EPT(seriously!)
so........ - Page 4
| Blogs > sqwert |
|
Rayzorblade
United States1172 Posts
(seriously!) | ||
|
MeriaDoKk
Chile1726 Posts
Crap this blog made me "remember" | ||
|
sqwert
United States781 Posts
On September 03 2008 13:13 lilsusie wrote: we have more than 1 girl posting in this thread? i dno....is ther? | ||
|
Salv
Canada3083 Posts
| ||
|
Phyre
United States1288 Posts
By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc. More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics. Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind. | ||
Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
If there is any chance of her liking you, it will happen once you have moved on to other women and have all but lost interest in her. If you keep giving her lots of attention -- which I guarantee you'll do as long as you like her -- she'll never be interested in you beyond friendship. Here's another perspective: if you keep thinking about her, you could miss an opportunity to be with another girl. On one hand, while you're distracted by your 8th grade friend you won't smother this other girl with attention, which is good. But if you express absolutely zero interest in her for too long, then I think she'll eventually take interest in someone else and your opportunity will be lost. Lastly, you're eventually going to reach a point in your life where women don't own your emotions. So don't kill yourself -- literally or figuratively (grades, social life, future career, etc.) -- over a girl. Just fight towards that goal of being able to wake up one day and say, "Damn my friend's attractive. I'd do her so fast. Mmmmm *fantasize* *masturbate?*. Now it is time to think about work / school / StarCraft." and get on with your day as normal.  | ||
|
sqwert
United States781 Posts
On September 03 2008 13:37 Phyre wrote: No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck. By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc. More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics. Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind. i ges i havent had a gf then..... i do have a skewed perspective about women. the truth is i dont rly feel bad right now, but i know it will sink in wen im in bed and about to go to sleep, or wake up in the morning and feel pain in my chest for some reason. i dont have asthma or nething.... i just dont wana feel bad later on, and wana think of other things and able to live life again without her on my mind. | ||
|
Chef
10810 Posts
On September 03 2008 13:37 Phyre wrote: No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck. By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc. More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics. Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind. You're right, but everyone has to learn these things for themselves. I don't think it's fair to be critical of him for his inexperience. Life's about rolling with the punches, and he'll learn that the more he takes. | ||
|
Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
| ||
|
Yogurt
United States4258 Posts
| ||
|
Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 11:22 lilsusie wrote: how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? just tell her what you just told us - that it kills you to see her with someone else because i'm assuming she knows that you like her (that's what i gathered) and THEN make your decision. ugh. boys. Honestly, when I compare the girls I was truthful to with the girls I never said anything to... it really made no difference whether I told them how I felt. The question of "maybe they secretly like me too?" was simply replaced with "maybe they'll like me later?" Emotionally, nothing changed. That's partly why I believe he should move on without saying anything. On September 03 2008 11:57 lilsusie wrote: yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation. ... heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend. and 2) yeah dont give an ultimatum, just kinda tell her how it is without being forceful. "listen, it really hurts me to see you with another guys, esp since i care for you. i might need to take a step back in our friendship because i want you to be happy without me and i need time to get over you." if she's a bitch about it even after you've said THAT, then she's not one you'd want to be with in the first place, right? Well, if it's annoying for guys to do that then I'll give you that. Although, I have to ask: if he stops initiating conversations with her, and she doesn't initiate any conversations with him, then was there ever much of a friendship there? About being annoyed: you find it annoying even though you know that (if it was a guy) you were never his friend, just an attractive girl that he desired? That he never really cared about you as a friend, only in the transient, infatuated way? Well, I've never been in that position, so I'll just have to take your word for it. Sounds strange to me, though. | ||
|
Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 11:58 XCetron wrote: this happened to me before too, the girl "wasn't ready for a relationship" from what I've heard, so now she just wants to be friends and "enjoy talking with" me. so I'm spamming her with random anime intros/ Starleagues intros/ Game reviews and other stuff just like I do with other people. Wonder how long her patience will last What if she actually takes a liking to StarCraft and gaming? Then she'll be a StarCraft / gamer girl whom you can't have. That'd probably just make things worse.  | ||
|
sqwert
United States781 Posts
| ||
lilsusie
3861 Posts
On September 03 2008 14:17 Bill307 wrote: Honestly, when I compare the girls I was truthful to with the girls I never said anything to... it really made no difference whether I told them how I felt. The question of "maybe they secretly like me too?" was simply replaced with "maybe they'll like me later?" Emotionally, nothing changed. That's partly why I believe he should move on without saying anything. Well, if it's annoying for guys to do that then I'll give you that. Although, I have to ask: if he stops initiating conversations with her, and she doesn't initiate any conversations with him, then was there ever much of a friendship there? About being annoyed: you find it annoying even though you know that (if it was a guy) you were never his friend, just an attractive girl that he desired? That he never really cared about you as a friend, only in the transient, infatuated way? Well, I've never been in that position, so I'll just have to take your word for it. Sounds strange to me, though. Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely. personally? i'd rather a guy tell me that over the years he started to have feelings for me, blah blah and now he cant deal with it and needs to stop being my friend than just dropping off the face of the earth. also, what IF she does initiate conversation? you make it seem like there is no friendship at all, which, again, i highly doubt is the case. so when she calls, he'll just not answer? and stop responding to ims? that just sounds like a pussy way out to me. i dont care if i was merely a sex object to you for 5 years, i think that's enough time invested into this "friendship" (as you call it) for me to at least get a straight forward "i dont want to be friends" line. | ||
|
sqwert
United States781 Posts
On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote: Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely. personally? i'd rather a guy tell me that over the years he started to have feelings for me, blah blah and now he cant deal with it and needs to stop being my friend than just dropping off the face of the earth. also, what IF she does initiate conversation? you make it seem like there is no friendship at all, which, again, i highly doubt is the case. so when she calls, he'll just not answer? and stop responding to ims? that just sounds like a pussy way out to me. i dont care if i was merely a sex object to you for 5 years, i think that's enough time invested into this "friendship" (as you call it) for me to at least get a straight forward "i dont want to be friends" line. wat should i tell her? | ||
|
Chef
10810 Posts
 Don't worry about it. Doing it on your own will build character, and you'll feel happy you've grown as a person later. The more things you do on your own, the more independent you feel, the greater your self-esteem. There's a very simple statement that everyone eventually learns to appreciate in their lives: "It is what it is." Feeling bad over the past is living backwards. That statement simply means you accept the way things are. However you hurt, that's all it is... just hurting. It's not the end of all things, it's not doom, it's just pain. Sometimes it helps to laugh at your misfortunes, instead of feeling like the unluckiest person on earth. In fact... You should go watch all the Rocky movies It's that sort of simple logic everyone needs to hear, and you'll live vicariously thru his experiences. If nothing else, it'll give you something to do instead of thinking sad thoughts. | ||
|
sqwert
United States781 Posts
| ||
|
Chef
10810 Posts
You can try laughing with these people... Although TBH, a lot of them have really obnoxious and annoying laughs XD Just force yourself to go Hah! Hah! Haaah! With a forced grin on your face and tell me it doesn't help at all. | ||
|
Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote: [snip] If she initiates a conversation, then I think he should reply. Depending on how he feels about her at the time, he can either converse for a while, or tell her why he's stopped talking to her. Don't get me wrong, I think ignoring someone completely is the wrong way to go. But, I suspect they're not ignoring you because they're afraid to reply: it's probably because they hate you for never reciprocating their feelings for you. Totally irrational, but it happens. Like XCeteron's post: I think he was joking but some guys will actually hate the girl in order to get over her. In fact, even though it's stupid, I used to think like that, and it was the only way I ever got over girls back then. I can't recall a single time I was obsessed over and then got over a girl without the help of feeling hate towards her. Lastly: On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote:Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely. 5 years of being "friends" with a girl 100% due to attraction is easy. In my mind, it is by far the most likely explanation. I guess if I were to try to explain why... well, if a guy's interested in a girl then everything he does with her is going to be, in his mind, essentially a date. I don't think dates can develop the same kind of bonds that you find in friendship. So, if he never does anything with her as a friend, then how can he ever learn to care for her as a friend? Oh, and there's also the fact that, IIRC, guys generally (if not always) build friendship by doing things together, whereas girls generally (if not always) build friendship by talking together. So unless the girl is doing things together with the guy for some reason, like playing video games or a sport, then this is a second reason why she can't develop a friendship with him. (You know, that actually explains it really well...) | ||
|
lilsusie
3861 Posts
on being friends: okok, i phrased it wrong, of course men and women are friends with each other initially based on attraction. what i was saying is that in the last 5 years, i dont think that his complete intention was to get with her. i dunno. i'm still a believer in that men/women can be friends without the attraction being the main factor - but you're right in that friendships grow mainly out of DOING things together. | ||
| ||
