EPTOne of my buddies has/had a van(the thing is a wreck) that he drives around. Being as we were 8 guys total (yeah...) we piled into his 7 seater van and took off.
Now we just had to solve the stupid thing to do. That didn't take long as someone suggested doing the classic put shit in a bag, light it up, put it on the doorstep, ring the doorbell and giggle while they stomp on it. Now this is all a theory so we decided to see if it would work.
First off, how to get shit in a bag. Or more importantly, where to get it from. Well, problem solved, someone had to take a shit. So we pull over to a gas station, he runs into the bathroom, does his business then smuggles the bag out under his t-shirt. He didn't buy anything.
Naturally, nobody wants to ride around in a van with a bag of shit + 8 guys. So we tied it on the roof. With that accomplished, we run through our checklist.
Shit in a bag? Check.
Lighter? Check.
Stupidity? Check.
All that remained was the deed.
So we start driving off to a nice neigherborhood to find an innoncent victim.
We never got there.
We got pulled over by a cop. *da dum tiss*
A mad scramble ensued as we tried to frantically figure out how we could make the 7 seater van look like it had 8 seats and that we were just out for a evening drive. Finally one guy just had to squat down and make it look like he was sitting between the two bucket seats that are directly behind the driver and passanger seats. Ya know, like some people do against a wall for a workout? Must of been a real killer for him.
Anyways, the cop walks up, does all the routine crap. Can I see your license? What you guys doing? Is it your car? Whats in the bag tied to the roof? Oh shit... (yeah literally).
Well, the driver starts stuttering a little bit, probably trying to come up with a good lie but not succeeding. Seeing as he wasn't gonna come up with anything good, he simply says "Shit."
The cop says "WTF son.." and starts slowly removes sunglasses...(ok, skip that line).
The driver quickly goes on to explain saying "Yeah, one of the guys here had to take a shit super bad and we couldn't find a toilet fast enough so he just shit in the bag. Obviously we didn't want it in the car so we tied it on the roof." The cop just looks at him, points over to a nearby dumpster and says "Yeah. Whatever, go throw that away immeadiately." So we did and got outta that place as fast as possible.
In retrospect, the bag of shit might of saved us from getting a no seatbelt ticket and who knows what else. I guess the cop was so distracted by the fact we had a bag of shat tied to the roof that he didn't bother checking out the backseats. Wouldn't be hard to miss 6 guys sitting awkwardly looking guilty as can be.
Moral of the story: Always have your shit in the right place.
P
