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On May 23 2011 05:39 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 05:26 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:20 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
Really?! Have you ever tried living in the swarm? IT'S TERRIBLE. Spend your whole day, trying to make a living, run to the mineral patch, bite off some minerals, run back to the hatchery, rinse, repeat. You barely get paid anything, and you know what, those minerals taste like SHIT. So, try doing that for 18 hours a day, everyday, while you're scared shitless of some redneck hick setting you on fire with a dune-buggy, or a group of hillbillies dropping out of their flying hospital to riddle you with bullets. And you know what's worse than all that? Than all the dangerous shit we have to put up with? The fucking Zerg women. I mean, the Queen's a real bitch, so don't even get me started on that. And that cute drone from the next patch over? Don't get your hopes up, she'll probably end up becoming a fucking evolution chamber or something, and trust me, she'll never be cute again after that.
I'm a Drone. My life sucks. Hey man, I get what you're feeling too. I'm a drone and sometimes I just weep everytime I think of that time where I was ordered to become a spine crawler. Can you imagine me as a spine crawler? My small rigid body, scaled and lacking of proper lotion into a small static defensive unit. The worst part? Get this, I have to fucking stab the shit out of my enemies with my tongue. First I'm snacking on blue minerals that don't taste like blueberries, next thing you know, I'm keeping my mouth open as if I'm at the dentist, trying to take out that small jugular of an enemy unit with my tongue. Have you ever tried stabbing a fucking Stalker? Impossible, do they even have a jugular area? Everything bounces off of them and my eyes are at ground-level, so aiming isn't exactly ideal for me. You think you have it rough, get over yourself man. Being a Spine Crawler is a bitch: No action with a female, but my tongue is sore every night. What are you talking about? How dare you complain? Do you realize that I'm the only form of cheap anti-air for Zerg? Yeah, it's me. The Spore Crawler. I know all and see all [with my detection], but have you seen me move off creep? I'm slow as fuck. What can I do with all this sight and knowledge if I can't move at all. You complain about a swelling tongue? I have to swallow large amounts of bacteria, that's right; pure and utter dirt just to repel against large and huge mechanical masses like the Void Ray and the Banshee. You think it's easy managing to form huge bio balls of dirt and shit at those things at a rate of 17 damage per second. That's right, 17 whole fucking units of damage. That's not a lot, they don't go down fast. How do you think my health is looking, the drone complains that he's overworked, you're bitching that your tongue hurts, but look at me: I'm eating balls of dirt and reguritating it at an incredible speed. That ain't easy and to top it off: there's 0 health coverage with the Overmind, shit's worse than Scientology bub, so don't go hollering about your poor tongue. At least it can kill shit, I highly doubt pieces of wet spit will really scuff up an entire phoenix. So please, spare me your complaints and whines, you really have no place to talk.
Oh man, you're a piece of work. Boo hoo, I have to spit all day, I'm a little scoundrel's dream job, but I hate eating dirt because I'm a bacteriophobic little baby.
If you're wondering who the hell I am. I'm the most insignificant unit for the Zerg. I'm so pointless that not even my own mother wants me.
Hey, I'm a broodling, nice to meet you. I have problems with self-identity since I look the fucking same as everyone else. I'm what you call "The Leftovers" I can't kill much, but if the enemy manages to actually destroy something useful like a Roach Warren, guess who gets to come out and play for oh... about 8 seconds.
Believe it or not, I learned how to write, type and articulate an entire formal complaint about my predicament in 8 seconds before my mother (The Broodlord) shits me out. Not even my own mother loved me, at least you have the Queen and Kerrigan, gee what a babe! That's like what: two seconds of joy with my left claw and my vivid but very limited imagination?
Give me a break, you complain about pain but mine is both physical and mental. I'm not even considered a unit for the average Zerg player, he loses his Hive, he doesn't even wait to see what sort of damage I can do, he just leaves.
Do you know what that is like? Do you know what it is like to not even have your existence considered, worthwhile or even remotely hoped for? Both you and the Spine Crawler both have your utilities, you're intended by the Overmind and there is a shred of hope that you will at least be able to repel some form of attack, me? Nada, nothing, nope.
Structures die, I come out, for 8 seconds then that's the end of me.
You guys can both to hell in my opinion.
*Oh post 4000, yay
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On May 23 2011 05:39 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 05:26 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:20 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
Really?! Have you ever tried living in the swarm? IT'S TERRIBLE. Spend your whole day, trying to make a living, run to the mineral patch, bite off some minerals, run back to the hatchery, rinse, repeat. You barely get paid anything, and you know what, those minerals taste like SHIT. So, try doing that for 18 hours a day, everyday, while you're scared shitless of some redneck hick setting you on fire with a dune-buggy, or a group of hillbillies dropping out of their flying hospital to riddle you with bullets. And you know what's worse than all that? Than all the dangerous shit we have to put up with? The fucking Zerg women. I mean, the Queen's a real bitch, so don't even get me started on that. And that cute drone from the next patch over? Don't get your hopes up, she'll probably end up becoming a fucking evolution chamber or something, and trust me, she'll never be cute again after that.
I'm a Drone. My life sucks. Hey man, I get what you're feeling too. I'm a drone and sometimes I just weep everytime I think of that time where I was ordered to become a spine crawler. Can you imagine me as a spine crawler? My small rigid body, scaled and lacking of proper lotion into a small static defensive unit. The worst part? Get this, I have to fucking stab the shit out of my enemies with my tongue. First I'm snacking on blue minerals that don't taste like blueberries, next thing you know, I'm keeping my mouth open as if I'm at the dentist, trying to take out that small jugular of an enemy unit with my tongue. Have you ever tried stabbing a fucking Stalker? Impossible, do they even have a jugular area? Everything bounces off of them and my eyes are at ground-level, so aiming isn't exactly ideal for me. You think you have it rough, get over yourself man. Being a Spine Crawler is a bitch: No action with a female, but my tongue is sore every night. What are you talking about? How dare you complain? Do you realize that I'm the only form of cheap anti-air for Zerg? Yeah, it's me. The Spore Crawler. I know all and see all [with my detection], but have you seen me move off creep? I'm slow as fuck. What can I do with all this sight and knowledge if I can't move at all. You complain about a swelling tongue? I have to swallow large amounts of bacteria, that's right; pure and utter dirt just to repel against large and huge mechanical masses like the Void Ray and the Banshee. You think it's easy managing to form huge bio balls of dirt and shit at those things at a rate of 17 damage per second. That's right, 17 whole fucking units of damage. That's not a lot, they don't go down fast. How do you think my health is looking, the drone complains that he's overworked, you're bitching that your tongue hurts, but look at me: I'm eating balls of dirt and reguritating it at an incredible speed. That ain't easy and to top it off: there's 0 health coverage with the Overmind, shit's worse than Scientology bub, so don't go hollering about your poor tongue. At least it can kill shit, I highly doubt pieces of wet spit will really scuff up an entire phoenix. So please, spare me your complaints and whines, you really have no place to talk.
You know what, at least you guys can get up and take a fucking walk when you want to, I'm just stuck here. So, you guys got life EASY compared to me, the Hatchery.
Life for me, is living hell. I mean, I used to be a pretty skinny dude, now I'm a freaking obese monster. And, you know what's even worse than my looks now? My job.
All day long, I've got over-eager drones, all trying to cram minerals and gas sacs up my ass. Trust me, they aren't gentle about it, that shit's PAINFUL. I've also got heartburn and gas all day, and my stomach feels like it's on fire from trying to process all those raw materials, and you can't ask for an antacid of something, cause you've had the awesome luck to become a fucking immovable structure.
More terrifying than all that though, is the other part of my job. I mean, when I was a drone, I used to get around A LOT, I mean, I was a real hit with the lady drones. But now? Now I have to give birth to seven larvae every minute, you can just imagine what that amounts to in just one day, and what they feel like coming out. Then, I've got this Queen, a female, pumping genetic material into me day in, day out. Like I used to be a fucking manly drone, and now I'm used for breeding and screwing by some bitch. I mean, talk about role-reversal, this shit's fucking UNNATURAL. My only hope, is that some day, a couple medivacs come in loaded with drugged up marines, and end my sorry-ass life. I mean, this is fucking torment, and it just keeps going and going, I just want it to stop.
So yeah, your life's EASY.
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The question is, does IdrA have more power than Jimmy?
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On May 23 2011 05:57 Mr. Wiggles wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 05:39 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:26 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:20 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
Really?! Have you ever tried living in the swarm? IT'S TERRIBLE. Spend your whole day, trying to make a living, run to the mineral patch, bite off some minerals, run back to the hatchery, rinse, repeat. You barely get paid anything, and you know what, those minerals taste like SHIT. So, try doing that for 18 hours a day, everyday, while you're scared shitless of some redneck hick setting you on fire with a dune-buggy, or a group of hillbillies dropping out of their flying hospital to riddle you with bullets. And you know what's worse than all that? Than all the dangerous shit we have to put up with? The fucking Zerg women. I mean, the Queen's a real bitch, so don't even get me started on that. And that cute drone from the next patch over? Don't get your hopes up, she'll probably end up becoming a fucking evolution chamber or something, and trust me, she'll never be cute again after that.
I'm a Drone. My life sucks. Hey man, I get what you're feeling too. I'm a drone and sometimes I just weep everytime I think of that time where I was ordered to become a spine crawler. Can you imagine me as a spine crawler? My small rigid body, scaled and lacking of proper lotion into a small static defensive unit. The worst part? Get this, I have to fucking stab the shit out of my enemies with my tongue. First I'm snacking on blue minerals that don't taste like blueberries, next thing you know, I'm keeping my mouth open as if I'm at the dentist, trying to take out that small jugular of an enemy unit with my tongue. Have you ever tried stabbing a fucking Stalker? Impossible, do they even have a jugular area? Everything bounces off of them and my eyes are at ground-level, so aiming isn't exactly ideal for me. You think you have it rough, get over yourself man. Being a Spine Crawler is a bitch: No action with a female, but my tongue is sore every night. What are you talking about? How dare you complain? Do you realize that I'm the only form of cheap anti-air for Zerg? Yeah, it's me. The Spore Crawler. I know all and see all [with my detection], but have you seen me move off creep? I'm slow as fuck. What can I do with all this sight and knowledge if I can't move at all. You complain about a swelling tongue? I have to swallow large amounts of bacteria, that's right; pure and utter dirt just to repel against large and huge mechanical masses like the Void Ray and the Banshee. You think it's easy managing to form huge bio balls of dirt and shit at those things at a rate of 17 damage per second. That's right, 17 whole fucking units of damage. That's not a lot, they don't go down fast. How do you think my health is looking, the drone complains that he's overworked, you're bitching that your tongue hurts, but look at me: I'm eating balls of dirt and reguritating it at an incredible speed. That ain't easy and to top it off: there's 0 health coverage with the Overmind, shit's worse than Scientology bub, so don't go hollering about your poor tongue. At least it can kill shit, I highly doubt pieces of wet spit will really scuff up an entire phoenix. So please, spare me your complaints and whines, you really have no place to talk. You know what, at least you guys can get up and take a fucking walk when you want to, I'm just stuck here. So, you guys got life EASY compared to me, the Hatchery. Life for me, is living hell. I mean, I used to be a pretty skinny dude, now I'm a freaking obese monster. And, you know what's even worse than my looks now? My job. All day long, I've got over-eager drones, all trying to cram minerals and gas sacs up my ass. Trust me, they aren't gentle about it, that shit's PAINFUL. I've also got heartburn and gas all day, and my stomach feels like it's on fire from trying to process all those raw materials, and you can't ask for an antacid of something, cause you've had the awesome luck to become a fucking immovable structure. More terrifying than all that though, is the other part of my job. I mean, when I was a drone, I used to get around A LOT, I mean, I was a real hit with the lady drones. But now? Now I have to give birth to seven larvae every minute, you can just imagine what that amounts to in just one day, and what they feel like coming out. Then, I've got this Queen, a female, pumping genetic material into me day in, day out. Like I used to be a fucking manly drone, and now I'm used for breeding and screwing by some bitch. I mean, talk about role-reversal, this shit's fucking UNNATURAL. My only hope, is that some day, a couple medivacs come in loaded with drugged up marines, and end my sorry-ass life. I mean, this is fucking torment, and it just keeps going and going, I just want it to stop. So yeah, your life's EASY.
(Oh, it's on!)
Hey guys, get a load of this guy. He complains about how important he is, the HQ of the Zerg and now he's whining like a pubescent kid who doesn't want the responsibility anymore.
Suck it up champ. You think you have it hard? You think you have weight issues? Do you understand how much effort it takes to keep me afloat? Do you understand that as an overlord, I am far from being any form of superior status. Look at my name: Overlord. You'd think I'd be badass like Darth Vader but instead I'm just some fat-ass overbearing mule with limbs that don't serve any purpose.
What do I do? I float around the map all day watching my deep friends get obliterated before my eyes and what can I do? I can either let go of all those microwavable burritos (in the form of creep) I brought along my journey or I can at least help my friends prepare for what's up ahead.
But what's the cost? You ready? I dive into a base to at least provide some use for Zerg and I die. All I want to do is just fly freely, I want to be Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, but instead, I get every single bullet or laser attacking me. I can't even fucking use my limbs for defense, why the hell are they shooting me? I'm have weight issues and my speed is about the same rate as hair growth.
The best part? If asked, I have to somehow manage to fold myself up to morph into an Overseer. I have to somehow suck it all up, flip myself over and compress myself... To be honest, I have to side with the Spore Crawler, spitting shit is really fucking difficult and cumbersome. You're a hatchery, people try and defend you. I'm an overlord, replaceable, no big deal. Get this: people intentionally tech to air units just to shoot me down. What the fuck, a whole production facility and unit just to make me cry and hurt.
This is bullying in the purest form and you complain that you are fed genetic shit and have to provide life for all of us. Seriously man, you are such a pretentious dick.
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On May 23 2011 06:09 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 05:57 Mr. Wiggles wrote:On May 23 2011 05:39 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:26 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:20 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
Really?! Have you ever tried living in the swarm? IT'S TERRIBLE. Spend your whole day, trying to make a living, run to the mineral patch, bite off some minerals, run back to the hatchery, rinse, repeat. You barely get paid anything, and you know what, those minerals taste like SHIT. So, try doing that for 18 hours a day, everyday, while you're scared shitless of some redneck hick setting you on fire with a dune-buggy, or a group of hillbillies dropping out of their flying hospital to riddle you with bullets. And you know what's worse than all that? Than all the dangerous shit we have to put up with? The fucking Zerg women. I mean, the Queen's a real bitch, so don't even get me started on that. And that cute drone from the next patch over? Don't get your hopes up, she'll probably end up becoming a fucking evolution chamber or something, and trust me, she'll never be cute again after that.
I'm a Drone. My life sucks. Hey man, I get what you're feeling too. I'm a drone and sometimes I just weep everytime I think of that time where I was ordered to become a spine crawler. Can you imagine me as a spine crawler? My small rigid body, scaled and lacking of proper lotion into a small static defensive unit. The worst part? Get this, I have to fucking stab the shit out of my enemies with my tongue. First I'm snacking on blue minerals that don't taste like blueberries, next thing you know, I'm keeping my mouth open as if I'm at the dentist, trying to take out that small jugular of an enemy unit with my tongue. Have you ever tried stabbing a fucking Stalker? Impossible, do they even have a jugular area? Everything bounces off of them and my eyes are at ground-level, so aiming isn't exactly ideal for me. You think you have it rough, get over yourself man. Being a Spine Crawler is a bitch: No action with a female, but my tongue is sore every night. What are you talking about? How dare you complain? Do you realize that I'm the only form of cheap anti-air for Zerg? Yeah, it's me. The Spore Crawler. I know all and see all [with my detection], but have you seen me move off creep? I'm slow as fuck. What can I do with all this sight and knowledge if I can't move at all. You complain about a swelling tongue? I have to swallow large amounts of bacteria, that's right; pure and utter dirt just to repel against large and huge mechanical masses like the Void Ray and the Banshee. You think it's easy managing to form huge bio balls of dirt and shit at those things at a rate of 17 damage per second. That's right, 17 whole fucking units of damage. That's not a lot, they don't go down fast. How do you think my health is looking, the drone complains that he's overworked, you're bitching that your tongue hurts, but look at me: I'm eating balls of dirt and reguritating it at an incredible speed. That ain't easy and to top it off: there's 0 health coverage with the Overmind, shit's worse than Scientology bub, so don't go hollering about your poor tongue. At least it can kill shit, I highly doubt pieces of wet spit will really scuff up an entire phoenix. So please, spare me your complaints and whines, you really have no place to talk. You know what, at least you guys can get up and take a fucking walk when you want to, I'm just stuck here. So, you guys got life EASY compared to me, the Hatchery. Life for me, is living hell. I mean, I used to be a pretty skinny dude, now I'm a freaking obese monster. And, you know what's even worse than my looks now? My job. All day long, I've got over-eager drones, all trying to cram minerals and gas sacs up my ass. Trust me, they aren't gentle about it, that shit's PAINFUL. I've also got heartburn and gas all day, and my stomach feels like it's on fire from trying to process all those raw materials, and you can't ask for an antacid of something, cause you've had the awesome luck to become a fucking immovable structure. More terrifying than all that though, is the other part of my job. I mean, when I was a drone, I used to get around A LOT, I mean, I was a real hit with the lady drones. But now? Now I have to give birth to seven larvae every minute, you can just imagine what that amounts to in just one day, and what they feel like coming out. Then, I've got this Queen, a female, pumping genetic material into me day in, day out. Like I used to be a fucking manly drone, and now I'm used for breeding and screwing by some bitch. I mean, talk about role-reversal, this shit's fucking UNNATURAL. My only hope, is that some day, a couple medivacs come in loaded with drugged up marines, and end my sorry-ass life. I mean, this is fucking torment, and it just keeps going and going, I just want it to stop. So yeah, your life's EASY. (Oh, it's on!) Hey guys, get a load of this guy. He complains about how important he is, the HQ of the Zerg and now he's whining like a pubescent kid who doesn't want the responsibility anymore. Suck it up champ. You think you have it hard? You think you have weight issues? Do you understand how much effort it takes to keep me afloat? Do you understand that as an overlord, I am far from being any form of superior status. Look at my name: Overlord. You'd think I'd be badass like Darth Vader but instead I'm just some fat-ass overbearing mule with limbs that don't serve any purpose. What do I do? I float around the map all day watching my deep friends get obliterated before my eyes and what can I do? I can either let go of all those microwavable burritos (in the form of creep) I brought along my journey or I can at least help my friends prepare for what's up ahead. But what's the cost? You ready? I dive into a base to at least provide some use for Zerg and I die. All I want to do is just fly freely, I want to be Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, but instead, I get every single bullet or laser attacking me. I can't even fucking use my limbs for defense, why the hell are they shooting me? I'm have weight issues and my speed is about the same rate as hair growth. The best part? If asked, I have to somehow manage to fold myself up to morph into an Overseer. I have to somehow suck it all up, flip myself over and compress myself... To be honest, I have to side with the Spore Crawler, spitting shit is really fucking difficult and cumbersome. You're a hatchery, people try and defend you. I'm an overlord, replaceable, no big deal. Get this: people intentionally tech to air units just to shoot me down. What the fuck, a whole production facility and unit just to make me cry and hurt. This is bullying in the purest form and you complain that you are fed genetic shit and have to provide life for all of us. Seriously man, you are such a pretentious dick.
Oh, Boo-Hoo, mortality rates for over-lords aren't even that bad, maybe a couple get shot down if the overmind isn't looking and is too busy picking his nose, but mostly you spend your time flying around and grazing freely on the creep.
So, you know what a dangerous job is? Being a baneling. I mean, there's a 100% mortality rate, and NO hazard pay. Ask for the overmind for hazard pay, he says come back with a couple hundred signatures, but by the time you collect enough, only maybe five of those assholes are still alive and able to be counted. So yeah, Baneling rights just go right out the window, when no one's alive long enough to actually ask for anything.
The worst thing, is losing all your freedom. I mean, you can fly around and shit, but I'm forced waddle around so slowly I can't do anything. I used to be a zergling, WITH WINGS. I was like fucking Flash, and now I move like Rosie O'Donnell, that kind've stuff gets you depressed.
And you think you're replaceable? Try having my job. Turnover rate's so fast, it's insane. The overmind's just looking for an excuse to get you killed. Lone marine? Send in the Banelings. Thor? Send in the banelings. Banshee? SEND IN THE MOTHERFUCKING BANELINGS. We're the very definition of expendable, at least people want to keep you around to feed everybody, I mean, you're useful. My only use, is blowing up. Sad part is, some of these guys enjoy it, they're fanatical suicide bombers, and that gives all of us a shit reputation.
And don't complain to me about the effort required. Do you know how much concentration it takes to stop from accidentally blowing up? I mean, if you trip over anything, you'll go out in an acid explosion. And God help you, if you're with any other banelings and they aren't being careful. Any ONE person screws up, we all die. So yeah, don't complain about effort, when your job requires so much effort you don't even need to control your bowels, and can spend all day crapping yourself happily over the creep.
So, stop hating on the hatchery, and do your job. If you're lucky you'll get through this hell-hole alive. If I'm lucky I'll end up as a pinata at some Overmind's birthday party.
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Why did the marine fall over?
Because it was imbalanced!
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On May 23 2011 07:00 35spike1 wrote:
Why did the marine fall over?
Because it was imbalanced!
Marine?
I thought it was the Colossus.
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On May 23 2011 07:02 eviltomahawk wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 07:00 35spike1 wrote:
Why did the marine fall over?
Because it was imbalanced! Marine? I thought it was the Colossus.
Yeah it is. The marine one is the counter joke.
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To quote yourself, I believe you can tell Zerg players "it's time to man up".
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The worst thing, is losing all your freedom. I mean, you can fly around and shit, but I'm forced waddle around so slowly I can't do anything. I used to be a zergling, WITH WINGS. I was like fucking Flash, and now I move like Rosie O'Donnell, that kind've stuff gets you depressed.
This poor specimen have crossed the line, and have spoken the word that must not be used. The culprit is already eliminated by hivemind and the genetic database of entire species under process of eradication, estimated effectiveness Heart of the Swarm.
The Ever Glorious Overmind
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As a zerg, I would read again
5/5
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i read this in his voice
5/5
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Its more bitching towards protoss than terran nowadays from us zerg players
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I'm zerg and i hear the exact opposite sort of thing from Terran. Go figure.
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On May 23 2011 07:11 Hesmyrr wrote:Show nested quote +The worst thing, is losing all your freedom. I mean, you can fly around and shit, but I'm forced waddle around so slowly I can't do anything. I used to be a zergling, WITH WINGS. I was like fucking Flash, and now I move like Rosie O'Donnell, that kind've stuff gets you depressed. This poor specimen have crossed the line, and have spoken the word that must not be used. The culprit is already eliminated by hivemind and the genetic database of entire species under process of eradication, estimated effectiveness Heart of the Swarm. The Ever Glorious Overmind
No, please Overmind! I meant the Comic Book hero, not He Who Shall Not Be Named, scourge of Zerg, and representative of all things unholy! Please, I beg of you! I have a family!
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Zerg is a lot worse on ladder then in a tournament map pool. Close positions on slog/metal/shattered are pretty frustrating. That being said the balance probably isn't that skewed. However, I definitely put in significantly more effort then most of my opponents. So I think most protoss/terran(maybe not as much any more) are overrated for their skill.
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is awesome32280 Posts
This is bad, even for a blog post.
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the Dagon Knight4014 Posts
On May 23 2011 06:28 Mr. Wiggles wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 06:09 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:57 Mr. Wiggles wrote:On May 23 2011 05:39 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:26 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:20 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
Really?! Have you ever tried living in the swarm? IT'S TERRIBLE. Spend your whole day, trying to make a living, run to the mineral patch, bite off some minerals, run back to the hatchery, rinse, repeat. You barely get paid anything, and you know what, those minerals taste like SHIT. So, try doing that for 18 hours a day, everyday, while you're scared shitless of some redneck hick setting you on fire with a dune-buggy, or a group of hillbillies dropping out of their flying hospital to riddle you with bullets. And you know what's worse than all that? Than all the dangerous shit we have to put up with? The fucking Zerg women. I mean, the Queen's a real bitch, so don't even get me started on that. And that cute drone from the next patch over? Don't get your hopes up, she'll probably end up becoming a fucking evolution chamber or something, and trust me, she'll never be cute again after that.
I'm a Drone. My life sucks. Hey man, I get what you're feeling too. I'm a drone and sometimes I just weep everytime I think of that time where I was ordered to become a spine crawler. Can you imagine me as a spine crawler? My small rigid body, scaled and lacking of proper lotion into a small static defensive unit. The worst part? Get this, I have to fucking stab the shit out of my enemies with my tongue. First I'm snacking on blue minerals that don't taste like blueberries, next thing you know, I'm keeping my mouth open as if I'm at the dentist, trying to take out that small jugular of an enemy unit with my tongue. Have you ever tried stabbing a fucking Stalker? Impossible, do they even have a jugular area? Everything bounces off of them and my eyes are at ground-level, so aiming isn't exactly ideal for me. You think you have it rough, get over yourself man. Being a Spine Crawler is a bitch: No action with a female, but my tongue is sore every night. What are you talking about? How dare you complain? Do you realize that I'm the only form of cheap anti-air for Zerg? Yeah, it's me. The Spore Crawler. I know all and see all [with my detection], but have you seen me move off creep? I'm slow as fuck. What can I do with all this sight and knowledge if I can't move at all. You complain about a swelling tongue? I have to swallow large amounts of bacteria, that's right; pure and utter dirt just to repel against large and huge mechanical masses like the Void Ray and the Banshee. You think it's easy managing to form huge bio balls of dirt and shit at those things at a rate of 17 damage per second. That's right, 17 whole fucking units of damage. That's not a lot, they don't go down fast. How do you think my health is looking, the drone complains that he's overworked, you're bitching that your tongue hurts, but look at me: I'm eating balls of dirt and reguritating it at an incredible speed. That ain't easy and to top it off: there's 0 health coverage with the Overmind, shit's worse than Scientology bub, so don't go hollering about your poor tongue. At least it can kill shit, I highly doubt pieces of wet spit will really scuff up an entire phoenix. So please, spare me your complaints and whines, you really have no place to talk. You know what, at least you guys can get up and take a fucking walk when you want to, I'm just stuck here. So, you guys got life EASY compared to me, the Hatchery. Life for me, is living hell. I mean, I used to be a pretty skinny dude, now I'm a freaking obese monster. And, you know what's even worse than my looks now? My job. All day long, I've got over-eager drones, all trying to cram minerals and gas sacs up my ass. Trust me, they aren't gentle about it, that shit's PAINFUL. I've also got heartburn and gas all day, and my stomach feels like it's on fire from trying to process all those raw materials, and you can't ask for an antacid of something, cause you've had the awesome luck to become a fucking immovable structure. More terrifying than all that though, is the other part of my job. I mean, when I was a drone, I used to get around A LOT, I mean, I was a real hit with the lady drones. But now? Now I have to give birth to seven larvae every minute, you can just imagine what that amounts to in just one day, and what they feel like coming out. Then, I've got this Queen, a female, pumping genetic material into me day in, day out. Like I used to be a fucking manly drone, and now I'm used for breeding and screwing by some bitch. I mean, talk about role-reversal, this shit's fucking UNNATURAL. My only hope, is that some day, a couple medivacs come in loaded with drugged up marines, and end my sorry-ass life. I mean, this is fucking torment, and it just keeps going and going, I just want it to stop. So yeah, your life's EASY. (Oh, it's on!) Hey guys, get a load of this guy. He complains about how important he is, the HQ of the Zerg and now he's whining like a pubescent kid who doesn't want the responsibility anymore. Suck it up champ. You think you have it hard? You think you have weight issues? Do you understand how much effort it takes to keep me afloat? Do you understand that as an overlord, I am far from being any form of superior status. Look at my name: Overlord. You'd think I'd be badass like Darth Vader but instead I'm just some fat-ass overbearing mule with limbs that don't serve any purpose. What do I do? I float around the map all day watching my deep friends get obliterated before my eyes and what can I do? I can either let go of all those microwavable burritos (in the form of creep) I brought along my journey or I can at least help my friends prepare for what's up ahead. But what's the cost? You ready? I dive into a base to at least provide some use for Zerg and I die. All I want to do is just fly freely, I want to be Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, but instead, I get every single bullet or laser attacking me. I can't even fucking use my limbs for defense, why the hell are they shooting me? I'm have weight issues and my speed is about the same rate as hair growth. The best part? If asked, I have to somehow manage to fold myself up to morph into an Overseer. I have to somehow suck it all up, flip myself over and compress myself... To be honest, I have to side with the Spore Crawler, spitting shit is really fucking difficult and cumbersome. You're a hatchery, people try and defend you. I'm an overlord, replaceable, no big deal. Get this: people intentionally tech to air units just to shoot me down. What the fuck, a whole production facility and unit just to make me cry and hurt. This is bullying in the purest form and you complain that you are fed genetic shit and have to provide life for all of us. Seriously man, you are such a pretentious dick. Oh, Boo-Hoo, mortality rates for over-lords aren't even that bad, maybe a couple get shot down if the overmind isn't looking and is too busy picking his nose, but mostly you spend your time flying around and grazing freely on the creep. So, you know what a dangerous job is? Being a baneling. I mean, there's a 100% mortality rate, and NO hazard pay. Ask for the overmind for hazard pay, he says come back with a couple hundred signatures, but by the time you collect enough, only maybe five of those assholes are still alive and able to be counted. So yeah, Baneling rights just go right out the window, when no one's alive long enough to actually ask for anything. The worst thing, is losing all your freedom. I mean, you can fly around and shit, but I'm forced waddle around so slowly I can't do anything. I used to be a zergling, WITH WINGS. I was like fucking Flash, and now I move like Rosie O'Donnell, that kind've stuff gets you depressed. And you think you're replaceable? Try having my job. Turnover rate's so fast, it's insane. The overmind's just looking for an excuse to get you killed. Lone marine? Send in the Banelings. Thor? Send in the banelings. Banshee? SEND IN THE MOTHERFUCKING BANELINGS. We're the very definition of expendable, at least people want to keep you around to feed everybody, I mean, you're useful. My only use, is blowing up. Sad part is, some of these guys enjoy it, they're fanatical suicide bombers, and that gives all of us a shit reputation. And don't complain to me about the effort required. Do you know how much concentration it takes to stop from accidentally blowing up? I mean, if you trip over anything, you'll go out in an acid explosion. And God help you, if you're with any other banelings and they aren't being careful. Any ONE person screws up, we all die. So yeah, don't complain about effort, when your job requires so much effort you don't even need to control your bowels, and can spend all day crapping yourself happily over the creep. So, stop hating on the hatchery, and do your job. If you're lucky you'll get through this hell-hole alive. If I'm lucky I'll end up as a pinata at some Overmind's birthday party.
You guys think you've got it bad?
I am a creep tumor.
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On May 23 2011 03:38 Mikilatov wrote:
...Whether they're underpowered or not, I'm not sure, but the way in which Zerg generally loses does seem to have a quite frustrating 'wtf could I have done' type of helplessness feel about it.
Think this is the most accurate.
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On May 23 2011 09:56 SirJolt wrote:Show nested quote +On May 23 2011 06:28 Mr. Wiggles wrote:On May 23 2011 06:09 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:57 Mr. Wiggles wrote:On May 23 2011 05:39 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:26 Torte de Lini wrote:On May 23 2011 05:20 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
Really?! Have you ever tried living in the swarm? IT'S TERRIBLE. Spend your whole day, trying to make a living, run to the mineral patch, bite off some minerals, run back to the hatchery, rinse, repeat. You barely get paid anything, and you know what, those minerals taste like SHIT. So, try doing that for 18 hours a day, everyday, while you're scared shitless of some redneck hick setting you on fire with a dune-buggy, or a group of hillbillies dropping out of their flying hospital to riddle you with bullets. And you know what's worse than all that? Than all the dangerous shit we have to put up with? The fucking Zerg women. I mean, the Queen's a real bitch, so don't even get me started on that. And that cute drone from the next patch over? Don't get your hopes up, she'll probably end up becoming a fucking evolution chamber or something, and trust me, she'll never be cute again after that.
I'm a Drone. My life sucks. Hey man, I get what you're feeling too. I'm a drone and sometimes I just weep everytime I think of that time where I was ordered to become a spine crawler. Can you imagine me as a spine crawler? My small rigid body, scaled and lacking of proper lotion into a small static defensive unit. The worst part? Get this, I have to fucking stab the shit out of my enemies with my tongue. First I'm snacking on blue minerals that don't taste like blueberries, next thing you know, I'm keeping my mouth open as if I'm at the dentist, trying to take out that small jugular of an enemy unit with my tongue. Have you ever tried stabbing a fucking Stalker? Impossible, do they even have a jugular area? Everything bounces off of them and my eyes are at ground-level, so aiming isn't exactly ideal for me. You think you have it rough, get over yourself man. Being a Spine Crawler is a bitch: No action with a female, but my tongue is sore every night. What are you talking about? How dare you complain? Do you realize that I'm the only form of cheap anti-air for Zerg? Yeah, it's me. The Spore Crawler. I know all and see all [with my detection], but have you seen me move off creep? I'm slow as fuck. What can I do with all this sight and knowledge if I can't move at all. You complain about a swelling tongue? I have to swallow large amounts of bacteria, that's right; pure and utter dirt just to repel against large and huge mechanical masses like the Void Ray and the Banshee. You think it's easy managing to form huge bio balls of dirt and shit at those things at a rate of 17 damage per second. That's right, 17 whole fucking units of damage. That's not a lot, they don't go down fast. How do you think my health is looking, the drone complains that he's overworked, you're bitching that your tongue hurts, but look at me: I'm eating balls of dirt and reguritating it at an incredible speed. That ain't easy and to top it off: there's 0 health coverage with the Overmind, shit's worse than Scientology bub, so don't go hollering about your poor tongue. At least it can kill shit, I highly doubt pieces of wet spit will really scuff up an entire phoenix. So please, spare me your complaints and whines, you really have no place to talk. You know what, at least you guys can get up and take a fucking walk when you want to, I'm just stuck here. So, you guys got life EASY compared to me, the Hatchery. Life for me, is living hell. I mean, I used to be a pretty skinny dude, now I'm a freaking obese monster. And, you know what's even worse than my looks now? My job. All day long, I've got over-eager drones, all trying to cram minerals and gas sacs up my ass. Trust me, they aren't gentle about it, that shit's PAINFUL. I've also got heartburn and gas all day, and my stomach feels like it's on fire from trying to process all those raw materials, and you can't ask for an antacid of something, cause you've had the awesome luck to become a fucking immovable structure. More terrifying than all that though, is the other part of my job. I mean, when I was a drone, I used to get around A LOT, I mean, I was a real hit with the lady drones. But now? Now I have to give birth to seven larvae every minute, you can just imagine what that amounts to in just one day, and what they feel like coming out. Then, I've got this Queen, a female, pumping genetic material into me day in, day out. Like I used to be a fucking manly drone, and now I'm used for breeding and screwing by some bitch. I mean, talk about role-reversal, this shit's fucking UNNATURAL. My only hope, is that some day, a couple medivacs come in loaded with drugged up marines, and end my sorry-ass life. I mean, this is fucking torment, and it just keeps going and going, I just want it to stop. So yeah, your life's EASY. (Oh, it's on!) Hey guys, get a load of this guy. He complains about how important he is, the HQ of the Zerg and now he's whining like a pubescent kid who doesn't want the responsibility anymore. Suck it up champ. You think you have it hard? You think you have weight issues? Do you understand how much effort it takes to keep me afloat? Do you understand that as an overlord, I am far from being any form of superior status. Look at my name: Overlord. You'd think I'd be badass like Darth Vader but instead I'm just some fat-ass overbearing mule with limbs that don't serve any purpose. What do I do? I float around the map all day watching my deep friends get obliterated before my eyes and what can I do? I can either let go of all those microwavable burritos (in the form of creep) I brought along my journey or I can at least help my friends prepare for what's up ahead. But what's the cost? You ready? I dive into a base to at least provide some use for Zerg and I die. All I want to do is just fly freely, I want to be Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, but instead, I get every single bullet or laser attacking me. I can't even fucking use my limbs for defense, why the hell are they shooting me? I'm have weight issues and my speed is about the same rate as hair growth. The best part? If asked, I have to somehow manage to fold myself up to morph into an Overseer. I have to somehow suck it all up, flip myself over and compress myself... To be honest, I have to side with the Spore Crawler, spitting shit is really fucking difficult and cumbersome. You're a hatchery, people try and defend you. I'm an overlord, replaceable, no big deal. Get this: people intentionally tech to air units just to shoot me down. What the fuck, a whole production facility and unit just to make me cry and hurt. This is bullying in the purest form and you complain that you are fed genetic shit and have to provide life for all of us. Seriously man, you are such a pretentious dick. Oh, Boo-Hoo, mortality rates for over-lords aren't even that bad, maybe a couple get shot down if the overmind isn't looking and is too busy picking his nose, but mostly you spend your time flying around and grazing freely on the creep. So, you know what a dangerous job is? Being a baneling. I mean, there's a 100% mortality rate, and NO hazard pay. Ask for the overmind for hazard pay, he says come back with a couple hundred signatures, but by the time you collect enough, only maybe five of those assholes are still alive and able to be counted. So yeah, Baneling rights just go right out the window, when no one's alive long enough to actually ask for anything. The worst thing, is losing all your freedom. I mean, you can fly around and shit, but I'm forced waddle around so slowly I can't do anything. I used to be a zergling, WITH WINGS. I was like fucking Flash, and now I move like Rosie O'Donnell, that kind've stuff gets you depressed. And you think you're replaceable? Try having my job. Turnover rate's so fast, it's insane. The overmind's just looking for an excuse to get you killed. Lone marine? Send in the Banelings. Thor? Send in the banelings. Banshee? SEND IN THE MOTHERFUCKING BANELINGS. We're the very definition of expendable, at least people want to keep you around to feed everybody, I mean, you're useful. My only use, is blowing up. Sad part is, some of these guys enjoy it, they're fanatical suicide bombers, and that gives all of us a shit reputation. And don't complain to me about the effort required. Do you know how much concentration it takes to stop from accidentally blowing up? I mean, if you trip over anything, you'll go out in an acid explosion. And God help you, if you're with any other banelings and they aren't being careful. Any ONE person screws up, we all die. So yeah, don't complain about effort, when your job requires so much effort you don't even need to control your bowels, and can spend all day crapping yourself happily over the creep. So, stop hating on the hatchery, and do your job. If you're lucky you'll get through this hell-hole alive. If I'm lucky I'll end up as a pinata at some Overmind's birthday party. You guys think you've got it bad? I am a creep tumor.
Was going to be my next one. How the creep tumor is like a pimple that secretes puss.
But I got lazy D:
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EPT
