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For our new friend newb14 because he says it's very pressing and he can't sleep tonight 
And I'm feeling very nice today.
Hey everyone. Didn’t think I’d end up doing this, but this has been bugging me for quite some time now. Plus its been really hurting our relationship, so I’m desperate enough to have my privacy invaded.
I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now, and I love her. We spend almost every free moment we have with each other. However, there has been issues with the sexual side of the relationship…don’t know if this is due to me, her, or a combo.
First off, I cant seem to get over her past. She was a virgin when I met her (and I was her first sex). However, I feel like she was slutty in the past. Now, I don’t mean that she was slutty in the sense that she was fucking everyone, but slutty in other ways.
First of all, she had an ex-boyfriend who she dated for 5 years. She CHEATED on him not once, or twice…but 5 times! Her excuse is that she only did it “to get back at him for cheating on me.”
Second of all, during her last 2 years of college, she started to party a lot. She wasn’t dating her boyfriend anymore, but says she hooked up with about 15 guys. Now, all of you know, if a girl says 15 guys, its closer to at least 20 if not more. She says they would only make out.
Also, she admitted to making out with girls a few times at parties. However, one thing that really got to me is that she admitted to making out with a girl, not at a party but for experimenting! Usually girls who make out at a party do it for the attention of the surrounding guys. However, that one time she did it just to see what it was like.
For all you people who say she’s not a slut, I don’t mean it in the strictest sense. I am Asian, and for all you Asians out there, you understand. There are different standards out there. Even though she didn’t have sex, she was making out a lot, AND cheated MULTIPLE times on her ex-boyfriend. Plus, her personality is very flirtatious with other guys – something I can’t stand sometimes.
My girlfriend has a perception amongst my friends – she is the “party girl” and the girl that gets crazy and fun. If you saw how she interacted (all flirty), you would think that her boyfriend was getting amazing sex whenever he wanted. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
While she has a certain reputation, I’m stuck with a girlfriend that is hardly in the mood to have sex. We’ve had many fights about this. I love sex, and I want it pretty much every day. She wants it much less. I don’t know if its something I’m not doing to satisfy her (she says that’s not true when I ask her…don’t know if I believe her) or shes just not interested. BUT WHAT REALLY SUCKS about all this is that while she has that party girl perception and stereotype, I’M NOT EVEN GETTING AS MUCH SEX AS I WANT!
Sigh, maybe I have my insecurities. Maybe I have my jealousy issues. Maybe I’m not satisfying her enough sexually. Maybe I’m not flexible enough. Who knows? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m happy with everything else with the girl but I think we are just sexually incompatible. Also, I am haunted by her past.
I would appreciate any comments that any of you make. Please help me out. Thank you.
 
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Wow, a different perspective; I thought those girls always had good sex. So she's basically super horny but doesn't want it, at least from you. Was her first experience with you good or bad?
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Need more info sort of, hard to tell.
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Her first experience with me she says was not what she expected it to be. (she didnt enjoy it)
Grobyc, can you elaborate?
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u need to get out of your own head and stop dwelling on what she did in college. college is when girls experiment and hook up with tons of guys, and not every girl is a virgin and pure anymore like it was in the 9th grade, and if you can't get over that, then you're better off just not asking how many guys she has fucked. and if she talks about it constantly then it's obvious she's just an attention whore
either way, you obviously have insecurities and if it's affecting you sexually you better do well to fix it or she'll probably cheat on you too!
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On February 21 2009 15:44 newb14 wrote:Her first experience with me she says was not what she expected it to be. (she didnt enjoy it) Grobyc, can you elaborate?
First of all, yubee is right. You can't let the past get you down, it's just something you are going to have to accept. On the other hand, it does sound like you are a little insecure, possibly because of that reason, but whatever it is is affecting her too. Sex with someone not confident, insecure, is probably not the best sex out there. Whatever it is, it sounds like shes not satisfied, and it's probably you for whatever reason. Work on this asap because like yubee said, she could possibly cheat on you as well. After all, 5x with one ex- in the past isn't very good =/
But then again I don't know much so thats just my 2cents.
GL
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c'mon you losers, at least gimme a five for helping someone out.
lol @ "(3v3 BGH) Player 1: you rushin? Player 2: nah, but my dad is german"
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You have to make her in the mood to have sex with you. Obviously, you're not doing something sweet enough/caring enough/etc. to seduce her into the bedroom. When she's your girlfriend, it doesn't just entitle you to sex. You still have to try (more than you think).
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On February 21 2009 16:19 Rayzorblade wrote:
You have to make her in the mood to have sex with you. Obviously, you're not doing something sweet enough/caring enough/etc. to seduce her into the bedroom. When she's your girlfriend, it doesn't just entitle you to sex. You still have to try (more than you think).
WHAT? lolz
To the OP, seriously, put the past behind you. She was only making out with a lot of people, it's not that big of a deal.
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Braavos36388 Posts
shes totally boning some other dude
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Maybe you need to give her a time out.
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On February 21 2009 16:22 Hot_Bid wrote:
shes totally boning some other dude yeah actually on second thought, this
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Smix
United States4549 Posts
Some people just prefer making out to having sex.
I know many girls like this.
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On February 21 2009 16:28 yubee wrote:yeah actually on second thought, this
nah
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Sounds like you have issues, I feel bad for your GF :/
Way too many guys have these same issues though, so at least you're not alone 
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
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On February 21 2009 16:28 yubee wrote:yeah actually on second thought, this
agree
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well this is the same thing that happen to my gf ( except the sex part ) but she was asking me very often about my past, and If I cheat her in the present and stuff like this. Then she starting confessing to me about how she dislike the fact that I`m flirting with other girls (even if there's nothing serious) and that I go to parties even when she can`t go....so I sorta stopped this...I really love my gf :D
so...did u try explaining nicely to her?
also, if u can tell your age...that would help a lot 
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Almost all relationships have issues with sex (at least at your age) because women just don't have the sex drive men do. That plus throw in all the past trauma and the fact that its very psychological for women makes sex a straining point in most relationships. The reason why guys put up with this though is because she is either (1) smoking hot and a trophy gf/wife or (2) all her other characteristics are amazing. You should think critically and rationally exactly why you love her and make a decision whether the relationship is worth pursuing down the line.
Personally, she doesn't sound like the type of girl thats a keeper (ie. a party girl), so I probably would have dumped her.
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astrology warning + Show Spoiler +she sounds like an air sign and you sound like scorpio/taurus/cancer/leo. My ex was a libra and reminds me of yours. She almost put herself entirely out into the public domain and consequently had very little to give and do behind closed doors (not sexually just in general). I'd be very skeptical of women like that from the start UNLESS you are that type of person yourself.
Basically- from the sounds of it both of you are going to stay in your ways- a clash. You either have to compromise with her or end the relationship- they are the only two ways you can resolve your issue to minimize anguish.
THINGS WHICH WILL NOT WORK:
1) trying to change her
2) ignoring it
3) getting back at her
Face yourself in the mirror and say is this girl worth sex once every 2 or 3 days?
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EPT
