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Three poems I wrote months ago, but never posted. Just found them and decided it was better late than never. Enjoy. ^^'
I am Lonely
Just as a huge tree occupies a vast plain
Like the lone pup without his mother
I am so lonely
Just as a man walks at the end of the road
Like the polar bear without his ice
I am so lonely
Just as an Albatross has nowhere to flee
Like a teacher without his class
I am so lonely
I am so lonely…
so lonely…. so lonely……
Alone Yet Crowded
Alone is the world I stand in,
yet crowded all around.
The people run by,
yelling and shouting,
crying and laughing,
and having a good time.
I always tune in to what they say.
However, what they say is often,
hard to hear or even understand.
Yet I remain still, alone, and crowded,
seeing the world flash by,
listening to its unintelligible words,
as I am alone yet crowded.
The Homeless Man
He strolls down forty-second street,
and yet no one is to be found.
He feels so alone,
and has no one there.
He can’t hold on to your hand,
for your hand is not there.
He reaches out with the kindness,
yet receives only the sadness,
from those he loves so.
The homeless man is alone on his stroll.
  
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quite boring, sry dude, this doesnt make it
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On July 01 2013 03:20 bypLy wrote:
quite boring, sry dude, this doesnt make it
Idk why but this made me laugh.
I liked the poems though. The last two more so than the first one, which I felt was too much of an extended simile (and I don't really like poems like that). There's a lot of emotion in them too.
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On July 01 2013 03:40 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2013 03:20 bypLy wrote:
quite boring, sry dude, this doesnt make it Idk why but this made me laugh. I liked the poems though. The last two more so than the first one, which I felt was too much of an extended simile (and I don't really like poems like that). There's a lot of emotion in them too.
It's like op is a wandering poet desperately trying to get his chance, and finally he gets an interview in someway... he puts his entire life into these three poems, he sacrificed it all for this day where he can show his worth; with passion fuming, the steam coming trough his scrawny hat and the gaping holes of his poorly patched jeans he delivers line after line... and then... the CEO - stern faced - cuts him off before he can finish the third poem.
''Quite boring, sry dude, this doesnt make it''
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Hehe. Even I laughed when I read that. These were written for a school assignment. I just figured that it might be worth posting. I also figured that some people would give me a reaction of 'boring'. The first poem, meh, even I don't like it. Second poem, I had a little imagination with this one. I liked it. It wasn't my best, but I liked it. Third poem, I actually think this is the best of the 3.
2nd and 3rd give a very strong feeling of sadness after reading them, and can be interpreted in multiple ways.
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This is beautiful. Its so transmitting. My favorite part is "Just as a huge tree occupies a vast plain"
I disagree with you, i would rate the best part 1 and the part 3 off. Still nice do.
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On July 01 2013 08:55 pebble444 wrote:
This is beautiful. Its so transmitting. My favorite part is "Just as a huge tree occupies a vast plain"
I disagree with you, i would rate the best part 1 and the part 3 off. Still nice do.
Hehe that's actually what my Dad said when I showed him these before submitting them for a grade. Glad you like them :D
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If you're lonely talk to a friend about it. That's what they're for. Emotions and stuff.
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On July 01 2013 11:23 obesechicken13 wrote:
If you're lonely talk to a friend about it. That's what they're for. Emotions and stuff.
Thanks for your concern, but I believe you must have read the first line of the OP wrong.
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On July 01 2013 11:28 3FFA wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2013 11:23 obesechicken13 wrote:
If you're lonely talk to a friend about it. That's what they're for. Emotions and stuff. Thanks for your concern, but I believe you must have read the first line of the OP wrong.
Whatcha talking about friends! thats what online is for! you can only get real friends online...
also i share the same sentiments as the boring guy above. I was just never into poetry and even "good" poems i still yawn my way through
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"Alone Yet Crowded" reminded me a bit of "Fistful of Steel" by Rage Against the Machine because of the lyrics:
Some speak the sounds
But speak in silent voices
Like radio is silent
Though it fills the air with noises
That poem is pretty good man, good job. However, I didn't like "The Homeless Man" at all, and that's mostly because subjects such as homelessness are very difficult because they really require you to be there mentally and to "get poetry" (HURRR that sounds dumb but you know what I mean). Trying to write something meaningful while utilizing poetic tools effectively and efficiently (which I didn't feel like you did) is really hard when you're choosing subjects like this.
Anyway... Respect. 
...I always forget that the smiley face I like to do turns into the clown smiley. DUMB.
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The first one kind of works for me. It's not like Yeats or anything but i couldn't write something that actually doesn't "suck" as "art" so good one.
the real masterpiece in this thread is the first comment. ahahaha
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On July 01 2013 15:50 Shebuha wrote:"Alone Yet Crowded" reminded me a bit of "Fistful of Steel" by Rage Against the Machine because of the lyrics: Some speak the sounds But speak in silent voices Like radio is silent Though it fills the air with noises That poem is pretty good man, good job. However, I didn't like "The Homeless Man" at all, and that's mostly because subjects such as homelessness are very difficult because they really require you to be there mentally and to "get poetry" (HURRR that sounds dumb but you know what I mean). Trying to write something meaningful while utilizing poetic tools effectively and efficiently (which I didn't feel like you did) is really hard when you're choosing subjects like this. Anyway... Respect. .
Haha thanks! Yeah, I've gotten mixed reviews on each of these, so I think they are all good in their own right. It's up to the reader to decide which is best for himself, and which he connects with most.
"utilizing poetic tools effectively and efficiently" is something I always need to improve in my poetry. Thanks again.
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United States5491 Posts
On July 02 2013 00:04 Japhybaby wrote:
The first one kind of works for me. It's not like Yeats or anything but i couldn't write something that actually doesn't "suck" as "art" so good one.
the real masterpiece in this thread is the first comment. ahahaha
As an aspiring writer/poet/emotional kid/fucktard/college age intellectual/poem reader/list-maker I can tell you that I don't think we'll have a Yeats on this site LOL.
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EPT
