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This is a continuation of this situation previously: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=410115
to which I can try to sum up:
(1) 14.85 months ago my girlfriend at the time "broke up" with me
(2) I work 40 hours a week at a job that I feel is generally unsatisfying but seems like a viable career choice, pays well, and is something that I feel I am somewhat skilled at doing to the extent that I generally feel "optimistic" about any future career decisions I make in knowing my ability to positively contribute.
(3) To "combat" the boredom of my job and to also feel like I am "actively" pursuing my "dreams" I am also currently enrolled as a graduate student
(4) I noticed several things about the girl that sat in front of me in my poetics class and felt that she was "interesting", also "attractive"
(5) I interacted several times with the girl that sat in front of me in my poetics class several times, but never in a way that most people would have classified as being "significant".
The main reason why I didn't post any "updates" in that thread is that I contracted a weird infection after a volunteering event where I worked with underprivileged grade-schoolers but had left it untreated thinking that it was a "regular flu" and suffered through my 3 hour poetics class, and at the end feeling, despite what was my plan following the advice of several posters here to "interact" with her for [a specific amount of time], not like talking to her. I sort of interacted with her in the final class, where I thought that she was expressing a sort of interest in interacting with me at the end of class via the timing of her packing up her things, to which I tried to reach the door quicker than usual, but didn't make enough distance for me to have not held open the door and not seemed discourteous, which lead in an even longer than before amount of time holding the door open, with which I also followed up her "thank you" with a "brisk walk" in a direction I had not previously gone in in an attempt to dissuade her from pursuing me/interacting with me.
I'm not sure the exact "chronology" of these next events because I have been very busy moving, being sick, my brother getting married, etc., that everything seems a little ambiguous.
I talked with this girl with whom I had a few shared interests. She seemed nice and probably "conventionally pretty", I think. In a conversation she expressed "outrage" towards me since I hadn't seen a specific television series. She said that I should "marathon the series" and that she had wanted to watch it again anyway, so gave me her number and told her to call her when I decided to do that so she could watch it with me. I haven't talked to her/didn't call her etc.
I texted my ex-girlfriend asking if it was "possible or convenient" to pay me back the money I had lent her for school, because "money seems useful". She didn't respond, bringing me to something like 11.8 months of her not saying anything to me/interacting with me, which seems good, for her, to "move on" with her life with her "new" boyfriend.
I clicked on old things that I had put onto youtube and followed the links and profiles of people who had commented and somehow found the tumblr of a girl that I had interacted with on an internet forum 5 years ago, and started reading her tumblr things and her twitter things and noticed that she had been on a podcast and was being described as like an "up and coming" stand-up comedian, I was 45 minutes into the podcast listening to her, and then thinking "what am I doing" in regards to having spent 45 minutes to a podcast because it had included a girl that I had interacted with on an internet message board 5 years ago.
I emailed the girl who sat in front of me in my poetics class and said something like "hi i sat behind you in your poetics class, im [name omitted], you seem really interesting/attractive, maybe we can meet up and drink coffee" to which she responded with something like "hi [name omitted], thank you for your email, i liked your email, it was nice, i dont usually get complimented like this, but i dont really think i can be in a relationship right now, i want to focus on my family and other things, i dont think that it would work, maybe we will see each other next fall in class".
I emailed a girl that I was friends with for a long time but we had stopped talking several years ago, not really wanting a response or even her reading it, just wanted to send her an email, also I was drinking. It was a long and probably mostly indecipherable email, and halfway through I clicked on my facebook and clicked several pictures that I was tagged in that my ex-girlfriend was also tagged in and clicked on her profile, to notice that she had gone on a vacation with her ex-boyfriend to some tropical place, and also several pictures of her seeming happy and doing things. I finished/sent the email to my friend who doesn't talk to me anymore and felt mostly "bad" and made a video of the corner that I have my dining table in, and saying "this is my apartment, thank you for watching this video" and uploaded it to youtube.
My ex-girlfriend's (best, or used to be) friend texted me the next day that she thought that I was "strange" but that she liked my video, and that she had tried to show [my ex girlfriend] some of my videos but that she couldn't watch them/finish watching them because they made her sad and that I "seemed really sad". One of my videos is a video of me eating a cheeseburger at a Wendy's in Utah. I told my ex girlfriend's friend that "it is ok to be sad" re: my own feelings and chose not to respond to anything that she said about my ex-girlfriend. Later in our conversation she asked me if I wanted a dog, because [my ex-girlfriends boyfriend]'s family has a dog that they keep outside all the time and he seems really sad and lonely and she said that she "didn't want him to die feeling sad and alone and unloved" so she thought that I should adopt it.
It is now the fall semester and the girl who sat in front of me in my poetics class isn't in any of my classes. I am pretty sure that she graduated. I feel mostly confused about how I should feel and what I should do.
These are the things that I feel like I could do:
(1) Email the girl who sat in front of me in my poetics class, and say something like "hi, you aren't in any of my classes," and something that would ask if she would like to meet up sometime on campus and drink coffee.
(2) Follow the girl that I had interacted with on an internet message board on twitter and attempt to interact with her via the internet, not in the sense of her being a "romantic prospect" but more because she seems interesting and it seems like something that I might want to do.
(3) Call/text/email the girl who gave me her number from before, I feel an aversion to this because I feel mostly like, in terms of romantic prospects, that I would like someone who, at one point or another, had dressed up in an a vaguely embarrassing way to attend a movie screening, someone who would, upon finding out that I hadn't watched some culturally relevant movie or television show, force me to watch it with them (although I am aware that this sort of thing did happen, but I feel a little bit like it should be done "more earnestly" because I had told the girl something similar to this), someone who was interested in or felt passionately about something that was vaguely embarrassing, also someone who had a collection of books that I had not yet read but would like to, someone who had a similar Netflix queue ie similar holes in "culturally relevant" movies/television shows so that we could watch them together without feeling that either of us was "judging" the other, and that I don't necessarily feel that interacting with this "conventionally pretty" really fits into this.
(4) Continue working on either advancing my career, finding a new job, or getting into an MFA program.
Thank you for reading this blog.
 
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You "use" a lot of "unnecessary" quotations.
Honestly, just ask these girls out. That's going to be a summation of all of the forthcoming advice.
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I feel you man.
But don't quote me on this.
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What exactly are poetics?
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Were your quotations for emphasis, or some other reason? It was really frustrating to read.
you seem like a sort of weird/quirky person, but here's my advice.
1) Don't email that girl, she said she wasn't ready for a relationship earlier, and judging by the tone, her saying "maybe we'll see each other next semester" was a formality, and she wasn't saying "ask me out next semester". However, if you run into her on campus, feel free to stop her and say hi, and ask her if she wants to grab coffee
2) follow that girl on the Internet and whatever if you're interested in her comedy thing, however I wouldn't message her unless you have good reason to. it sounds like you only interacted because of the forum, and lost contact when one of you left it.
3) If you're not interested in her don't ask her out. If she persists, give her a shot but don't lead her on, you never know, maybe she has other interesting aspects about her.
4) Whichever will make you happiest (Or, if it's relevant to you, earn you the most money) in the long term future (10-15 years down the track)
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Do as you feel is right.
Girl 2 only exists on the internet. If you have no intention of seeing her in person at any point in the future then I suggest you do not pursue her. I know people who have met online and gotten together but they were living near each other. And I've heard of people who decided to eventually meet up. But never two people who'd maintain an LDR forever.
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To torture myself with his writing... A second time... Ugh
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On September 01 2013 10:42 Ikidomari wrote:
Were your quotations for emphasis, or some other reason? It was really frustrating to read.
you seem like a sort of weird/quirky person, but here's my advice.
1) Don't email that girl, she said she wasn't ready for a relationship earlier, and judging by the tone, her saying "maybe we'll see each other next semester" was a formality, and she wasn't saying "ask me out next semester". However, if you run into her on campus, feel free to stop her and say hi, and ask her if she wants to grab coffee
2) follow that girl on the Internet and whatever if you're interested in her comedy thing, however I wouldn't message her unless you have good reason to. it sounds like you only interacted because of the forum, and lost contact when one of you left it.
3) If you're not interested in her don't ask her out. If she persists, give her a shot but don't lead her on, you never know, maybe she has other interesting aspects about her.
4) Whichever will make you happiest (Or, if it's relevant to you, earn you the most money) in the long term future (10-15 years down the track)
I'd say this is pretty spot on.
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I "agree" that the usage of quotations marks here was "perplexing".
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On September 01 2013 15:33 qrs wrote:
I "agree" that the usage of quotations marks here was "perplexing".
What are "you talking" about"?"
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If you do email her, search for all " and delete. Otherwise she may think you have a disorder.
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so are you looking for like a hook up or dating?
"I talked with this girl with whom I had a few shared interests. She seemed nice and probably "conventionally pretty", I think. In a conversation she expressed "outrage" towards me since I hadn't seen a specific television series. She said that I should "marathon the series" and that she had wanted to watch it again anyway, so gave me her number and told her to call her when I decided to do that so she could watch it with me. I haven't talked to her/didn't call her etc."
lol "marathon the series" thats funny. Do you find her pretty? Do you have any interest in the show? it's about you!
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4, and dont bother trying to date people until you get over your weird obsession with your ex. it's not fair, and people can smell it a mile away
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Blazinghand
United States25561 Posts
It's really okay to be single for a while. I know there's an urge to get into a relationship again, but part of the natural cycle of being a young man is spending at least some time single!
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@QuanticHawk and MountainDewJunkie I think this is an interesting perspective because I spent a long time not desiring to pursue any sort of interaction with anyone that I might consider a "romantic prospect" etc. because I wanted to make sure that I knew coming into any sort of interaction that on my end I was stable emotionally and "prepared" for that sort of thing, and for several months felt that this was true, that I was as "over" my ex-girlfriend as I could get, feeling mostly neutral towards her and having what felt like a genuine desire to move on.
I can't think of any way to really respond to this, and instead mostly think, "taking a step back", that this is probably mostly right and that I should focus myself more entirely on my career/my poetry/etc.
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You must take care of your own home before you look to invite other people into it.
I also want to point out the obvious and mention that "14.85 months since" is just a mere speck of evidence that you must tend to your home.
You're in the danger zone of simply wanting to date/bond with someone, ANYONE, to pacify your loneliness and avoid your internal issues.
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your last two blogs, you list the time since break up. as a decimal.
you aint over her dawg. you shouldnt think about her, and on the rare occasion you do, you dont care at all because youve not had any meaningful interaction in over a year. you open up your blogs mentioning it right away. it comes across very very clearly when you write. a few months after, ok. 15 months later?? that ain't healthy man
also why you quote everything?? It comes off extremely weird
On September 02 2013 04:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
You're in the danger zone of simply wanting to date/bond with someone, ANYONE, to pacify your loneliness and avoid your internal issues.
exactly. you're just looking for a warm body
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OP are you okay? Answer that to yourself and take notes.
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I don't understand how using quotation marks in the way that I use them would seem strange, I feel like I use quotation marks in the same way that other people use them.
I think that saying that I'm "not over" my ex-girlfriend is probably right, but I don't really think that me knowing when me and my ex-girlfriend broke up is something that would show, specifically, that I wasn't. I think that the choice to list it specifically here in this blog is more of a carry-over of the last blog than anything, and in the last blog it was more of a stylistic thing than anything.
I think that the choice to express the amount of time specifically, rather than deliberately choosing a "non-specific" amount of time makes little to no difference: although I think that probably if I were to choose to express the amount of time that has elapsed since we broke up in a non-specific term with the intention of seeming to be over my ex-girlfriend that it would signify more that, in an effort to "prove" that I was over my ex-girlfriend, I was, in fact, not over my ex-girlfriend. I think that continuing my choice to express it in specific terms, and that my original choice to express it in these terms, is mostly neutral.
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Quotation marks are used to show actual dialogue or that the enclosed words are not your own.
You use them on single words if the single word is misleading like "free" cake when you have to make a donation to get the cake.
On September 02 2013 17:06 AiurZ wrote:
I don't understand how using quotation marks in the way that I use them would seem strange, I feel like I use quotation marks in the same way that other people use them.
I think that saying that I'm "not over" my ex-girlfriend is probably right, but I don't really think that me knowing when me and my ex-girlfriend broke up is something that would show, specifically, that I wasn't. I think that the choice to list it specifically here in this blog is more of a carry-over of the last blog than anything, and in the last blog it was more of a stylistic thing than anything.
I think that the choice to express the amount of time specifically, rather than deliberately choosing a "non-specific" amount of time makes little to no difference: although I think that probably if I were to choose to express the amount of time that has elapsed since we broke up in a non-specific term with the intention of seeming to be over my ex-girlfriend that it would signify more that, in an effort to "prove" that I was over my ex-girlfriend, I was, in fact, not over my ex-girlfriend. I think that continuing my choice to express it in specific terms, and that my original choice to express it in these terms, is mostly neutral.
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EPT
