EPTI'm not certain, but I figure she gets on vents with guys in LoL and they're like, "omg, a girl, hoa I meet more!?"
[Q&A] Girls/Relationships - Page 16
| Blogs > ILOVEKITTENS |
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
I'm not certain, but I figure she gets on vents with guys in LoL and they're like, "omg, a girl, hoa I meet more!?" | ||
|
Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On September 02 2011 01:02 Mogwai wrote: By college, most girls are over the whole nerd/cool thing (at least in my experience), so it's really about these guys getting some confidence/growing a pair and just talking to girls. Ehhhh, I wouldn't exactly go THAT far. However, the decent girls WORTH being with are over this. I feel a lot of the time guys have this image in their head that they're supposed to approach random women at bars, keggers, and other mass gatherings. It's so much easier to narrow down your special interests, get involved with groups centered on these interests, and meet people through these channels. Talking comes a LOT more natural when you both have the something in common BESIDES both being at the same party. Such groups kill two birds with one stone when you find a community of people you enjoy. A group of friends AND potential dates. Sounds good to me! On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: I thought I was over my ex, but simply seeing her one single time was enough to make me realize that I'm not even close... and I don't know how to be. You move on progressively with time. Some transitions are easier, like high school relationships that end when one goes to college - not hard for the college student to move on because so much is changing in the first year. Some transitions take more time. It took me well over a year to move on from a relationship I had in the middle of college because my life didn't change a whole lot. It took 6 months to get over a relationship that ended when I moved to grad school. Think of it like digging a 6 inch hole on a beach versus a back yard of dirt. If you dig a hole in dirt it's going to take a long time for the wind to blow enough sediment into the hole and fill it up. But on the beach you can dig a hole near the shore and the waves will smooth it out quickly. It sounds like not much in your life has changed, so it's taking longer for that hole to fill. It's not wise to create a radical change (unless you live a destructive lifestyle), but try some new things! You move on as fast as you yourself change. when I was with her, I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else. The "you" of five months ago loved her that much. When you hold on to things like this you're holding on to how you were five months ago. We experience a ton of growth in that time, so intentionally holding on to these feelings holds you back emotionally. My feelings towards her are a mix of extreme anger and powerful love... I want to tell her how much she tore me apart, and how I should hate her for everything she put me through... but I can't. This is normal. Instead of holding it all inside find a trusted friend or parent and vent. Get it all out of your system. It's also therapeutic to write them a letter of how you're feeling. Do NOT send it, just put it down. I kept one of these for years because it helped so much and finally got rid of it a few months ago because it was holding me back. From the way you paint the picture, it doesn't sound like the relationship was bipolar - extreme highs and extreme lows. It's over and done. You did all you can. Use this as a model for future relationships so you can maybe decrease the amount of hate she stirs in you  I need a hug :/ Yes you do! I'd bet your new girlfriend would help with that! Speaking of, you should tell her what's going on. It doesn't need to be filled with gritty details, just a simple "I saw my ex and it turned my emotions upside down". Things like this happen. If she's reasonable and understanding she'll be ok with it; we're only human after all! I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. Generally a bad idea. If you have something left unsaid from the breakup that you need to get off your chest then meet her in person and say it, but I wouldn't recommend seeing her under any other circumstances. Allow yourself to move on before becoming friends again. | ||
|
bloopie
United States123 Posts
Right now I am single but I still get physical with friends or other girls. However when I am trying to get it on, I suffer from performance anxiety or something like I would get all excited but when it comes to penetration, I go limp. And this repeats itself. I don't know if I am tired or if its due to alcohol or because I am a little indifferent cos the girl and I are just in for the fun.. anyhow it just sucks and the girl gets disappointed and all. It gets worse if I use a rubber.. anyone has a solution? | ||
|
iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
On September 01 2011 23:24 Hassybaby wrote: Dude, you either have one of the most messed up lives, or you're stealing this from a show. Either way, I'm actually gonna steal a quote from a TV show for this There's a difference between a great love and the right love. Seeing an ex you had a great relationship with will always be emotional (unless it was a really shitty break up and there's hatred there.) The real question you have to think about, and you need to think about it hard, is whether this relationship is REALLY going to work. I don't mean in a platonic way, because love, while its a major major thing, isn't all of it. Happiness has to come in, and the sounds of it, you were in love, but you weren't happy. Remembering your last ask for help, you met a girl in a concert, and she gave you butterflies that you hadn't felt in ages (actually, since your ex.) That's gotta be a good thing right? is your current relationship going ok? Maybe if its a bit rocky that's why these feelings came back. Bad timing instead of hidden feelings I can't pretend that I know you really well, since all I know is what you've told us in this thread. However, I would really suggest that you should talk to someone that's pretty neutral in the aspect, but knows you really well. Your best friend, a sibling. Hell, you mum would be a great person to talk to, since I'm guessing she knows about your previous relationship, as well as this one. The friend letter is.....tricky. If she has such an influence on you, then it could start something that may mess everything up, with her ans well as your current girlfriend. However, it does seem like you need some closure. Personally? I'm thinking go cold turkey for a while. Forget about her, absorb yourself in other activities, and try to move on. Then, after a while, if you see her again, and there are still anxieties, you know that its something you have to address at some point. And when you do, you'll be a person better equipped for it (hopefully) Also, when you do decide to meet her (cold turkey or not), take backup. You'll need the support before and after, and possibly during if its going badly I guess you're right in thinking that I wasn't really happy with my ex. I'd say I was more "content" with the relationship, and I was okay with that as long as she was happy. Part of the reason I hate the fact that I still have feelings for her is that looking back, I realize how terrible of a relationship it really was. She was controlling, a liar, and she only ever had time for the relationship when it was convenient for her. As for whether or not the relationship would really work now... I honestly have no idea. I'm a very different person then I was back then. I feel like both me and her were just bad at relationships then, but if we've both changed now... It could work, who knows. I know for a fact that I've learned enough that things would be different this time. If she's learned anything since then, it just might work. Also, my current relationship is fine. I guess it's just hard because concert girl lives two hours away and I can't see her more than once every other week or so. I'm generally not the type of person who does long distance relationships... But for concert girl, I will. As far as asking a friend, or my parents goes... I already know they'll tell me to stay away from my ex, because they were all around when everything went wrong, and they saw how much of a monster she can be. It's not an understatement at all to say that my three closest friends at the time hated her with a passion, and they were actually happy when the relationship ended because they knew I was better off. That's the thing... I know it too. I know I'm better off without her (at least, the way she was then), which is why I'm so mad at myself for wanting her back. I think the reason I want her back is because there's a glimmer of hope that maybe she's changed for the better, and things could work this time. The thing about going cold turkey is, that's exactly what I've done. I haven't thought about her in weeks. Not even a single time... And when I did think about her before, it was more along the lines of "I wonder how she's doing," not "I'm still madly in love with her and I want her back." Things were going great lately especially, because having a new girlfriend pretty much pushed all of those thoughts out of my mind... Which is why I was surprised when one little glance was enough to make me feel all the negative feelings all over again. I'm still not sure on the friend letter... I have this nagging feeling that it could only possibly end badly. On September 01 2011 23:46 Chef wrote: Wow just read the first 'spotlighted advice' in the OP, that is actually disgusting. This is why you shouldn't learn about girls via the internet -.- That's obsession. You're fixated on the romantic idea of love, especially since you want to stay true to your word "when I told you I always would I meant it." Chef's advice: sometimes it takes longer than 5 months, especially if you torture yourself with dumb ideas and think about her all the time. To fix this try to fill up your free time with something productive so you don't have to much time for dumb thoughts/so you have your own life/so you aren't so needy for another person's affection. Usually this is more a result of boredom and not doing anything with your life for yourself than about a girl being the one and only missing piece. I don't want to stay true to my word. If I could just absolve myself of my feelings for her, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I don't think about her all the time either... I almost never do, and really, I have a pretty fulfilling life. I've got college, plenty of good friends, girlfriend... I'm not bored often. And I'm constantly pushing myself to improve in every way I can, so I don't think it's accurate to say I'm not doing anything with my life, either. The fact that I have a fulfilling life and this is still throwing me for such a loop... That's what makes me think there's something there. On September 02 2011 00:14 Mogwai wrote: It doesn't sound like you're ready to be friends at all. It sounds like you want more than that and it would be stupid to say, "hey let's be friends" and then try to either hide your feelings or make a move for her again. You're right, I would like to be more than friends with her again. The reason I'd write the friends letter, though, is because I'd rather have her in my life in some capacity than not at all. Also, this might sound weird, but if we were just friends, I could friend zone her and get rid of most of the feelings I have for her. If she was blatantly not interested in being more than friends, I could probably friend zone her no problem (when I say friend zone, I mean lose my feelings for her if it's obvious they won't be reciprocated). Of course, it's also possible that being friends with her will just make this hurt more, but I don't know until I try. | ||
|
OpticalShot
Canada6330 Posts
On September 02 2011 00:20 unichan wrote: what do i tell all the guys who keep asking me how to approach girls at college (i'm not even in college...) they're not really "party guys", more "sit around in dorm and play games guys" in general and i think if most of them went out to a party they'd be scared shitless... i usually just try suggesting they go up to girls and TALK TO THEM but they have all these excuses like "girls won't like it if i makes the first move!" which is bullshit because it doesn't matter, or "girls at college aren't looking to talk to guys" i dont know if this is true or not because i'm in fucking high school, or "i don't want to join a club because blah blah blah".... a lot of them haven't even been in a relationship before or anything so they are completely clueless anyways i get this question from like 3 guys a day and i have no clue what to say anymore, is there any college guy who can tell me what i can say to these guys to inspire them to a) shut up or b) get off their lazy ass and go talk to a girl instead of asking me how to do it because i really don't know These "sit around in dorm and play games guys" are probably not as scared-shitless as you think! Think of it this way, these guys keep asking you... right? Keep asking... keep talking... get my point? One of the easiest ways to talk with a girl is to ask her how to talk with another girl. It's a double-edged sword, because it instantly breaks down the girl's anti-creep-shield and at the same time takes you right near the f-zone border. You can reverse this too, once a guy's asking you how to approach a girl, he's already opened up and is ready to show himself to you - and if you don't think he's too bad, might as well take a shot. Anyways, if those guys are innocent and dumb as you suspect them to be, I guess the best help you can tell them is to just man the fuck up. I honestly don't know what else to say. If you want them to shut up then just tell them straight up that they're ugly stinky nerdy unattractive hairy boring, and they should shower shave brush watch tv go play sports and make friends. Cool? | ||
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
On September 02 2011 02:52 bloopie wrote: OK this is a little more physical but anyhow: Right now I am single but I still get physical with friends or other girls. However when I am trying to get it on, I suffer from performance anxiety or something like I would get all excited but when it comes to penetration, I go limp. And this repeats itself. I don't know if I am tired or if its due to alcohol or because I am a little indifferent cos the girl and I are just in for the fun.. anyhow it just sucks and the girl gets disappointed and all. It gets worse if I use a rubber.. anyone has a solution? What gets people aroused varies pretty greatly from person to person, so it's pretty tough to give helpful advice here. I think we need more info here to help you at all. Has this always been a problem for you? If not, has anything changed recently, such as a bad break up or anything that is generally making you depressed/unhappy? How much are you typically drinking before things are getting physical? Are you engaging in much foreplay or getting right down to business? It could be any number of things and I could understand if you don't want to talk about them, but it's pretty difficult to figure out the problem without knowing more. | ||
|
bloopie
United States123 Posts
| ||
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
Either way though, 8+ drinks is pretty much a surefire recipe for impotence so that should almost certainly be your starting point. | ||
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On September 02 2011 02:52 iamahydralisk wrote: I guess you're right in thinking that I wasn't really happy with my ex. I'd say I was more "content" with the relationship, and I was okay with that as long as she was happy. Part of the reason I hate the fact that I still have feelings for her is that looking back, I realize how terrible of a relationship it really was. She was controlling, a liar, and she only ever had time for the relationship when it was convenient for her. As for whether or not the relationship would really work now... I honestly have no idea. I'm a very different person then I was back then. I feel like both me and her were just bad at relationships then, but if we've both changed now... It could work, who knows. I know for a fact that I've learned enough that things would be different this time. If she's learned anything since then, it just might work. Also, my current relationship is fine. I guess it's just hard because concert girl lives two hours away and I can't see her more than once every other week or so. I'm generally not the type of person who does long distance relationships... But for concert girl, I will. As far as asking a friend, or my parents goes... I already know they'll tell me to stay away from my ex, because they were all around when everything went wrong, and they saw how much of a monster she can be. It's not an understatement at all to say that my three closest friends at the time hated her with a passion, and they were actually happy when the relationship ended because they knew I was better off. That's the thing... I know it too. I know I'm better off without her (at least, the way she was then), which is why I'm so mad at myself for wanting her back. I think the reason I want her back is because there's a glimmer of hope that maybe she's changed for the better, and things could work this time. The thing about going cold turkey is, that's exactly what I've done. I haven't thought about her in weeks. Not even a single time... And when I did think about her before, it was more along the lines of "I wonder how she's doing," not "I'm still madly in love with her and I want her back." Things were going great lately especially, because having a new girlfriend pretty much pushed all of those thoughts out of my mind... Which is why I was surprised when one little glance was enough to make me feel all the negative feelings all over again. I'm still not sure on the friend letter... I have this nagging feeling that it could only possibly end badly. I don't want to stay true to my word. If I could just absolve myself of my feelings for her, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I don't think about her all the time either... I almost never do, and really, I have a pretty fulfilling life. I've got college, plenty of good friends, girlfriend... I'm not bored often. And I'm constantly pushing myself to improve in every way I can, so I don't think it's accurate to say I'm not doing anything with my life, either. The fact that I have a fulfilling life and this is still throwing me for such a loop... That's what makes me think there's something there. You're right, I would like to be more than friends with her again. The reason I'd write the friends letter, though, is because I'd rather have her in my life in some capacity than not at all. Also, this might sound weird, but if we were just friends, I could friend zone her and get rid of most of the feelings I have for her. If she was blatantly not interested in being more than friends, I could probably friend zone her no problem (when I say friend zone, I mean lose my feelings for her if it's obvious they won't be reciprocated). Of course, it's also possible that being friends with her will just make this hurt more, but I don't know until I try. This post is exactly what i was hoping to see. After reading all of what you wrote as replies, I can tell one major thing; you actually took my advice. Which is cool for me. Yes you didn't talk to close friends of family, because you knew the answer, but it sounds like you're talking to yourself (in a good way.) Your brain, heart and gut are working together to give yourself an answer, and I think a few of your replies sort of answer it for you I have a pretty fulfilling life. I've got college, plenty of good friends, girlfriend... I'm not bored often. You sounds happy. You have a girlfriend that you're willing to have a LDR with. The "what If" with forever exist when you first see an ex, but don't forget that if you do go for it, you will have the same "what if" feeling when you see concert girl for the first time after the break up. Personally, I say let sleeping dogs lie, but if you want to have her in your life, be very careful how you do it. Clear intentions need to be known to all parties. | ||
|
iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
Thanks to everyone who gave advice and stuff :3 it helps a lot. | ||
|
DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
| ||
|
Primadog
United States4411 Posts
| ||
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On September 02 2011 15:57 DoctorHelvetica wrote: the best way to meet women is stalk them relentlessly but gently. don't be secretive about it or they won't trust you. Ask them if you can take a picture of them eating a hotdog, and when they say no, do it anyways | ||
|
JingleHell
United States11308 Posts
| ||
|
Arterial
Australia1039 Posts
I recently broke up with my ex a month ago (Roseanne) and I've started talking to my ex-ex-ex again (Jamie). Me and Jamie have a history together. I loved her and everything about her, she always listened carefully whenever I talked about music and always held onto my arm tight when I played games. She was nurturing and caring yet strong and independent. We were together 3 years ago for one year and I caught her cheating on me. I broke up with her then. So it's been three years since we've talked and I sort of want to get back together again. We hung out yesterday and I still feel a little bit scared for us and I feel like I can't fully trust her yet, even though I want to - but I still want to be with her. What should I do and what is the best way to approach this situation? | ||
|
Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
On September 05 2011 07:55 Arterial wrote: Okay guys my turn... I recently broke up with my ex a month ago (Roseanne) and I've started talking to my ex-ex-ex again (Jamie). Me and Jamie have a history together. I loved her and everything about her, she always listened carefully whenever I talked about music and always held onto my arm tight when I played games. She was nurturing and caring yet strong and independent. We were together 3 years ago for one year and I caught her cheating on me. I broke up with her then. So it's been three years since we've talked and I sort of want to get back together again. We hung out yesterday and I still feel a little bit scared for us and I feel like I can't fully trust her yet, even though I want to - but I still want to be with her. What should I do and what is the best way to approach this situation? You're feeling nostalgic. Think about your situation, you just broke up with your Ex merely a month ago and guess who you're going back to: another Ex who has already duped you once. Are you sure you're not just reminiscing? Cherry-picking the good parts about her without considering the negatives about her (cheating on you for example). Why did she cheat on you? Did she ever say? You're lacking details, but this hopping from one Ex to another spells trouble. | ||
|
supaplex
United States75 Posts
On September 02 2011 03:27 bloopie wrote: Hmm I just started so I guess yea this problem has been ongoing. Nothing traumatic but I kinda don't believe in romance. I drink like at least 8 drinks? I give the girl about 5 to 10 minutes of foreplay.. for me I dunno. Less? You are analyzing too much. This wont go away until you stop thinking about it which wont ever happen on a whim. Its so deep in your subconscious atm theres no easy way to get it out. You have 2 options imo (speaking from experience, no bullshit): get a girlfriend that will go through this with you, which might take a good month or two, or find a hooker and do wtf you want until you gain enough confidence. I didnt go the second way but knowing what worked this seems like a good solution. Cut down on liquor while you at it and stop whacking off. GL | ||
|
Arterial
Australia1039 Posts
On September 05 2011 10:32 Torte de Lini wrote: You're feeling nostalgic. Think about your situation, you just broke up with your Ex merely a month ago and guess who you're going back to: another Ex who has already duped you once. Are you sure you're not just reminiscing? Cherry-picking the good parts about her without considering the negatives about her (cheating on you for example). Why did she cheat on you? Did she ever say? You're lacking details, but this hopping from one Ex to another spells trouble. I get what you mean. I've thought about the negatives already and I know them. The negatives are actually why im a bit hesitant to go in straight away. I don't plan on jumping right with her straight away - I want to give it some time like a new months... She said she cheated on me because she wasn't mature. | ||
|
Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
That's a bit ambiguous, ask her how so, what made her immature, etc. That's a blanket reasoning that puts you in a position to interpret and could lead to problems in the future. Be her friend, see what's changed, what you like now compared to before and then tell us what's going through in your mind. Good idea on your part. | ||
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
...I can't think of anything to add to his advice. Just keep a level head at the start, then take a quick step back and see where you both stand after a while. But yes, stay as friends initially | ||
| ||
