeout and be strong about it
everything will be clear to u afterward
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A comment by a friend who happened to see this:
'haunted by her past' ?????!!!!
oh puh leeeeze
dude, you have some serious issues. there's nothing wrong with you being frustrated sexually.
on the other hand, you seem very very pissed off at the fact that your girl has FUN
sorry, i didn't want to sound so pissed off but see, you don't realize just how sexist you're being.
on the sex issue, just try harder. experiment. think back on the times you've ever had sex with her and see if you aren't being too repetitive or conservative. what you like is not necessarily what she likes.
if she's experiencing pain, you're just not giving her enough foreplay.
good luck
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
Do not appear needy, even though most guys are.
"So....you bored?" + *smirk*
'A little bit why?'
"Lets go back to my place."
'...what are we going to do there'
"I got the internet.'
'.....'
"And a big screen TV?" *smirk*
We get back to my place and she can't figure out which remote turns the TV on.
"Oh I forgot to tell you it's broken LOL"
'............'
*drag her to bedroom throw on bed and start kissing etc*
'wait i want to take a shower first'
she goes and takes a shower and i'm like LOL man i'm pretty sleepy actually, and wouldn't it be hilarious if she got outa the shower all naked and ready in a towel and i'm there snoring?
i did manage to pass out and woke up the next morning to my face getting slapped WAKE UP and i got hardcore jumped...U MOTHER FUCKER HOW COULD U JUST FALL ASLEEP THEN SNORE LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT
"u could have just left u know"
*look of disbelief* 'WTFFFFFFFFFFF FK U'
best morning ever after that, never seen a kor girl as wild as that
Lol not sure how that relates at all but it's pretty funny anyways. From the looks of whats going on in the situation OP posted it's both of your faults. Your girlfriend is obviously incredibly insecure. Something strange happened one way or another in partygirls' upbringings. Your girlfriends insecurity makes sense if you're the only guy shes ever fucked. Think about her thought process: You are her first so she has an incredibly strong emotional attachment to you. But at the same time shes a crazy girl and her antics obviously get her lots of attention from other guys (her partygirl antics = her insecurity trying to cure itself in a futile manner). Whether shes cheating on you or not who knows. She might just be torn because her heart tells her to be faithful to you but her vagina tells her to fuck other guys. Maybe thats why shes acting the way shes acting.
The other half is obviously you. You aren't doing something right. I love how all these pathetic nerds come in here talking about their sexual experiences and orgasms acting as if thats the solution to the problem. These guys all obviously have limited sexual experience. Good sex stems directly from how you treat her outside of the bedroom. You have to manage to find a strong correct proportion of being a large-and-in-charge asshole along with still some semblance of being a caring responsible boyfriend at the same time. You have to show her your lust for her through body language/use of eyes but at the same time make her feel like she is somewhat below you and you don't necessarily need the sex you lust from her. You should never EVER verbally ask for sex as it shows weakness and is a turn-off to girls...'asking for sex' should merely be a physical advance by you in whatever way then if she still says no then you can tell her to give you a blowjob lol....and if she still says no she either has a damn good reason or isn't attracted to you anymore. If you have the correct attitude she will jump your bones love it and orgasm every time no matter how well you foreplay, how wet she gets, or how well you hump. I mean seriously "study different positions" ? LOL. If the girl wants and likes your dick in her vagina she will like it no matter what.
Imagine a girl dating a rich guy that showers her with gifts but isn't the best looking guy in the world. This girl stays with the rich guy for the sake of her life but cheats on him all the time with better looking/better attitude guys. Shes not fucking these guys because 'they are better in bed.' The reason why 'they are better in bed' is all in her head and it relates to her thinking they are better suited mates to get impregnated by because their genetics are better and thus she enjoys fucking these guys more regardless of how many sex books they have read or porns they have watched.
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I can pretty much agree with all that except the never ask for sex thing. I'm on regular enough terms with my gf where I can just flat out say 'wanna fuck?' just about any time. And I never use the Wily Coyote logic of just trying it once. I'll keep asking her throughout the day until she caves or until she actually changes her mind (Because women often do this, lol). Most of the time she'll just take it as a playful joke, sometimes she gets mad. Other times she says ok. In other words it's +EV to ask her even if 1/3 of the time I get owned.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On February 23 2009 08:39 CharlieMurphy wrote:
I can pretty much agree with all that except the never ask for sex thing. I'm on regular enough terms with my gf where I can just flat out say 'wanna fuck?' just about any time. And I never use the Wily Coyote logic of just trying it once. I'll keep asking her throughout the day until she caves or until she actually changes her mind (Because women often do this, lol). Most of the time she'll just take it as a playful joke, sometimes she gets mad. Other times she says ok. In other words it's +EV to ask her even if 1/3 of the time I get owned.
U should try this:
"Wanna fuck?"
then when she responds positively
"Well that sucks cause I don't!"
LOL
And yeah I'm not talking in absolutes even though I tend to do that even when I don't intend it that way. Obviously when you've made it into a certain comfort zone with a girl almost anything flies.
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Rekrul's tactics may be better suited to people with:
a) More charisma than your average person.
b) No problem being a bit of an ass since some girls get off on that. Being an ass tends to be linked to charisma in many cases these days too.
Honestly, I think one leads to the other though. I'm a nerd through and through so charisma certainly wasn't my strong point. Getting good at sex the "nerd" way increased my confidence and charisma followed. If you're a natural though (ala Rekrul apparently) then you won't have to go through this process and your personality will carry you to great sex as Rek mentioned. Although, the OP wouldn't be in this predicament if he was a natural. Hence my advice. It can be a big boost to one's self image when your girl is jumping you for sex and then good things will follow.
I will agree with Rek whole heartedly on his point about not appearing desperate. Massive turn off. Making it seem like you don't need it at all generally plays in your favor.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On February 23 2009 09:16 Phyre wrote:
Rekrul's tactics may be better suited to people with:
a) More charisma than your average person.
b) No problem being a bit of an ass since some girls get off on that. Being an ass tends to be linked to charisma in many cases these days too.
Honestly, I think one leads to the other though. I'm a nerd through and through so charisma certainly wasn't my strong point. Getting good at sex the "nerd" way increased my confidence and charisma followed. If you're a natural though (ala Rekrul apparently) then you won't have to go through this process and your personality will carry you to great sex as Rek mentioned. Although, the OP wouldn't be in this predicament if he was a natural. Hence my advice. It can be a big boost to one's self image when your girl is jumping you for sex and then good things will follow.
I will agree with Rek whole heartedly on his point about not appearing desperate. Massive turn off. Making it seem like you don't need it at all generally plays in your favor.
I don't have much charisma it's not about charisma it's just about being decisive and confident in everything u do/talk about with the girl.
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Just to set on thing straight: she is definitely not cheating on me. I'm more sure of that than pretty much everything else lol.
And, interesting advice rekrul and phyre
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On February 23 2009 09:24 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On February 23 2009 09:16 Phyre wrote:
Rekrul's tactics may be better suited to people with:
a) More charisma than your average person.
b) No problem being a bit of an ass since some girls get off on that. Being an ass tends to be linked to charisma in many cases these days too.
Honestly, I think one leads to the other though. I'm a nerd through and through so charisma certainly wasn't my strong point. Getting good at sex the "nerd" way increased my confidence and charisma followed. If you're a natural though (ala Rekrul apparently) then you won't have to go through this process and your personality will carry you to great sex as Rek mentioned. Although, the OP wouldn't be in this predicament if he was a natural. Hence my advice. It can be a big boost to one's self image when your girl is jumping you for sex and then good things will follow.
I will agree with Rek whole heartedly on his point about not appearing desperate. Massive turn off. Making it seem like you don't need it at all generally plays in your favor. I don't have much charisma it's not about charisma it's just about being decisive and confident in everything u do/talk about with the girl.
Perhaps charisma wasn't the correct word to use, I've always associated charisma with things like being confident and decisive. I suppose we're on the same page, I just didn't convey it correctly.
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Osaka27148 Posts
I'll post later with some real advice, although I think Phyre and Rekrul (in a wierd twisted kinda way) are both doing alright.
I just wanted to reply to this:
First off, if she has to get herself off after you finish, you failed and failed miserably. Imagine things in reverse if she got off and decided she was going to call it quits before you got off. Most people would be frustrated and she most likely is too.
WELCOME TO MARRIED LIFE.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On February 23 2009 11:58 Manifesto7 wrote:I'll post later with some real advice, although I think Phyre and Rekrul (in a wierd twisted kinda way) are both doing alright. I just wanted to reply to this: Show nested quote +First off, if she has to get herself off after you finish, you failed and failed miserably. Imagine things in reverse if she got off and decided she was going to call it quits before you got off. Most people would be frustrated and she most likely is too. WELCOME TO MARRIED LIFE.
HHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH NO WAY
i don't believe this at all
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Girls get off easier if they are on top.
You're putting too much pressure on her just fuck her anyway you like. Dude, if you finish, stop complaining. If you're not getting enough, find another girl to bone, it's not like you're married, you're fucking 22 for godsakes. What the fuck are you going to do when you wake up and you're 40 in the same sexless relationship almost 20 years later.
P.S. Listen to everything rekrul says.
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On February 23 2009 08:41 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On February 23 2009 08:39 CharlieMurphy wrote:
I can pretty much agree with all that except the never ask for sex thing. I'm on regular enough terms with my gf where I can just flat out say 'wanna fuck?' just about any time. And I never use the Wily Coyote logic of just trying it once. I'll keep asking her throughout the day until she caves or until she actually changes her mind (Because women often do this, lol). Most of the time she'll just take it as a playful joke, sometimes she gets mad. Other times she says ok. In other words it's +EV to ask her even if 1/3 of the time I get owned.
U should try this: "Wanna fuck?" then when she responds positively "Well that sucks cause I don't!" LOL And yeah I'm not talking in absolutes even though I tend to do that even when I don't intend it that way. Obviously when you've made it into a certain comfort zone with a girl almost anything flies.
That reminds me of the kiss gambit from 'the game' used by Mystery the master PUA.
After getting to know a girl for a little while and building up a rapport with her you can try it.
Basically you say; "would you like to kiss me?". now she will say one of 3 things; "yes", easy. "maybe/I dunno", then you say "let's find out." and go for one. "No" , "Good, I didn't say I would let you if you did."
edit- I fucked it up:
it goes like this:
Stop, Would you like to kiss me...Go from humorous and non-sexual to saying, "Stop. Would you like to kiss me?", right out ...
Once you have three indicators of interest (she touches you, laughs consistantly at your jokes, leans in towards you, smiles a lot and keeps eye contact, resumes chat when you force silence, etc) you then phase shift. You turn 180 degrees on a dime.
Go from humorous and non-sexual to saying, "Stop. Would you like to kiss me?", right out of the blue.
She will say either say, "Uh - no",(which is unlikely as you don't bother performing "The Kiss Close" until enough indicators are present) or, "I donno" (they rarely say, "Yes").
"I donno" means she actually does want to but feels embarrassed on how to say "Yes". So you reply, "Lets find out", then go in slowly and kiss her. It's very simple and very effective.
If she says, "Why?", this is also a yes. Simply reply, "It looked like you had something on your mind. Would you like to kiss me?" Wait again for her response.
If her response is "No" then reply, "Hey I didn't say you COULD. You just had that look in your eye."
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On February 23 2009 17:35 Shado. wrote:
Girls get off easier if they are on top.
.
not true, like all things. every girl is different. my girl likes it when shes flat backing it because the g-spot is hit easier I assume.
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On February 23 2009 09:38 newb14 wrote:
Just to set on thing straight: she is definitely not cheating on me. I'm more sure of that than pretty much everything else lol.
And, interesting advice rekrul and phyre
Listen to rekrul if he talks about partying or poker.
I doubt he has ever slept with the same girl more than like 5 times though so I would completely ignore any relationship advice from him if I were you.
Pyre's posts are solid.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On February 23 2009 23:02 KlaCkoN wrote:Show nested quote +On February 23 2009 09:38 newb14 wrote:
Just to set on thing straight: she is definitely not cheating on me. I'm more sure of that than pretty much everything else lol.
And, interesting advice rekrul and phyre Listen to rekrul if he talks about partying or poker. I doubt he has ever slept with the same girl more than like 5 times though so I would completely ignore any relationship advice from him if I were you. Pyre's posts are solid.
i've had a 5 monther and two 3 monthers
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On February 24 2009 10:01 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On February 23 2009 23:02 KlaCkoN wrote:On February 23 2009 09:38 newb14 wrote:
Just to set on thing straight: she is definitely not cheating on me. I'm more sure of that than pretty much everything else lol.
And, interesting advice rekrul and phyre Listen to rekrul if he talks about partying or poker. I doubt he has ever slept with the same girl more than like 5 times though so I would completely ignore any relationship advice from him if I were you. Pyre's posts are solid. i've had a 5 monther and two 3 monthers
... which means he had sex with the first girl at LEAST 150 times and the others at LEAST 90
+ Show Spoiler +jk, hope that wasn't offensive
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
way less than that are you kidding me
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On February 24 2009 11:17 Sunyveil wrote:Show nested quote +On February 24 2009 10:01 Rekrul wrote:On February 23 2009 23:02 KlaCkoN wrote:On February 23 2009 09:38 newb14 wrote:
Just to set on thing straight: she is definitely not cheating on me. I'm more sure of that than pretty much everything else lol.
And, interesting advice rekrul and phyre Listen to rekrul if he talks about partying or poker. I doubt he has ever slept with the same girl more than like 5 times though so I would completely ignore any relationship advice from him if I were you. Pyre's posts are solid. i've had a 5 monther and two 3 monthers ... which means he had sex with the first girl at LEAST 150 times and the others at LEAST 90 + Show Spoiler +jk, hope that wasn't offensive wow super gay post dude congrats
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LMFAO @ "YOU RUSHIN?" "NAH BUT MY DAD IS GERMAN"
LOOOOOOOOOOL FIND ME THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT I WANA CONGRATULATE HIM LMFAOOOOOOO HOLY SHlT MOST FUKKING EPIC SIG EVEFR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH SHlT EPICSAUCE1.16.1!!!!!!!!
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Basically, it's what Rek said, about how the stuff out of the bedroom is the important translation to what happens in the bedroom. If the girl doesn't have her mind properly focused on sex, it doesn't matter how good your "technique" is. I should know because mine is always too busy stressing about wayyy too many things, it's kind of disheartening >_>
Also LOL at the OP's "what do you mean having a girlfriend doesn't entitle me to all the sex I want by default?". You might see an improvement through stuff like massages and foot rubs. They will distract her away from random issues bothering her, and the contact without the pressure for sex will in fact put her more in the mood for sex. Making her feel like she is disappointing or failing you will only cause her to become more reclusive.
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EPT
