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If you wanna talk to her.....
You: "I have to say something and I don't want you to speak until the end"
Her: "Okay"
You: "I want to distance myself from you because I find myself getting interested in you, and now is not a good time because you are involved in a relationship and I don't want to jeopardize that. I am telling you this so that you aren't concerned if I drift away for a while to get over you. Thanks for hearing me out"
*Walk away*
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Or you could go the alternate route and just convince yourself by thinking of all of their negative qualities and slowly pull yourself out of infatuation mode. Then you're still friends and she doesn't know.
Yeah, seeing as how I did the latter once I wish I had done the former because the girl got out a relationship very soon. But now she's in one and engaged to be married. Only girl I've met that I would've considered marriage material.... sucks. Live and learn though.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
Errrr, what I meant was, girls generally grow friendships by talking together, as opposed to guys who generally grow friendships by doing things together -- and by "doing", I mean the opposite of "talking".
That's probably a big enough barrier to guy/girl friendships right there. Then you look at the other criteria you need to satisfy: the guy can't have sexual thoughts about the girl, and she must have a compatible personality with him. So I guess it's not surprising that those friendships are so rare.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 15:18 eshlow wrote:
Yeah, seeing as how I did the latter once I wish I had done the former because the girl got out a relationship very soon. But now she's in one and engaged to be married. Only girl I've met that I would've considered marriage material.... sucks. Live and learn though.
On the upside, you don't really know if she would've been willing to marry you. Heck, if you were only "friends" with her then for all you know, you would've changed your mind about her being marriage material after living with her for a while.
And she probably wasn't, otherwise she would've been in a relationship with you and not those other guys, right?
Lastly, the divorce rate is something like 50% in the US, so the average marriage (let alone engagement) doesn't mean much, anyway. 
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On September 03 2008 15:31 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 15:18 eshlow wrote:
Yeah, seeing as how I did the latter once I wish I had done the former because the girl got out a relationship very soon. But now she's in one and engaged to be married. Only girl I've met that I would've considered marriage material.... sucks. Live and learn though. On the upside, you don't really know if she would've been willing to marry you. Heck, if you were only "friends" with her then for all you know, you would've changed your mind about her being marriage material after living with her for a while. And she probably wasn't, otherwise she would've been in a relationship with you and not those other guys, right? Lastly, the divorce rate is something like 50% in the US, so the average marriage (let alone engagement) doesn't mean much, anyway.
True.. don't know if she was willing to marry or if it would've worked out, but hey it's worth a shot (at least IMO ).
Nah, I just wasn't as visible to her or rather as much in her life as she was to me....
And I am apparently "extremely picky" about my women so generally if I think of someone as marriage material we have pretty much a HUGE number of things in common such that it's pretty hard to be incompatible. But hey.. anything can happen.
I'm still young (23) though so it's whatever for now. Always living and learning. Take the chances you get and run with them TBH. I don't like regretting inaction, and I think most people who are older will tell you the same thing. 
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On September 03 2008 14:48 Bill307 wrote:If she initiates a conversation, then I think he should reply. Depending on how he feels about her at the time, he can either converse for a while, or tell her why he's stopped talking to her. Don't get me wrong, I think ignoring someone completely is the wrong way to go. But, I suspect they're not ignoring you because they're afraid to reply: it's probably because they hate you for never reciprocating their feelings for you. Totally irrational, but it happens. Like XCeteron's post: I think he was joking but some guys will actually hate the girl in order to get over her. In fact, even though it's stupid, I used to think like that, and it was the only way I ever got over girls back then. I can't recall a single time I was obsessed over and then got over a girl without the help of feeling hate towards her. Lastly: Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote:Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely. 5 years of being "friends" with a girl 100% due to attraction is easy. In my mind, it is by far the most likely explanation. I guess if I were to try to explain why... well, if a guy's interested in a girl then everything he does with her is going to be, in his mind, essentially a date. I don't think dates can develop the same kind of bonds that you find in friendship. So, if he never does anything with her as a friend, then how can he ever learn to care for her as a friend? Oh, and there's also the fact that, IIRC, guys generally (if not always) build friendship by doing things together, whereas girls generally (if not always) build friendship by talking together. So unless the girl is doing things together with the guy for some reason, like playing video games or a sport, then this is a second reason why she can't develop a friendship with him. (You know, that actually explains it really well...)
I disagree, on almost all accounts. And yes I am a guy.
I would never, ever be able to be friends with someone just due to attraction :S. If have a romantic interest in girl I make that clear, if she says no (and is person with whom I would like to hang out with) I would become friends with her if I am not too infatuated with her.
Otherwise I would just forget about her.
Continually hanging out with someone _just_ because I find her attractive is beyond me.
And I would never consider someone I just play games with to be a friend. He would be a "buddy" or a "pal". Friendship imo need to be based on something deeper, or as you say on "talking". In several cases people with whom I just do stuff, play games, train, etc etc conincide with people whom I would call friends but not always.
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On September 03 2008 13:13 Rayzorblade wrote:
JUST DON'T KILL YOURSELF.
(seriously!)
Listen to this gentleman.
btw, just move on and don't talk to her again.
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On September 03 2008 13:49 sqwert wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 13:37 Phyre wrote:
No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck.
By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc.
More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics.
Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind. i ges i havent had a gf then..... i do have a skewed perspective about women. the truth is i dont rly feel bad right now, but i know it will sink in wen im in bed and about to go to sleep, or wake up in the morning and feel pain in my chest for some reason. i dont have asthma or nething.... i just dont wana feel bad later on, and wana think of other things and able to live life again without her on my mind.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've always described it as sort of a heavy sinking feeling personally. I know how you feel. It's a terrible feeling, but it will pass.
With regards to another poster's comment, sorry if I sounded overly harsh. Sort of see a bit of the old me in you and it makes me angry when I should be more sympathetic. I'll try to post something more constructive about how I got over this when I get home from work.
Cheer up, things get better.
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On September 03 2008 14:20 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 11:58 XCetron wrote:
this happened to me before too, the girl "wasn't ready for a relationship" from what I've heard, so now she just wants to be friends and "enjoy talking with" me.
so I'm spamming her with random anime intros/ Starleagues intros/ Game reviews and other stuff just like I do with other people. Wonder how long her patience will last What if she actually takes a liking to StarCraft and gaming? Then she'll be a StarCraft / gamer girl whom you can't have. That'd probably just make things worse.
she and her brother used to play sc until I beat them so badly they dont want to play anymore, that was not a good approach.
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Dude no offense but pity doesnt get you anywhere. If you ask her "do you like me?", honestly what do you think is the most likest thing to happen? She aint gonna break up with her new bf to be with you, seriously. Not trying to be harsh, but that's reality for you. You've been friends with her for so long, ever wonder why she never developed any solid romantic feelings for you? It's probably because she only see you as a good friend, and when you are on a friendship with a girl, she's not likely to change her mind easily. Trust me, I experienced the EXACTLY same thing as you a year before, and guess what? I'm sick of waiting for her. The best thing, in my opinion, to do is to perfect yourself in everyway possible so that when she thinks back to you, she will be like "wow" or "why did i reject him?", and make her regret all the things she missed out between the two of you. That's just my suggestion, and the best thing to do is to just leave quietly. Don't tell her you are going to end your friendship, just leave and keep your distance away from her, that way she will not develop any pity for you (which is a damn good thing cuz real men don't need pity), and even if one day she thinks back to you and misses you, then it will be a big regret in her life.
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The best thing, in my opinion, to do is to perfect yourself in everyway possible so that when she thinks back to you, she will be like "wow" or "why did i reject him?", and make her regret all the things she missed out between the two of you.
Being vengeful is ridiculous. This person was/is his friend. He should better himself everyday just because that's what living life is about, but to use making her feel bad as motivation... I don't know. I think that just makes you a weak person.
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EPT
