Did you consider the possibility that the 5 year relationship that the guy was able to end over text message may have been dead long before that? But by all means go in all guns blazing like a man and end it over a reason that doesn't have any real grounding in anything but your own insecurity.

Shady Sands

United States4021 Posts

November 25 2012 20:44 GMT

#22

On November 26 2012 05:44 PointyShoes wrote:
Did you consider the possibility that the 5 year relationship that the guy was able to end over text message may have been dead long before that? But by all means go in all guns blazing like a man and end it over a reason that doesn't have any real grounding in anything but your own insecurity.

This.

Of course if you've found someone better than her, then by all means just break things off with her

Blue

Norway359 Posts

November 25 2012 20:52 GMT

#23

I was a rebound, and we have been together for 4 years now

Shady Sands

United States4021 Posts

November 25 2012 20:58 GMT

#24

At the end of the day, love is a bunch of idiosyncratic anecdotes. Some things will tend to give you a good result, like being richer, taller, more handsome, more mentally stable, but oftentimes it just boils down to luck

Zim23

United States1681 Posts

November 25 2012 21:53 GMT

#25

Man you need to grab rebounds like Rodman. If you've been with her for a month and haven't noticed any emotional instability then why end it?

ziggurat

Canada847 Posts

November 25 2012 21:59 GMT

#26

There is no reason to stop seeing her. Enjoy the ride. Many rebound relationships work out. I started dating my wife after a rebound from a long relationship, and we've been married for 4 years. But you need to cultivate some other leads just in case.

And for God's sake stop whining about how you don't want to invest your feelings or risk getting your heart broken or whatever. You sound like one of the girls on the Bachelor. <gag>

FlaShFTW

United States10106 Posts

November 25 2012 22:17 GMT

#27

i dunno. maybe an overreaction?

how long before you two started dating?

obesechicken13

United States10467 Posts

November 25 2012 22:25 GMT

#28

I'm enjoying this.

My advice: Ask the guy and girl why the guy broke it off.

Bippzy

United States1466 Posts

November 25 2012 22:58 GMT

#29

Thats the rule of dating i learned from my last girlfriend: your relationship must be untainted by emotional baggage like their ex boyfriends. I agree eith you, though I'm not positive from ur blog she is using you as rebound, if you think this you are probably right
Edit: actually OP, are you assuming this or do you knoe this, because if assume stay ewith her dammit

r.Evo

Germany14080 Posts

November 25 2012 23:15 GMT

#30

Goddamnit OP, I have to yell at you again. The ONLY reason to quit it right now isn't because it's the mature thing to do, it's because you're too attached and too scared that she might hurt you later down the road. You seem to be having fun right now, keep having fun.

That's the basis for a relationship, not some artificial commitment or choice of words.

On November 26 2012 03:45 Zeller wrote:
Thank god this was a reasonable post from someone who has their shit straight. Most guys on here would be crying about their feelings for this girl and how much help they need to figure it out. Thank you sir for handling this like a reasonable adult with some self-confidence.

Nope. It's from someone who is scared of something that hasn't happened yet and is trying to prematurely end the relationship to avoid getting hurt.

supervizor

Netherlands42 Posts

November 25 2012 23:34 GMT

#31

You could try to talk to her first but your reaction seems very mature to me. Choicing to not be the rebound, assuming you are doing it cause you want something more, is very impressive. My respect for it.

B.I.G.

3251 Posts

November 26 2012 00:00 GMT

#32

My advice is to not take our advice and do whats best for you. Everyone has a different set of standards and preferences, and since we have no way of telling what yours are your better of asking people who actually know you.

sam!zdat

United States5559 Posts

November 26 2012 00:02 GMT

#33

On November 26 2012 09:00 B.I.G. wrote:
My advice is to not take our advice and do whats best for you. Everyone has a different set of standards and preferences, and since we have no way of telling what yours are your better of asking people who actually know you.

I don't think he should take this advice.

HardlyNever

United States1258 Posts

November 26 2012 00:54 GMT

#34

Your head is in the right place right now, and I can understand you not wanting to set yourself up to get hurt or used right now. However, I think you are over-reacting a bit too much. I don't think you should outright pull the plug on this yet. Maybe pull back a bit, see her less; talk to her less. If she asks what is going on, you'll know that she is genuinely interested in you for you, and you can talk about your concerns after that.

If she doesn't seem to mind, then maybe think about ending it. Don't throw away something good out of fear.

Fumanchu

Canada669 Posts

November 26 2012 01:24 GMT

#35

Alright I'm meeting her in an hour now. I was pretty sure of how I was going to handle it. I'm back to tossing things around now.

Without getting too after school special, let me just say that I really appreciate the honesty of the feedback given here. Whether you think I'm an idiot or in the right place or I'm just trolling, you have stated so plainly. It's refreshing and for me personally it's much needed in these types of situations. So thank you to anyone who posted honestly.

sam!zdat

United States5559 Posts

November 26 2012 01:29 GMT

#36

gl hf yo

measure twice, cut once

MountainDewJunkie

United States10341 Posts

November 26 2012 02:02 GMT

#37

I know men aren't the best at this concept (this oddly seems more suggested from the woman's side, in my experience), but just because you're dating doesn't mean it's in any way serious yet. One month in is still the fun, fuzzy, physical, intense phase.

Also, if you were present, I'd slap you in the "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, MAN" style.

You're so overreacting, there's nothing wrong with a woman who's had a previous relationship. To desire a woman with "no baggage" is idiotic. These people do not exist. There's less baggage. There's too much baggage. There is no "none." This applies for men and women. Why is it a bad thing she had a serious commitment with another man? You've barely been dating her and you've already made holiday plans? Sounds like you've already committed the next few months to her in a way? You didn't have a problem doing that. Before you found out she was engaged. "

This girl was actually forthcoming about her past (hey, I wouldn't whip that out in the first week, either), and now she's almost tainted to you. Fuck, this girl sounds pretty awesome to me.

I hope you realize how childish you're behaving, and you're ruining a good thing in the very early non-committing stages of a new relationship.

You will regret this. But maybe she's better off.

synapse

China13814 Posts

November 26 2012 02:28 GMT

#38

You should definitely figure out why they broke up. There are a lot of circumstances you can't know from just "we were together for five years, we broke up through a text." Figure out for yourself if she's clinging to you because she likes you or because she needs someone to carry her emotional baggage. Being a rebound isn't always a bad thing.

Deleted User 101379

4849 Posts

November 26 2012 04:31 GMT

#39

On November 26 2012 05:44 Shady Sands wrote:

Show nested quote +

This.

Of course if you've found someone better than her, then by all means just break things off with her

Agreed.

I was engaged to a girl and broke up with her after a 7 year mostly long distance relationship and just a short time after, she was fine and found someone else (It was after 3 month, not 1, but that was mostly due to lack of opportunity).

Especially long distance relationships can end up being dead long before they formally end and those involved often suffer a lot less from the break-up.

Don't make assumptions, unless she said something else you should just proceed "as normal".

Raithed

China7078 Posts

November 26 2012 05:13 GMT

#40

Wow, OP, doing it like a boss -- yeah I don't get why she didn't mention that to you in the first place, either. Just out of curiosity sake, how old are you?

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