********************* The following blog entry is not well-written and was CERTAINLY NOT proof read. If you dont wana endure the pain, feel free to jump to the last paragraph.

*** Here is some music so you dont have to read the blog dry

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Life is hard to live.

I realized that when my asian parents wanted to kick me out of the house in 3rd grade because i didnt have a good score in school. As far as i know, im not adopted. From that moment on, i understand that i will have to live this life alone, independently strong, by myself.

Rejected by my first love in middle high, blown up no less than 2 relationship in high school as a result, I am pretty sure i would never get myself into dating ever again. Not in the next 3-5 years, hell no. Plus my family kept changing moving from places to places in order to adapt with the real estate market, through out the course of 11 years education i had been to 5 different schools (normally it takes 3). Not much people remember me as their classmate. My face is not even on my high school year book either because i went to Canada for 12th grade/pre-U. To me, loneliness is not something uncommon and i had lived with for years, physically as well as mentality.

But this year is the first year, out of 20th years i have lived, that i would have to celebrate new year eve alone. My roommates are all going home after exams done, I would too if my family does not live half way across the globe. I do have an uncle and few relatives live in the near by city but I would not go back there as something crazy just happened.

He cheated on my aunt for the last 1 year. Things broke down around October aka. Canadian thanks giving and the entire family was broken since then. He and my aunt got 3 kids, the biggest one just started going high school last year. I remember my first day of University when my uncle drove me to the dorm. He told me on how my aunt had to work her ass off to give him money to finish his college. Told me how much 'settle' he is in term of life: 3 kids, wife and mother; houses for rent ensure of retirements; non-stop promotion; etc... I remember how i used to think "what a wonderful life! i will one day become like him"... All lies.

I dont even think its entirely his fault. Its the flaws of life in general. My uncle's father was cheating on my grandma himself, and my mom had always told me how hard my uncle had to work to raise the family. He is a smart guy, there is no way he could just completely blind stepping on his father footsteps... I struggle to find out the reason why.

Brain full of fuck, i decided to wander on facebook till I see this

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19 years old i receive the first wedding invitation that sent directly toward me, not my parents: a cute girl that used to help me a tons in the student council is getting married. I had always thought of her as my back up plan, me and her older brother even go to the same class in night college. It did strike me pretty bad back then: Am i THAT old? Holy shit my friends are getting married and im here enjoying a computer games like a 15 years old kid? For the first time in my life, I become aware of independent = lonely. I felt insecure.

That feeling soon pass away as my birthday came with a bit help of alcohol and checking my birth certificate: Im 20 bitch!!!!!!! And right after that, a chick that put me into friend zone announce her engagement as well as another one updating her facebook album with her WEDDING PHOTOS... Really?

Life is funny. While my uncle and aunt is crying their eyes out after a ~20 years marriage, the entire family mentality is destroyed and burnt to ashed; young people(my age) keep jumping into marriage as they are running out of time....

Fast forward, i have no where to go this holidays: probably gona bury myself in more games and fat fat fat foods to fill up my 'insecurity'. Top of my head right now, i would probably host an event for all the people who wana hang out via skype/teamspeak and a lot of streaming. Let me know if you are interested and have any idea. Probably could do some free coaching too as im mid-master-ish (i have always been top 25 master since season 1). If you are in Waterloo this holiday, let me know if you wana head out future shop for boxing day :D.

Peace,
NB.

bonus song:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2JJ0sh6LTE&feature=related

Lyrics

not english)
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Bình yên một thoáng cho tim mềm
Bình yên ta vào đêm
Bình yên để đóa hoa ra chào
Bình yên để trăng cao
Bình yên để sóng nâng niu bờ
Bình yên không ngờ
Lòng ta se sẽ câu kinh bình yên

Bình yên để gió đưa em về
Bình yên ta chờ nghe
Chờ nghe tình vỗ lên tim mình
Chờ nghe tình lung linh
Bình yên để nắng soi môi thơm
Bình yên ta mừng
Mừng em đã hết đau thương về đây ấm cúng
Mừng em đã biết xót thương tình yêụ

Như từ bao la ta ra đời một kiếp nữa
Như từ trong nhau lớn lên khôn lên cùng nhau
Như một câu hát ứa ra từ tim
Tặng nhau nhé tiếng nghe hồn nhiên
Ðể quên hết khó khăn chia lìa

Bình yên một thoáng cho tim mềm
Bình yên ta vào đêm
Bình yên để đóa hoa ra chào
Bình yên để trăng cao
Bình yên để sóng nâng niu bờ
Bình yên không ngờ
Lòng ta se sẽ câu kinh bình yên.

(Guitar solo)

(Trần Hiếu):
Bình yên để gió đưa em về
Bình yên ta chờ nghe
Chờ nghe tình vỗ lên tim mình
Chờ nghe tình lung linh
Bình yên để nắng soi môi thơm
Bình yên ta mừng
Mừng em đã hết đau thương về đây ấm cúng
Mừng em đã biết xót thương tình yêụ

Như từ bao la ta ra đời một kiếp nữa
Như từ trong nhau lớn lên khôn lên cùng nhau
Như một câu hát ứa ra từ tim
Tặng nhau nhé tiếng nghe hồn nhiên
Ðể quên hết khó khăn chia lìa

(Trần Hiếu): Bình yên một thoáng cho tim mềm
(Trần Thu Hà): Bình yên ta vào đêm
(Trần Hiếu): Bình yên để đóa hoa ra chào
(Trần Thu Hà):Bình yên để trăng cao
(Trần Hiếu):Bình yên để sóng nâng niu bờ
(Trần Thu Hà):Bình yên không ngờ
(Trần Hiếu):Mừng em đã hết đau thương về đây ấm cúng
(Trần Thu Hà):Mừng em đã biết xót thương tình yêụ
(Both): Mừng em ta hát đầy hơn xưạ

Cuddle

Sweden1345 Posts

December 01 2011 14:59 GMT

In a couple of months time (or a year) when the situations settled down, you should ask your aunt and uncle if they regret getting married and if they regret the last 20 years.

I bet you they don't because it doesn't have to be forever to be good and it doesn't have to be perfect to be worth it.

iRemNanT

United States51 Posts

December 01 2011 15:03 GMT

Hey don't feel so bad man, everybody takes seperate paths in life. So what if people are getting married now, i have plenty of friends in their mid 20's and still aren't even close to being married (rofl)

mizU

United States12125 Posts

December 01 2011 15:09 GMT

missed the spoiler on the lyrics yo :o

Ventil

Sweden414 Posts

December 01 2011 15:13 GMT

I feel for you bro

I'm 25, and share a similar story... Seeing your friends getting married, getting kids, moving away, getting awesome jobs etc while you feel like you're "stuck" in life, it's the worst feeling :/

But then again, life is not a race. Getting married, getting kids etc is big milestones in life, and aproacing those milestones without the maturity required often ends in failure, and I believe it's wise to wait with those things for as long as needed.
So don't feel down because people around you have decided to jump into adulthood earlier than others; it's their loss/win, and all we can do is to feel happy for them, hard as it might be.

Together alone.

pred470r

Bulgaria3265 Posts

December 01 2011 15:27 GMT

I don't get what your story has to do with spending new year's eve alone. If it's gonna make you feel any better I've spent the last 2 new years evenings alone, and I don't feel any regrets for them. The first I spent playing Aion with my clan-mates and got drunk, and the second I watched some movies and got very drunk aswell.

Kurr

Canada2338 Posts

December 01 2011 15:40 GMT

So, from what I gather, you feel unsatisfied with your life? Then do something about it.

Personally, I'm 24 and I've never even thought of marriage. So what if the people around me are getting married? It's not something I care about. I've never met a girl I want to be with for a prolonged period of time so there's no need for me to even think of marriage. Does that somehow make me a worse person than someone in a relationship? I don't want to jump into anything, simple as that. If people want to fuck up their lives by getting married at 20, ending up in terrible relationships where both people cheat on each other and end up divorced a few years later, they can do what they want. I know at 20 I was not mature enough for a real relationship. And I know the women at that age are mostly not mature enough either.

People are getting awesome jobs? So what? Work hard and get one yourself. Find something you think you'd enjoy, inquire about how to get involved in that field and then work work work until you get something you want.

You don't need to follow other people's path in the world. Do what YOU enjoy and live a life you don't regret. Simple as that. Your life is only a waste if you sit around all day doing nothing. Even playing video games is fine; if you enjoy it, it's not a waste of time. But you need at least 1 ambition in life to bring you money and have contact with other people.

The only people I know that are stuck in life are people who stay at home smoking weed 24/7.

Netherlands12045 Posts

December 01 2011 15:48 GMT

On December 02 2011 00:09 mizU wrote:
missed the spoiler on the lyrics yo :o

fixed, blaming TL button generating the spoiler tag at the end of the post instead of at cursor.

Geosensation

United States256 Posts

December 01 2011 16:34 GMT

Don't measure success against what other people are doing, but just if you are feeling fulfilled in life and if you aren't than if you are working towards reaching a goal that you think will be fulfilling or working towards fulfillment