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For most of my life I have struggled with low self-esteem and self-confidence. While for many this is a problem that one encounters in adolesence and then it fades as they grow up, for others like myself this is a lifelong battle. People often tell me when I tell them that I have low self-esteem "Oh, don't think like that, you are a wonderful person! Every morning look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how amazing you are!" Oh, if only building self-esteem was really that easy.
If I was to attempt to pinpoint the causes behind my low self-esteem, I would say that a number of factors have played into it, and that low self-esteem begins in childhood. While I don't want to go into details, I have had anything but a normal upbringing (i.e. one detail being I haven't heard from my father since I was seven). Although I have never experienced much physical bullying in my lifetime, from elementary school through high school I dealt with my fair share of emotional bullying and feeling like a social outcast. I have always been an introvert; while I enjoy socializing with good friends sometimes, there are many times where the prospects of going to a large social gathering or having to meet many new people is just exhausting to me. Whereas many people might feel uncomfortable having to pass the time while alone, I am completely ok being by myself. In addition, I have a lot of social anxieties and excessive self-awareness that often makes socializing with others a chore where I often just end up belittling myself for not fitting in or missing opportunities to make friendships and so on.
Now that I've given some background on myself, I want to get to the real point of this blog post. I don't want this to be a pity post where I just continue to wallow further in my own self-misery. I understand and truly believe that a person's upbringing and genetics play a large role in a person's self-esteem and confidence. However, instead of using this as an excuse I want to do as much as I can to better myself and love myself more. I believe that this is a long ongoing progress, one that I have made some progress with over time, especially since high school, but I have reached a point where I feel I have stagnated and need help. Here are the key steps I feel I should take to improve my body, health, and self-confidence.
1) General Health and Fitness
I dislike my body. I have for many years, and have tried to change it but I find it incredibly difficult to stay motivated. I'm one of those people who you probably encounter often; those guys who go on about how they are gonna start working out, do it for a couple weeks, don't see any results, and then they give up. Now, many of you are probably thinking that I am overweight, as many overweight people seem to struggle with both self-confidence and sticking to a fitness plan. Its time for a little bit more about myself: I am 20 years old (soon to be 21), 6 ft tall, and about 135 lbs (I seem to drift from 130-140 lbs on average, I have never weighed more than 145 lbs).
I don't know the exact reason why I am so skinny, but I think its a combination of my poor and erratic diet (I skip meals often and in general am not very hungry at times) and high metabolism (lets just say food does not stay in my body for long...I use the bathroom frequently). My family frequently calls me "borderline anorexic" and its very frustrating not being able to gain weight even on days where I feel like I eat a lot, so I am looking to start eating better and working out more. I have some ideas on what I need to eat: more carbs and protein, meats, fish, pasta, fruits etc but perhaps some ideas for diet would help. In addition, I know I need to work out if I want to build muscle and not fat, but I have never really weightlifted at all in my life. Typically my workouts in the past have consisted of just doing push-ups and crunches.
Now, I do have some circumstances that make sticking to a regular diet and working out more difficult:
-My school schedule leaves me little time to eat during the day, on most days I am in class or working from 9 AM-4PM with no more than a 10 minute break in between classes and going to work on campus. It is during this time period that I am most often hungry. I usually try to get by with a small snack or something but not having time to eat a full meal during this time period is a real drag.
-I am incredibly poor. In order to attend college, I basically live off the financial aid and loans I receive from school. I get little to no money from my family, so any foods I buy need to fit within my budget (or lack thereof).
-I hate going to the gym. I have only done it a couple of times, but basically I feel like a fool whenever I go to my school's gym. Its almost always incredibly crowded, and while the facilities and machines are very nice, I don't enjoy that environment, especially since there is often a line for weights and machines and since I don't know what the hell I am doing in there I just feel awkward and end up leaving. I am not even sure what I can benchpress, and I don't know where to start or what exercises to do. I don't really have any friends who work out, so I don't got a gym buddy or someone to show me the ropes. This is why I have mainly just stuck to push-ups and crunches at home.
Lastly, I have decided I need to quit smoking marijuana and get a healthy sleeping pattern. Although I enjoy smoking weed and the way it makes me feel, it just isn't a good habit for me to have right now, especially since it feels like I cannot responsibly smoke and still get everything I want to done. I feel addicted to it, to the point where whenever I get bored I just light up and then spend the next few hours playing computer games or browsing the internet. Then I wonder where all my time went. I hope this will help me save money and feel more motivated. At some point in the future I would like to still smoke casually, but right now I need to cut it out completely, as its just not helping me in any way, even socially because I typically smoke alone or with just one other person.
I have the most terrible sleeping pattern, actually I don't even have one. I frequently only get 4-5 hours of sleep during the week, and then sleep FOR DAYS on the weekends. Then since I can't fall asleep on the weekends I stay up all night on Sunday to get to class on Monday and feel like shit for the whole day. For awhile, this pattern of actually staying up every Sun night was my sleep schedule. Also, I almost always am stoned before I go to sleep, and while it feels great, stoned sleep never feels good when you have to get up in 4-5 hours and can't sleep for 10 hours.
2) Doing Well Academically and Having Goals
This is simple enough. Getting an A feels great, makes you feel very proud of yourself. Getting a C, D, or F feels terrible. Having goals is equally important. I'm now in my third year of college, and I have finally decided my major and I have a vague idea of what I want to do (I want to write!). As I have half-assed my way through college and suffered from bouts of no motivation and depression, I have learned that writing papers is really the only thing I have excelled at with the minimal effort I have put in. Now it just comes down to actually making progress towards these goals. Although I am more interested in creative writing, I applied to write for the school newspaper just to get some writing experience. Although I did not get hired (in large part due to a terrible phone interview I gave, ugh) I'm still glad I did it and tried rather than having made no effort at all.
3) Mental Health and Socializing with Others
If I'm ever going to build self-confidence, I know I've got to expose myself to more social situations and get out of my comfort zone, which as of right now is being quiet and shy. Despite my lack of self-confidence, I actually did date a girl for about 6 months last year and I would like to date again. I would also like to make more friends, especially while the opportunities are there in college (I know it only gets harder once college is over). Lately, I have been trying to act much more friendly to others and start conversations more. I have always felt that people maybe think I am cold or rude since I usually keep to myself, and I often keep a neutral expression. To help with many of my social anxieties and other issues, I have been seeing a therapist for awhile. When I was younger I did counseling for about 6 years and HATED IT. Like I dreaded going to therapy and honestly feel like I got nothing out of it. Earlier in the year I was dealing with a lot of family issues and decided to seek out counseling through the school and have thoroughly enjoyed having someone to talk to. Maybe its much better now because we actually talk about stuff instead of sitting there for 40 minutes playing board games.
4) Improving my Physical Appearance
Similarly to my fitness goals, I believe that by improving the way I look and therefore the way others perceive me that it will improve my self-confidence. I have been trying to dress much better lately, wearing more slim fitting clothing to fit my figure and better colors and patterns to express myself. Clothing is actually one of the few things I feel I do well, as I sometimes get complimented for I how I dress. I have also been styling my hair as of late and not just letting it be a mop on my head. Lastly, and probably most importantly, I have decided that I need to do something about my teeth, but I'm not sure what. I have always been self-conscious about my teeth for as long as I can remember. I hate them, I have very crooked front teeth, so that when I smile it looks like I have 3 front teeth instead of 2. Its very jarring and unpleasant to look at, so I almost always smile with my mouth closed. People have said I should smile with my teeth anyway, that it shows self-confidence but I just cannot. I wish I had gotten braces as a teen, but my family simply could not afford it. I have been looking into braces recently, but I still believe that it is way out of my budget as I have the school insurance which does not cover orthodontics. Does anyone know of a way to get braces and be able to pay them off slowly or get assistance? While I'm sure having braces for a few years in my twenties wont help my self-confidence, being able to confidently smile for the rest of my life is something I desire very much.
I know this has been a long blog, but I hope that I am on the right path (perhaps this blog could serve as a sort of mini-guide to improving self-confidence?) The most frustrating part of this is the feeling that I do have the potential to be a handsome and confident man. When I look in the mirror I see that if I was healthier, if I added 20 lbs of muscle and had straight teeth I would instantly feel more confident. A lot of these issues I have seem like superficial worries (my family always tells me don't worry about how I look, just eat more and do well in school), but as humans, if we want to have self-confidence shouldn't we take the best care of our bodies that we possibly can? I know that motivation is a big factor, I have had these thoughts in my mind for many years, but for some reason now I feel that this is the first time that I am seriously undertaking this endeavor to improve my entire body and its health. I don't want to just write all this and never undertake any of the actions. Rather I hope to get some advice that I am headed in the right direction. Thanks for reading!
TLDR: I have low self-esteem, what should I do?????
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I think you should focus more on gaining actual confidence and not confidence from how you look. Realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want, and even if you screw up a few times, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Just take every chance you get to shine and show people who you are and why you are worth their time.
I could go into a room full of people who I don't know looking like shit, and I swear I'd be able to get them to listen to me and like me just from my confidence.
If you can't get your shit together now, I doubt you will be able to when you look better. Because to be honest, confidence has almost nothing to do with looks. Most looks require confidence to pull off, not the other way around.
How to gain confidence? Stop giving a single fuck about what people think about you and do whatever the fuck you feel like. People will respect you as long you still respect them.
Also, stop giving excuses for why you aren't going to the gym. You say you don't know what you're supposed to there like it's someone else's fault. You live in a time where you have constant access to all the knowledge in the world through the internet. There are a shit ton of guides on how to get started out there. If you want something, go fucking get it. Don't complain about not having gotten it for free, or no one having shown you how to get it.
Right now I just see a whining person writing about how he wants his life to be, instead of actually taking action towards improving it. Hopefully the criticism in this post will motivate you, because if you already feel like giving up, you'll never reach your goals. And it will be all. your. fault.
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Health and Fitness forum is awesome.
I too was a 6'1" 135 lb weakling when I graduated from high school. I'm 29 now, 185 lbs, and I'm the go-to guy when someone needs something heavy lifted. Lift weights, drink cheap whole milk for calories, and get strong. It definitely does wonders for self-confidence and the way others look at you. The TLH&F forum stickies have all the information you need. Also, don't be afraid to go to your school's gym: I guarantee you that 95% of the people in there are doing stupid, unproductive shit. Read Starting Strength, watch some youtube videos, and you'll be way ahead of the curve.
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work out
sleep right (have a consistent schedule of 8 hours sleep same time every night)
get sun
eat well
these will fix 90% of your problems in life
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On April 23 2012 09:29 Snaiil wrote:
I think you should focus more on gaining actual confidence and not confidence from how you look. Realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want, and even if you screw up a few times, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Just take every chance you get to shine and show people who you are and why you are worth their time.
I could go into a room full of people who I don't know looking like shit, and I swear I'd be able to get them to listen to me and like me just from my confidence.
If you can't get your shit together now, I doubt you will be able to when you look better. Because to be honest, confidence has almost nothing to do with looks. Most looks require confidence to pull off, not the other way around.
How to gain confidence? Stop giving a single fuck about what people think about you and do whatever the fuck you feel like. People will respect you as long you still respect them.
Also, stop giving excuses for why you aren't going to the gym. You say you don't know what you're supposed to there like it's someone else's fault. You live in a time where you have constant access to all the knowledge in the world through the internet. There are a shit ton of guides on how to get started out there. If you want something, go fucking get it. Don't complain about not having gotten it for free, or no one having shown you how to get it.
Right now I just see a whining person writing about how he wants his life to be, instead of actually taking action towards improving it. Hopefully the criticism in this post will motivate you, because if you already feel like giving up, you'll never reach your goals. And it will be all. your. fault.
I was hoping to get some replies like this and I am very glad for your response. I know I need to stop giving excuses for going to the gym, I was just trying to relay through my writing how life is or how simple things like going to the gym can be incredibly difficult for someone with low self-confidence. Part of what I was trying to explain in my post is my belief that for many self-confidence cannot be improved with a quick fix. For someone like myself who has gone through much of their life experiencing rejection (socially, romantically, academically, even familial rejection) the idea that we can just walk into a room and radiate self-confidence because we tell ourselves we are awesome is just ridiculous.
You say "Stop giving a single fuck about what people think about you and do whatever the fuck you feel like. People will respect you as long you still respect them." When we have lived our whole lives doing the complete opposite of this, its not like we can just flip a switch and change how we operate in every way. I guarantee that if I attempted to walk into a room full of strangers and command their attention it would not work because I haven't built the skills necessary to do this yet in life. I am trying to build these skills slowly. And regarding looks, most of it isn't about changing myself to please others, its about changing myself to please myself. If I don't like the way I look then why should other people? Whenever I look better I feel better about myself, it helps build confidence for the day.
Overall, what I'm trying to say is that when you have been conditioned your whole life to operate in one way, completely changing how you act is impossible. After being introverted for 20 years I am not just going to start trying to be the center of attention all the time. Hell, I've built my identity around how I act. While I am slowly taking action to be more like the person I want to be, just completely changing everything myself and changing who I am is not going to work. For the most part this phrase is totally true though: "Realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want, and even if you screw up a few times, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things."
Its been a slow process, but I've been gradually doing more actions and saying more when previously the fear of failure had prevented me. I was at a concert recently and normally I don't move up so as to not bother people, but I decided to on this day to for whatever reason. I moved closer to the front and some teenage bros tried to give me shit saying I had disturbed their space and what not. I felt awful and felt like disappearing and then the concert started and then nothing even mattered. I'm pretty sure the bros actually forgot that I was even "making them uncomfortable." Really, especially with regards to trivial things, I've learned that people don't really care what you do as long as you aren't being an insufferable asshole.
Edit: One thing I want to make clear that I did not in this post is what happens when you do go out of your comfort zone and fail. When you are trying to change how you act, and when you do change but people reject the new confident you, it is terrifying and really is a huge set back. Continued rejection is puzzling, and it almost reaffirms your status as an outsider or failure. It sends you back into your comfort zone and makes it even harder to change. That's why I don't feel like a quick-fix attitude change really does much or is good advice. Building self-confidence is a long process; you can't just yell at someone and tell them they need to be more confident and that its their fault that they aren't successful.
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On April 23 2012 09:58 -YoricK- wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2012 09:29 Snaiil wrote:
I think you should focus more on gaining actual confidence and not confidence from how you look. Realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want, and even if you screw up a few times, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Just take every chance you get to shine and show people who you are and why you are worth their time.
I could go into a room full of people who I don't know looking like shit, and I swear I'd be able to get them to listen to me and like me just from my confidence.
If you can't get your shit together now, I doubt you will be able to when you look better. Because to be honest, confidence has almost nothing to do with looks. Most looks require confidence to pull off, not the other way around.
How to gain confidence? Stop giving a single fuck about what people think about you and do whatever the fuck you feel like. People will respect you as long you still respect them.
Also, stop giving excuses for why you aren't going to the gym. You say you don't know what you're supposed to there like it's someone else's fault. You live in a time where you have constant access to all the knowledge in the world through the internet. There are a shit ton of guides on how to get started out there. If you want something, go fucking get it. Don't complain about not having gotten it for free, or no one having shown you how to get it.
Right now I just see a whining person writing about how he wants his life to be, instead of actually taking action towards improving it. Hopefully the criticism in this post will motivate you, because if you already feel like giving up, you'll never reach your goals. And it will be all. your. fault. I was hoping to get some replies like this and I am very glad for your response. I know I need to stop giving excuses for going to the gym, I was just trying to relay through my writing how life is or how simple things like going to the gym can be incredibly difficult for someone with low self-confidence. Part of what I was trying to explain in my post is my belief that for many self-confidence cannot be improved with a quick fix. For someone like myself who has gone through much of their life experiencing rejection (socially, romantically, academically, even familial rejection) the idea that we can just walk into a room and radiate self-confidence because we tell ourselves we are awesome is just ridiculous. You say "Stop giving a single fuck about what people think about you and do whatever the fuck you feel like. People will respect you as long you still respect them." When we have lived our whole lives doing the complete opposite of this, its not like we can just flip a switch and change how we operate in every way. I guarantee that if I attempted to walk into a room full of strangers and command their attention it would not work because I haven't built the skills necessary to do this yet in life. I am trying to build these skills slowly. And regarding looks, most of it isn't about changing myself to please others, its about changing myself to please myself. If I don't like the way I look then why should other people? Whenever I look better I feel better about myself, it helps build confidence for the day. Overall, what I'm trying to say is that when you have been conditioned your whole life to operate in one way, completely changing how you act is impossible. After being introverted for 20 years I am not just going to start trying to be the center of attention all the time. Hell, I've built my identity around how I act. While I am slowly taking action to be more like the person I want to be, just completely changing everything myself and changing who I am is not going to work. For the most part this phrase is totally true though: "Realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want, and even if you screw up a few times, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things." Its been a slow process, but I've been gradually doing more actions and saying more when previously the fear of failure had prevented me. I was at a concert recently and normally I don't move up so as to not bother people, but I decided to on this day to for whatever reason. I moved closer to the front and some teenage bros tried to give me shit saying I had disturbed their space and what not. I felt awful and felt like disappearing and then the concert started and then nothing even mattered. I'm pretty sure the bros actually forgot that I was even "making them uncomfortable." Really, especially with regards to trivial things, I've learned that people don't really care what you do as long as you aren't being an insufferable asshole.
I never told you it's going to be easy or that you can change who you are instantly. It's going to take time, just like anything else in life. I am glad you took my post well though, and I really hope you don't give up. 
One thing I notice in your posts is that you're always talking about things you aren't capable of doing, and neglecting things saying they aren't possible to do. I'm pretty sure this negative thinking of yours is holding you back quite a bit. As a very confident person, I can't remember the last time someone told me to do something and I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. No matter how hard it seems at first, or if it is even physically possible to do, I always think I'm able to do it.
You should try to react the same way for a while, just to see how it feels. When someone tells you to just man up and go to the gym, instead of instantly shooting down the idea and listing reasons for why, just tell them that you are going to do it. Think that you are going to do it. No excuses no nothing. Just see how it feels to be positive to changes, to be positive towards challenges instead of instantly surrendering to them. You actually don't have to go the gym regularly after that, or even go at all. I just think that your mentality of always thinking you aren't capable of doing stuff is holding you back.
+ Show Spoiler +If you just thought you aren't capable of changing your mentality this way, you're definitely doing it wrong. If you however read this last paragraph and thought you'd be able to do it, I'm happy for you, because I believe you are one step closer to being more confident.
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I'm not gonna lie, I stopped at the first number. You need to EAT! Working out will not do anything for you if you do not have enough fuel. Go to your local Bi-Lo, and get some chicken breast. It's in the meat section. Plain Chicken Breast kinda sucks, so find a seasoning that you like. I prefer Goya Adobo seasoning, but anything from hot sauce to Italian vinaigrette is satisfactory. Cooking it is easy, just throw it in a frying pan until no pink. If the breasts are thick, cut them in half before cooking. Now pick something green. Literally anything can work. Get some salad and slice up the chicken for chicken salad. If you're feeling adventurous, throw that mix in a tortilla, add ranch, then put it back on the frying pan. Very good. Also steamed vegetables are pretty good. Nowadays they have bags of vegetables that you put in the microwave and they come out steamed.
You can get pretty creative with the breast, if anything you can make it a challenge for yourself! Eat a different chicken based meal each day for the rest of the year!
For the working out part, you probably don't even need to go to the gym at this stage. Push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups should suffice. You'll be amazed how much they do if you have good form. There is a thing that you can hang in a doorway, its like 20 dollars. Lunges + One legged squats for legs. Plus some core work. If you use google you can find a lot of workouts for your whole body that are doable inside the home. Also, make sure to run, cardio is important. That should put you where you need to be.
Eating a good meal and some physical exercise should make you feel great. Quite honestly being able to speak those two languages is pretty cool in itself. GL!
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I think you have a lot of good ideas outlined in your post.
My only suggestion is to find something you enjoy and that you are good at, and to really develop that. Find a subject at school or programming or even something like woodworking. I don't really know what you enjoy but having a go to "thing" that you are good at and that people know you for is wonderfully confidence boosting.
ps. I have exactly the same build as you. No need to feel any shame in it. I am married and my wife seems to find me sexy
edit: you are quite articulate, have you considered writing as your go to thing?
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I think you need to stop looking for certain expecatations out of other people and events.
You only feel rejected so many times because you expect something to happen, and if it doesn't you feel "rejected" because you failed to meet your expectations. Little did you know that you have absolutely 0% control of what another person does so why make yourself/ego vulnerable like that?
Confidence isn't something that you can decide to have and then suddenly obtain it. It is a gradual process and it requires work. THere are several opportunities in your life where you can increase your confidence if you can identify them.
The most common time is when you feel anxiety. Any sort of anxiety. If you ever feel like you have a quesiton in class but then held yourself back because you were anxious and didn't wanna ask. Go ahead force yourself to ask, immediatly afterwards you'llfeel that slight boost of confidence. Another example, if you ever wanted to make a remark to the guy/girl in front of you in line at the cafe, go ahead say something when you feel that anxiety. And of course, as soon as you say it, you'll feel slightly more confident.
Also it's important to NEVER expect any reaction out of the other person, because again it's a waste and you can't control how other people react, but only yourself.
As for working out, i think a major reason that people fail their gym goals/plans is because their motivation is wrong. A common reason for guys to work out is "look huge to attract chicks", i've known several guys like that and they've always failed to follow through their plans. Instead I believe that you should work out to just feel good. When you do something for yourself you just CAN'T cheat yourself out, because if you ever think "Oh, i think i'll skip today because i'm too stressed from all the tests next week" then you'll be cheating yourself. However, if you had the mindset of working out to be more attractive to other people, then as soon as you start seeing results you'll think like "Oh, i've already made a lot of improvements, and other people noticed and complimented me on it already, it's okay i'll skip the gym today."
my 2cents, i think it's important
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On April 23 2012 09:29 Snaiil wrote:
I think you should focus more on gaining actual confidence and not confidence from how you look. Realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want, and even if you screw up a few times, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Just take every chance you get to shine and show people who you are and why you are worth their time.
I could go into a room full of people who I don't know looking like shit, and I swear I'd be able to get them to listen to me and like me just from my confidence.
If you can't get your shit together now, I doubt you will be able to when you look better. Because to be honest, confidence has almost nothing to do with looks. Most looks require confidence to pull off, not the other way around.
How to gain confidence? Stop giving a single fuck about what people think about you and do whatever the fuck you feel like. People will respect you as long you still respect them.
Also, stop giving excuses for why you aren't going to the gym. You say you don't know what you're supposed to there like it's someone else's fault. You live in a time where you have constant access to all the knowledge in the world through the internet. There are a shit ton of guides on how to get started out there. If you want something, go fucking get it. Don't complain about not having gotten it for free, or no one having shown you how to get it.
Right now I just see a whining person writing about how he wants his life to be, instead of actually taking action towards improving it. Hopefully the criticism in this post will motivate you, because if you already feel like giving up, you'll never reach your goals. And it will be all. your. fault.
whoa calm down zyzz, stop yelling at the poor dude.
edit: imo what this snaiil dude wrote is just mental masturbation. I mean it's sound advice with the whole Tyler Durden schtick, but doesn't tell you what to do. Even you, the OP, retort with the fact that you can't just flip a switch into a "not giving 0 fucks" mentality. There are limiting beliefs and mental blocks one must overcome and it doesn't come overnight.
Ok first you're an introvert and that's fine. Please don't change yourself, or fake a persona that you are not comfortable with because that will make you even more awkward and once you are aware of that, you'll be back to square one. You can get girls whether you're the life of the party, or the lone wolf who'd rather avoid the attention. It really doesn't matter as long as you're comfortable with yourself and you love yourself. If by chance, you're sick of being an introvert. go ahead and change that. Life is about becoming a better you. If you do decide you want to be more social, a sales job is excellent to practice your social skills. Although you may have to pull the greatest job interview ever since you're an introvert lol.
Two, you're a poor student that needs to eat alot. Cooking can become expensive, especially when you need to intake calories more than you burn them. Go to foods on a budget are eggs, and even more eggs. So versatile--omelets, hard-boiled, scrambled, sunny side. Peanut butter and bread. I personally can eat peanut butter/banana sandwhiches all day. Gallons of whole milk is pretty cheap. And ground beef. Make macaroni and cheese with beef. Beef pasta. The options are limitless. Chicken is cheap too if you can find bulk deals, and if you have a freezer. Nuts, if you can afford them, are great snacks. You can make trail mixes with chocolate chips and dried fruit. Tuna by the can is cheap too. Make tuna salad or burgers. And if you have to buy oil, olive oil is the best for healthy fats and extra calories. Can be expensive though.
I know sometimes you don't have an appetite, but you have to force yourself to eat and discipline yourself to eat every 2-3 hours whether it's a snack or a meal. Stick to your diet because that's one of the hardest things to do. Eat until you're sick and then eat again.
I didn't read where you are from as I write this, but if you're from the US, chances are nobody is using that squat rack except for the occasional d-bag whos curling weights under there. Politely ask him if you can use this to squat. Later when you're 185, you can german suplex the gymtard out of the squat rack. Learn to squat, bench, and deadlift with Rippetoe's book Starting Strength.
Like I said, the hardest thing will be discipline. From a personal view, you will have to make sacrifices, which is less game time, more sleepy time. No more League of Legends until 2-4 am. Your body needs to rest after a hard workout for 7-8 hours. But if you stick to a regular, healthy sleep pattern, you won't sleep in all day. You'll be cheery as fuck all day and have more energy. You won't be down all the time for the exchange of less computer time. Trust me, it sucks not having to play games into the night like I used to, but my prime years in gaming are passing and I have to set my priorities. In the end, you will have to choose which lifestyle you prefer.
Good luck.
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Thanks for all the advice, I really do appreciate it! Been eating a lot more the past few days and forcing myself to eat when I'm hungry or even just a little hungry. Getting my sleeping right has been difficult but already I have noticed how much easier it is for me to get up when I don't feel groggy and mildy stoned in the morning. The hardest part about changing really is trying to wimprove my social skills. For the most part I feel fine when people approach me and I am good at listening and conversing with others, but I really struggle with starting conversations with others. I never know what to say without feeling awkward haha, especially with strangers or people I don't know that well. I spend too much time analyzing how people will react to possible conversation topics I start or what they will think of what I say and then miss out on having any conversations at all.
Also, part of the reason I wanted to write this blog was because I am trying to make writing my go-to activity so I'm just trying torite whenever I can.
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EPT
