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so my friend, who i had a crush on since 8th grade, told me she got with her best friend. this made me really .............. i dno how to describe it. i was confused, angry, sad, and lonely. i literally wanted to kill myself. im gonna see her on wednesday again, probably for the last time because i want to get over her by ending our friendship. i was in a similar situation 5 yrs back involving her but i didn't have the courage to talk to her about it, but now i do. i think i had hella chances to get with her after she broke up with her ex, but i was infatuated with another girl.
so tomoro i'm going to ask her if she rly likes the guy, then tell her i still like her, then if she says ye to the first question, i'll end our friendship. but even if i did end our friendship, i would still like her for a long time, and there's the chance that i might regret this. that's the first option.
the second one is to ask her what i should do: move on or wait. i've waited before when she was still with her first bf, but now i don't know if i can wait. it really hurts me to see her with another guy, but i know i had a chance and i didn't take it.
so wat should i do tl? first or second option?
im thinking of going with the second option but anyone with a suggestion can come forth.
ima go listen to sad emo songs now and mope around the house with my head down and looking for a knife to cut my wrist with. =[
 
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Dude you are being a pussy for not being friends with her. Girls are human too, wtf. You are gay for doig something like that.
But I sorta have a similar thing going on, will explain later.
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this is the story of about how my life got twisted upside down and id like to take a moment just sit right there ill telll you how i became the prince of the town called bel air.
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pansy
im in love with a chick with a bf
so im just taking what i can get, seeing her every day, enjoying being with her, hitting on her non stop(she flirts back).
we've layed in each others bed spooning, i've asked her to let me take her out she said no
i watched her walk back to her apartment drunk with her boyfriend. i got SO Fucking jealous i started drinking myself stupid. ironically the immense jealousy kept me sober regardless.
But i still see her, and still every day. If it becomes apparent that she will never leave her boyfriend, im going to end our friendship as well(I'm going to give myself a semester. If it still isn't happening, its over.). It sucks, it hurts, gotta get over it.
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how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? just tell her what you just told us - that it kills you to see her with someone else because i'm assuming she knows that you like her (that's what i gathered) and THEN make your decision.
ugh. boys.
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United States22883 Posts
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I think you should go with the option "what grade are you in now?", followed by the song that goes, "You should take English Lit like me, and get raped the shit out of you"
On September 03 2008 11:14 il0seonpurpose wrote:
Dude you are being a pussy for not being friends with her. Girls are human too, wtf. You are gay for doig something like that.
But I sorta have a similar thing going on, will explain later.
I wonder if prehistoric men were friends with their sex slaves?
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but now i do. i think i had hella chances to get with her after she broke up with her ex, but i was infatuated with another girl.
I think not.
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On September 03 2008 11:22 lilsusie wrote:
how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? just tell her what you just told us - that it kills you to see her with someone else because i'm assuming she knows that you like her (that's what i gathered) and THEN make your decision.
ugh. boys.
ugh girls
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Well, you said you go SJSU from the other thread, so I'll take it you are at least 18. So really...not talking to someone/ending a friendship like this is a pretty immature choice IMO.
....plus SJSU's got a bunch of pretty girls (at least that's what all my friends say), so don't worry about it.
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Seriously,dont end your friendship cause shes with another girl. Dont be a dick.
But seriously,threesome. ask her and her friend to come over,get them drunk fuck em both,then tell her you dont like her! From what you describeits win/win
but seriously,dont end your friendship cause shes with another girl. Dont be a dick.
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wait, I'm a bit confused here, where did it say that the girl the OP is interested in is with another girl?
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On September 03 2008 11:29 arb wrote:
Seriously,dont end your friendship cause shes with another girl. Dont be a dick.
But seriously,threesome. ask her and her friend to come over,get them drunk fuck em both,then tell her you dont like her! From what you describeits win/win
but seriously,dont end your friendship cause shes with another girl. Dont be a dick.
i think the best friend is a guy...
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No I think its a girl. Lesbian?
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why does everyone think she's a lesbian? he clearly states it's a guy
ps, all these people who are telling you not to end your friendship are stupid. none of them have any idea what it's like. end the friendship and move on, you'll be better off in the end without it constantly hanging over your head. don't listen to these faggots telling you to think about her feelings before your own, you always have to put #1 first, especially at your age.
PS Gene, what did uncle yubee tell you? girls are all the same. like you said, it sucks, it hurts, gotta swallow your pride and get over it.
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United States24678 Posts
On September 03 2008 03:49 Hawk wrote:
Lot's of entries are fine, so long as they're entertaining/infromative/etc.
When idiots post lot's of stupid shit (off the top of my head, the 324234 hot women blogs, siegetanksandbluegoo's shit, a daily blog about you fucking your stupid 8th grade girlfriend) that's when it gets annoying.
lol
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end the frienship ASAP! move on and avoid future pain.
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3861 Posts
On September 03 2008 11:34 yubee wrote:
why does everyone think she's a lesbian? he clearly states it's a guy
ps, all these people who are telling you not to end your friendship are stupid. none of them have any idea what it's like. end the friendship and move on, you'll be better off in the end without it constantly hanging over your head. don't listen to these faggots telling you to think about her feelings before your own, you always have to put #1 first, especially at your age.
PS Gene, what did uncle yubee tell you? girls are all the same. like you said, it sucks, it hurts, gotta swallow your pride and get over it.
yubee, i dont understand. do you think it's better to just end the friendship while the girl has no idea what's going on? or should he at least tell her how he's feeling and if she's a bitch about it, THEN break off the friendship? i could understand if you think that he should do the latter, however, guys who just kinda stop talking to me (then years down the line i find out that they, in fact, liked me or whatnot) really bothered me because i was completely in the dark about the situation. i honestly think he should confront her and tell her how he feels if it's someone he really cares for. if after he's gotten it off his chest and she gives some flakey answer, then it would be alright for him to break it all off.
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smoke some weed and get over her. use facebook to meet some chicks.
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have you ever tried challenging her bf to a 1v1?
you need to show her that you're better than that guy
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how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with?
It's generally not cool to confuse someone by telling them your like them when they're in a relationship. He wants to break it off quick because it's generally miserable for a person to 'just be friends' with someone they've always wanted more from. It's not "well it might be nice one day, but I'm not particularly thinking about it," it's "I really like this girl, and every time I hear her talk about her dumb boyfriend, I feel like shit."
I don't know much about how he got into this situation, but that's my guess about what's going on. It's not a rule limited to stupid guys.
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Us guys are pretty stupid, that's why we must get with girls to balance out our stupidity. But seriously, do something. Nothing stupid though, we have to limit the amount of stupid choices we make so our chances of hooking up with girls rise. On that note, breaking off a friendship because she's with another guy...is stupid.
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On September 03 2008 11:38 lilsusie wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 11:34 yubee wrote:
why does everyone think she's a lesbian? he clearly states it's a guy
ps, all these people who are telling you not to end your friendship are stupid. none of them have any idea what it's like. end the friendship and move on, you'll be better off in the end without it constantly hanging over your head. don't listen to these faggots telling you to think about her feelings before your own, you always have to put #1 first, especially at your age.
PS Gene, what did uncle yubee tell you? girls are all the same. like you said, it sucks, it hurts, gotta swallow your pride and get over it. yubee, i dont understand. do you think it's better to just end the friendship while the girl has no idea what's going on? or should he at least tell her how he's feeling and if she's a bitch about it, THEN break off the friendship? i could understand if you think that he should do the latter, however, guys who just kinda stop talking to me (then years down the line i find out that they, in fact, liked me or whatnot) really bothered me because i was completely in the dark about the situation. i honestly think he should confront her and tell her how he feels if it's someone he really cares for. if after he's gotten it off his chest and she gives some flakey answer, then it would be alright for him to break it all off. yeah, i totally agree that he should confront her. i was in this situation like 2 months ago and i put it out on the table, she decided she couldn't leave her bf, and it went just like this
+ Show Spoiler +(2:08:21 PM) yubee: look
(2:08:28 PM) yubee: i can't be your friend
(2:08:29 PM) yubee: i'm sorry
i dunno how you could just not ever say anything to the girl, imo anyone with a little bit of self-respect would at least find out if the girl feels the same way
also i'm reiterating to anyone that doesn't get it, breaking off a friendship with a girl you're really into because she has a boyfriend is SMART and HEALTHY, not stupid or "a dick thing to do"
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You did it over MSN... Haha, that's classic.
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On September 03 2008 11:54 PsycHOTemplar wrote:
You did it over MSN... Haha, that's classic.
ima do it in real life o.o
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United States22883 Posts
If you've been friends with them for a long period of time and haven't yet communicated to them that you like them, then I think it is.
"You've had 5 years to tell me you're into me, and now you don't want to be friends?"
Seriously?
I've done broken friendships with exes, but I think it's totally unfair to 1) openly come on to a girl when she's in a relationship 2) give her an ultimatum like that when you've never gotten intimately close or have never told her for a long period of time.
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On September 03 2008 11:46 PsycHOTemplar wrote:Show nested quote +how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? It's generally not cool to confuse someone by telling them your like them when they're in a relationship. He wants to break it off quick because it's generally miserable for a person to 'just be friends' with someone they've always wanted more from. It's not "well it might be nice one day, but I'm not particularly thinking about it," it's "I really like this girl, and every time I hear her talk about her dumb boyfriend, I feel like shit." I don't know much about how he got into this situation, but that's my guess about what's going on. It's not a rule limited to stupid guys.
yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation.
On September 03 2008 11:57 Jibba wrote:
If you've been friends with them for a long period of time and haven't yet communicated to them that you like them, then I think it is.
"You've had 5 years to tell me you're into me, and now you don't want to be friends?"
Seriously?
I've done broken friendships with exes, but I think it's totally unfair to 1) openly come on to a girl when she's in a relationship 2) give her an ultimatum like that when you've never gotten intimately close or have never told her for a long period of time.
heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend. and 2) yeah dont give an ultimatum, just kinda tell her how it is without being forceful. "listen, it really hurts me to see you with another guys, esp since i care for you. i might need to take a step back in our friendship because i want you to be happy without me and i need time to get over you." if she's a bitch about it even after you've said THAT, then she's not one you'd want to be with in the first place, right?
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this happened to me before too, the girl "wasn't ready for a relationship" from what I've heard, so now she just wants to be friends and "enjoy talking with" me.
so I'm spamming her with random anime intros/ Starleagues intros/ Game reviews and other stuff just like I do with other people. Wonder how long her patience will last
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On September 03 2008 11:58 XCetron wrote:
this happened to me before too, the girl "wasn't ready for a relationship" from what I've heard, so now she just wants to be friends and "enjoy talking with" me.
so I'm spamming her with random anime intros/ Starleagues intros/ Game reviews and other stuff just like I do with other people. Wonder how long her patience will last
lolololololololol
dude, regardless of who gets with whoever, girls don't really know what they want. ever. they will always change. and everybody has shitty times, and they will remember who was good to them during shitty times. like the time the girl contracts a (curable) std and everybody shuns her as a slut, even when shes cured completely, she'll remember the one person that was nice to her, etc, crying broken sex, etc. etc. etc.
more importantly relationships are a great waste of time that could be spent doing other things, like mass gaming on iccup and developing your own life.
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5 yrs back wut 3rd grade lololol
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yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation.
He is going to talk to her about it though... She's obviously going to ask why, and he's going to tell her... I don't understand where you're coming from lol
heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend
Lol.... So what should he expect her to do? Ditch her best friend for him? It's not going to happen. It's a shitty deal for him either way right now, and he's just trying to do damage control (whether the damage is thru fault of his own, or just a series of long, difficult to control events gone awry that have prevented him from telling her the last few years).
ima do it in real life o.o
That's good, man  Don't do it any other way if you have any dignity.
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United States22883 Posts
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On September 03 2008 11:42 xiaofan wrote:
have you ever tried challenging her bf to a 1v1?
you need to show her that you're better than that guy
Yes I agree.
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3861 Posts
On September 03 2008 12:08 PsycHOTemplar wrote:Show nested quote +yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation. He is going to talk to her about it though... She's obviously going to ask why, and he's going to tell her... I don't understand where you're coming from lol Show nested quote +heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend Lol.... So what should he expect her to do? Ditch her best friend for him? It's not going to happen. It's a shitty deal for him either way right now, and he's just trying to do damage control (whether the damage is thru fault of his own, or just a series of long, difficult to control events gone awry that have prevented him from telling her the last few years). That's good, man Don't do it any other way if you have any dignity.
heh nah she won't "leave" the best friend, i'm saying, does she have a relationship with the best friend or was it just a fling?
.. and if he's gonna talk to her about it (i dunno, i just got this vibe that you DIDNT want him to talk to her, just to break it off) then that's cool.
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hahaha dude you need to be more out spoken with your feelings :/
just lay it out for her like lilsusie said. I mean shit you guys have known each other for 5 years? seriously e.e.. Even if it comes out shitty just say it.
and then if things are not getting any better then just end the friendship. Its not worth the heartache and the bs that comes along with it especially if she doesnt feel the same.
but then again..maybe she did this to make you jealous O_O?!?!?! anywho
dont 5 pool. Play standard
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There are questions one must always consider with things like this.
Can it get worse?
Will I regret if I do/dont do it?
What can I gain from this?
In the long run, is this really that important?
What are other more important things I should be doing?
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On September 03 2008 12:28 XCetron wrote:
There are questions one must always consider with things like this.
Can it get worse?
Will I regret if I do/dont do it?
What can I gain from this?
In the long run, is this really that important?
What are other more important things I should be doing?
1. i can go emo for the rest of my college career and always have a sad look on my face.
2. i can gain my mind and soul back
3. yes
4. focusing on school
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Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself.
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On September 03 2008 12:33 sqwert wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 12:28 XCetron wrote:
There are questions one must always consider with things like this.
Can it get worse?
Will I regret if I do/dont do it?
What can I gain from this?
In the long run, is this really that important?
What are other more important things I should be doing?
1. i can go emo for the rest of my college career and always have a sad look on my face. 2. i can gain my mind and soul back 3. yes 4. focusing on school
Then best thing I would say is end it. You have better things to do.
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On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself.
Time isnt an unlimited resource @_@
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.. and if he's gonna talk to her about it (i dunno, i just got this vibe that you DIDNT want him to talk to her, just to break it off) then that's cool.
Ah, understood Just disappearing from a friendship that long is silly, but I'd say (not in this case) there are situations when you're just making a mess if you confess all your feelings to someone you were never that close to. So we're on the same page: It's not so great to spill all your feelings on some girl, since all you accomplish is maybe making them feel guilty or sorry for you, when they're committed to someone else. It's worse to just leave a friend you've been close to without having a talk.
I mean really, would you actually prefer guys telling you all the time while you're in a relationship that they really like you, and can't just be friends? Or just the friends you know well (which is the way I think it is)?
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On September 03 2008 12:36 8Pylon wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself. Time isnt an unlimited resource @_@
How is it not?
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On September 03 2008 12:37 XCetron wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 12:36 8Pylon wrote:On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself. Time isnt an unlimited resource @_@ How is it not?
you fuckin serious? think kid think e.e
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anywho please update us about your decision 
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On September 03 2008 12:38 8Pylon wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 12:37 XCetron wrote:On September 03 2008 12:36 8Pylon wrote:On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself. Time isnt an unlimited resource @_@ How is it not? you fuckin serious? think kid think e.e
time has been around since....beginning of time, unless theres an end to everything, everywhere, time should continue to exist, no?
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On September 03 2008 12:40 XCetron wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 12:38 8Pylon wrote:On September 03 2008 12:37 XCetron wrote:On September 03 2008 12:36 8Pylon wrote:On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself. Time isnt an unlimited resource @_@ How is it not? you fuckin serious? think kid think e.e time has been around since....beginning of time, unless theres an end to everything, everywhere, time should continue to exist, no?
i think he means the time WE have available. we have about 100 years to do everything we can before we can't anymore. hence we only have a finite amount of time.
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You have to think if you ever really wanted to be her friend. Did you hope that one day you would gain enough courage to tell her you have a crush on her? Did you hope that maybe she would have a crush on you?
Unless you value her friendship a lot, and think you can get past your feelings for her, you simply need to tell her the truth. There's a good chance you two can still be friends regardless, but this will irk you until you find someone else if you don't say something, or can't get over your feelings for her. If you do decide to tell her the truth, you have to be ready to lose her as a friend. I'm not saying it will happen or anything, but you have to be ready for it.
That said, be ready for a number of outcomes that may occur if you choose to tell her the truth, which I personally believe you should, but do what you wanna do. I hope for the best.
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On September 03 2008 12:42 sqwert wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 12:40 XCetron wrote:On September 03 2008 12:38 8Pylon wrote:On September 03 2008 12:37 XCetron wrote:On September 03 2008 12:36 8Pylon wrote:On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself. Time isnt an unlimited resource @_@ How is it not? you fuckin serious? think kid think e.e time has been around since....beginning of time, unless theres an end to everything, everywhere, time should continue to exist, no? i think he means the time WE have available. we have about 100 years to do everything we can before we can't anymore. hence we only have a finite amount of time.
but I posted
On September 03 2008 12:35 XCetron wrote:
Time is an unlimited resource that no one has infinite amount of, seems like you should be worrying about other stuff and let this settles itself.
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On September 03 2008 12:39 8Pylon wrote:anywho please update us about your decision
i dno.......... u guys r saying tell her str8 up, some are saying it'll be wussy to end the friendship. either way im crying myself to sleep
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ahh im back sorry XCerton it seems I read your post to fast hahaha MY BAD! O_O but yeah anywho
Just do it @_@
meh..well think about it then do something im off for tonight
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Hey seriuosly sqwert, grow up,don't cry to your sorry self to sleep. Call her right now and tell her how pissed you are about her being with aother guy
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On September 03 2008 12:53 il0seonpurpose wrote:
Hey seriuosly sqwert, grow up,don't cry to your sorry self to sleep. Call her right now and tell her how pissed you are about her being with aother guy
i wana tell her face to face
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If I can give you one more piece of advice... Don't have your mind made up before you even talk to her  You've been friends long enough that she'll probably have something to say, and you'll want to make your decision based on that without being distracted by the temptation of "sticking to your guns."
Personally, I think you'll be fine and that your emotions might be a bit fickle... I can't say that for sure, but you'll definitely get thru it so don't feel too bad :o
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On September 03 2008 12:56 PsycHOTemplar wrote:If I can give you one more piece of advice... Don't have your mind made up before you even talk to her You've been friends long enough that she'll probably have something to say, and you'll want to make your decision based on that without being distracted by the temptation of "sticking to your guns." Personally, I think you'll be fine and that your emotions might be a bit fickle... I can't say that for sure, but you'll definitely get thru it so don't feel too bad :o
/agree
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thx for the advice i really appreciate it, especially from the girl(s). im prolly not going to jump off my roof tonight.
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3861 Posts
we have more than 1 girl posting in this thread?
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JUST DON'T KILL YOURSELF.
(seriously!)
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Just avoid humiliationt, i hate when girls want to be "only friends", the best partner they can get is their best friend, someone they trust and feel confortable with.
Crap this blog made me "remember"
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On September 03 2008 13:13 lilsusie wrote:
we have more than 1 girl posting in this thread?
i dno....is ther?
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No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck.
By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc.
More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics.
Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
Honest answer: say nothing and move on.
If there is any chance of her liking you, it will happen once you have moved on to other women and have all but lost interest in her.
If you keep giving her lots of attention -- which I guarantee you'll do as long as you like her -- she'll never be interested in you beyond friendship.
Here's another perspective: if you keep thinking about her, you could miss an opportunity to be with another girl. On one hand, while you're distracted by your 8th grade friend you won't smother this other girl with attention, which is good. But if you express absolutely zero interest in her for too long, then I think she'll eventually take interest in someone else and your opportunity will be lost.
Lastly, you're eventually going to reach a point in your life where women don't own your emotions. So don't kill yourself -- literally or figuratively (grades, social life, future career, etc.) -- over a girl. Just fight towards that goal of being able to wake up one day and say, "Damn my friend's attractive. I'd do her so fast. Mmmmm *fantasize* *masturbate?*. Now it is time to think about work / school / StarCraft." and get on with your day as normal. 
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On September 03 2008 13:37 Phyre wrote:
No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck.
By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc.
More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics.
Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind.
i ges i havent had a gf then.....
i do have a skewed perspective about women.
the truth is i dont rly feel bad right now, but i know it will sink in wen im in bed and about to go to sleep, or wake up in the morning and feel pain in my chest for some reason. i dont have asthma or nething....
i just dont wana feel bad later on, and wana think of other things and able to live life again without her on my mind.
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On September 03 2008 13:37 Phyre wrote:
No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck.
By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc.
More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics.
Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind.
You're right, but everyone has to learn these things for themselves. I don't think it's fair to be critical of him for his inexperience. Life's about rolling with the punches, and he'll learn that the more he takes.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
PS: Just to clarify, don't end the friendship: just take interest in other girls. It'll help a lot if you stop talking to her unless she talks to you first, and stop spending time with her unless she specifically asks you to, but don't be like, "our friendship is over!" =P
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 11:22 lilsusie wrote:
how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? just tell her what you just told us - that it kills you to see her with someone else because i'm assuming she knows that you like her (that's what i gathered) and THEN make your decision.
ugh. boys.
Honestly, when I compare the girls I was truthful to with the girls I never said anything to... it really made no difference whether I told them how I felt. The question of "maybe they secretly like me too?" was simply replaced with "maybe they'll like me later?" Emotionally, nothing changed.
That's partly why I believe he should move on without saying anything.
On September 03 2008 11:57 lilsusie wrote:
yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation.
...
heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend. and 2) yeah dont give an ultimatum, just kinda tell her how it is without being forceful. "listen, it really hurts me to see you with another guys, esp since i care for you. i might need to take a step back in our friendship because i want you to be happy without me and i need time to get over you." if she's a bitch about it even after you've said THAT, then she's not one you'd want to be with in the first place, right?
Well, if it's annoying for guys to do that then I'll give you that. Although, I have to ask: if he stops initiating conversations with her, and she doesn't initiate any conversations with him, then was there ever much of a friendship there?
About being annoyed: you find it annoying even though you know that (if it was a guy) you were never his friend, just an attractive girl that he desired? That he never really cared about you as a friend, only in the transient, infatuated way? Well, I've never been in that position, so I'll just have to take your word for it. Sounds strange to me, though.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 11:58 XCetron wrote:
this happened to me before too, the girl "wasn't ready for a relationship" from what I've heard, so now she just wants to be friends and "enjoy talking with" me.
so I'm spamming her with random anime intros/ Starleagues intros/ Game reviews and other stuff just like I do with other people. Wonder how long her patience will last
What if she actually takes a liking to StarCraft and gaming?
Then she'll be a StarCraft / gamer girl whom you can't have. That'd probably just make things worse. 
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man i wish u guys could be there to help me out while im talkign to her lol
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3861 Posts
On September 03 2008 14:17 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 11:22 lilsusie wrote:
how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? just tell her what you just told us - that it kills you to see her with someone else because i'm assuming she knows that you like her (that's what i gathered) and THEN make your decision.
ugh. boys. Honestly, when I compare the girls I was truthful to with the girls I never said anything to... it really made no difference whether I told them how I felt. The question of "maybe they secretly like me too?" was simply replaced with "maybe they'll like me later?" Emotionally, nothing changed. That's partly why I believe he should move on without saying anything. Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 11:57 lilsusie wrote:
yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation.
...
heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend. and 2) yeah dont give an ultimatum, just kinda tell her how it is without being forceful. "listen, it really hurts me to see you with another guys, esp since i care for you. i might need to take a step back in our friendship because i want you to be happy without me and i need time to get over you." if she's a bitch about it even after you've said THAT, then she's not one you'd want to be with in the first place, right? Well, if it's annoying for guys to do that then I'll give you that. Although, I have to ask: if he stops initiating conversations with her, and she doesn't initiate any conversations with him, then was there ever much of a friendship there? About being annoyed: you find it annoying even though you know that (if it was a guy) you were never his friend, just an attractive girl that he desired? That he never really cared about you as a friend, only in the transient, infatuated way? Well, I've never been in that position, so I'll just have to take your word for it. Sounds strange to me, though.
Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely.
personally? i'd rather a guy tell me that over the years he started to have feelings for me, blah blah and now he cant deal with it and needs to stop being my friend than just dropping off the face of the earth.
also, what IF she does initiate conversation? you make it seem like there is no friendship at all, which, again, i highly doubt is the case. so when she calls, he'll just not answer? and stop responding to ims? that just sounds like a pussy way out to me. i dont care if i was merely a sex object to you for 5 years, i think that's enough time invested into this "friendship" (as you call it) for me to at least get a straight forward "i dont want to be friends" line.
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On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 14:17 Bill307 wrote:On September 03 2008 11:22 lilsusie wrote:
how old are you? truth always works. talk to her. geez, what is up with you boys who can freakin TALK to the girl they are infatuated with? just tell her what you just told us - that it kills you to see her with someone else because i'm assuming she knows that you like her (that's what i gathered) and THEN make your decision.
ugh. boys. Honestly, when I compare the girls I was truthful to with the girls I never said anything to... it really made no difference whether I told them how I felt. The question of "maybe they secretly like me too?" was simply replaced with "maybe they'll like me later?" Emotionally, nothing changed. That's partly why I believe he should move on without saying anything. On September 03 2008 11:57 lilsusie wrote:
yes but .. to just break it off quickly without talking with her and giving her the truth? that's the part that irks me. boys need to be able to lay it out on the table and be honest. it annoys me to bits when someone just breaks off a friendship with no explanation.
...
heh, 1) she's NOT in a relationship (i dont think) she just got with the MALE best friend. and 2) yeah dont give an ultimatum, just kinda tell her how it is without being forceful. "listen, it really hurts me to see you with another guys, esp since i care for you. i might need to take a step back in our friendship because i want you to be happy without me and i need time to get over you." if she's a bitch about it even after you've said THAT, then she's not one you'd want to be with in the first place, right? Well, if it's annoying for guys to do that then I'll give you that. Although, I have to ask: if he stops initiating conversations with her, and she doesn't initiate any conversations with him, then was there ever much of a friendship there? About being annoyed: you find it annoying even though you know that (if it was a guy) you were never his friend, just an attractive girl that he desired? That he never really cared about you as a friend, only in the transient, infatuated way? Well, I've never been in that position, so I'll just have to take your word for it. Sounds strange to me, though. Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely. personally? i'd rather a guy tell me that over the years he started to have feelings for me, blah blah and now he cant deal with it and needs to stop being my friend than just dropping off the face of the earth. also, what IF she does initiate conversation? you make it seem like there is no friendship at all, which, again, i highly doubt is the case. so when she calls, he'll just not answer? and stop responding to ims? that just sounds like a pussy way out to me. i dont care if i was merely a sex object to you for 5 years, i think that's enough time invested into this "friendship" (as you call it) for me to at least get a straight forward "i dont want to be friends" line.
wat should i tell her?
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Haha Don't worry about it. Doing it on your own will build character, and you'll feel happy you've grown as a person later. The more things you do on your own, the more independent you feel, the greater your self-esteem. There's a very simple statement that everyone eventually learns to appreciate in their lives: "It is what it is." Feeling bad over the past is living backwards. That statement simply means you accept the way things are. However you hurt, that's all it is... just hurting. It's not the end of all things, it's not doom, it's just pain. Sometimes it helps to laugh at your misfortunes, instead of feeling like the unluckiest person on earth.
In fact... You should go watch all the Rocky movies It's that sort of simple logic everyone needs to hear, and you'll live vicariously thru his experiences. If nothing else, it'll give you something to do instead of thinking sad thoughts.
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maybe if i had some1 to laf with
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote:
[snip]
If she initiates a conversation, then I think he should reply. Depending on how he feels about her at the time, he can either converse for a while, or tell her why he's stopped talking to her.
Don't get me wrong, I think ignoring someone completely is the wrong way to go. But, I suspect they're not ignoring you because they're afraid to reply: it's probably because they hate you for never reciprocating their feelings for you. Totally irrational, but it happens. Like XCeteron's post: I think he was joking but some guys will actually hate the girl in order to get over her. In fact, even though it's stupid, I used to think like that, and it was the only way I ever got over girls back then. I can't recall a single time I was obsessed over and then got over a girl without the help of feeling hate towards her.
Lastly:
On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote:Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely.
5 years of being "friends" with a girl 100% due to attraction is easy. In my mind, it is by far the most likely explanation.
I guess if I were to try to explain why... well, if a guy's interested in a girl then everything he does with her is going to be, in his mind, essentially a date. I don't think dates can develop the same kind of bonds that you find in friendship. So, if he never does anything with her as a friend, then how can he ever learn to care for her as a friend?
Oh, and there's also the fact that, IIRC, guys generally (if not always) build friendship by doing things together, whereas girls generally (if not always) build friendship by talking together. So unless the girl is doing things together with the guy for some reason, like playing video games or a sport, then this is a second reason why she can't develop a friendship with him.
(You know, that actually explains it really well...)
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3861 Posts
Bill, on hate: I'm the same way. i try and think of everything i cant stand about the person and it causes me to talk to them less but i'm still their friend after everything is said and done.
on being friends: okok, i phrased it wrong, of course men and women are friends with each other initially based on attraction. what i was saying is that in the last 5 years, i dont think that his complete intention was to get with her. i dunno. i'm still a believer in that men/women can be friends without the attraction being the main factor - but you're right in that friendships grow mainly out of DOING things together.
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If you wanna talk to her.....
You: "I have to say something and I don't want you to speak until the end"
Her: "Okay"
You: "I want to distance myself from you because I find myself getting interested in you, and now is not a good time because you are involved in a relationship and I don't want to jeopardize that. I am telling you this so that you aren't concerned if I drift away for a while to get over you. Thanks for hearing me out"
*Walk away*
----------------------
Or you could go the alternate route and just convince yourself by thinking of all of their negative qualities and slowly pull yourself out of infatuation mode. Then you're still friends and she doesn't know.
Yeah, seeing as how I did the latter once I wish I had done the former because the girl got out a relationship very soon. But now she's in one and engaged to be married. Only girl I've met that I would've considered marriage material.... sucks. Live and learn though.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
Errrr, what I meant was, girls generally grow friendships by talking together, as opposed to guys who generally grow friendships by doing things together -- and by "doing", I mean the opposite of "talking".
That's probably a big enough barrier to guy/girl friendships right there. Then you look at the other criteria you need to satisfy: the guy can't have sexual thoughts about the girl, and she must have a compatible personality with him. So I guess it's not surprising that those friendships are so rare.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On September 03 2008 15:18 eshlow wrote:
Yeah, seeing as how I did the latter once I wish I had done the former because the girl got out a relationship very soon. But now she's in one and engaged to be married. Only girl I've met that I would've considered marriage material.... sucks. Live and learn though.
On the upside, you don't really know if she would've been willing to marry you. Heck, if you were only "friends" with her then for all you know, you would've changed your mind about her being marriage material after living with her for a while.
And she probably wasn't, otherwise she would've been in a relationship with you and not those other guys, right?
Lastly, the divorce rate is something like 50% in the US, so the average marriage (let alone engagement) doesn't mean much, anyway.
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On September 03 2008 15:31 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 15:18 eshlow wrote:
Yeah, seeing as how I did the latter once I wish I had done the former because the girl got out a relationship very soon. But now she's in one and engaged to be married. Only girl I've met that I would've considered marriage material.... sucks. Live and learn though. On the upside, you don't really know if she would've been willing to marry you. Heck, if you were only "friends" with her then for all you know, you would've changed your mind about her being marriage material after living with her for a while. And she probably wasn't, otherwise she would've been in a relationship with you and not those other guys, right? Lastly, the divorce rate is something like 50% in the US, so the average marriage (let alone engagement) doesn't mean much, anyway.
True.. don't know if she was willing to marry or if it would've worked out, but hey it's worth a shot (at least IMO ).
Nah, I just wasn't as visible to her or rather as much in her life as she was to me....
And I am apparently "extremely picky" about my women so generally if I think of someone as marriage material we have pretty much a HUGE number of things in common such that it's pretty hard to be incompatible. But hey.. anything can happen.
I'm still young (23) though so it's whatever for now. Always living and learning. Take the chances you get and run with them TBH. I don't like regretting inaction, and I think most people who are older will tell you the same thing.
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On September 03 2008 14:48 Bill307 wrote:If she initiates a conversation, then I think he should reply. Depending on how he feels about her at the time, he can either converse for a while, or tell her why he's stopped talking to her. Don't get me wrong, I think ignoring someone completely is the wrong way to go. But, I suspect they're not ignoring you because they're afraid to reply: it's probably because they hate you for never reciprocating their feelings for you. Totally irrational, but it happens. Like XCeteron's post: I think he was joking but some guys will actually hate the girl in order to get over her. In fact, even though it's stupid, I used to think like that, and it was the only way I ever got over girls back then. I can't recall a single time I was obsessed over and then got over a girl without the help of feeling hate towards her. Lastly: Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 14:24 lilsusie wrote:Some how i dont think that the OP was friends with her for 5 years solely on the existence of his attraction to her. i'm sure there's a bit of a genuine friendship there. "never cared about me as a friend" seems highly unlikely. 5 years of being "friends" with a girl 100% due to attraction is easy. In my mind, it is by far the most likely explanation. I guess if I were to try to explain why... well, if a guy's interested in a girl then everything he does with her is going to be, in his mind, essentially a date. I don't think dates can develop the same kind of bonds that you find in friendship. So, if he never does anything with her as a friend, then how can he ever learn to care for her as a friend? Oh, and there's also the fact that, IIRC, guys generally (if not always) build friendship by doing things together, whereas girls generally (if not always) build friendship by talking together. So unless the girl is doing things together with the guy for some reason, like playing video games or a sport, then this is a second reason why she can't develop a friendship with him. (You know, that actually explains it really well...)
I disagree, on almost all accounts. And yes I am a guy.
I would never, ever be able to be friends with someone just due to attraction :S. If have a romantic interest in girl I make that clear, if she says no (and is person with whom I would like to hang out with) I would become friends with her if I am not too infatuated with her.
Otherwise I would just forget about her.
Continually hanging out with someone _just_ because I find her attractive is beyond me.
And I would never consider someone I just play games with to be a friend. He would be a "buddy" or a "pal". Friendship imo need to be based on something deeper, or as you say on "talking". In several cases people with whom I just do stuff, play games, train, etc etc conincide with people whom I would call friends but not always.
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On September 03 2008 13:13 Rayzorblade wrote:
JUST DON'T KILL YOURSELF.
(seriously!)
Listen to this gentleman.
btw, just move on and don't talk to her again.
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On September 03 2008 13:49 sqwert wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 13:37 Phyre wrote:
No girl is worth the anguish you're putting yourself through and certainly not worth killing yourself over. Get a grip, stop being emo, realize that this really isn't that big a deal. I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl for 4 years and did some stupid things. Looking back, it was foolishness. Utter foolishness. There are more girls out there, if you try hard enough you'll find the right one. Heck, she might find you with a bit of luck.
By the way OP, have you ever had a girlfriend before? If it was for less than a few months, it doesn't count. If you haven't, I can almost guarantee that you have such a skewed perspective on girls it's unreal. Before having a girlfriend, I had this ridiculous notion that having a girlfriend would just be this magical cure all. It isn't. It's great, but not the answer to all life's sorrows, etc etc.
More specifically with regards to the situation at hand, talk it over with her before you do anything rash that you will very possibly regret later. I'm personally of the mindset that breaking off a long standing friendship because they don't share romantic feelings for you is very immature. Show some mental control. If you really care for her that much, being friends is better than nothing in my opinion. Crying and lamenting "Why doesn't she love MEEEEE?!?!!" is just weak. If she's half as great as you say, you should be able to enjoy her company without the romantics.
Ugh, this just wreaks of weakness of mind. i ges i havent had a gf then..... i do have a skewed perspective about women. the truth is i dont rly feel bad right now, but i know it will sink in wen im in bed and about to go to sleep, or wake up in the morning and feel pain in my chest for some reason. i dont have asthma or nething.... i just dont wana feel bad later on, and wana think of other things and able to live life again without her on my mind.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've always described it as sort of a heavy sinking feeling personally. I know how you feel. It's a terrible feeling, but it will pass.
With regards to another poster's comment, sorry if I sounded overly harsh. Sort of see a bit of the old me in you and it makes me angry when I should be more sympathetic. I'll try to post something more constructive about how I got over this when I get home from work.
Cheer up, things get better.
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On September 03 2008 14:20 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 03 2008 11:58 XCetron wrote:
this happened to me before too, the girl "wasn't ready for a relationship" from what I've heard, so now she just wants to be friends and "enjoy talking with" me.
so I'm spamming her with random anime intros/ Starleagues intros/ Game reviews and other stuff just like I do with other people. Wonder how long her patience will last What if she actually takes a liking to StarCraft and gaming? Then she'll be a StarCraft / gamer girl whom you can't have. That'd probably just make things worse.
she and her brother used to play sc until I beat them so badly they dont want to play anymore, that was not a good approach.
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Dude no offense but pity doesnt get you anywhere. If you ask her "do you like me?", honestly what do you think is the most likest thing to happen? She aint gonna break up with her new bf to be with you, seriously. Not trying to be harsh, but that's reality for you. You've been friends with her for so long, ever wonder why she never developed any solid romantic feelings for you? It's probably because she only see you as a good friend, and when you are on a friendship with a girl, she's not likely to change her mind easily. Trust me, I experienced the EXACTLY same thing as you a year before, and guess what? I'm sick of waiting for her. The best thing, in my opinion, to do is to perfect yourself in everyway possible so that when she thinks back to you, she will be like "wow" or "why did i reject him?", and make her regret all the things she missed out between the two of you. That's just my suggestion, and the best thing to do is to just leave quietly. Don't tell her you are going to end your friendship, just leave and keep your distance away from her, that way she will not develop any pity for you (which is a damn good thing cuz real men don't need pity), and even if one day she thinks back to you and misses you, then it will be a big regret in her life.
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The best thing, in my opinion, to do is to perfect yourself in everyway possible so that when she thinks back to you, she will be like "wow" or "why did i reject him?", and make her regret all the things she missed out between the two of you.
Being vengeful is ridiculous. This person was/is his friend. He should better himself everyday just because that's what living life is about, but to use making her feel bad as motivation... I don't know. I think that just makes you a weak person.
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EPT
