EPTThe secret of fast food success is: mediocrity.
Who goes to a fast food restaurant looking to eat dog food? Who the hell goes to a fast food restaurant looking for a good meal, for God’s sake? It’s a damn shame, I’d say, seeing high-end restaurants labeling themselves as fast-food chains to expand their customer pool. I’m talking about Chipotle, I’m talking about Five Guys.
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The hell, Chipotle! Your food isn’t bad enough to warrant a drive-thru!
I’d like to address this problem by starting my own chain, going back the roots of true fast food: food of questionable origin, service equivalent to that of an answering machine, and fourteen locations within a five-mile radius of your home.
ANNOUNCING MACDINGUS, THE SECRET OF FAST FOOD SUCCESS
MENU
All menu items are derived from the basic "nugget". A "nugget" is a "food" item containing strictly “organic” material. Using the “nugget” as the basis for the entire menu (apart from the Children’s Meal “apple slices”) lends to a surprising range of menu choices, such as:
- the Breakfast Nugget (a nugget)
the Lunch Nugget and Dinner Nugget (a leftover Breakfast Nuggets)
the Chicken Nugget (a “bread”-ed nugget)
the Seafood Nugget (an old nugget starting to get seriously stinky)
the Children’s Meal Nugget (a nugget with the aforementioned slices and “toy”, which may be a plastic ball bearing, disposable cutlery, etc.)
the Patty (a squished-down nugget)
EMPLOYEES
- cashiers
nugget fetchers
people loitering near the bathroom with cleaning supplies
nugget squashers
nugget inspectors (make sure that the nugget(s) in question are veritable nuggets)
managers (paid the same as normal employees, but are forced to wear MacDingus hats)
I believe the MacDingus chain has a future of mediocre excellence. PM me if you are interested in receiving a Starter Kit for your own MacDingus chain “restaurant”.
This place called Joe's Cafe down the street from me... now he makes a good and worthwhile burger 
