EPT
+ Show Spoiler +
Losing a loved one is hard, I knew that. It certainly isn't something anyone wants to experience, not me, not you, not the person you pass on the street. It is however not the worst thing in life. What is worse is having the feeling of not having been able to say goodbye. One day you have a good time with someone, the other day the person is gone. And there are so many loose ends, that you would have liked to tie up when you still had time.
But you didn't.
When i lost who was the most important person in my life seven years ago, i knew it was coming. I had accepted it. I was prepared and i had fixed all the things i had to fix. And still seven years later I can't forget.
And i lost another loved one. But now i live far from my family, far from all the people that are important for me. This time I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. This time i was not prepared, and this time it hit even harder. When i was visiting home at Christmas, everything seemed ok, and now I still haven't quite processed what happened. It is so similar, and yet so different to the last time, and all these memories are in my head as I write this.
A door is closed, and I won't be able to open it ever again, so many questions open, that won't ever have an answer. I wonder what could have been, and I'm trying not to forget what has been in the past. I'm trying to keep my good memories, yet it is so hard not to be overwhelmed by the sorrow.
I haven't been able to clear the bad things I said when we last met, and I'm sorry I said them in the first place, and I won't get the chance to do so, and it was to a good part my own fault. Would I not have been as stubborn, I could have made things good again, would I not have been so rude to just go away when you tried to clear it up with me, we could have talked it out, would I not have gotten into a fight about nothing we would have parted in good.
I know, such things always come unexpected, I know I'll eventually live with it, but it is still hard to accept it. It always is.
I'm sorry.
But you didn't.
When i lost who was the most important person in my life seven years ago, i knew it was coming. I had accepted it. I was prepared and i had fixed all the things i had to fix. And still seven years later I can't forget.
And i lost another loved one. But now i live far from my family, far from all the people that are important for me. This time I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. This time i was not prepared, and this time it hit even harder. When i was visiting home at Christmas, everything seemed ok, and now I still haven't quite processed what happened. It is so similar, and yet so different to the last time, and all these memories are in my head as I write this.
A door is closed, and I won't be able to open it ever again, so many questions open, that won't ever have an answer. I wonder what could have been, and I'm trying not to forget what has been in the past. I'm trying to keep my good memories, yet it is so hard not to be overwhelmed by the sorrow.
I haven't been able to clear the bad things I said when we last met, and I'm sorry I said them in the first place, and I won't get the chance to do so, and it was to a good part my own fault. Would I not have been as stubborn, I could have made things good again, would I not have been so rude to just go away when you tried to clear it up with me, we could have talked it out, would I not have gotten into a fight about nothing we would have parted in good.
I know, such things always come unexpected, I know I'll eventually live with it, but it is still hard to accept it. It always is.
I'm sorry.
