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When I was younger I shared household with my step dad, mom, brother and sister for a year and a half. One of my favorite activities during breaks was "fucking" (not literally) with my siblings, eating and annoying the cat.
This one time something "awesome" happened, I heard some ruckus upstairs and I quickly ran up wanting in on the action. The scenario I saw before me was my mom in a rage, ferociously leaning forward (to look more intimidating) cussing and screaming at the top of her lungs. Behind her I saw my brother and his mate both looking down with a slightly nervous, semi-terrified look of guilt and despair.
Apparently she had gone in his room unannounced to tell him dinner was almost ready, and when she opened the door my brother's friend was showing him this "awesome" lighter trick, where you stand on a matress, have a plastic bag (not sure what that's for) and you inhale the gas, shortly afterward you pass out and you wake up all giggly and stupid.
I place myself next to my mom, on her left I think it was, and I put on my "disappointed son" expression while shaking my head, mumbling in a low voice. "mm, so she caught you sniffing too".
My mom, (not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, cleanest glass in the cabinet, most fitting of gloves in the gloves compartment so forth) turns around with her mouth wide open in disbelief.
Holds her rage for a few seconds, my brother knows what's going on, his jaw start going limp too by the looks of it, but he's still frozen, he doesn't act.
And she screams.... "YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE!!! YOU SAID YOU NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE!!"
Then she looks at me, with fire in her eyes... "You knew about this??"
I try to look as disappointed as I can, I mustered up the calmest voice I could find in the situation. "I caught him once, yes, and I nearly kicked his ass, told him if I ever caught him doing it again, I'd tell you".
In the blink of an eye, 100% of her rage was now solely focused on my brother. (At this point she seem to be struggling finding words, mostly incoherent cussing and shouting coming out of her).
To my last comment my brother 's eyes were going like this ÔÔ, reaching his hand out, pointing at me, trying to speak.
"But mom... nooo, he never.... Mom, he's ly...!!"
Only to be cut off short....
"NOT A WORD, IM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW, NOT A SINGLE MORE WORD FROM YOU TONIGHT"
In the aftermath he's not allowed to hang with his friend anymore, he weaseled his way out of it saying he got tricked/forced, he also got grounded for x amount of weeks, only school was allowed. (His age at the time was around 15).
After the 10 min of fun I run down to continue my "work". (Was doing my grind to Rank 14, hehe).
That particular day I was doing an all niter, and when the night creeps in it's like you get more creative, get more ideas and think much more clearly. And this night was no different, I suddenly got hit by a stroke of geniusy (yes, that is a word, I ran it by Celz).
Clock is around 03:00 - 04:00 or so, I run up to the kitchen and I start frantically going through drawers, cabinets and gather up all the "stuff" I need in a large plastic bag. Next stop is the living room, I get some of mom's magazines, I then "graciously", like a cat (I like cats) dart outside to the garage collecting more items, items for my epic quest!!
(When you get into this mode it's like a feeling of slight anxiety, fear and adrenalin built into a bundle of excitement and happiness. You randomly have to stop and do these small gentle claps with your hands or you'll burst).
I then go in my "crouching ninja, hidden tiger" mode where I carefully sneak in to my brother's bedroom, here I spend around 20 minutes or so setting out all the items in their respective places. I had brought along lighters, spray cans for baking products, small see-through plastic bags (normally for bread), some glue, plastic bottles I’ve sawed holes in, (burnt the edges of it to make em look used) and last but not least, some of my mom's favorite make up magazines. (I didn't really think she could read, probably just looks at the pictures).
I carefully place the plastic bags here and there, the lighters I put in places they are easy to spot when you first enter. I take off the top of the spray cans and I knock a few over (for realism), the magazine I open on a side where there's women you could potentially fap to, I then place it right next to my brothers head, carefully, as not to wake him. (Luckily he happens to be a very heavy sleeper, so this is NP). I also try placing the glue bottles at places close to him with the lid off, and a little bit of it's content squeezed through the top (for even more realism).
When I'm satisfied with my work I slowly make my exit, and now all I have to do is wait xD (yay)
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(My mom always wakes him up before school, she usually gets up first. My brother would always miss his first few classes if someone didn't wake him). And even if she didn't wake first, I was so ready for it, making a lot of noise to wake her that is. (Evil laugh).
Pfffthhhh, oh man, she just lost it completely lol. I know I talked earlier about "I'm really good at knowing people's limits, then going close to them but not quite over". In some of my other stories.
Well.... this was one of the times were I accidentally went over. I won't go into details, but I had to run upstairs and get ready to intervene, just in case she attacked him.
PS, in the aftermath I apologized to my brother and he still loves me an awful lot.
PPS, now it's just a cool story. I told this story last on the 14th of October 2011 when I met his new gf for the first time. (She was pretty awesome, she doesn't drink, likes to ride, and she likes my stories).
EDIT: Link to reddit thread http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/m43jq/educational_how_to_troll_your_brother/
 
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You have great blogs lol.
The second part was pretty cruel, but I like the "I try to look as disappointed as I can, I mustered up the calmest voice I could find in the situation. "I caught him once, yes, and I nearly kicked his ass, told him if I ever caught him doing it again, I'd tell you"".
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On November 08 2011 07:53 ImDrizzt wrote:
I try to look as disappointed as I can, I mustered up the calmest voice I could find in the situation. "I caught him once, yes, and I nearly kicked his ass, told him if I ever caught him doing it again, I'd tell you".
In the blink of an eye, 100% of her rage was now solely focused on my brother. (At this point she seem to be struggling finding words, mostly incoherent cussing and shouting coming out of her).
Pure, pure evil man.
I LOVE IT.
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Rofl. You are my favorite blogger on Teamliquid! Keep sharing your awesome(crazy) stories!
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I would never do something like that to anybody unless they deserved it. Seems a bit harsh.
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Don't worry about it Ulfsark, this one time, he was really really depressed and emo. He even got his hair long, colored it black, had the whole somber look thing going on. Started writing more about pain and how deep his soul hurt n shit.
He also sat on wow 24/7
But I, as the awesome brother I am, got him out of it. I had not played wow in years, I know, family don't really listen to family. I had gotten back from where I used to live due to an illness, I contemplated for days on how to help him. He was really inspired and thought it was awesome all the "work" I was doing. I had to rebuild my body, I did walks, runs, I took push ups, I only read "deep" stuff, was wearing glasses and tried to knowledge up a little. I only eat healthy.
He said he wanted to do stuff like that so much, but he couldn't. (I know how hard it is). So I sacrificed myself for 2 months, I stopped everything, I went to playing only WoW, I'd shower less, I'd lose enthusiasm, it was a real nightmare, it's so harsh when you truly don't want to play it. But I endured, he slowly saw the change in me, I was becoming like him. He hated it. He begged me to stop. I said I would, if he did. He said he'd try.
After that I started feeding him more and more books, started with really short stuff, to build up his mental stamina. I started learning him about food and diet, he was chubby. (Now he's a god). I started taking him to the gym, learned him how to train, how often, breaks, the works, you name it. He got it.
After that I gave him self help books, the good ones, then books on how to read faster, how to memorize it. Slowly but surely he started taking it all in. I analyzed him, told him he was much more extraverted than me, he needed to socialize x10 more than me, so to copy me was a road to disaster. He complied to virtually everything.
After that I taught him how to apply for jobs, you just write a million aps, send it everywhere and then pick what you want. He got a full time job, worked his ass of, trained, and read books.
Now he's finishing his degree, and I've never seen him work so hard, just this last weekend he had another study weekend, where he tells his friend's no drinking, and he just works.
He gotten his grades up, his mom used to tell him he was dyslectic and stupid. Now he's learning at such a rapid pace, it's sick. He can jog for hours, gets up earlier to train before school, he's got his license. And finally, he's got a really awesome good looking gf.
NOT SAYING I TAKE CREDIT, but I did "muse" him up, and told him where to look, where to find the knowledge, and how to do it, he did the other 99,9%
/respect
Soooo, as you can see. I love my brother =]
ps, hmm, maybe I just did all that cos I felt guilty of all the harassment lol. That's also a possibility.
pps, NO SPELLECHECK for random replies. Took me 7 hours to make that story, after 2 hours, I lost it all, and struggled so hard to redo everything. + people kept bugging me all day lol
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you're a dick man. i'm sorry but wtf dude why would you play a brotha like that... you didn't just fuck with him you completely screwed him over ._.
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You're seriously a fucking asshole. Not really much to say other than that.
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Netherlands480 Posts
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On November 08 2011 08:19 OSM.OneManArmy wrote:
you're a dick man. i'm sorry but wtf dude why would you play a brotha like that... you didn't just fuck with him you completely screwed him over ._.
Nesj, we live up north in Norway, that's nothing. When he got bullied at school I fucking ran at them, beat the crap out of 3-4 of them 14 year olds. Throwing them over fences, grabbing on to one of them, swirling to get some momentum to hit another one. Adding a little humour in the assult. They never even looked at him funny after that.
Actually, this is more of a troll of my mom than him lol.
I'm making it pretty obvious it's a setup lol.
A normal conversation at the dinner tablewith all 4 of us would go a little something like:
Mom: (Some random bullshit bout the neighboer's ass has gotten bigger than hers)
Sister: Im really skinny wuwuu
My brother to my sister: Shut up
Stepdad: (Hum's along and does small nods here and there, he doesn't speak much).
Me: Mom!! Did you hear about the chick Mikki almost got pregnant?
Mom: YOU DID WAAAAHT
(As she looks at my brother in anger)
My brother: You're such a retard lol
(He then points his arm, LOOK AT HIM, DON'T YOU GET IT, LOOK LOL).
Me: What what...?
(My mom, still oblivious demands an answer, what girl, she better not be pregnant, I mean it)
At this time my sister and step dad are laughing, im kinda shaking my head in disbelif. And my brother just tosses a napkin at the table and goes "fuck it, i'm out of here, peace".
And around this time, it's slowly starting to sink in for her.
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On November 08 2011 08:19 ImDrizzt wrote:
Don't worry about it Ulfsark, this one time, he was really really depressed and emo. He even got his hair long, colored it black, had the whole somber look thing going on. Started writing more about pain and how deep his soul hurt n shit.
He also sat on wow 24/7
But I, as the awesome brother I am, got him out of it. I had not played wow in years, I know, family don't really listen to family. I had gotten back from where I used to live due to an illness, I contemplated for days on how to help him. He was really inspired and thought it was awesome all the "work" I was doing. I had to rebuild my body, I did walks, runs, I took push ups, I only read "deep" stuff, was wearing glasses and tried to knowledge up a little. I only eat healthy.
He said he wanted to do stuff like that so much, but he couldn't. (I know how hard it is). So I sacrificed myself for 2 months, I stopped everything, I went to playing only WoW, I'd shower less, I'd lose enthusiasm, it was a real nightmare, it's so harsh when you truly don't want to play it. But I endured, he slowly saw the change in me, I was becoming like him. He hated it. He begged me to stop. I said I would, if he did. He said he'd try.
After that I started feeding him more and more books, started with really short stuff, to build up his mental stamina. I started learning him about food and diet, he was chubby. (Now he's a god). I started taking him to the gym, learned him how to train, how often, breaks, the works, you name it. He got it.
After that I gave him self help books, the good ones, then books on how to read faster, how to memorize it. Slowly but surely he started taking it all in. I analyzed him, told him he was much more extraverted than me, he needed to socialize x10 more than me, so to copy me was a road to disaster. He complied to virtually everything.
After that I taught him how to apply for jobs, you just write a million aps, send it everywhere and then pick what you want. He got a full time job, worked his ass of, trained, and read books.
Now he's finishing his degree, and I've never seen him work so hard, just this last weekend he had another study weekend, where he tells his friend's no drinking, and he just works.
He gotten his grades up, his mom used to tell him he was dyslectic and stupid. Now he's learning at such a rapid pace, it's sick. He can jog for hours, gets up earlier to train before school, he's got his license. And finally, he's got a really awesome good looking gf.
NOT SAYING I TAKE CREDIT, but I did "muse" him up, and told him where to look, where to find the knowledge, and how to do it, he did the other 99,9%
/respect
Soooo, as you can see. I love my brother =]
ps, hmm, maybe I just did all that cos I felt guilty of all the harassment lol. That's also a possibility.
pps, NO SPELLECHECK for random replies. Took me 7 hours to make that story, after 2 hours, I lost it all, and struggled so hard to redo everything. + people kept bugging me all day lol
This is the true blog. 5/5 for that.
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WHAT, NO. I SPENT AROUND 1 - 2 MINUTE ON THAT!! DON'T YOU DARE!
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How old are you/your brother?
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Nijû Ichi and Sanjû in japanese, he might be Nijû ni, I'm not 100%
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You are like the anti-riku. Thank you for making good blogs!
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Your blogs crack me up but dick move to the brother haha ^^.
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Belgium6774 Posts
Hahah holy shit.
About time another great blogger appeared!
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This blog is awesome, great stories.
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Thx for all the warm feedback <3
EDIT:
And to the guy's who think I'm a piece of shit n stuff too, not to be predictable xD
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you sir have won the game of blogs.
keep em coming
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Why would you eat the cat?
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On November 08 2011 14:30 mizU wrote:
Why would you eat the cat?
I can see how the cat would be annoyed by that lol, but it's not what it looks like.
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On November 08 2011 21:42 ImDrizzt wrote:I can see how the cat would be annoyed by that lol, but it's not what it looks like.
You just get the muchies and eat what's close to you? Haha
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GRANDMASTER BLOGGER WE HAVE HERE.
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Man you have such good stories, geez.
KEEP ON POSTING!
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I'm not sure whether this story is awesome or scary. 
But it's cool that you can laugh about it now. Did you guys ever tell your mom the truth?
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On November 08 2011 07:53 ImDrizzt wrote:
PPS, now it's just a cool story. I told this story last on the 14th of October 2011 when I met his new gf for the first time. (She was pretty awesome, she doesn't drink, likes to ride, and she likes my stories).
Likes to ride, eh?
Hahahahah wtf
Great blog
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On November 09 2011 08:26 wherebugsgo wrote:Show nested quote +On November 08 2011 07:53 ImDrizzt wrote:
PPS, now it's just a cool story. I told this story last on the 14th of October 2011 when I met his new gf for the first time. (She was pretty awesome, she doesn't drink, likes to ride, and she likes my stories). Likes to ride, eh? Hahahahah wtf Great blog
I asked her if she had any "weird" hobbies, things most people would maybe think was stupid.
She started talking, and after she said
"Well, I like to ride.."
Both me and my brother looked at eachother, he was sitting to my left, and we both had the same smile on our face. He raised his hands up and quickly said "High five"
I complied, gave him the high five, and then like did a little nod giving the impression I was thinking "respect".
She had a confused look, froze for 5-6 seconds while we did our bond thingy, then continued talking about a horse she owned.
15 seconds later my dad came in the room, from the kitchen, and I interrupted her story, but just for a few seconds. Had to say:
"Dad!! Mikki's gf really likes to ride"
To this my brother tried to high five my dad, but he refused. And then she continued talking.
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hey drizzt.. didnt we play a game on NA?? with me asking if u were the real drizzt?? great blog anyways
x<3x<3x
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On November 09 2011 08:09 TheToast wrote:I'm not sure whether this story is awesome or scary. But it's cool that you can laugh about it now. Did you guys ever tell your mom the truth?
I have a super shitty lol, close to non-existing relationship with my mom. She had me by accident when she was like 15-16, and after that she took no further education, she also split when I was around 8-9. So I only have a strong bond with my dad and she's just "there".
I do say hi and stuff when we meet, but I don't "feel" anything. And we have virtually nothing to talk about. I moved with them to be close to my siblings and maybe rebond with my mother, but she has nothing to offer, so I left after I had gotten Rank 14.
Last time I met her, I was at the hospital. I was sitting in a waiting room, waiting to get my shoulder scanned reading a book. Close to me was the TV, but I don't really watch TV.
She came, I said, oh, hii lol. What's up lol.
She started going on about something I didn't pay attention to, then she asked what I was watching on the TV. I said, oh, I wasn't watching, I was reading in this book.
To this she bursts out laughing like I was making a joke, I look down on it. No I was actually reading, look.
And she goes
"oh, like, is it a movie made to a book or something?"
I go "No, it's about body language. Like notice when you came to close, I took a step back, I have this invisible thingy around me, I like to keep people atleast 1,2 meters away".
Now she ignores me, confident I'm pulling her leg, and she goes "awhh you always like to make fun of me haha. Now tell me, what were you watching".
Now I give up, and I said, uhm, Paradise Hotell was just on, that show is soooo good.
And there "blam" we bonded, she goes "yesssss it is" and she starts naming names, going on about some swedish guy who she had seen his dick on the telly, and he had first said he loved this one girl, then another, was such a bad ass, but then when he got caught, he started crying.
Around this point I was starting to get exhausted and had zoned out, so her words seem to disappear and I don't remember anything after that. Thankfully a few minutes later I had to go in the examination room. (yay).
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I think I got resentment towards her around the age of 8 or 9. She had told me "YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME", to which I had nervously and confusly (yes this is also a word, ran it by Celz) asked, why?
To which she had said, "BECAUSE IM A GROWN UP AND I KNOW A LOT MORE"
To wich I had said in a low anxious voice "I think my cat is smarter than you".
a few weeks later my cat goes missing, couldn't figure it out back then, but when I got older I did investigationz and I found out she had put my cat to sleep =[
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Man you are such an asshole. Awesome
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On November 09 2011 08:45 ImDrizzt wrote:Show nested quote +On November 09 2011 08:09 TheToast wrote:I'm not sure whether this story is awesome or scary. But it's cool that you can laugh about it now. Did you guys ever tell your mom the truth? I have a super shitty lol, close to non-existing relationship with my mom. She had me by accident when she was like 15-16, and after that she took no further education, she also split when I was around 8-9. So I only have a strong bond with my dad and she's just "there". I do say hi and stuff when we meet, but I don't "feel" anything. And we have virtually nothing to talk about. I moved with them to be close to my siblings and maybe rebond with my mother, but she has nothing to offer, so I left after I had gotten Rank 14. Last time I met her, I was at the hospital. I was sitting in a waiting room, waiting to get my shoulder scanned reading a book. Close to me was the TV, but I don't really watch TV. She came, I said, oh, hii lol. What's up lol. She started going on about something I didn't pay attention to, then she asked what I was watching on the TV. I said, oh, I wasn't watching, I was reading in this book. To this she bursts out laughing like I was making a joke, I look down on it. No I was actually reading, look. And she goes "oh, like, is it a movie made to a book or something?" I go "No, it's about body language. Like notice when you came to close, I took a step back, I have this invisible thingy around me, I like to keep people atleast 1,2 meters away". Now she ignores me, confident I'm pulling her leg, and she goes "awhh you always like to make fun of me haha. Now tell me, what were you watching". Now I give up, and I said, uhm, Paradise Hotell was just on, that show is soooo good. And there "blam" we bonded, she goes "yesssss it is" and she starts naming names, going on about some swedish guy who she had seen his dick on the telly, and he had first said he loved this one girl, then another, was such a bad ass, but then when he got caught, he started crying. Around this point I was starting to get exhausted and had zoned out, so her words seem to disappear and I don't remember anything after that. Thankfully a few minutes later I had to go in the examination room. (yay).
Ahh, sorry to hear that. My family is pretty normal in it's structure, but without going into my own long story I'll just say I can def understand what it's like to have an at-an-arms length relationship with a parent. At least you and your brother are close though, that's something good.
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