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Johto4942 Posts
I don't know why i wrote this down, I guess I'm mostly doing it for myself, so I don't expect anyone to read this. Don't read beyond here if you have anything better to do with your time really...
+ Show Spoiler +Losing a loved one is hard, I knew that. It certainly isn't something anyone wants to experience, not me, not you, not the person you pass on the street. It is however not the worst thing in life. What is worse is having the feeling of not having been able to say goodbye. One day you have a good time with someone, the other day the person is gone. And there are so many loose ends, that you would have liked to tie up when you still had time. But you didn't. When i lost who was the most important person in my life seven years ago, i knew it was coming. I had accepted it. I was prepared and i had fixed all the things i had to fix. And still seven years later I can't forget. And i lost another loved one. But now i live far from my family, far from all the people that are important for me. This time I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. This time i was not prepared, and this time it hit even harder. When i was visiting home at Christmas, everything seemed ok, and now I still haven't quite processed what happened. It is so similar, and yet so different to the last time, and all these memories are in my head as I write this. A door is closed, and I won't be able to open it ever again, so many questions open, that won't ever have an answer. I wonder what could have been, and I'm trying not to forget what has been in the past. I'm trying to keep my good memories, yet it is so hard not to be overwhelmed by the sorrow. I haven't been able to clear the bad things I said when we last met, and I'm sorry I said them in the first place, and I won't get the chance to do so, and it was to a good part my own fault. Would I not have been as stubborn, I could have made things good again, would I not have been so rude to just go away when you tried to clear it up with me, we could have talked it out, would I not have gotten into a fight about nothing we would have parted in good. I know, such things always come unexpected, I know I'll eventually live with it, but it is still hard to accept it. It always is. I'm sorry.
 
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Bisutopia19246 Posts
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Austria24417 Posts
You're a good man phonetax, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get better soon.
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TLADT24920 Posts
Rough, hang in there! Sorry for the loss 
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My condolences for your loss.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51490 Posts
Hang in there totodile! Keep fighting on!
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Netherlands6185 Posts
Sorry to hear Fo
<3
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United States10182 Posts
We love you Fo <3 Stay strong. FIGHTING!
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More people read this than you might think, and i know its going to help me. Time can heal if you let it. stay strong.
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Mute City2363 Posts
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I'm very sorry to read this mate. I have been unbelievably unfortunate to be 22 years old and still not have lost anyone *really* close to. I read your first blog and I simply can't imagine what that felt like.
I hope you can take some solace in the fact that this loved one probably knows, in his/her heart that angry people often say things they truly don't mean. You could not have known it'd be the last time you'd see this person. I know it's easy to blame yourself, but it isn't your fault.
Hopefully stories like this make us all a little bit more understanding and a little bit more compassionate in difficult times. Cheers, my friend.
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Deepest condolences FO, we're behind you and we support you! Take care man...
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I just come on TL to cry now...
<3 much love
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I don't know what to say. My condolences, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
I think it's wonderful you got to meet someone so wonderful that made you feel this way. I know a lot of people who through their entire lives looking for such a person.
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Netherlands79 Posts
Sorry to hear it, Alex. We're all here for you <3
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My condolences. Guilt is a poison that always comes when you loose someone and it hurts all the more if it can't be denied easily. But at some point people just forgive, even when you don't put it right time eases things out. I'm sure the person you lost at some point made his/her peace with you. I'm sure he/she didn't hold a grudge.
Visit their graves, spend your time and thoughts, say what you would have liked to say. And then go slowly forward, as the person you lost would have wished.
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United States1225 Posts
Love ya FO. Condolences to you and wish you all the best in the recovery. <3
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If i may+ Show Spoiler +The feeling of not being able to finish off "properly" before the person left is a fact of life.
i feel this feeling too and being a little older and having had several losses i just wanted to impart one little bit of information:
you can finish this, but you will finish it with someone else. We are wired to care about people and we do, but you should not wallow in sorrow over lost opportunities, you should thank life for all those experiences (that "revelation" that you don't get to finish everything you start) will make you stronger and able to finish some of those conversations, to send off some people properly or (fingers crossed in a long long long long time) you will try to send yourself off properly for the people you love to not get the sad/hurtful feeling you have right now (when you yourself leave your loved ones).
My condolences.. in my tribe, "dying" is going to live in the souls of the people that loved you.. so not only is that person still there, in you and in other people that loved him/her, but it is the best version of that person if you wish it to be.
All these other people and more to come are ready to finish those conversations with you, they are waiting for you.
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im trying to deal with it forsure. ... i cant play icccup bc of cyka bylat i need help plz i fear that i never will play again i need guidance my trajectory is off
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37028 Posts
On March 21 2017 18:13 JacktheTerr wrote:
im trying to deal with it forsure. ... i cant play icccup bc of cyka bylat i need help plz i fear that i never will play again i need guidance my trajectory is off
On March 21 2017 18:13 JacktheTerr wrote:
cyka help plz
I have no idea what you're trying to say here but I will say this: TL is not an online therapy office. If you need help, please go find the right professionals.
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SoCal8910 Posts
< FO- 3
Sending some good vibes your way dude
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Sorry to hear this from both the blogs.
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On March 18 2017 18:53 BisuDagger wrote:
Love you FO-nTTaX. <3
+1 I'm here for you buddy.
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Take Care of yourself buddy
Losing someone that you cared about deeply despite your differences is life changing...
I have also been in the same position where I lost someone that I didn't part on good terms with, when I last spoke to/saw them. Just know that deep down, they would have forgiven you anyway without you needing to ask for it. It still hurts a little to this day (nearly 5 years on) that I never got the chance to say I'm sorry, or goodbye for that matter... But wherever my cousin is now, I'm sure he wouldn't want me to mull on the sad times.
Whenever you think about this person, just think about the good times that you shared...and while, it's not easy to forget the bad times, just try not to give those memories the attention. I'm sure that's what they would want you to remember about your time together.
Stay strong, friend. The TLers have you in our thoughts
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EPT
