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Girls, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent; ain't it the truth. A large part of relationships is working through the problems together, as problems will inevitably arise.
I recently watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with a particular girl. At the end we excitedly talked about different messages we thought the movie portrayed, and different lessons we felt were being communicated. The most significant, to myself, was at the very end when both actors agreed to get back together even though they knew what problems would arise. Both of them simply said "Okay." It was okay that problems would come up, because they knew they were inexplicably drawn together, and could work through whatever came at them together.
A lot of people would always look at our relationship and judge me so harshly. I was always the extremely neglectful boyfriend to the eyes of everyone else. They all thought they could "do better than me" or "take better care of her". It's frustrating seeing all of this come to light in the form of actions, as opposed to the past rumors. People should be more honest. If you see a problem with someone, maybe there's an obligation to inform them. I personally try not to judge others behind closed doors unless I have some intention of trying to help, or at least offering to do so.
It just all reminds me of the golden rule my mom told me of so long ago: do to others as you want done to yourself.
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves. Though, the ironic thing is that it didn't end, they just think it did. It's very frustrating having to watch without being able to intervene, though I suppose I do get to see peoples' true colors now.
  
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What did she find the most important message to be?
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Oh good question! She actually got a lot of really depressing messages, and was really happy to hear that the ones I heard were much more optimistic. She was afraid that the couple in the movie was "doomed to make the same mistakes over and over". Although a valid viewpoint, I took it in the other direction.
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On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
Though, the ironic thing is that it didn't end, they just think it did. It's very frustrating having to watch without being able to intervene, though I suppose I do get to see peoples' true colors now.
I'm probably missing the context needed to understand this bit, but are you like going through a phase where you're pretending to split up?
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I once tried to convince a girl that I was better than her current boyfriend. Turns out, in her eyes, we were both bad since she stayed we him until she found someone else.
A similar thing happened to my girlfriend last year, the whole setup was weird, and the guy bailed once she told him she had no plan to stop our relationships.
Point is, people are responsible for their own relationships and aside from close friends having no interests in splitting the couple up, I do believe that outsiders are largely irrelevant.
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On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
People should be more honest. If you see a problem with someone, maybe there's an obligation to inform them. I personally try not to judge others behind closed doors unless I have some intention of trying to help, or at least offering to do so.
This is definitely true in all cases. You're right, a lot of people just don't care. It made my life a lot harder when I finally realized just how little most people care. People could use some compassion.
I used to display compassion but I got shit for it. So now idk what to do. Should I just stop caring? It's rare to find people like that. Maybe I'd be better of just being as selfish as possible. :/
ESotSM is one of my favorites. I really enjoy that dynamic of amnesia and re-finding each other. I've seen it in two or three stories now and it's such a good theme.
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I loved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I also watched that with my past gf, and both had different views on what the ending meant. I think it is an incredible movie to watch if you do have troubles with your girl. Each person can come away with something from that movie ^^
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On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
Girls, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent; ain't it the truth. A large part of relationships is working through the problems together, as problems will inevitably arise.
I recently watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with a particular girl. At the end we excitedly talked about different messages we thought the movie portrayed, and different lessons we felt were being communicated. The most significant, to myself, was at the very end when both actors agreed to get back together even though they knew what problems would arise. Both of them simply said "Okay." It was okay that problems would come up, because they knew they were inexplicably drawn together, and could work through whatever came at them together.
A lot of people would always look at our relationship and judge me so harshly. I was always the extremely neglectful boyfriend to the eyes of everyone else. They all thought they could "do better than me" or "take better care of her". It's frustrating seeing all of this come to light in the form of actions, as opposed to the past rumors. People should be more honest. If you see a problem with someone, maybe there's an obligation to inform them. I personally try not to judge others behind closed doors unless I have some intention of trying to help, or at least offering to do so.
It just all reminds me of the golden rule my mom told me of so long ago: do to others as you want done to yourself.
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves. Though, the ironic thing is that it didn't end, they just think it did. It's very frustrating having to watch without being able to intervene, though I suppose I do get to see peoples' true colors now.
They just think it ended?
One of two things is happening here
1) you're getting between her and her friends and/or interests (you or them, not both at once)
2) you're blinded by her and she's still searching. There's probably sign's you're overlooking, eg her seeing the problems not the happy ending. Socialize with other women. You don't have to cheat or anything, just make female friends.
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On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
They all thought they could "do better than me" or "take better care of her". It's frustrating seeing all of this come to light in the form of actions, as opposed to the past rumors. People should be more honest. If you see a problem with someone, maybe there's an obligation to inform them. I personally try not to judge others behind closed doors unless I have some intention of trying to help, or at least offering to do so...
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves.
While it's sad if people judge you without knowing the particulars, no one has any obligation to point out shit you're doing wrong. You act like other guys have a responsibility to look after your happiness ahead of their own. In love, people look out for themselves. Expecting other guys to help you work out how to be a better boyfriend if they want to be with the same girl, is asking too much.
On September 11 2013 10:23 Otolia wrote:
Point is, people are responsible for their own relationships and aside from close friends having no interests in splitting the couple up, I do believe that outsiders are largely irrelevant.
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On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves.
Get better friends.
Let me clarify. Only you and whoever you're in a relationship should care about your relationship. However the second sentence in that quote, if true, means you need better friends.
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On September 11 2013 22:18 Subversive wrote:
While it's sad if people judge you without knowing the particulars, no one has any obligation to point out shit you're doing wrong. You act like other guys have a responsibility to look after your happiness ahead of their own.
On September 11 2013 22:52 Clarity_nl wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves. Get better friends. Let me clarify. Only you and whoever you're in a relationship should care about your relationship. However the second sentence in that quote, if true, means you need better friends.
I think you guys are taking it a little extreme. The relationship specifics, I agree, are personal and shouldn't be shared. The point I was making was about someone's well-being. If one person in a relationship is in an unhealthy state, or unsafe state, I believe in an obligation to do something about it. This goes back to the golden rule I mentioned. Really I was just making a point about compassion, and didn't mean to mix it in with wanting other people to get involved in my relationship.
Although yes, these particular people weren't my friends. They are just around me. I'm lucky to have some really great roommates who are also my friends.
On September 11 2013 18:38 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
Girls, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent; ain't it the truth. A large part of relationships is working through the problems together, as problems will inevitably arise.
I recently watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with a particular girl. At the end we excitedly talked about different messages we thought the movie portrayed, and different lessons we felt were being communicated. The most significant, to myself, was at the very end when both actors agreed to get back together even though they knew what problems would arise. Both of them simply said "Okay." It was okay that problems would come up, because they knew they were inexplicably drawn together, and could work through whatever came at them together.
A lot of people would always look at our relationship and judge me so harshly. I was always the extremely neglectful boyfriend to the eyes of everyone else. They all thought they could "do better than me" or "take better care of her". It's frustrating seeing all of this come to light in the form of actions, as opposed to the past rumors. People should be more honest. If you see a problem with someone, maybe there's an obligation to inform them. I personally try not to judge others behind closed doors unless I have some intention of trying to help, or at least offering to do so.
It just all reminds me of the golden rule my mom told me of so long ago: do to others as you want done to yourself.
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves. Though, the ironic thing is that it didn't end, they just think it did. It's very frustrating having to watch without being able to intervene, though I suppose I do get to see peoples' true colors now. They just think it ended? One of two things is happening here 1) you're getting between her and her friends and/or interests (you or them, not both at once) 2) you're blinded by her and she's still searching. There's probably sign's you're overlooking, eg her seeing the problems not the happy ending. Socialize with other women. You don't have to cheat or anything, just make female friends.
Actually we just had a huge misunderstanding at one point. There was some distance, and now I'm in the current situation.
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Did she go with the guy she met from google that got you guys those interviews?
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On September 12 2013 02:56 Dubzex wrote:
Did she go with the guy she met from google that got you guys those interviews?
Lol what does "go with" mean?
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ya know like "go" with me? donnie darco?
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I had a girl break up with me a few months ago. I still have really strong feelings for her and a part of me thinks she feels the same. But without specifics its pointless saying why. Anyways when it happened one of my "friends" immediately started calling and hanging out with her a bunch and conversely started ignoring me.
When I asked him if he had a problem with me (I was gentle about it) he just fed me a bunch of bullshit about how I was fucked up. I got angry though and called him on it. Ever since he has just completely ignored me, to the point of not even recognizing when we pass each other on the street. Whenever I see him with my ex he just clings to her like a little co-dependent love sick puppy dog.
It really bothers me even though I haven't said anything about it to either of them. My ex is just starting to talk to me again a little and I did bring up that I was curious if she was dating. I don't think she is, at least not this person. But if she was it would be such a "You too Brutus?" moment for me.
My point is that I appreciate you saying that its important to share when you feel like something is unhealthy. I don't plan on digging up whats going on, but if she does end up sharing that she is dating this person, I have been confused on what I should do (to share my opinions or not to share). I think even though its really none of my business at this point I have a certain obligation to myself to be gentle and thoughtful while also questioning whether or not its healthy and also maybe point out that it shows a lack of compassion towards me.
Thanks for sharing Cecil. Poignant message for me.
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The last alinea makes me really sad.
I feel ya, man ):
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It's actually kinda hilarious how many people are making posts like they actually know what's going on. Several seem to be completely off-base.
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6 months is the rule of thumb to date a friend's ex. If you're a good friend you'll ask them if it's ok at that time as well.
OP is pretty vague though, are you guys pretending to be broken up publicly but secretly still dating/fucking? Who's idea was this, and don't say mutual.
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On September 11 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:
Girls, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent; ain't it the truth. A large part of relationships is working through the problems together, as problems will inevitably arise.
I recently watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with a particular girl. At the end we excitedly talked about different messages we thought the movie portrayed, and different lessons we felt were being communicated. The most significant, to myself, was at the very end when both actors agreed to get back together even though they knew what problems would arise. Both of them simply said "Okay." It was okay that problems would come up, because they knew they were inexplicably drawn together, and could work through whatever came at them together.
A lot of people would always look at our relationship and judge me so harshly. I was always the extremely neglectful boyfriend to the eyes of everyone else. They all thought they could "do better than me" or "take better care of her". It's frustrating seeing all of this come to light in the form of actions, as opposed to the past rumors. People should be more honest. If you see a problem with someone, maybe there's an obligation to inform them. I personally try not to judge others behind closed doors unless I have some intention of trying to help, or at least offering to do so.
It just all reminds me of the golden rule my mom told me of so long ago: do to others as you want done to yourself.
Nobody really seemed to care about our relationship. Everyone seemed to just wait till it ended in order to hit on her for themselves. Though, the ironic thing is that it didn't end, they just think it did. It's very frustrating having to watch without being able to intervene, though I suppose I do get to see peoples' true colors now.
cecil, the only time you're being a neglectful boyfriend is when you're with her instead of sitting in snipealot's twitch chat shooting the shit with me, sheesh. i feel very used. </3
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On September 12 2013 05:48 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
It's actually kinda hilarious how many people are making posts like they actually know what's going on. Several seem to be completely off-base.
I guess that the overly vague and generalized tone of the OP didn't help people's interpretations :D
Kinda invited the "Yeah I know whatcha talking about brah".
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EPT
