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I'm 21years old(almost 22) and have a recently turned 3year old son.
My biggest fear in life is that I will fail as a father.
What it means to me to be a successful father is to: 1. Be there for you child emotionally/physically 2. Be a strong figure in his life and teach him strong ideals and values, you know the important things in life 3. Provide a financially stable home and future.
Now I feel I'm doing good in the first two but the 3rd one I'm having some trouble. I've unemployed for about 4months now and my job history is not the greatest. Now to give some background info I haven't held a job longer than a year. I've held about maybe 10 different jobs in the past 4-5years. I'm starting to worry that It might be a problem with me as to why I havent been successful at some of these jobs. I was working at kmart for about 3months or so when my son was born in 2009. I had that job for exactly a year and towards the end of that year I really started to lose focus. I started in the electronics department and was moved to front cashier when I left a door unlocked which tempted an employee to try and steal an ipod(he was caught obv). Then I left the job and started working for a cellphone dealer for a couple months before they closed down the kiosk(people that live in a rather poor area dont want expensive version wireless bills). I did a seasonal position in target shortly after and from there I went to work at a gym. This was 2years ago. I started working there as front desk and moved to personal trainer. I was so extremely happy there. The pay was good for me and the people were great but I was laid off due to budget cuts. I almost cried when the news dropped on me. I then decided I wanted to take being a PT more serious. I got certified and got a job at a big chain gym and it was great. Until about 6 months ago when business started going down and I was pretty much left with little to no clientele. I was forced to file for unemployment(pay cut) and left the job. And now here I'am still unemployed.
I was in and out of school the past 4years. I entered school planning on becoming a computer engineer of some sort. I really didnt know much, I just knew I wanted to work with computers having lived my childhood life by one. So I started on that journey and along the way I started to develop a passion for fitness and health. It was at a rough patch in my life when I decided to take My interests in fitness more seriously and start working in a gym in hopes of become a personal trainer. I did well or so I thought. The past two years I was working as a PT. I enjoyed it for the most part besides the sales. I do feel I failed when I had to leave my last job and its still bothering me. I really dont know what to do. I havent been to school in a year because I can barely afford it. I had financial aid when I was 18 but fucked it up by dropping out of too many courses so now I wont get it until I complete those classes I dropped.
For the past 2months I've been stressed out everyday without knowing whats to come next. I'm trying to plan the next right step but I just cant figure it out. Everyday I look at people and see them making money, I dont turn on the tv and laugh at the comedian, I turn on the tv and I see people making money doing something they enjoy. I read an article and think this person made money writing this. I see people successful in their careers and hope I can one day be there too. Im constantly stressing about it. I dont know what to do. I dont know If I should just try getting a part time and trying to get into school but if I do that, what school? A tech school maybe so I can at least start supporting my son sooner? Should I get certified with cisco and try to find a job ? or maybe I should really take college a lot more seriously and just try to go FT or hey maybe I should try to land another PT job. My biggest fear with school is that I'll be doing something I thought I would enjoy but dont and have wasted so much time/money. I know I enjoy being a trainer but I really don't enjoy the hustle of working in sales.
I feel so lost.
Everyday I go to sleep and hear a clock ticking away as another day goes by and I've done nothing.
 
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My biggest fear in life is that I will fail as a father.
What it means to me to be a successful father is to: 1. Be there for you child emotionally/physically 2. Be a strong figure in his life and teach him strong ideals and values, you know the important things in life 3. Provide a financially stable home and future.
The fact that you recognize these things means that you already have a good head on your shoulders, and that you're going to be a great father. Just gotta get a stable job 
Two options immediately come to my mind (although there may be more):
1. Keep looking for jobs at your current education level until you find one that sticks. They may not pay as well, but you may get lucky. You seem to be bouncing around a lot with this option though.
2. Complete your education first and then try to find a better paying profession/ career. I don't know about your family/ friends situation, but you may be able to have a relative watch your son for a few hours at a time (or pre-school, eventually) while you finish up school. It may be better off in the long run, especially when considering things like his college education, cars, and even basic living expenses.
Good luck
EDIT: Make sure you're happy too. You can't be there for your son emotionally and psychologically if you're not happy. But you also need to make money. Find a way to balance those too with a job that makes decent money and is also fulfilling and not boring. (Easier said than done, I know!)
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Youre 21. Youre 21 and got a 3 year old son. You had about 10 jobs.
When I sum this up, youre no 21 year old. Youre much older and that is your strengh.
When I was in your age, I had no job either and a horrible schoolhistory.
3 years later I had two companies with about 60 employes. It was hard, but it was worth
every sacrifice.
Get a job. When you wake up in the morning you have to say "I do it for my son".
Make some money, show your son youre hard working and then you have to go
to search something you like.
You cant collect money off the streets.
This is one of the most famous lies I have ever heard of. It is either luck or
hard work. So dont hope on luck bro.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51431 Posts
Very nice blog to hear when people like yourself strive to providing for their family as you have got one (even though your so young!)
Out of question, are you still with your partner and live together under one roof?
On your point of advice. 1st rule is when you have a family to look out for or someone to look after, GET MONEY IN YOUR POCKET! That should be your priority which i think it is, don't think fuck i need that $30,000 a year job or i don't take one. That will come in time, your country is as fucked as mine is, the economy is shit, their isn't jobs with mega bucks going around, so dont think you can get one easily.
My advice, take any job, apply for all your local stores in your malls, apply to fast food joints. Remember ANY money is better than NO money (minus if your stealing, don't do that!).
When you find yourself a job, any job. Start working in your spare time on getting yourself a PT job. You seem good at it, you enjoy it, that is great. Start posting your CV into gyms etc, and that might come!
Don't just wait until your dream job is offered to you, go out there and get yourself some money so you can provide for your family, priority number one and then move onto priority number 2, your dream job (or one you enjoy).
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Thank you for the encouraging words guys. I feel like I'm waiting for a shinning light to save me and thats the answer to all my problems. Im the person that likes to think before I take action. I just dont want to commit to the wrong thing. I know we all fall down at times but I just feel like I cant do that again I dont have the time.
The options I see are :
1. School, tech or college. 2Years max to get placed with a decent living until I can afford to get back into school again to further my education but the question is : What do I get a degree in ? Should I continue fitness or go to school for my other interests in computers if I do this what specific job am I trying to land?? I tried searching the interwebz for IT job descriptions that may interest me but not much luck I just find articles like "Top 5 IT Jobs This Year".
2. Find a FT job and make some money get stable and go from there.
3. Find a PT job just enough to get by and get into school
4. ?????????????????????
I really want to get into school again but fuck! money is so tight right now. I like option 3 the best but It will be the most difficult I feel.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
Lots of good advice in this thread. DarkPlasmaBall pretty much touched on everything I was going to say so I won't bother repeating it.
On your point of advice. 1st rule is when you have a family to look out for or someone to look after, GET MONEY IN YOUR POCKET! That should be your priority which i think it is, don't think fuck i need that $30,000 a year job or i don't take one. That will come in time, your country is as fucked as mine is, the economy is shit, their isn't jobs with mega bucks going around, so dont think you can get one easily. This is also good advice, unless you plan on going back to school.
I will say though, I am interested in PiPaPoh's line of work - care to share?
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On January 15 2013 01:06 Pandemona wrote:
Very nice blog to hear when people like yourself strive to providing for their family as you have got one (even though your so young!)
Out of question, are you still with your partner and live together under one roof?
On your point of advice. 1st rule is when you have a family to look out for or someone to look after, GET MONEY IN YOUR POCKET! That should be your priority which i think it is, don't think fuck i need that $30,000 a year job or i don't take one. That will come in time, your country is as fucked as mine is, the economy is shit, their isn't jobs with mega bucks going around, so dont think you can get one easily.
My advice, take any job, apply for all your local stores in your malls, apply to fast food joints. Remember ANY money is better than NO money (minus if your stealing, don't do that!).
When you find yourself a job, any job. Start working in your spare time on getting yourself a PT job. You seem good at it, you enjoy it, that is great. Start posting your CV into gyms etc, and that might come!
Don't just wait until your dream job is offered to you, go out there and get yourself some money so you can provide for your family, priority number one and then move onto priority number 2, your dream job (or one you enjoy).
Ah, okay, I probably shouldve answered this in the OP. Okay so, I live with my parents,brother,gf(mother) and son.
My parents arent very financially stable themselves so we have to help them out, my brother is somewhat for his age(22) and my gf is doing okay at the moment I would say. She's in debt but she has a job as a teacher caring after mentally challenged children. Which is extremely stressful but it seems very stable atm.
Also something else I should mention is that I'm on unemployment and earning just as much as a 25hr 8.50$ job about 700monthly, which is shit but im grateful for this shit because its paying my bills mean time. I've always been quick on my feet to land another job but since I'm on unemployment I can take my time(not too much time) finding an okay job. But oddly enough you sort of answered what just might be the next right step. Which is to get money in my pocket. I have a son, a family to support and it's something that needs my immediate attention. I then should focus on the next step, being school, a job or both.
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On January 15 2013 00:46 Obstikal wrote:
Everyday I look at people and see them making money, I dont turn on the tv and laugh at the comedian, I turn on the tv and I see people making money doing something they enjoy. I read an article and think this person made money writing this. I see people successful in their careers and hope I can one day be there too.
People I know doin 500k/year saying they dont like their work. They got enough money
to stop workin' and do nothing or just what they want. But they never to it. You ask why?
99,9% of people dont got a dream-job and will never get one.
You will say "luxury-problem", but what if I tell you one of them cant get a child?
On January 15 2013 01:23 Plexa wrote:
I will say though, I am interested in PiPaPoh's line of work - care to share?
In the US you would say equal to bestbuy but much smaller ofc.
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On January 15 2013 01:23 Plexa wrote:Lots of good advice in this thread. DarkPlasmaBall pretty much touched on everything I was going to say so I won't bother repeating it. Show nested quote +On your point of advice. 1st rule is when you have a family to look out for or someone to look after, GET MONEY IN YOUR POCKET! That should be your priority which i think it is, don't think fuck i need that $30,000 a year job or i don't take one. That will come in time, your country is as fucked as mine is, the economy is shit, their isn't jobs with mega bucks going around, so dont think you can get one easily. This is also good advice, unless you plan on going back to school. I will say though, I am interested in PiPaPoh's line of work - care to share?
THANX FOR THE DERAIL. Hahaha, just kidding. I'm fairly interested as well tbh
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51431 Posts
On January 15 2013 01:31 Obstikal wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2013 01:06 Pandemona wrote:
Very nice blog to hear when people like yourself strive to providing for their family as you have got one (even though your so young!)
Out of question, are you still with your partner and live together under one roof?
On your point of advice. 1st rule is when you have a family to look out for or someone to look after, GET MONEY IN YOUR POCKET! That should be your priority which i think it is, don't think fuck i need that $30,000 a year job or i don't take one. That will come in time, your country is as fucked as mine is, the economy is shit, their isn't jobs with mega bucks going around, so dont think you can get one easily.
My advice, take any job, apply for all your local stores in your malls, apply to fast food joints. Remember ANY money is better than NO money (minus if your stealing, don't do that!).
When you find yourself a job, any job. Start working in your spare time on getting yourself a PT job. You seem good at it, you enjoy it, that is great. Start posting your CV into gyms etc, and that might come!
Don't just wait until your dream job is offered to you, go out there and get yourself some money so you can provide for your family, priority number one and then move onto priority number 2, your dream job (or one you enjoy). Ah, okay, I probably shouldve answered this in the OP. Okay so, I live with my parents,brother,gf(mother) and son. My parents arent very financially stable themselves so we have to help them out, my brother is somewhat for his age(22) and my gf is doing okay at the moment I would say. She's in debt but she has a job as a teacher caring after mentally challenged children. Which is extremely stressful but it seems very stable atm. Also something else I should mention is that I'm on unemployment and earning just as much as a 25hr 8.50$ job about 700monthly, which is shit but im grateful for this shit because its paying my bills mean time. I've always been quick on my feet to land another job but since I'm on unemployment I can take my time(not too much time) finding an okay job. But oddly enough you sort of answered what just might be the next right step. Which is to get money in my pocket. I have a son, a family to support and it's something that needs my immediate attention. I then should focus on the next step, being school, a job or both.
Well, your both trying which is great! I guess you should give yourself some sort of deadline, of say the end of the month to try and get yourself a job as a PT straight up, then you jump straight into any job and get some money into your hands to help support your GF, parents, and most importantly your son!
Good luck in your life! You seem switched on a bright which is the first thing you need to be a great father/family man/person!
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"People making money doing something they enjoy" well that's debatable =P sometimes we make sacrifices and settle for second best to get by.
From what I've read, you're already a good father. Don't lose sight of what's important - your child and holding the family together! I grew up under my parents who held family values above all else, so I can say now (as an independent adult) that I was truly blessed. Make sure that someday your child(ren) can say the same!
As for the future/career options, I highly recommend you to attend school to get yourself at least a bachelor's degree (in computer science / computer engineering / whatever you want). It'll get you where you want, or at least to the starting steps... There are co-op and internship opportunities you can explore while in school, so that you can help yourself pay off the tuition and living expenses. You're going to need a lot of self-discipline and resources to get through, but is there any other way? Between school and family, can you fit hours into part-time jobs like being a personal trainer? I have doubts regarding people seeking a career in the gym, especially at the personal trainer level. It feels like, at least locally where I live, the number of PT's and applicants greatly exceed the number of job openings. I guess the same could be said about most of the full-time jobs, actually...
You're going to need a lot of help, but you won't get any if you don't seek it actively. Don't try to get through everything alone; there are plenty of people ready and willing to help you once you seek out. Can you ask your parents for financial aid while you attend school? There are counsellors at school and probably even subsidized daycares for young parents. Many colleges and universities offer work-study programs on top of co-op, research, and internship opportunities. It's on you to make the most out of them. Good luck!
*edit: grammar.
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Don't have any advice but good luck.
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Hey dude. It sounds like you are facing a tough challenge, but don't lose sight of all the good things you have going for you as well. Here is a list of good things that I've gleaned from your posts.
1. Your family supports you and loves you
2. You have a strong, stable relationship - you and your gf have been through a lot and stayed together - this is good news for you and good news for your son
3. Your gf is a good person - not many people would choose a career doing what she does
4. You are healthy and fit - just assuming this based on you working as a PT
5. You are 21 - it's very early in your life and you have time to get back on track career-wise
You have a lot of good things in your life. More so that most people, to be honest. When I read your first post I was picturing you and your son living alone with no help and no support and I was thinking "wow this guy's pretty fucked". Then I read that you have a secure place to live, you are still with your gf, she has a job ... the picture is not bleak at all. "Count your blessings" is good advice.
You need to figure out what to do with your life. I am confident that you will do so. My advice is to go back to school. Being a personal trainer is not something you can do forever. It is a good way to earn money while you go to school, but it's not a long-term career. Look for a part time PT job, but focus your energies on getting back into school, and into a program that will lead to a job that you can do for the next 35 years.
Computer science is a good way to make a living. If you have a good head for math and logic then you should pursue this. Ideally you would like to be done school and working in the field within the next two years, but it depends on the program and so on. Others on TL can give better advice about which programs lead to jobs. My only advice is that you probably won't find a job where you love going to work every day -- that doesn't really exist. But there are lots of jobs that are pleasant and fulfilling. Pick a career that pays decently and just go with it.
Thanks for posting this, and good luck.
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First off, I've gotta applaud you for having your head on straight and trying to do the right thing for your child. I'm 29 and expecting the birth of my first child in a couple months, and can't imagine what this would have been like at 21.
It sounds like you enjoyed being a personal trainer, so I'd suggest trying to pick up a job doing that just to get yourself stable again. Once you get a steady income again, you'll be able to take some time to research options for going back to school and formulate a plan from there.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9931 Posts
i know how you feel. just do your best and keep applying. willpower seems to be everything. you aren't alone
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Hey. Sometimes its good to schedule a day off. Try to do as little as possible, go sit in the sun, take a nap, play with your kid as much as you can. By as little as possible I mean things like watching tv, going on the computer, thinking about jobs, applying for jobs... maybe you even let yourself leave a few dirty dishes in the sink. Recharge.
Now I'm not saying to make this a habit but sometimes it's necessary and it can actually be beneficial to your progress. Relax. Maybe you will get some good ideas when you aren't thinking so much. Don't try to think of ideas though. Not for your do-nothing-days. Let yourself go to sleep knowing that you've accomplished recharging yourself. It feels good. Feeling good helps progress.
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I really want to thank everyone for the advice and words of encouragement. I honestly think that I just needed someone to talk to. I feel more confident in taking my next steps. It's funny.. how for the past 2months I was so stressed even today when I woke up I was online browsing schools and job listings and after a few hours I again felt like I wasnt getting anywhere. I can say now that I'm still not 100% sure whats next for me at this very moment but I feel a heck of a lot more confident going into what ever it is.
Silly how much sitting down and writing and reflecting on the past can give you the answers you need today or at least help you get there. Well.. it does help when you have the internets finest(TL) 
I'll be sure to update you guys soon
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I normally hate the benefits that we give out in the US, but this guy deserves them and a medal if he lives here.
From what I can gather, you're pretty much living the dream except for the fact that you don't have a job. You clearly have the motivation to succeed, and as long as you have a plan in mind and continue to execute that plan, be it school or job hunting, you're going to provide for you and your family.
Always remember, people, then money, then things. You seem to have figured it out.
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EPT
